Still, I’ve made changes in other areas. I take more pauses and breaks and pay attention to those around me. I listen when they talk. It all seems slightly pointless to myself because there’s only so much I can do when the only person I’m proving that it’s possible to is myself and my family back in California. But I guess actually talking to them more is good enough for now.
The first home game proves to be one big distraction. LA and Abigail’s seats have Harry and some other guy in them instead. I’m not the only one who notices either.
“Where’s the lucky charm, Felix?” Hector asks.
I’ve been able to avoid talking about her with them so far. “Not coming. We’re on our own. For the foreseeable future,” I add before he can ask.
He nods. “It’s a good thing we have talent, then.”
Abigail is on my mind the entire game. I miss her like crazy. I think I even miss her sisters, too. Although, I’m sure if I were to run into LA, she’d inflict physical harm. The thought makes me smile as I drive home and stays as I take the stairs up to my floor. When I glance up at whoever is making their way down, the smile fades.
Warren.
God, what is he doing here this late? Is he— No. I stop the thought before it goes any further. I don’t want to know. I give him a nod and continue on my way.
“Warren, wait!” I hear the voice I’ve missed terribly.
As if this couldn’t get any worse.
Abigail’s step falters for a second when she sees me, but luckily, I get to turn and head down the hallway toward my apartment. As I change for bed, I can’t help but think that maybe I should consider moving. I can only take so much of seeing Abigail and Warren together. I can only take so much of seeing Abigail, hearing Abigail. Besides, out of sight, out of mind, right?
Doubtful.
Abigail might as well have moved into my mind with how often I think about her. She’s made herself a nice little permanent home there. My best hope is that she’ll fix herself and forgive me.
“IF YOU DON’T talk about it, then I can’t help you.” Annie pushes the piece of chocolate cream pie in front of me.
“I don’t know anything anymore.” I take a bite of the creamy deliciousness. “I miss him a lot. It almost killed me not going to the game that night. Plus, I’ve seen him around the complex. I want to run up and hug him, but I can’t do it.”
“Why?”
“He forgot me. He said he was going to be there for me, and he wasn’t.”
“I’m not taking his side, but you knew how forgetful he is and he does have a lot going on.”
“I told him‒”
“Was he listening to you? Don’t you remember how many times Mom would say something to Dad? Sometimes you have to snap your fingers and stomp your feet and triple check that men pay attention. I think it’s in their DNA that they have selective hearing.” She grins at me and pats my back.
“It’s not selective hearing. He didn’t hear anything I had said. Nothing. He forgot me. Is that love?”
Annie’s eyes go wide. “Did you say love?”
“You know what I mean.” I drop my fork and look away from her. I already blurted it out to Felix and I sure as hell don’t need to hear from Annie now.
“Do I know? Do you love Felix?”
I brush the stray tear that appears out of nowhere off my cheek.
“Talk to me, Abby-bear.”
There’s no point in hiding my feelings from Annie. I tell her everything. “I felt safe. For the first time, I didn’t worry at night when he was around. I could talk to him easily. He didn’t make fun of my books, or school, or anything. He was sensitive when I told him about Mom and Dad, and I had the greatest time with his family. I…I fell in love and he forgot me.”
“Being in love means you have to forgive. Relationships aren’t easy, Abby. Both of you have a lot of growing up to do.”
“Hey, I’m grown,” I cut her off.
“Abigail.” Annie firmly looks at me. “You are not grown. Felix’s focus is on baseball and yours is therapy and school. You need to find the middle ground. You can’t fly off at him when you know how he is. He came into this relationship knowing you had issues, but he didn’t sway. He even took you out in a fifty thousand dollar car when he knew you haven’t driven in years.”
I hate that she’s right. Felix has told me time and time again that he doesn’t remember personal information. Hell, he even told me he forgets to call his own family and he’s known them much longer than he’s known me. But I needed him. I bet when his family needs him, he’s there for them.
That’s the difference.
How important am I in his life? Or, will I ever be more important than baseball? Could I survive being second chair to a sport? He did tell me I’m a priority, but he never said he loves me, too.
I’m a lovesick fool. My life isn’t some romance novel. Would a major league baseball pitcher really love me? I doubt it. Maybe we can still be friends. I did enjoy our time together in the beginning of it all.
“What are you thinking about?”
I pause and look at my oldest sister. “My messed up life.”
FOR THE PAST three nights, I’ve not been able to sleep. The nightmares keeping coming and now the therapist wants to put me on medication to help me sleep. I’ve never been happy when she puts me on pills, but I don’t want to be a walking zombie every day either. The best medication would be Felix’s arms around me or me curled up along his side.
The knock on my door wakes me up from a sleepy dream of Felix’s body against mine, and I open the door for Warren. I have to say I’m glad this is the last day that we have to have a study session together. The project is due Friday and then it’s the start of finals week. I have a love-hate relationship with that week. I love that it’s almost over, but I hate that I become a sleepless, emotionless zombie. Then again, so do all the other students.
“Hey, Warren.” I step back and he walks through to the kitchen.
“I thought I would bring the snacks tonight.” He pulls out a six-pack of beer and a bag of pretzels.
“Great.” Expressionless, I watch him sort out the papers I have in front of him.
About two hours and a couple beers later, we’re done. I print out the final copy and we triple check, but it seems as perfect as it’s going to be. I rest back on my chair.
“Wow, we’re done.” I close my laptop.
“We sure are, and,” he dramatically lifts his finger and then punches down on the enter key. “It’s now sent to Professor Bing. No more classes.” He chuckles.
I close my eyes and exhale. “That’s a great feeling.”
“We make a good team.” He grips my hand.
“Yes, we did.” I move my hand and begin closing the books and stacking them in a neat pile.
“You look tired.”
“Haven’t slept well,” I answer quickly and shuffle more papers around. I don’t know why, but my gut is telling me to get him out of the apartment.
“Anything I can help you with?” He closes his laptop and stands up with me.
“Nope, I’m good. I’m glad everything went smoothly with the project.” I hand him his notebook.
“Yeah, me too. Do you want to grab a bite again?”
“No,” I answer quickly. “I’m going to rest tonight and maybe study a little bit before bed.” Maybe he’ll take the hint and leave.
“Okay.” He packs his backpack and I lead him to the door.
I’m about to open it when he yanks me toward him and shoves his tongue into my mouth. I push against his chest as hard as I can, breaking free from his lips. I roughly brush his taste from my skin and narrow my eyes at him.
“How dare you?”
“Oh, come on, Abby, you’ve been flirting with me for days now. Don’t stand there and tell me you didn’t want me to kiss you.”
“I didn’t!” I seethe at him. “You don’t go around shoving your tongue into women’s mouths without an invitation. Now,
get out of my house.” I jerk the door open. “Now,” I repeat firmly.
“Fine. Whatever.” He rolls his eyes and rushes out.
I slam the door with all my might and lock it. That jerk, I think. Wait until I tell Felix—
I stop. Tell Felix, what? He and I aren’t together anymore. I wouldn’t be telling him anything. I pick up my phone and see the last few texts of our last conversation.
I miss him.
God, I’m a fool.
“I’LL BE BACK in two hours,” LA tells me as she drops me off in front of the library. She didn’t want to go to the reading with me and I’m okay with that. I need some relaxing time.
It’s been almost three weeks without talking to Felix. I keep staring at my phone and wish more than anything that he would call me. Annie told me I’m a fool for not talking to him. I’ve seen him a couple times around the complex and I’ve been watching the games on the TV. The Angels have lost the last ten games and the media is ripping them apart.
As much as I hate to say it, it’s probably because of me. Felix was even pulled from one game and I watched him kick over the water cooler in frustration. I almost went to his apartment that night.
Almost.
My therapist wants me to try and drive again and I pretty much told her ‘no’. I can’t do it. I tried and I failed. There’s no point in beating my head against a steel wall. LA bitched at me about not attempting to drive again, but I ignored her. Eventually, she shut up about it.
Tonight is about the semester ending celebratory party and me. Okay, a party is a stretch since I’m going to another James Diamond reading alone. I’m not sure why he’s coming to Memphis for a second time, but I don’t care as long as I get to hear him again.
When I take a seat in the back, I try not to tear up. This is where Felix and I met the first time. It was even at a James Diamond reading. I close my eyes and wish he was here. Maybe Annie’s right. I am a fool. Each day, I miss him a little more.
That’s it. Tonight, I’m going to swallow my pride and talk to him. I hope he wants to talk to me. When I open my eyes, I gasp.
Felix is here.
He’s sitting about five rows in front of me. I would know that shaggy brown hair anywhere. Should I talk to him now? Will he make a scene? I don’t think he will, but I’m not sure how he’s feeling either. I make my move to go to him, but stop when the announcer comes to the podium.
For the next hour, I don’t hear a word the announcer or James Diamond says as I stare at the back of Felix’s head. I’ve always loved readings, but right now, all I want is for this to be over. I want to talk to Felix and I want to do it now.
Once the lights come up and everyone begins to shuffle out into the lobby, I make a mad dash for the door. I want to make sure he doesn’t leave the building without seeing me. I stand by the front door and notice him slowly making his way through the crowd. Our eyes connect and I don’t know what I should do. Wave? Run to him? Stand here like an idiot? I can’t read his expression, but he makes his way to me.
“Hi.” I wave my fingers like a fool.
“Hey, Abigail. Enjoy the reading?”
“Yes, it was interesting. Did you enjoy it?”
“Yeah. How’d you get here? Do I need to watch my back for LA?”
“LA brought me, but my sisters are Team Felix. You don’t have to worry about anything. I’m the one who sleeps with one eye open,” I nervously giggle at him. I’m hoping my makeup is still holding up and he can’t see the dark circles under my eyes.
“Well, do you want me to take you home? No sense in LA coming all this way if I’m here.”
“Are you sure? I mean, I don’t want you to go out of your way if you weren’t planning on going home yet.”
“I’m sure. I wasn’t going anywhere after this.”
“Oh, okay. I’ll text LA then.” I grab my phone from my pocket and send a quick text to LA. She sends a quick reply of ‘talk to him’, but I ignore it for now. I follow him out to his car, and like always, he holds the door open for me. Once he climbs in, we head toward our apartment complex. “Hey, you didn’t hurt the water bucket, did you? The one you kicked?”
He chuckles. “No, it walked away uninjured. You saw that?”
“I’ve been watching the games on TV. I thought maybe my lucky charm mojo would work through the TV waves, but it doesn’t look like it’s helped at all.”
“My way of summoning your mojo didn’t work either, if it makes you feel better.”
“What way was that?” I ask confused.
He looks a little embarrassed as he explains, “Well, once at an away game, the bases were loaded and I needed to get the last out. I, uh, would close my eyes and picture you before each throw. I got the out.”
“Really? You thought about me when you were pitching in a game?” I never thought about that before. I figured once he’s on the mound, his only focus is the batter.
“Yeah, you were my lucky charm and it calmed my nerves more so I could focus better.”
“I was? Am I not anymore?” The tears rush to my eyes at his words. My feelings are actually hurt that he doesn’t think so anymore.
“Would you consider yourself my lucky charm still?”
I don’t answer him right away because I don’t trust that the tears won’t fall. He parks in a spot closer to my apartment and turns to me. He’s waiting for an answer.
“Would you like to come up for a beer?” I still ignore him, but I’m thankful my voice doesn’t crack.
“Sure.”
When we enter into my place, I quickly grab the first beers I see and we sit at the kitchen table.
“What kind of beer is this?”
“Oh, some cheap crap Warren brought over a couple weeks ago.” I take a sip.
“Right. Warren. I saw him around.” I’m not sure how to take his tone.
“Well, you won’t be seeing him anymore that’s for sure. If you do, it’ll be with two black eyes, given to him by me.” It comes off angrier than I meant for it to, but the thoughts of our last encounter are still fresh in my mind.
“What did he do this time?”
“I can tell you the truth and then you’ll fly off the handle and put him in the hospital, or I can say I took care of it and he won’t be around anymore. I think we should go with the latter.”
Felix narrows his eyes. “Does LA know what happened? If there’s a sister who would go crazy, it’s her. Did you tell her?”
I laugh. “If I think you would put him in the hospital for what he did, LA would put him six feet under. To answer your question, hell no I didn’t tell her.” It feels good to talk to him again and I take another sip of beer.
“I would have agreed to the latter option if I knew that she knew. But if you don’t want to, then don’t. You have no reason to want to tell me anyway.”
I roll my eyes. He seems to be acting like a brooding child. “He pushed me up against the wall and kissed me and I didn’t want either of that to happen. Happy now?”
“No, I’m not happy!” He raises his voice and shakes his head. “I knew I didn’t like him for a good reason.”
“Keep your blood pressure down, okay? I handled it. I threw his ass out and told him to lose my number. I haven’t heard from him or seen him around campus. I didn’t ask you up here to talk about Warren, you know.”
“Why did you ask me up here, Abigail?”
I’m quiet for a moment. I need to tell him the truth. I need to open up to him. In the words of Annie, I need to grow up.
“I’m an idiot. I’m not sure if you received that memo, but Annie and LA keep reminding me of it daily. I…I miss you. These last three weeks have been horrible and it’s because I don’t have you in my life. I’d rather us be friends, then to not have you at all.” There. I told him what I’m feeling. Now, he knows the truth, but I’m scared of what he’s going to say.
“You’re not an idiot. Your reaction was justified, but the rest of what you said? That, I agree wi
th. I miss you, too.” He pushes his beer away and looks at me.
“I was so mad at you, Felix. My reaction was from rage because you weren’t there and embarrassment as I stood in an empty parking lot with my therapist. I felt like a fool and I hate that feeling. You deserved to be yelled at, but I should have never left you that day. I can’t sleep. I barely eat. I don’t like me without you in my life.
“I don’t think you realize how much you really helped me. I know it’s sound insane because we hardly know each other, but it’s true. I felt different with you. I was safe. You made me feel like me again. That’s why I fell in love with you.” I swallow back the lump of emotions that’s about to choke me.
“If I had given you my complete attention when you called, I would have heard all of what you said and I would have been there. I never wanted you to be there alone. I don’t think it sounds insane either. I know I didn’t say it before, but I love you, too.”
“You do?” My jaw falls open in shock. “Why the hell do you love me? I’m a basket case, in case you haven’t noticed.”
“Because you’re more than just a basket case. You’re kind, smart, a good sister, and an overall incredible person. Being a basket case is just icing on the cake.” Felix winks and grins at me.
I laugh and it feels good. “This whole time I thought you only wanted me for the black lace thong and bra I wear to the home games.”
“That’s like having a whole extra cake you don’t have to share.” Felix pauses and his face grows serious. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there, Abigail.”
“It’s okay. I’m sorry I flew off the handle at you. However, we don’t have to worry about me driving ever again and you can be my chauffeur when school comes back in session.”
I stand and dump the crappy beer down the drain. Felix follows me into the kitchen.
“Wait, what? You’re not still trying to drive? Why not? You need to try, for you, for your sisters, and for your parents.”
“I can’t, Felix. There’s no way I’ll be a safe driver on the road.” I lean against the counter, crossing my arms, and shake my head. I close my eyes tight and will the tears away.
Felix (The Ninth Inning #1) Page 16
