by Chad Kultgen
And when the first half of her performance was over, she turned somber and claimed that there was something she had to tell me. As I was a person she had the utmost respect and admiration for, she felt it wasn’t right to keep such a thing a secret from me. She went on to say that she didn’t know from whom she had contracted the virus, but she had conclusive proof that she was a carrier of herpes simplex 2, genital herpes.
She had become conscious of her herpes infection during a recent trip to the student health center, shortly after discovering some red blisters in and around her cunt in the shower. She had not, however, even contemplated finding fault with me for her new status as an STD carrier. This was something I had hoped would happen but was less than certain of.
As soon as the final word, “herpes,” fell from her lips, I jerked my hand out from under hers, conjured the finest fake attitude of outrage I had ever mustered, and began a tirade so excessively angry that I thought Heather must have assumed I meant to do her physical harm.
I hit every insulting point I could in my monologue, whether I knew the insults to be true or not. I called her a whore and told her that only the most irresponsible and intellectually stunted people on earth allowed themselves to contract herpes. I accused her of cheating on me while we were an official couple over the winter break. I accused her of being aware of her status before we ever started fucking and keeping it from me so I wouldn’t dismiss her. I accused her of only being interested in my money, which, of all the insults, was probably the most accurate. I ended by telling her that if she gave me herpes I would tell not only the entire student body of SMU but the entire city of Dallas, Texas. She, of course, broke down sobbing, her herpes-laden tears falling into the ten-thousand-dollar fabric of my stepmother’s favorite couch. I momentarily thought of my stepmother sitting on the couch naked and contracting herpes from Heather’s tears, no matter how unlikely it seemed.
After I had my fill of watching her cry, I commanded Heather to get out of my house and told her never to call me again. She tried to give me a hug and I refused. She cried some more, and the maids were watching, so I finally gave her one in the hopes that she would be appeased and leave peacefully. As we embraced, I whispered into her ear that if she just would have stuck with Kyle none of this would have happened. I thought this final twisting of the blade would keep her awake at night, and I knew it would be a welcome addition and punctuation to the story I would be telling Kyle the following day.
As I watched Heather drive away from my home that day, sobbing so violently it appeared that she was convulsing, I could only feel pride for Kyle and myself. We had created a plan and carried it through to fruition. In some way I’m sure my father would have been proud of me. This thought led me to realize the time was fast approaching to have what would be his most disappointing conversation with me. I set the date in my mind for this conversation to take place on my graduation day. It seemed a good time to make the break from both my academic life and my father simultaneously.
chapter sixteen
I felt like the Incredible Hulk immediately after he was the gray Hulk and then got transformed back into the green Hulk, but had all of Bruce Banner’s intellect. Maybe the analogy is a bad one, but after Brett told me the good news I felt like my old self again, except that I also understood there was value in having meaningless sex with as many different girls as possible. I felt like I had come out of a coma or something. It was good to care about shit again and not feel like I wanted everyone to die. It was almost like in a movie—at the very end, after the good guys take out the bad guys, there’s always one last scene with the good guys sitting around saying to each other, “Wow, that was some crazy shit, but it’s all over now.” That’s what it felt like for about a week—until the extra scene that’s not in any movie happened, the one where the good guys fuck everything up and ruin their lives.
After coming out on the other side of the whole thing I had a new outlook on frats and sororities in general. It was obviously too late to rush or anything—we only had a few months left of school—and honestly I don’t think I would have rushed anyway. I just mean that I didn’t think the guys in frats were as douchey as I once had thought, and I saw the benefit of being able to get drunk and have sex with different girls every night in a way I never had before.
Brett’s frat was throwing a big party with Heather’s sorority and he told me I should show up. It wasn’t very normal for someone not in a frat to be at one of these parties, but an invitation from Brett was about as good as it got in terms of preapproval by everyone at the party, even for an outsider.
I was never really coherent enough, nor did I really ever care enough, during my drinking-and-fucking binge to realize that I guess I had kind of developed a reputation among the girls of the Greek system. In retrospect it seems like that reputation would have been a bad one, because I basically got drunk, stayed at Brett’s house a lot, and had sex with any girls he brought over, including a fair number of the ones at that party. Instead, though, every girl I saw said hello to me; some even gave me a kiss when they saw me. At the beginning of this party I felt like I was getting to see what it was like to live in Brett’s shoes for a little bit. Then I really got to see what it was like when every girl who said hi to me started asking me if I could take her to Brett’s house. Before the thing with Heather was resolved that would have pissed me off and I would have wanted to fuck any chick who asked me that, shoot a load in her face, and tell her to fuck off. But at that party I actually found it all kind of amusing.
I ended up making out with a few random girls here and there. I was half-expecting Heather to show up, but since it was a party thrown by Brett’s frat I guess it made sense that she wouldn’t be there, given the events that went down a few weeks earlier. All in all it was a pretty good night until the party started winding down.
At about three in the morning I found myself standing with Brett and three other guys from his frat. One of the guys was named Gordon. Gordon had his shirt off so everyone could see a tattoo he had across his stomach that said, “Bitches ain’t shit…” It was pretty obvious Brett hated his fucking guts. The fact that Gordon had already openly questioned my attendance at the party didn’t help.
Gordon said, “So I took this bitch’s head and totally shoved it down toward my crotch and I was like, ‘Bitch, suck that dick.’ And she was like, ‘Okay, but don’t cum in my mouth,’ and I go, ‘Okay.’ So this bitch starts sucking and about fuckin’ five minutes later I’m ready to nut all over her. So instead of telling this bitch, ‘Get ready for my load,’ I just don’t say anything and spray a rope down her throat. She fuckin’ tries to jerk her head back but I hold this bitch’s dome down with both hands until she swallows my shit.” Then he punched me in the shoulder and said, “You ever done some gangster shit like that, dude?”
I didn’t know how drunk Brett was or how much he actually hated this kid, but I guess the levels of both things were off the fucking charts because Brett proceeded to say, “Gordon, you’re a fucking moron. You think you have it all figured out and you think you’re a real fucking badass, but you’re a fucking punk piece of shit who will have punk-piece-of-shit babies who will do the same and so on and so forth until this whole world is populated by pieces of shit just like you. You want to know about some real gangster shit, Gordon, take a look at my friend Kyle here. Take a look at the guy you don’t even think should be at this party.”
He put his arm around me and said, “Kyle isn’t in a fucking frat. He doesn’t have a shitty Tupac tattoo on his stomach. But you know what he did, Gordon, that you’ll never ever do in your life?”
Gordon said, “What, bro?”
Brett said, “He loved a girl so much that when she fucked him over, he fucking ruined her life forever.”
Gordon said, “What? Dude, what the fuck are you talking about?”
I said, “Brett, it’s cool. You probably actually shouldn’t say anything.”
Brett said, “No, Kyle,
this fucking shit-eater needs to know who he’s standing across from and show some fucking respect.”
I said, “Really, it’s fine, Brett.”
Brett said, “My friend Kyle here concocted a scheme to give a whore herpes and it fucking worked.”
I could tell Gordon was actually impressed. He said, “No fucking way, dude,” and he put out his fist for me to punch, which I did in an attempt to try and end the situation before Brett said anything else. It didn’t work.
Brett said, “You all know this whore. Heather Andruss.”
Gordon said, “Holy shit, yeah, you were the dude she dumped for giving her a fake ring or some shit, right? And you gave her the fuckin’ herp for that shit? How’d you get the herp?”
I said, “I don’t know what Brett’s talking about.”
Gordon said, “Wait, though. I thought you were dating that biatch for a minute, Brett.”
Brett tapped Gordon on the forehead. “And the gears do turn in that little machine, don’t they?”
Gordon said, “Holy shit, dude—you gave her the herp, Brett!”
Brett said, “The lord giveth and the lord taketh.”
Then Brett puked right in the middle of our little circle and stumbled off somewhere in the house.
Without reacting to the puke at all, Gordon said, “Dude, you had your friend fuck your ex-girlfriend to give her herpes? That is some sick-ass shit, bro. One love.” Then he hugged me and said, “Seriously, dude, that is some shit of legend. I’m glad I got to meet you tonight. But what the fuck, so Brett has fuckin’ herpes? Who gave him fuckin’ herpes?”
All I could say was, “I don’t know,” before I found my way out of the party and back to my apartment. That night I wondered if Gordon or the other two guys would tell anyone. I wondered if anyone would believe it if they did.
chapter seventeen
I was like, “Uh…are you fucking kidding me?” Seriously, I thought Gina was fucking high on meth or something. I was like, “Who told you this?”
She was like, “Kim Darcey.”
I was like, “And where in the fuck did she like hear it from again?”
She was like, “She was fucking that sophomore guy in ATO with the tattoo, Gordon or whatever, and he was like trying to have anal with her and she didn’t want to and he supposedly was like, ‘Don’t make me give you herpes like Brett did to that one slut in Kappa,’ and she was like, ‘What are you talking about?’ and he told her the whole thing, like that Brett and Kyle totally made a plan to give you herpes.”
I was like, “Can you please leave me alone for a few minutes?”
She gave me a hug and was like, “Let me know if you need anything. I’ll be downstairs.”
I just sat in my room like a statue for like half an hour. I seriously don’t even think I was like breathing. It was like, did Kyle think he didn’t ruin my life enough when he tried to get me to marry him with a fake ring? He had to give me fucking herpes, too? And then Brett…what the fuck? He like made me think I got it from someone else and then dumped me just to be a fucking asshole. Ever since Brett dumped me I had basically just like sat in my room all day wishing I would die. But after Gina told me that shit, I was beyond mad. I seriously thought about getting a gun and shooting someone. I thought if it went to court or something and I like shot Brett’s and Kyle’s dicks off, I would probably not end up going to jail. The jury would totally understand where I was coming from.
But instead of killing anyone I just sat there. Gina came back up with some vodka and we started drinking. And I was like, “I don’t know what to do.”
Gina was like, “You should totally get even with them.”
I was like, “How?”
Gina was like, “I don’t know, like give Kyle herpes or something or accuse them of rape or something. That would fuck them up for sure.”
I was like, “But if I accuse them of rape, like I’m going to have to get checked by a doctor and everything and they’ll find out it’s a lie.”
Gina was like, “Not if you actually have sex with them.”
I was like, “Brett will never even talk to me again, let alone like actually have sex with me.”
Gina was like, “So get Kyle to do it and say it was Brett or something.”
Then we just got drunk as hell and I passed out. The next morning I remembered all the stuff Gina and I had talked about, but it all seemed a little crazy, so I just kind of blew it off. Then I got out of bed and took a shower. In the shower all I could do was stare at the little red spots around my vag, and seriously like doing that for ten minutes straight made me want to kill Kyle and Brett again. But I got out of the shower and just tried not to think about it.
Then that night I was at a party, it wasn’t an ATO party or anything, but Brett was there anyway. And it was seriously like everyone in the place was staring at me and like laughing and shit. So I think pretty much everyone knew by that point everything that had happened. I was so fucking pissed. So I just did as many drugs as I could find at the party, which wasn’t actually a bunch, just some coke and E, pretty standard I guess. I guess I kind of wanted to leave the party, but something in me was like, no, you should stay and prove to these assholes, to Brett, that you deserve to be here just as much as anyone else. And it turns out that it was a good thing that I stayed because I didn’t really know how I was going to get even with Brett and Kyle until later that night. And honestly it wasn’t even my idea.
I had just come out of the bathroom where I made myself puke because I was starting to feel way too drunk and I stumbled into a bedroom where there was like a full-blown orgy happening. At first I was like gross, but then I realized what was actually going on. Brett was fucking like four girls. I knew three of them and then there was just some other random chick. The lights were out and I could only really tell who it was from the light coming off a neon Dos Equis thing that was hanging on the wall in the room. I was about to leave and then Brett was like, “Why don’t you join us?” He obviously didn’t know it was me, but as soon as he said it, I knew exactly what I was going to do.
So I like took off my clothes and hoped the three girls I knew were too fucked up to notice it was me, or maybe just too fucked up to like care it was me, which they were. And it seemed like Brett was even more fucked up. And there were five girls in bed with him and it was dark. I was pretty sure he like wouldn’t figure out it was me. I had never done anything like that before and I didn’t really like it or anything, but I guess because I had like a specific goal in mind as I was doing it, it wasn’t that bad.
I made sure to not do any of the things that I did with him when we slept together before, like not use any of the same techniques or anything, in case he might recognize me. I guess it was because he was drunk or something but it took like a long time for him to cum. He fucked like every girl in the room, including me, which I thought for sure would make him recognize me, but it didn’t. And then finally he came. When he did, I took the condom and went in the bathroom. I probably wouldn’t have done this if I wasn’t super drunk and high, but whatever. I turned it inside out and stuck it up my vag and kind of moved it around to get as much of his semen inside me as possible. I didn’t think it had any spermicide on it, but even if it did and like the baby was retarded or something it didn’t really matter. I just needed to get pregnant. Then I went home.
I waited like three weeks, which was a week after I missed my first period, and took a home pregnancy test. I was pregnant. I honestly didn’t think smearing his semen in my vag would work and I kind of assumed that I would really never do anything to get revenge on Kyle and Brett. Like I said, I was seriously fucked up at that party and it was just like kind of something I did. But then once I found out it actually worked I guess I like got back in that mind-set of finishing the job, you know? Like I had to now carry out the rest of the plan.
So I was like fuck it. I put on some makeup and a shirt that really showed my boobs off and I went over to Kyle’s house. He was ther
e and he was fucking seriously surprised to see me. He was like, “Hey, what are you doing here?” He looked scared, too, like he probably knew that I knew everything, which is what made him even more pathetic than I already thought he was for what I was able to get him to do.
I was like, “I know we’ve had our differences and everything, but there’s only a few months left in school and I just wanted to come over to like say that I’m sorry for everything and I guess I just like wanted you to know that.”
I could see him starting to feel seriously guilty for making Brett give me herpes. He was like, “Oh, yeah, I’m sorry for everything, too.”
Then I was like, “And I guess I also wanted you to know that through all of this stuff I guess I realized that like I never stopped loving you, you know?”
He was like, “Really?”
I put my arms around him and I was like, “Yeah. I mean I know getting back together would probably be a long shot, but I thought maybe we could have like one more time together before we graduate.”
He was like, “Really?”
I kissed him and I was like, “I miss you,” then I reached down and felt his dick through his pants. He was already hard. Fucking pathetic.
Seriously that’s all it took. I’m not lying at all. That’s how easy it was to get Kyle to fuck me again after all the shit we went through. All I had to do was like show up at his house, tell him I still loved him, and say I wanted to fuck him. What a fucking idiot.
But before we started he was like, “We should use a condom.”
I was like, “Why? I’m on the pill.”
He was like, “I know but since we broke up I’ve been with some different people and I’m sure you have too. We should just be safe.”
I couldn’t get around that one. It would have like been nice to have given him herpes too, but that wasn’t why I was there so I was just like whatever and let him use a condom. While we fucked I was like, “Fuck me harder, come on, harder,” which I know got him going, but it also served a purpose in my overall plan. He finished in like one second and then he was like, “We should go get dinner or something.”
