by Eric Asher
“You wouldn’t have anyway.”
She smiles, looking down at me with my chin resting on the words that really live in her heart.
“No. I’ll remember them and who they’re about forever.”
FAITH
“Let me see some more of this sweet side, Cowboy. I kinda like it,” I say, and wait for him to dip below the mattress for his jeans. He’s got the condom on in a heartbeat and my legs wrap around his waist to hold him to me. I’ve never felt as close to someone as I do with Kyle at this moment. Call it weird, which I know it is, call it foolish, and it might just be, but it is what it is. He’s easy to open up to.
In one night he’s broken through barriers I fought hard to construct, simplifying what I thought was the most complicated life struggle. I don’t have to pay for the misdeeds of others, James included. He did what he did. I’ll always second-guess myself and if I let them, the what-ifs will come knocking at my door, but I’d like to try and leave them alone. To move forward instead of worrying about what I should have done differently.
I’ve had sex plenty of times before, with plenty of men, but never have I felt the complete abandon I have with Kyle. When he slides into me, our eyes lock together, and he takes in my breath, hovering over my open mouth to take me in again and again. My hips meet his in slow motion. How he can control himself, I have no idea. He has to be painfully hard, allowing me to climax twice, setting his needs aside. Now, buried deep within me, he grinds down so I feel every blessed inch of him.
His name falls so easily from my lips, a whispered shadow in the darkened room. Dipping his head, he takes my nipple into his mouth, sucking on it. Not to draw pleasure from pain, as I’ve found he’s so good at doing, but an easy pull to draw out a sweet pulse that I feel not just in my breast, but between my legs as well.
Burying his head in the crook of my shoulder, he trades between his own hushed moans to sharing sweetness in my ear. So beautiful, want you to feel everything, do you feel that?
It is beautiful. Everything about this night with him is beyond anything I ever thought would happen. And I do feel every brush of his chest against mine, his warm breath as it rushes my skin, calling each nerve to attention. Each of his heartbeats is intensified, and his pounding pulse has a direct line to mine. It seems they need to thrum together.
But more than that, I feel the need to keep him next to me, to have more moments like this one. To let him in, give him more of me, maybe even everything, so there’s a possibility of sweet phone calls in the heart of midnight, of naughty text messages in the light of day, of dinners for two and maybe, just maybe, holiday vacations and long weekends somewhere other than the beach.
“So good, Angel. You feel so good wrapped around me,” he breathes it into my mouth just before licking and claiming me with a long kiss. His tongue mimics the rock and sway of his hips, deep, deeper still with each push forward. I take in every sound he makes, and suck on his lips, and then the rough bristle of his chin and down his neck, savoring the sweet sheen of sweat that coats his chest, making it slide onto mine.
Straightening his arms, Kyle looks down, into my eyes and then along every line of my chest as it rises and falls beneath him. So perfect for me, he says but no sound comes with the words. His muscles flex with the now long glide of his hips. Moving in and out, his pace picks up and he throws his head back on a groan.
“Fuck, Faith, I need you to come with me.” Gripping my legs, he brings them up, so they’re bent at the knee leaving me wide open to welcome him in some unknown and raw place. He’s hitting the heart of me, literally and figuratively. He found me and is making me feel everything.
“Kyle.” His name is a benediction falling from my tongue.
He growls rough and jagged. What should have been sweet sends a flood of heat between my thighs to greet him as he enters me. He groans along with the slide. Mine, so good, so fucking tight and hot become a drumbeat to climb, along with the pounding rhythm of his hips as they snap into mine. And when I’m stretched so thin, ready to break into a million pieces, I bite his shoulder so he will feel every ounce of pleasure I can give him. Raking my nails down his back, I sink them into the flexed muscles of his ass.
Shattering under his falling weight, I scream his name and let go of everything but him.
IN THE MORNING LIGHT
FAITH
As soon as conscious thought is recognized through the haze of sleep, I know Kyle’s gone. I swallow the lump in my throat his absence brings. If not for the tempting ache in every muscle, at rest or in a stretch, I would think I’d dreamt the amazing night we shared.
He kept his promise. I giggle because his kind of wicked is really something. Something I want to experience again. And again.
I keep my eyes closed because I can see him behind my lids—his smirk, the sheer delight of his eyes—and the lump grows bigger. How is it he could infiltrate my heart so quickly and with a thoroughness that leaves little room for anything more than him?
I roll over, smothering myself in his scent. Will I ever wash these sheets? Not until he gets his ass back here, that’s for sure. I open my eyes, knowing that I’ll have to change them and that when it happens he’ll be a little further away than he is right now.
Blinking the sun out of my eyes, I stare at the pillow we shared. My breath stumbles and my heart goes with it when I see what he’s left for me. His St. Christopher medallion is peeking out of his shirt, the gray tee that was stretched so tight across his chest just last night. My phone lies in the folds.
Picking up all three items, I have his shirt and the medallion over my head in seconds, and then I’m checking my messages. One text is waiting.
Faith—it’s hard to leave you with words, when I didn’t want to leave you at all. So I’ve left you with a few pieces of me. My shirt because I stole your underwear—it seemed only fair. St. Christopher, because Gramps would want you to have it, and I do too. I need you to be safe. He’ll watch over you until I can do it for him. And then there’s my heart. Hold it in safe keeping until next time—Kyle.
P.S. You have my number, now use it.
WHEN DESTINY CALLS
BY KRISSY V
DEDICATION
To all the girls out there that think they are ugly, fat or anything else - know that you are beautiful inside and out. You just need to look into the mirror and look deep inside your souls to see it. Everyone else sees it. You won't be beautiful until you see it yourself.
PROLOGUE
If only it was just the ringing of the phone, then I would have answered it.
I know it is more than that.
I don’t want to talk to him, not now.
If he was just ringing to say “hi” then I would have answered, but I know that isn’t what he’s ringing for.
I am so confused; I don’t need him to complicate matters even more.
I know what I’m doing and why I’m doing it!
This is what he wanted me to do so why is he ringing?
I slide down to the floor holding the phone in my hand, ignoring it’s incessant ringing. Every time it stops, it starts up again.
I sit there and I can feel the tears starting to roll silently down my cheek and off my face.
What am I going to do?
Why am I going to do it?
Is it the right thing to do? He’s making me doubt myself now. He obviously got my message and now he wants to change my mind. Why?
Two months ago my life wasn’t perfect but I knew what I wanted. I knew whom I wanted and I knew what I would have to do to get him. What I would have to do to have him to myself.
I never expected my life to change so much in such a short space of time.
Who would have thought that someone’s death could change the course of my life so dramatically?
TWO MONTHS AGO
I’m sitting at work staring absentmindedly at Jake, he is gorgeous and he takes my mind off my work. He is tall, dark haired and extremely handsome, but the pr
oblem is he knows it. He has all the women throwing themselves at him. Everyone wants to be one of Jake’s girls, even if it’s only for a night. Especially if it is for a night!
He never acknowledges me outside of work though. He knows that I will do anything for him at work and he takes full advantage of that all the time, but outside work he just looks through me and doesn't even smile at me. It frustrates and annoys me because I am madly in love with him and I want him to acknowledge me and choose me over the other girls.
“Faith, are you listening to me?” Jake asks as I stare at him. He’s obviously been talking to me and I haven’t been listening.
“I’m sorry, what were you saying?” I look up at him with my puppy dog eyes and hope he doesn’t shout at me. He regularly upsets the staff with his aggressive tone; he likes to make sure everyone knows who is the boss.
He shakes his head looking at me. “I asked you whether you have typed up those letters for me yet? You’ve had them for an hour.”
I start shuffling the papers on my desk. “Erm they’re nearly finished Jake, I won’t be long.” I can’t look him in the eye because I know I am blushing, but I continue typing his letters so that I can get them back to him as soon as possible. I don’t like to keep him waiting, he will only get annoyed and I don’t want that.
“Well I have a meeting in half an hour and I want them on my desk before then.” He turns and walks away smiling and winking at the girls on the way back to his office.
“Oh my god” Sasha says. “He is so rude to you Faith. Why do you put up with it? I just don’t see the attraction myself. In fact you should complain to HR about the way he treats all of you.” She shakes her head and carries on with her work.
Sasha is new to our company, she only started a month ago and she is not interested in Jake at all, she doesn’t find him attractive and is always trying to get us to see how badly he treats us all.
“I would never make a complaint against him Sasha, he is gorgeous and if he talks to me, even if it is just to shout at me, then I will take whatever I can.” I turn my chair away from her and continue typing Jake’s letters.
I am mad with her, how dare she say that we should complain to HR, I mean that is serious stuff; she shouldn't be encouraging anyone to do that. I put my earphones in and lose myself in the world of Jake talking in my ear. When I have finished typing them, I print them out and get up from my desk. I run my hands down my dress to straighten out any creases and then I push my hair back off my face and walk towards his office.
As I walk towards him I can feel my heart beating really fast, the sweat is forming on my palms and I keep wiping them on my dress by alternating which hand the letters are in.
I stand outside his door, take a deep breath and knock on his door.
“Come in” he says, in his deep, commanding voice. I shiver at the sound of it; his tone sends shocks through my body.
I open the door and walk over to his desk “I finished your letters Jake, sorry for the delay.”
“No problem, I will check them and if there are any mistakes I’ll be bringing them back. I’m going into a meeting and I hope everything is perfect Faith, I’d hate to have to get you to do them again.”
“They should be ok, I promise. I know what you are looking for now.”
He looks up at me and then he looks down to the letters I’ve typed for him. That’s me dismissed. I turn and walk out of the room smoothing my dress down on the way. I make sure I sashay my hips a little bit more, just in case he is looking. I open the door and as I turn to close it I notice he hasn’t even noticed I left, let alone looked at my hips swaying right in front of him. I feel slightly foolish, but only for a moment and then I remember that I am doing this to get him to notice me.
When I sit back at my desk I think about Jake and how I can get him to notice me. I think over the type of women he is always seen with when we are on a work’s night out. They are always tall, blonde, and beautiful with big breasts. I sigh thinking about how I will never be one of those girls.
“Earth to Faith. What are you thinking about?” Sasha asks me.
I turn slowly in my chair and look at her, “I’m thinking about what I would have to do to get Jake to notice me.”
“I don’t know why you bother, he isn’t even a nice person. You could do so much better, but you just waste your time fawning after Jake. He can have any woman in here, and regularly does, I just don’t get it Faith!”
I am really mad with her because she shouldn't talk about him like that. “I don’t want to hear it Sasha, just because he doesn't even notice you are in the room, there’s no need to take it out on me.”
She shakes her head “whatever Faith, whatever”
I turn back to my computer and check my emails, hoping to see one from Jake asking me to go into his office. Nothing. Nada. Zilch!
It’s Friday already, I can’t believe the week is nearly over. Only one hour left until we all go to the pub. I love Friday evenings because Jake always comes along and buys us all a drink.
We all go to the bathroom after we have closed all the computers down, and put on fresh make up and change our clothes. I look in the mirror in the bathroom and I see a dowdy mouse looking back at me. Someone who has eaten too many doughnuts, no one would look at me twice. My brown hair hangs long and limp so I try to fluff it up a bit and put some shape into it. I wear clothes that cover my large curvy body, the other girls treat it like a catwalk show every Friday when we go to the pub. All the girls turn many heads in the pub, but I never do and especially not the head I want to turn.
I have a bit too much to drink tonight, I keep trying to get Jake’s attention but as usual he doesn't notice me. The more I drink, the more pissed off I get. What do I need to do to get his attention? I crave his attention; I need his attention.
I walk over to him and try to strike up a conversation with him.
“Hi Jake, are you having a good night?” I know that I am slurring and I can feel myself wobbling as I’m stood in one spot.
“What do you want Faith?” he asks as he keeps looking around him.
“I just wanted to see if you were having a good time. That’s all” I ask him meekly.
I walk away from him because I don’t want to be dismissed by him; it hurts too much when he dismisses me.
He is always draped over tall, leggy blondes with big boobs. That is totally the opposite of what I look like. When I get home I feel really sad and drink myself stupid until I fall asleep or pass out, I’m not sure which.
What is that incessant ringing? My head is hurting so much it is buzzing. After about five minutes of the ringing in my head I realise that it is my phone and it’s my mum calling me.
I roll over and answer the phone “yeah!” I know I sound gruff but I really don’t feel well.
“Where have you been? We’ve been ringing the house and knocking at the door! Where are you?”
I groan. “I’m in bed, I was asleep. Hang on I’ll open the door and let you in.” I roll out of the bed and walk to the front door.
I open the door to them and they both rush pas me and then I hear Mum say, “oh my god you smell bad. You need to get in a shower and quick.”
She more or less pushes me into the bathroom and turns on the shower, then she leaves me on my own and shuts the bathroom door. I suppose I need to get into the shower then!
In fairness I do feel better after my shower, I get dressed and then walk into the lounge where mum and dad have made themselves a coffee. “What was so important that you had to wake me up so dramatically?” I ask sitting down on the couch and reaching out to take the coffee they have made me.
“Auntie Jenny died this morning” Mum says, she is sitting on the edge of the couch with her head in her hands. I can see she has tears rolling down her face. I put my coffee down, stand back up and walk over to her.
“Mum, oh no that’s so sad.” I start crying. “Was she on her own or were you there with her?”
�
��We got a call last night asking us to go in because they didn’t think she had long left. We tried to ring you but you didn’t answer your phone. We thought you might have wanted to be there with her when she passed.”
I go back to my seat, and I take a tissue from the box on the table and wipe my eyes. I can’t believe that the whole time Auntie Jenny was dying, I was drinking myself into a stupor because Jake didn’t want me, as always. “I’m sorry Mum. I wish I had been there.” I start crying so hard.
“You know she was sick and we all knew it would be soon. She was peaceful at the end Faith. She had a big smile on her face. She looked into the corner of the room as she took her last breath and smiled”.
“I’m glad she was smiling Mum, I really am.”
“I know Faith. Now we have to do all the mundane things and organize the funeral, but first we need to go to the funeral home so that we can all say goodbye. The funeral will be quite quick; it’s going to be on Tuesday. Do you think you will be able to book a few days off work? I think I am going to need some help and I know how much you loved her. Please!”
“Poor Auntie Jenny, I went to see her last week, she didn’t really have much to say. I think she was drifting in and out of consciousness. I sat and read to her though. She loved her books, she used to read to me when I was younger, so I used to read to her every week.” I wipe my eyes. “I was supposed to go tomorrow - that’s terrible.” I sit back and think about Auntie Jenny for a few minutes. She loved me a lot and I went to see her every week, we would have lots of fun and I would stay at her house when I was younger.
“I know but we all knew this was coming Faith, she has been sick for a while now.”
