Keeping a firm grip on her runaway emotions and wandering thoughts, Abby forced herself to pay attention to the road, giving him directions to the pharmacy where she’d called to see if her mom’s prescription was still available. It had been filled days ago, but since it was a small local chain, they knew Abby and her mom by name and were familiar with their circumstances. She hated the looks of pity she got from the pharmacist every time she went in, but some things couldn’t be helped.
“It’s ready. I just have to run in and grab it.” Abby let her seatbelt retract with a slap against the side of the car and was out the door without waiting for a response from Lance. She didn’t want his pity. And she didn’t want him offering to come in with her and seeing the looks on the faces of the pharmacy staff. It was bad enough he’d witnessed everything else. She’d felt horrible asking him to stay in the car, and worse when she realized how long she’d kept him waiting, but she’d had no other options. When he’d come inside, it had been as bad as she’d feared, though at least her mom had waited to hiss her suspicions about him behind the thin wood of her closed door. Not that Abby’d expected her to confront Lance. That wasn’t her mom’s style.
Abby got in and out of the pharmacy with minimum conversation, and she was grateful that Lance had the car running when she came back out. Buckling her seatbelt, she checked Lance’s face again, trying to gauge how irritated he might be. But his expression didn’t give much away.
As soon as her seatbelt clicked into place, he pulled out of the parking spot, his arm behind the bench seat and his face looking behind them, effectively ending her examination. “I saw a grocery store not too far from here on the way. Is that where you want to go?” His voice was equally unreadable, calm and even, betraying no hint of what he might be feeling.
“Yeah, that’s fine.” Abby tugged on her lower lip while Lance drove. He must have a million questions. And while it seemed only fair that she answer those questions considering she’d dragged him into all this, she really didn’t relish the thought of divulging all of her inner demons. He already knew too much. Saw too much.
She kept her eyes trained out the windshield, focusing on giving him directions. And trying to ignore the weight of his gaze on her at the stoplight and the occasional glances he threw her way while he drove. She needed him to maintain his distance the way he was doing. She feared if she acknowledged his glances, his curiosity, everything would fall apart. She would fall apart. And there wasn’t time for that right now. She needed to get her mom’s groceries, bring them to her, and get home. Then, and only then, she could lose her shit in the privacy of her room. Megan would know what was going on and leave her in peace, just checking that she was okay after the fact.
Lance? He was an unknown quantity. How he’d react if she couldn’t keep it together for another hour or two wasn’t something she wanted to find out.
“You don’t have to go into the grocery store with me if you’d rather wait in the car,” she said quickly when he parked and killed the engine. He’d already unbuckled his seatbelt, and she wanted to stop him before he got out of the car.
Lance stared at her for a moment like she’d spoken a foreign language, then let out a frustrated sigh, the first glimpse of anything other than calm and cool he’d given her since his desperate plea to use the bathroom. “Abby, waiting in the car is really not that exciting.” His voice projected frustration, though she was sure it was only a fraction of what he felt. “I really don’t mind going grocery shopping for your mom with you.”
“Right.” She swallowed, rearranging her expectations to include him shopping with her. “Of course.”
Lance grabbed a shopping cart from the cluster inside the door while Abby pulled the detailed shopping list out of her pocket. Her mom only liked specific brands of specific foods, and substitutes were unacceptable. Memories of going shopping with her mom when she’d been little flitted through her mind. She’d always hated it as a kid, and later as a young teenager, but going shopping for her made Abby feel almost as anxious as her mom, despite the fact that she’d been doing it for years. Sometimes the store wouldn’t have the brand her mom preferred, and there was no winning when that happened. She couldn’t pick a different brand, but coming home without everything was just as bad. She usually went to as many stores as it took to find everything she needed, but tonight her mom would just have to deal with it if anything was missing, even though that thought made her pulse spike. With a deep breath, she sent a prayer to the universe to be kind, just this once, and led the way into the store, hoping to get this over with as quickly as possible.
Lance trailed along after her without complaint. He didn’t say much of anything at all. He just watched her. He was becoming more and more watchful as the evening progressed. Abby could feel his eyes on her back. Occasionally she would look back at him, and he returned her gaze evenly, not even trying to hide the fact that he was staring at her. He was just there, a constant shadow, pushing the cart for her. Not demanding to know what was going on, not trying to distract her with jokes, and not hitting on her. He hadn’t even pushed her about the fact that she’d called him.
This silence, this solemn regard without questions, couldn’t last. She knew it. She could feel his curiosity along with his gaze. It was only a matter of time before he started asking questions that she didn’t want to answer. Questions about her mom and her family and what was wrong. That’s why she’d deliberately steered all of their previous conversations away from her, away from her history, and away from her family.
But he didn’t. Not yet, at least. He waited patiently and silently while she found all the perfect items—which they had, thankfully. He helped her load them into the car. He drove her back to her mom’s house and helped her bring everything inside, barely sparing a glance for the rundown trailer she’d called home for eighteen years. Then he went back outside without being asked, leaving her to put her mom’s groceries away.
Something about his politeness, his attentiveness, his watchful silence made her feel even more on edge than if he’d just indulged his curiosity and riddled her with questions.
She watched him leave the trailer without a backwards glance before she started putting things away.
“It’s just me, Mom.” Abby pitched her voice loud enough to carry from the kitchen across the house through the closed bedroom door. Not that she had to speak very loud. The cheap doors in the small house provided a sense of boundaries and blocked prying eyes, but they did next to nothing to block sound. Which made her tense as she remembered all the nasty things her mom had said about Lance earlier. Could he have heard them? He didn’t seem like he’d heard anything specific. But he hadn’t exactly revealed much while they were shopping. Shaking her head, she resumed putting the Honeycrisp apples in the fridge. Nothing could be done about it now. She had enough to worry about without adding Lance’s emotional wellbeing to the list.
A moment later Diane poked her head out of the bedroom door, like a mouse checking to make sure that no predators lurked nearby. When she only saw Abby, she came the rest of the way into the living room. “Where is he?” Her voice dripped with accusation, like Lance were a menace waiting to murder them in their sleep and she needed to keep tabs on him at all times.
“He went outside to wait for me.” Abby tried to keep the irritation out of her voice. He’d done nothing to deserve her mother’s suspicion other than being someone she’d never met. She thought about saying something in Lance’s defense, but didn’t. She’d already tried, and it hadn’t made any difference an hour ago. It wouldn’t make any difference now. Instead she put the last few things in the pantry and picked up the stapled bag from the pharmacy. “Here’s your new medication, Mom. Make sure you read the list of side effects. You can call me or text me if you need to, and I can call the doctor if you have any of the bad ones.” Abby was the only person her mom would speak to over the phone. She doubted she’d even call 911 if she had an emergency, which was why Abby had felt
that zing of panic when her mom had first texted this afternoon. Panic mixed with annoyance that Abby had been the adult in this relationship for over two years now.
Taking the package, her mom ripped open the top. Abby filled a glass of water from the sink while her mom looked over the insert from the pharmacy. “Thank you, sweetie.”
Abby gave her mom a gentle hug. “You’re welcome, Mom. I need to go now. I’m sure Lance wants to get home. I’ve taken up too much of his time.”
Her mom patted Abby on the back, and Abby sank into the embrace, grateful when her mom didn’t take another shot at Lance. “When will you come for another visit?” Her face was hopeful and sad.
Swallowing, Abby gave her mom’s back one last pat. “I don’t know. I need to get my car fixed first. But text me if you need me, okay?” At least her car provided a good excuse to stay away for a little while, otherwise her mom would be pressuring her to come back tomorrow, unconcerned with the fact that Abby had work to catch up on from this afternoon on top of the language labs on the schedule for tomorrow.
Her mom nodded and looked away, the hope gone from her face. “Okay.”
“I love you, Mom.” God help her, she did love her mom. And that was why she still came running every time, no matter how much it wrecked her.
Looking back at Abby, her mom gave her a small smile. “I love you too, baby girl.”
Abby headed to the door, her mom close behind her. With one last wave over her shoulder and a small smile, she stepped outside. The door closed, and the locks clicked into place, shutting her mom away once more.
Chapter Thirteen
Abby found Lance leaning against his car waiting for her. He stood with his back to the passenger door, arms crossed, head down. She took a moment to admire him and the way his clothes clung to the curve and dip of muscle. The sun, low on the horizon now, outlined him in golden light. He was beautiful. But he wasn’t hers. If she hadn’t already pushed him away—which she still knew was the right choice even if his actions today made her have second thoughts—no way would he stick around after this. She drank him in one last time, knowing it would be her last opportunity and probably her only experience of anything akin to a knight in shining armor.
Not wanting to be a creeper, she dragged her gaze away. With her head tipped back and eyes closed, she took a deep, cleansing breath. The familiar scent of pine trees in the summer evening filled her lungs, grounding her, releasing a small percentage of the tension and frustration from the afternoon.
When she opened her eyes again, Lance was watching her. She flushed, dropping her eyes, feeling awkward and shy with him again. Which was stupid. He’d kissed her. Held her hand. Laughed at her sarcasm and gave as good as he got. And now he’d put up with her mom, helped her out when she was desperate. But that was the thing. She felt more vulnerable with him than ever. More so than when he’d stared at her hard nips poking through her lacy bra and transparent shirt when she’d been covered in Jack and Coke. That had been embarrassing, sure, but she’d been more pissed than anything else.
Now she was just … naked. Or at least that’s how she felt. Exposed in the way she feared the most. Tearing her life and her past open for him to examine and judge.
He straightened as she walked down the front steps, studying her face for a moment when she stopped in front of him, then opened her door without a word. Abby slid into the seat, debating with herself what to say to Lance. She felt like she should say something, but didn’t have the first idea what. Plucking at her lip, she contemplated her options. Sorry my mom was horrible to you? Sorry for dragging you out here and making you sit in the heat until you were about to explode and not filling you in on any details? Or just a simple thanks? They all seemed fitting but also lame and inadequate.
Abby sucked in a breath and clenched her hand in a fist in her lap when Lance shut his door and started the car. Was he going to say something? Should she let him speak first? Should she just blurt out all the things she’d thought up in one long breath—Sorry-my-mom-is-awful-and-that-I-ruined-your-evening-and-thanks-for-helping-me?
But before she could say anything, he did. And while it was a question, it wasn’t any of the million she expected from him. “Are you hungry?” Turning the car around, he glanced at her. “I’m hungry. Let’s get some dinner.”
He sounded completely sincere and like the last few hours hadn’t been filled with boredom and frustration. Abby deflated on her side of the bench seat, letting out her breath slowly, deciding to just accept Lance at face value. He wasn’t going to demand answers or dump her as soon as he could? Great. She’d enjoyed spending time with him before. If he wasn’t ready to get rid of her yet, then she wouldn’t question it. Instead, she relaxed and gave him the best smile she could muster, hoping it conveyed her appreciation. “Yeah, I’m hungry. Sounds good.”
The silence in the car as Lance drove them to the resort that dominated the waterfront on the lake downtown was comfortable, rather than tense like the last couple of silent drives had been. It was the type of silence between friends who didn’t need to fill every moment with words. As they drove past the lake, memories of summers spent splashing in the water and winter evenings getting desserts at the restaurant in the resort washed over her. Smiling, she shook her head. “Man. I haven’t been here in years.”
Lance flashed a smile back at her. “You’ve figured out where we’re going?”
“I’m assuming we’re headed to Dockside.” She let her excitement permeate her voice, happy to have something to share with Lance that wasn’t depressing. “My friends and I always came here and got desserts when we had something to celebrate. Or in the summer just for fun. I haven’t been since graduation weekend, though.”
“Why not?” Lance didn’t look at her as he navigated the parking garage, going past the valet parking spots to the higher levels. The first three levels were full, which was no surprise on a summer evening in a resort town.
The smile slipped from her face. So much for keeping it light and fun. Though that ship had sailed hours ago. Trying to ignore what they’d already shared would be silly and contrived. “I needed to save money for college, and when I’m in town it’s to help my mom. There isn’t time or money to come here a lot, and there hasn’t been much to celebrate the last couple of years.”
“What about the friends you used to come here with? They haven’t had anything to celebrate?” Lance parked the car and turned toward her, giving her his full attention. It was just like their lunch date, the way he leaned toward her, wanting to hear her answer.
Abby found herself wanting to tell him whatever he wanted to know. She’d already invited him past her emotional defenses. He’d already seen where she came from, the worst of what she had to deal with—at least to some degree, even if he didn’t know all the details yet, and she had no illusions that he wouldn’t get around to asking his questions over dinner. Why not just tell him everything? Whatever harm might come from it had already been done. “I wouldn’t really know. We’ve drifted since then. They went away for college. We’re Facebook friends, but we don’t get together when they’re in town. Megan’s the only one I still see, and she stays away more than I do.”
Instead of responding to her answer, Lance popped his door open. “You ready to go in?”
Blinking, Abby nodded, waiting for him to open her door and then leading the way to the elevators. Lance stood close enough to her while they waited that his arm almost brushed hers. What was he doing? What did she want him to do? She felt an almost irresistible pull toward him, but she fought against it. She’d asked enough of him already today. She couldn’t expect him to soothe her curiosity and need for physical connection. Plus, he was leaving at the end of the summer. She needed to remember that.
She looked up at him, and he smiled back at her, his eyes crinkling with amusement. Was that what drew him to her? He found her amusing? Even with her shitshow of a home life? When the elevator dinged and the doors opened, his hand went to
the small of her back to usher her inside, that zip of heat crackling down her spine the same way it had the first time he’d done it. She found herself hoping he’d touch her again—his hand on her back, on her arm, entwining his fingers with hers—she’d take whatever she could get. When they got out in the resort lobby and he placed his hand on her back again, full on goosebumps surged up her back, and she was disappointed when he let it drop while they walked to the restaurant.
The hostess seated them right away, leading them past mostly empty tables, only a few other diners scattered here and there. She placed their menus on a table next to a large window right on the water. The sun had nearly set, with just a slice peeking over the mountains ringing the lake, painting the sky with orange and red streaks. The combination of the view, the empty restaurant, and the resort setting made their dinner feel even more intimate. Like a date.
But it wasn’t.
It couldn’t be.
Abby knew that Lance was a serial dater. She also knew that she would be hurt if she let herself get involved with him and he left. Which he would. And the longer she let things go on, the worse it would hurt.
Besides, he’d asked her on another date, and she’d said no. So this couldn’t possibly be a date, even if it felt more like one than any of their other dates.
He probably felt bad for her. And this was his way of being nice. He’d watched her all afternoon, saw how stressed she’d been, so he was trying to make her feel better. Lance was a nice guy, even if he had the smooth charm of a ladies’ man. He didn’t use it on her very often. So maybe he was just being friendly. And friends help friends out, like he did by picking her up and bringing her home so she could help her mom. He’d suggested dinner because it was late and neither of them had eaten. That was normal friend behavior. And since he wasn’t from around here, he’d picked this restaurant because it was the only one he knew. That must be what was going on.
Summer Fling Page 10
