by Lignor, Amy
***
Liz laughed when the door closed behind them, and she was finally able to draw a normal breath. Her head was spinning, and she fell down on the bed.
Faith’s eyebrows immediately shot up; her voice was tinged with fear, “Are you all right?”
Liz nodded. “Just a bit light-headed. Must be from all the excitement.”
“Yeah, right. I’ve seen that flustered look before. In fact, since being married I’ve had it once or twice myself,” Faith smiled with a far off look in her eyes. “And it has nothing to do with fancy gowns or dragon ladies. You’re in love with him. You’re supposed to feel this way. You really do have to deal with it eventually, you know. Besides, whoever made you look like you did in the hallway just now—you shouldn’t only deal with—you should hold on tight and never let go.”
Liz threw a pillow at her head.
Faith jumped back, continuing her fashion study. “I have no idea which one to wear.”
“I know, they’re all so beautiful.” Liz walked to the large closet and scanned the rainbow of choices. She pulled one from the rack. “You should wear this one.”
“Yellow and purple? I’ll look like a bruise.” Faith wrinkled her nose at the two-tone gown lying on top of the bed.
Liz sighed, “Turn around, Faith. This one.” She shook the gown in the air. “Lavender…like the flowers back home. With your light skin and dark hair, you’d look absolutely stunning.”
Liz stepped back so Faith could view her reflection in the mirror. She went to the jewelry chest on the vanity and opened it carefully, not wanting to disturb any of the priceless pieces that might be inside. Reaching in, she chose a pair of earrings that were an exact match to the purple gown.
Faith opened one of the other mysterious drawers, and found a matching necklace that was made of the same purple teardrops. A large diamond swung from the end of the strand like a pendulum. Stunned at the ridiculous size, Faith laughed. “I suppose this is what they call costume jewelry in Dublin?”
Behind them, the door suddenly swung open. Liz was so startled that she tripped into the large mirror, sending one side crashing against the wall.
“My lady told me to bring some towels and soap,” Anthony said announcing his presence.
Faith snorted. “No soap for me then, thanks. Anything I can do to defile this shindig, I will—even if it’s me’ scent.”
Anthony didn’t reply. He walked slowly across the carpet and placed the bath items in the small washroom. On his way back to the door, he stopped in front of Liz. “Miss?”
“Yes?”
“Where did you come from? I mean…where have the four of you been?”
“Why do you ask?”
He kept his gaze on the thick carpet. “I just wondered if your travels were…happy?”
“Our trip was fine, thank you. There’s a beautiful country outside the gates of this city. Perhaps you should see it for yourself.”
Tears appeared in his eyes. Liz continued quickly, not wanting to upset the older man, “But Dublin is much larger than I expected.”
“You’ve never been here before?”
“No,” Liz answered. Panic shot through her stomach and she suddenly felt very uneasy under the stranger’s intense gaze. She heard the nagging voices in her soul, telling her to keep silent until she knew more. After all, Anthony could be a spy, gathering information for the mistress of the household.
“We’re not from these parts,” Faith replied. “We…”
“We never visited Dublin before,” Liz interrupted.
Anthony stared into her soul. “But where are you from? You look so familiar.”
Liz swallowed hard. “I just have one of those faces, as the English would say. Don’t they feel all us Irish look the same?”
“I suppose that’s true,” Anthony agreed. “But I just know that I’ve seen you before.”
Liz remained quiet as she stared into his strangely familiar face. It was as if a memory were knocking on the outer edges of her brain, begging to be let in.
As Anthony closed the door behind him, Liz could just make out his whispered words before the door lock clicked into place. I think we’ve been waiting for you.
“What was that all about?”
Liz shuddered. “I have no idea.”
The sudden familiar tightening in her chest began. Sweat broke out across her forehead and her lower lip began to tremble. She quickly sat down on the bed, as Faith closed the door to the washroom behind her.
Liz could feel herself begin to fall. The soft pillows cushioned her head, and the emerald blanket quickly transformed into the familiar white clouds she knew so well. Her eyes slammed shut, a rush of air left her lungs, and an angel flew out into the night.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Home
Emily ran down the glass corridor. Her heart felt like it was going to explode. Flying past the door of Creation Hall, she heard the unmistakable sounds of children—the newest souls—laughing in the Kingdom of Heaven. Behind another door, the joyous sound of animals, conversing with each other, met her ears. On she went, passing by the rainbow-colored doors of the Entertainment Hall. She listened to the thrills and chills of an amusement park coming from behind a big red door, while the soothing rhythm of jazz pulsated from the blue entryway beside it.
She tore down the hallway, as the joyful laughter turned into screams of fear inside her confused brain. Tears burned her eyes, but she kept running down the mist-filled tunnel as if the Devil were at her heels. Skidding around the corner, Emily smacked head first into her partner.
Matt collapsed to the marble floor in a heap. His head hit the ground as Emily fell on top of him. “Ow!”
Sitting up quickly, Emily tried to loosen the arms of the confused warrior that were tangled around her body. She struggled, shouting for him to let go. Slowly her eyes began to focus; the mist cleared and the clouds parted in her brain. She scanned the tunnel before she realized she was sitting next to her best friend. His familiar eyes were staring at her filled with worry. “Matt?”
“What is it, Em? What’s wrong? Are you all right? I just met with Gabriel and he said you were in trouble. You don’t look so good.” A barrage of questions burst from his lips as he held her tight.
She placed her finger on his lips. “Be quiet. They can hear you.”
“Who?”
She shook her head. Emily couldn’t think clearly. She could almost feel her human life begin to mix with the familiar world that now surrounded her. The things she’d always understood felt like they were twisting into vines of doubt as they engulfed her soul.
“Who will hear?” Matt pleaded. “Why are you so scared? You look like you’ve been tortured.” He tried to pull her into a hug. “Hey…it’s okay. You’re home now…with me. Everything’s fine.”
“I don’t know. I don’t understand.”
“Understand what, luv?”
Emily’s spine tingled at his choice of words. She pushed Matt away stepping back from him. She tried to stop them, but the emotions and images from down below rushed through her brain.
Matt’s eyes suddenly turned into cold gray steel when the image of Emily’s intimate moment with Jason appeared in his head. “You’re in love with him?”
Emily heard the anger and betrayal in his voice.
Matt reached out grabbing her arm. “You can’t be in love. You’re mine.”
Rage erupted inside her. “Yours?”
He scrambled for the right words. “I mean…we’re partners. We belong…together.”
“You have someone down there, too,” she accused as her mind filled with the picture of a blonde, smiling girl mixed with the muddled image of a woman walking through a storm. “More than one it seems.”
His blue eyes grew wide and he reached out for her. “But she’s not…neither one of them…is you.” Suddenly he pulled her into his arms, his lips closing over her angry mouth.
Passion, heat, friendship, love—eve
n hate—pierced Emily’s soul. She pushed against his chest with a force so powerful that Matt fell back against the hard glass wall.
“I hope you enjoy them both,” she said, her voice like a clap of thunder in the hallway.
“No!” Matt screamed. “Emily, this isn’t supposed to happen to us!”
Tears flowed down her cheeks. “Maybe this is who we are now…maybe this is how our relationship ends.”
“Don’t ever say that!” Matt shook his head violently.
Emily took a step forward to try and offer the words of comfort she always provided him. But her mind screamed at her to run—to leave before he could see inside her soul again—and know all of the sins she committed down there. She quickly blocked her thoughts. “I have to see Michael.”
“Emily…please, I’m begging you.”
“I have to find Michael!”
Matt sighed. His chest fell and his shoulders slumped under the weight of it all. “He’s in the room, but you don’t want to go in there.”
“I have to see him,” Emily repeated robotically. The boy whose tears she’d once dried had become a man. He was filled with the same strange and confusing thoughts that were pulsing inside her soul. She was suddenly scared to be alone with him—fearful of what she might reveal. As her guard came up, she realized that she had to protect herself from Matt, a concept she never even considered until now. She felt a wall suddenly stood between them, all because their once trusting souls were now buried in the human frailties of paranoia and doubt.
Matt said nothing as she turned from him and slowly marched down the hall. She could feel his eyes on her back, so she increased her pace as she turned the corner.
Falling against the cool silver wall, Emily breathed deeply, trying to calm her nerves. The screaming in her head became the excited chatter of a thousand newly appointed angels flying overhead.
“Growing pains?” Michael asked, appearing through the solid wall opposite her. His glasses sat crookedly on his angular nose.
“I didn’t want to disturb you. Matt said you were working.”
“My work is done. As you can see, some are already trying out their new wings.” Michael smiled, pointing to the ceiling above them. The flock waved down at him as they passed over. “The others have been turned over to Gabriel for the rest of their training.”
Emily shuddered at the thought of those angels—the ones that carried out the wrath of God. She’d flown with them on more than one occasion as they showed her the other side of humanity as part of her training. They’d introduced her to the power she would have to use from time to time, and about the darker part of the callings she would receive. Emily still struggled with their theory that sometimes the end did—in fact—justify the means.
Michael had told her their kind was needed. Those messengers were as necessary as the angels of mercy, their polar opposites. The world and the heavens could not exist without dark and light. What would a hero be without a nemesis? Michael would say in class. One without the other would be useless. They would be alone—something the Lord would never allow.
She found herself wondering if she and Matt were created for the same reason. Existing without each other wouldn’t work, but with both of them existing in the same place at the same time—they would never be alone. Someone would always be watching out for them, no matter the distance.
As if he sensed every terrifying thought running through her soul, Michael spoke softly, “Emily, you’re not his. But Matt is correct. Without him, you wouldn’t exist. Maybe you’ll feel human love for each other one day. Maybe, deep down, you already do. Or perhaps, simply gratitude for the other’s existence will be the culmination of your partnership. Who knows?”
Emily looked at him. “Someone knows.”
He suddenly waved his arms in the air, and they were immediately brought into his office. Michael sat down behind his desk. “That someone can’t sit with you right now. But rest assured that He’s always listening.”
Emily sat down on the old, wooden chair and stared at her teacher. “When will He have time to talk to me?”
Michael smiled. “If you have to ask, then I didn’t do my job as well as I thought. What can I do for you? What can I do to wipe the pain from your eyes?”
“I’ve been down there before.” Her voice sounded cold and dead in her ears. “Those people down there…they have seen me before.”
Michael remained silent.
“I remember them. Not their faces, but I have memories…flashes of moments…of things I couldn’t possibly have been involved with.” She stopped talking, waiting for a reply. When Michael didn’t answer, she curled her hands into fists. “I know this isn’t my first time down there.”
Michael sighed, and leaned back in his armchair. “This is your first time, as you call it, down below. But you have seen these people before.”
It was now Emily’s turn to remain silent.
“You were created by Him, but not only to be human. You are an all-encompassing soul—part angel, part human. You are a gatherer…a writer…a questioner. You were created with all these capabilities. You have these gifts in order to help people down below. These souls that you’re around specifically asked for someone like you in their prayers, and we always try to answer prayers as specifically as we can. If you think back to your training, Emily, there were times when you were called on to save people and help see them through the problems they were having. During your training, the tests and jobs that you were assigned included some of these people that you’re with now. And, you should know, these people will forever be a part of the inner circle of souls who’ll surround you in every lifetime. They’ll be among the ones you must save, help and protect, until you feel you’ve succeeded in your calling.”
The archangel took off his glasses and wiped them on his bright, white robe. “That’s why you’re there—to move them in the right direction.”
“I’m confused.”
He snorted. “I’m well aware of that, but I can’t provide you with the answers you seek. All I can say is that your choices and actions belong solely to you.”
“I don’t like some of these…feelings.” A small tear raced down her cheek. “I don’t trust anyone. I never feel that way up here. Here, I understand my feelings. All the training, the classes—even Mark’s talk of love, poetry and ‘flowers in the dew-covered morn’—don’t feel the same down there. Nothing feels the way I thought it would.”
Michael leaned forward on his elbows. “But are you happy? Is there an excited feeling in the pit of your stomach that whisks you away to an even higher place than the one you’re in now? Friendship, connection, love—are all the growing pains you’ve experienced, that you must experience. The most important thing for you to remember is that you stand for something far greater than yourself. You can make things right, Emily. To appreciate the good, you have to realize it comes hand-in-hand with the bad. That’s as simple as it gets. To this day, it is still the one bit of truth that no one wants to hear.”
Emily whispered, “I’m scared.”
“Scared?” Michael grinned. “You? After everything you know? The justice you’ve upheld? The moments of pure anguish you’ve taken part in? How can you be scared?”
“I’m scared of myself down there.” Her voice shook, “I’m all alone. I mean, I still believe, but with all the bad things going on around me, I can’t find my faith sometimes. How can I possibly help someone else when my own soul is filled with rage? When I’m Liz, there’s no greater cause than caring for the people closest to me. The rest of the world’s problems are of no interest to me. I can even justify killing this ‘dragon lady’ because she hurts the people I love. But I know nothing about her, and I have no clue what she’s down there for. She might be a participant from up here for all I know. She may not be truly evil, but I just don’t care. There’s nothing to stop me from harming her—only the buildings with steeples and crosses on them that serve as a weak reminder.”
Emily stood up and paced angrily in front of his desk. “That’s another thing! The man who stands in that pulpit goes drinking at the pub every Sunday morning. He preaches his own thoughts, not the Lord’s words. But since he wears a robe and stands under the cross, the town should do what he says? Charles told me that this holy man runs the church by taking large donations from evil people who want to buy their way into Heaven. He sells forgiveness to the rich! But I’m supposed to believe that this is the man who will save my soul? There’s no question about what’s right and wrong up here. Down there, it becomes messed up so fast that I’m afraid. I’m afraid that Matt and I will make all the wrong decisions, and live our lives trying to be God instead of working for God.”
Tears streamed down her cheeks and the walls of the magic room began to change into somber shades of gray. Her powerful feelings melted the sunny portraits on the walls replacing them with desolate scenes of stranded souls begging for the Good Samaritan who would never come.
“Is Matt as confused as I am?” she asked holding on to the small hope that there was at least one other person who was dealing with the same pain and confusion.
Michael sighed. “No, except for his feelings for you—which consume him at times—his head is crystal clear. Matt’s a warrior and looks at the world with a warrior’s heart. His training prepared him ‘to keep an eye on the ball,’ as Francis now says. His job is to sense imminent danger and protect the lives of others.” Michael’s eyes glistened, as he continued, “Unfortunately, an angel uses her heart more than her head. Emily, you’re at the mercy of the emotions of others and their prayers and requests for help. You’re the one who instills hope and peace in the hearts of others so they can continue on.”
“What happens to an angel who loses her faith?”
A shudder of fear rolled through him. Michael pointed to a chair, and Emily sat down. Taking a long, deep breath, he said, “Your life up here was bound to overlap the one down there. Right this minute, you’re teaching us how things have gotten so bad. Of course it’s easier up here, Emily. The judgments we make have to be made. People have to be forgiven, saved, and loved. Wrongdoing doesn’t exist here because it is cast out at the gate. But you won’t be. Your will and determination will see you through this, Emily. And it will see Matt through, too.” Michael’s voice grew sad. “You won’t solve all the world’s problems this first time out, but you need to find the balance of good and evil in yourself. Learn when to step back and when to go forward. Watch, listen and talk to the people around you and, I promise you, you’ll be safe. We love you, and if you can’t find us for a while—believe me—we’ll come back. There’ll be signs for you to see.”
