She didn’t know what she wanted anymore. Amelia stood and paced the room, a thing she hardly ever did; she felt restless and longed to swim in the ocean or to leave her room, even if it was only to walk the streets of the city. Either action would only invite harassment—from the reporters who frothed about her every time she appeared, from the general public who recognized her from her show at the Concert Hall. Barnum didn’t need to lock her inside, she realized—she was already a prisoner.
She’d run from the cottage on the rocks, from being Mrs. Jack Douglas, and now she was Barnum’s mermaid no matter how she turned the picture. Would she ever just be only herself again, be that girl who chased the ship and dreamed of unseen wonders?
It was nearing the dinner hour but she wasn’t hungry. Amelia undressed and climbed into the too-soft bed with its smooth sheets. She missed the worn wool blanket that smelled of Jack.
She closed her eyes. It was a long, long while before she was able to fall asleep.
When she woke, she remembered dreaming not of Jack, or of the sea, but of Levi.
CHAPTER 10
Amelia left the hotel very early in the morning on opening day at the museum. Levi had knocked on her door before the sun was up, and the sky was pink and grey above the rooftops of the city when they crossed the intersection to Barnum’s.
Despite the early hour, a crowd was already forming outside the doors. Barnum had sent four of his goons to form a kind of honor guard around Amelia so she could enter the building safely. Their presence did not deter many people, who shouted her name and tried to rip off pieces of her skirt.
One woman—middle-aged and dressed like a perfectly respectable matron—managed to dart between the men and snatch Amelia’s parasol out of her hand. She disappeared back into the crowd before Amelia’s guard had a chance to do anything about it.
Amelia wouldn’t weep any tears for the loss of the parasol, but she was astonished at the audacity of the woman. She also didn’t understand why the thief had wanted the parasol in the first place.
“She certainly looked as though she could afford to buy one herself,” Amelia said to Levi once they were safely inside the museum.
“But a new parasol wouldn’t have been touched by you,” Levi said.
Amelia gave him a quizzical look.
“Either she’ll hold it as a keepsake of the Feejee Mermaid or, more likely, she’ll sell it for ten times its value.”
“But why would anyone want to buy a parasol for that much?” Amelia asked as Levi led her to Barnum’s apartment. They were supposed to have breakfast with Charity and Barnum and Caroline.
Levi shook his head. “It’s more valuable because it was yours.”
“I don’t understand,” Amelia said.
This was one of those human conundrums that she would never solve. Objects were more valuable depending on who owned them? Paintings were more valuable depending on who painted them?
Humans often valued what they should not, she reflected, and most often they did not value what was right before their eyes.
Barnum wasn’t at the breakfast table when they arrived. Charity was there, holding little Frances in one arm.
“He’s gone to examine the exhibit one last time,” Charity said. “He wishes for everything to be perfect today. Cook will be bringing out breakfast shortly.”
Amelia nodded and sat down. She’d never been as comfortable with Charity since the night they’d spoken, and she hadn’t had a chance to begin again because she’d been forced to move to the hotel. She’d hoped that Charity would be friendly to her again once she forgot her initial discomfort, but Charity had returned to the brisk, distant personality she’d had upon their first meeting.
“Now,” Charity continued. “Caroline wishes to see you change, or whatever it is you call it. I don’t want her to go through the exhibit with the crowd outside. Taylor said it was becoming quite large, and I would rather not expose my daughter to a possibly dangerous situation.”
“It won’t be dangerous, Charity,” Levi said.
“And how can you know that, Levi? The very first day this woman appeared onstage, another woman was trampled to death.”
“Barnum’s hired guards—” Levi began.
“Yes, I know all about these thugs of Taylor’s. I don’t like to think where he had to go to find them in the first place. They glare at me every time I leave the building, as if I were committing some crime.”
Amelia was astonished by the idea that Charity might leave the building at all. She never seemed to go anywhere except to make the occasional afternoon call.
“But I don’t think it will be dangerous for Caroline,” Levi said. “There will be plenty of children throughout the day, I am sure. And Barnum’s planned the exhibit very well, so that there is no chance of a mob rushing the tank like the first performance.”
Amelia noticed that Levi used to refer to his friend as “Taylor,” as Charity did, but lately he only called him “Barnum.” It was a small thing, but it seemed Barnum was slowly losing Levi. Levi’s words told her that even if nothing else did.
“Nevertheless,” Charity said. “I wish to ask Mrs. Douglas if she will perform her trick for Caroline prior to the official opening of the show.”
Amelia did not bristle when Charity called her change “a trick,” but it was a close thing. She had to remind herself that Charity did not believe, despite what all the newspapers told her. Charity was the sort who needed to see the truth with her own eyes.
“Of course I will,” Amelia said before Levi could intervene. “For Caroline.”
Charity nodded her thanks, and the cook carried out their breakfast.
* * *
• • •
It was strange, Levi reflected, that he felt more nervous now than he had the first day at the Concert Hall.
Perhaps it was because he had less control of the situation. When he was Dr. Griffin, he was the one who opened the program, who took audience questions, who spoke to reporters. He could decide when Amelia had had enough and cut the program short.
He couldn’t do any of those things once Amelia was inside the hall. In fact, after today, “Dr. Griffin” would no longer exist. Having left his mermaid in the care of P. T. Barnum, Dr. Griffin would shave off his beard and trim his hair and return to his sober brown suits and become plain Levi Lyman again.
And when he was plain Levi Lyman again, he wouldn’t have the right to stay near her all day as he did now. Barnum wanted him to “duck out of sight for a while,” so Levi would remain confined to his apartment for a week or two so people wouldn’t associate him with Dr. Griffin.
When he told Amelia this, she’d said she was sorry that he had to stay inside for so long. She hadn’t said a thing about missing him.
He must have dreamed that spark in her eyes the other night. If it had been there (and not the product of his too-hopeful imagination), then surely he would have seen it again. But her eyes remained the same—grey and serious and cool—and his heart persisted in wishing for a feeling she didn’t share.
Caroline tugged his hand in excitement as they, Amelia, and Charity walked through the empty halls of the museum. Barnum was at the breakfast table enjoying his breakfast “in peace,” as he put it.
“Levi, is Amelia so beautiful when she’s a mermaid?” Caroline said.
“She doesn’t look like those pictures,” Levi said carefully, conscious of Amelia and Charity listening in. “But I do think she is beautiful, yes, in a different way.”
“I’m sure she’s the most beautiful creature in all the world.” Caroline sighed.
Levi noticed a little spasm on Charity’s face. Caroline’s worship of Amelia had been hard on Charity. The girl was headstrong to begin with, and since Amelia’s arrival, no one was as interesting, wonderful, or worthy of attention as the mermaid.
“I’m no
t beautiful,” Amelia said.
Levi looked up at her, ready to contradict her, to declare just how lovely she was, but she wasn’t talking to him. She was talking to Caroline.
The little girl released his hand and went to Amelia. “You’re not?”
Amelia shook her head. “I don’t resemble the pictures. Mr. Lyman told you that. When I am in the water, I’m not half human, half fish. It’s a mistake to think that I am.”
“What are you?” Caroline asked, her eyes wide.
“A creature of the sea,” Amelia said. “Don’t be afraid of me, for though I may look very different, I am still the Amelia you know.”
Caroline glanced back at Levi. “Is she scary?”
“A little,” Levi admitted. “She has quite long claws. And sharp teeth.”
Caroline gazed up at Amelia’s somber face. “Is this true?”
Amelia nodded.
Caroline squared her shoulders and lifted her chin. “I can be brave. I’ll know it’s still you because you told me so. You’re still Amelia inside.”
Amelia held out her hand to the small girl. “Come and see me, then.”
Charity watched all of this with the expression of slight bemusement that she always had around Amelia. Levi was worried what Charity would think when she saw Amelia change. Barnum’s wife had been holding on hard to the idea that Amelia was nothing but a humbug. Levi had never seen a person so insistent that something real was actually a trick.
When they reached the sixth saloon, Caroline was inclined to ooh and ahh over the various pieces of the exhibit. She wanted to read all about how Dr. Griffin had met the mermaid in the waters of Fiji.
“You know all this is not true, don’t you, Caroline?” Amelia said.
The little girl ignored her, peering into the glass case at the sketch of Amelia in the diary.
“Is this what you look like?” she asked. Her eyes were rounder than Levi had ever seen them.
“Yes,” Amelia said. “Mr. Lyman did a very good job.”
“You are scary,” Caroline said. “But now I know what to expect, and so I won’t be afraid.”
They wound through the maze of the exhibit until they reached the tank. The guards were not present yet, nor were any of the museum attendants or other performers. It was still quite early. No one moved in the museum except the four of them.
Amelia went to the back of the tank where the ladder leaned against the glass. Because there was no way to block her naked body from view, it had been agreed that Amelia would enter the empty saloon in the morning and be in the water when the first visitors arrived.
At the time of her first break, the saloon would be cleared and then Amelia would climb out of the tank, change into her clothes, and rest behind a curtained area that Barnum had established a few feet behind the tank. Levi had put in a comfortable chaise and a tray with bread and cheese and cold meat for her to eat.
Amelia climbed out of her dress, which was much more complicated than it had been onstage. Then she always dressed simply, but now she had to struggle out of several layers of undergarments as well as her gown.
Charity gasped when she realized what Amelia was doing. “Turn around, Levi Lyman. And Caroline, you too.”
Levi obligingly spun on his heel and the little girl copied him. He heard the quick ringing of Charity’s heels as she went to Amelia and the rustling and murmuring as she helped Amelia out of her clothing.
He remembered Amelia on the beach under the moonlight, her skin glowing like a pearl. He remembered, too, her shining silver tail silhouetted against the horizon. Yes, he thought she was beautiful in all her forms and all her ways, but she would never believe him if he told her so.
Charity’s steps approached them again, and the ladder squeaked as Amelia climbed it. Levi peeked over his shoulder and saw her at the top—her black hair flowing over the small pink buds of her breasts and down to her delicate waist. Then she dove into the water.
At the splash Caroline turned around and ran toward the tank. She ducked underneath the rope meant to keep guests out (better tell Barnum that other children might do that, Levi thought) and squashed her face against the glass.
Amelia floated there, her tail curled just under and back, her hair swirling all about her head. She watched them with her grave eyes, but Levi noticed that she wasn’t really looking at Caroline or himself. She was watching Charity.
Charity stood frozen, both her hands clasped over her mouth. Silent tears poured from her eyes, dripping on her fingers and over them to the floor.
“Charity,” Levi said, touching her arm.
She dropped her hands and spoke, but she could not tear her eyes away from Amelia.
“It’s true,” she said. “It’s true. It’s not a trick at all. She really is a mermaid. It’s true. It’s true.”
“Of course it’s true, Mama,” Caroline said, waving at Amelia inside the tank. Amelia waved back, and Caroline gave an excited little gasp at the sight of Amelia’s claws. “She told you it was, and Amelia doesn’t lie.”
“But your father does,” Charity said, so low that Levi almost wasn’t certain he’d heard her say it. “He lies like he breathes, so how could I possibly believe in a mermaid?”
Levi wanted to say, But I told you it was true, and then he realized it didn’t matter. Charity had been raised to believe that her husband was the arbiter of all things, and it had been a bitter draught for her to discover that this authority was full of humbugs. Still, she wanted to believe him, to do what she thought was right, and that wanting always bumped up against who Barnum really was.
It couldn’t have mattered to Charity if Levi had told her that Amelia truly was a mermaid, because Barnum had said it was true and therefore it must be false.
Now she was faced with the truth—that mermaids were real and one had been sitting in her parlor drinking her tea for several weeks. Levi felt sorrier for Charity than he ever had, and he felt sorry for her most of the time.
Caroline giggled, and Levi saw that Amelia was swimming in circles so that her face passed closely where Caroline’s pressed against the glass. Amelia turned upside down and flapped her tail against the surface of the water, and Caroline clapped her hands in delight.
Levi had never seen Amelia having fun in the water like this. In fact, he wasn’t certain that he’d ever seen her so light and loose and easy as she was now, on land or otherwise.
Barnum strode into the hallway. “That’s enough of that, now. We can’t have Lady Amelia tiring herself out before she sees the public.”
“But, Papa,” Caroline said. “This is the first time I’ve ever seen a mermaid.”
“It won’t be the last,” Barnum said. “She’s under contract.”
As soon as he arrived, Amelia’s head broke the surface of the water. She stared at him with the bland look she seemed to reserve expressly for Barnum—a neutrality that concealed her dislike. Any joy she had felt was wiped clean by Barnum’s presence.
“What’s the matter with you?” he asked Charity brusquely. Then, without waiting for an answer, he said to Levi, “Take them back to the apartment, will you? I’d like to have a word with Mrs. Douglas.”
There was another splash, and Levi looked up to see Amelia reaching into the jar of sand on the platform.
“Ooooooh,” Caroline said as she watched the scales on Amelia’s body disappear.
Levi looked at Charity, who was wiping the tears from her eyes with a handkerchief, and then at Amelia, who was climbing naked down the ladder as if no one could see her. He wished suddenly to sweep them up and take them away—Barnum’s wife, his children, his mermaid—take them away to a place where they could be free of him. He’d been friends with Barnum for a long, long time, but he’d never realized just how careless and mercenary Barnum was until Amelia arrived.
Amelia pulled on her underclothing
but not her dress and waited for Barnum to speak.
Barnum turned his face halfway to the ground and said, “Once you’re dressed, Mrs. Douglas.”
He didn’t appear embarrassed or as if he cared about her modesty. Rather, it seemed to be a sop to Charity’s sense of decency.
Charity said, “Taylor, you ought to get the girl a dressing gown for this. She can’t possibly change into and out of her ordinary clothes several times a day.”
“I bought her a dressing gown,” Barnum said. “That damned reporter told half the city about it.”
“She can’t be expected to carry her dressing gown from the hotel to the exhibit and back again every day,” Charity said.
“Charity, I did not come here to talk about dressing gowns,” Barnum said. “Take Caroline back to the apartment, please.”
“What did you come to talk about?” Amelia asked.
Barnum glanced around at Levi, Charity, and Caroline watching him. “I’d prefer to speak to you in private.”
“I wouldn’t,” Amelia said. “Especially as I noticed this morning that there was no sign near the ticket-taking booth indicating the hours I would not be exhibited. I can’t read very much, but even I can tell if a sign isn’t present when it’s supposed to be.”
Levi started. He hadn’t noticed that the sign wasn’t up. He’d been too busy thinking about Amelia—about her ordeal in the crowds that morning, about what she might expect inside the museum. He’d assumed—rather foolishly, as he knew Barnum almost as well as Charity did—that the matter was settled.
Barnum scratched the back of his neck. “As it’s the first day, and the crowd outside is so large, I thought—”
“No,” Amelia said. “That is not what we agreed.”
“We didn’t agree to your spending half the day lounging behind a curtain,” Barnum said.
“Taylor,” Charity said, sounding scandalized. “You can’t possibly think of leaving this woman in the tank all day without a rest or food. It’s not human.”
“She’s not human,” Barnum said. “You just saw that for yourself. What’s the difference between her and a tiger in a cage?”
The Mermaid Page 16
