by Kristi Cook
I can’t.
My cheeks burned. He was blowing me off again. Mercifully, Dr. Blackwell strode in just then, saving me from embarrassing myself any further.
“Hey,” chirped Patsy’s voice as I flipped open my cell phone. “Glad I caught you.”
“Hey, Mom.” She hated it when I called her Patsy. “Yeah, I’m just sitting here waiting on my psych—I mean, on Sandra. She’s my, ummm . . . personal trainer.” I guess you could call her that.
“Personal trainer?”
How to get out of this one? “I just figured, you know, with my shoulder and all . . .” I trailed off lamely, realizing I wasn’t making a whole lot of sense. Now that I’d gotten the hang of blocking my thoughts, Sandra and I had begun to focus on my visions—trying to harness them, to gain a sense of awareness and look for clues while they were happening, for details that might help make them more useful. I’d hoped they could match me up with a precog for the rest of my training, but Sandra was what was called a generalist. For now it was Sandra or nothing. Anyway, I liked her.
“I hope they’re not charging extra for that. God knows it’s expensive enough—”
“No, it’s included,” I interrupted, rolling my eyes. “In the tuition, I mean.”
“Well, that’s a nice perk, I guess.”
Cradling the phone between my ear and shoulder, I reached down and picked up the pajamas that Cece had left on the floor by her bed. “My shoulder’s feeling better, by the way.” Not that she’d asked. “Sometimes it gets a little sore after practice, that’s all.”
I heard her sigh loudly. “Maybe I was wrong to send you there. Spence is an excellent all-girls school here in the city, or there’s Riverdale if you like coed and want to be—”
“I like it here at Winterhaven, Pats—Mom,” I corrected. “Besides, it wouldn’t make any difference to my shoulder.”
“You’re right.” She sounded almost relieved, as if she’d been afraid that I might actually take her up on her offer. “I’m so busy that you’d be bored stiff here, anyway.”
What else is new? “How’s the new job?”
“Oh, it’s great. Exhausting, overwhelming . . . but I love it. Have you talked to Gran?”
“I tried to call yesterday, but no one answered. Did you show her how to use the answering machine before we left?”
“I did, but you know your Gran. Try her again later. She says Lupe’s been acting odd lately. I hope it’s not the first stages of dementia, bless her heart. Anyway, she seems convinced your mortal soul is in some sort of danger, so I promised to call and check up on you. I told her that you sounded awfully happy in your e-mails, but apparently she was going on and on about battles between good and evil, and God knows what else.”
I laughed uneasily. “Yeah, I think my mortal soul is pretty safe here.”
“Well, that’s reassuring. Poor Lupe, you know how fanciful her imagination is. She still swears that the blue bedroom is haunted. All these years, refusing to clean up in there.”
I’d always thought that maybe there was more to Lupe’s imaginings than my family knew, and now I wondered if maybe Lupe had “gifts” of her own. And if she did, well . . . it was going to be a little harder to brush aside her worries. “Tell her I’m fine, okay? Better yet, I’ll tell her myself. I’ll try them again later today.”
“Great. Oh, wow, look at the time! I really need to run.”
I could picture her glancing down at the diamond-encrusted Rolex my dad had bought her for their fifth anniversary. “No problem,” I said.
“Take care, then. Bye, hon.”
“Bye.” I snapped the phone shut with a sigh. It was always the same with Patsy. Which, in this case, was probably a good thing. After all, there was so much I couldn’t tell her, so much to hide. I knew with 100 percent certainty that if I told her about Winterhaven, about the “gifts” and “talents” that were fostered here, I’d end up just like Cece’s old roommate.
No way was I going to let that happen. Not now, not when I was finally comfortable in my own skin for the first time in ages, when I finally felt like I didn’t have to hide a vital piece of me.
All those years spent keeping secrets, even from my best friend. I glanced guiltily at my laptop, knowing that I owed Whitney an e-mail. She was so full of questions, and I wanted to tell her about my new friends, maybe even about Aidan, but something was holding me back.
A knock sounded at the door, making me jump. I banged my knee against the desk as I hastily shoved my cell phone back inside the top drawer. “Come in,” I called out. I was actually looking forward to this session with Sandra. More than anything, I wanted to be in control of my visions, rather than have them controlling me.
Sandra bounced inside with her usual degree of perkiness. “Hey, good job,” she said as I quickly imagined the thick, strong wall around my mind, guarding my innermost thoughts. She was still a mind reader, after all.
And I still had secrets.
11 ~ Unmasked
Advil,” I groaned. Sitting up in bed, I winced, feeling slightly queasy. My head was pounding, and for a moment I wondered if someone had slipped something into my drink the night before.
I shoved off the covers with a moan and stood, looking around for my bag. But when I looked over at the still-sleeping Cece, I stopped short. She was lying on her back, the covers bunched up around her waist. I’d never seen anyone lie so still. For a moment I just stood there staring at her, looking for that telltale rise and fall of her chest. But I saw nothing, no movement at all. She looked . . . dead.
Fear raced through my veins. Maybe I’d been right; maybe someone had put something in our coffee. Maybe we’d been drugged.
“Cece!” I shrieked, bending over her. I called her name one more time, reaching for her hand and giving it a shake. She didn’t move, didn’t flinch. Nothing. I shook her again, harder this time.
At once her body jerked and she sat up, gasping for air. “Hey, why’d you do that?” she asked.
“Oh, thank God!” I breathed, stumbling back from her bed.
She glanced at the clock. “How long have I been gone? Oh my God, it’s ten already?”
“G-gone? Where’d you go?” I sputtered.
“I was visiting Allison.” Seeing my confusion, she added, “Astrally speaking. I meant to come back before you woke up. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“Scare me? I was totally freaked!” My heart was still pounding, and my hands were shaking like crazy.
“Sorry about that. I should have warned you, I guess. You’d think we’d be used to each other’s little gifts by now, wouldn’t you?”
“So, how’s Allison doing?” I asked, once I caught my breath.
“She seems okay. She’s back home now, so that’s good.”
“So what did you do? When you were there, I mean.”
Cece shrugged. “Not much. I mostly sat there watching her. It was really weird—she was flipping through last year’s yearbook and writing the same word over and over again on a notepad. Julius.” She shook her head. “I don’t know anyone named Julius, not here at Winterhaven.”
“Me either.” I shook my head, and a wave of nausea washed over me. “I feel horrible,” I said, shuffling toward my desk and reaching for my bag. “I swear I feel like I have a hangover or something.” Not that I’d ever had a hangover, but I imagined this was what one felt like. I dug out the bottle of Advil and shook two caplets into my hand.
Cece swung her legs over the side of her bed and stretched. “It’s probably just the Kahlúa.”
“The Kahlúa?” I picked up the nearly empty bottle of tepid water that sat on my desk and unscrewed the cap with awkward fingers.
“Yeah, Jack had some Kahlúa in a flask. He put some in everyone’s coffee, just a splash. Didn’t you hear us talking about it? I thought you knew.”
No, I hadn’t known. I’d been way too distracted, I guess. I hadn’t heard from Aidan, hadn’t seen him since class on Friday. I had no idea
where he was or what he was doing. So after my Saturday session with Sandra, I’d hung out with my friends instead—Jack and Kate, Cece and Marissa. Sophie had a date with one of Jack’s friends from the football team, some guy named Ben who was telekinetic. The macro kind, like Kate. As it happens, that’s the more common type. The things you learn.
So I really did have a hangover; imagine that. Patsy would kill me if she knew. I popped the two caplets into my mouth and washed them down with water, nearly gagging as the pills scraped down my throat.
Cece got up and went over to her desk, smiling at her reflection in the mirror above. She looked all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, none the worse for wear.
“How come you look okay?” I asked. “You were drinking coffee last night too.”
Cece just smiled. “Yeah, I had one cup. I think you had three.”
Geez, three cups of spiked coffee, and I hadn’t even noticed? I was worse off than I thought.
I sat down hard on my chair. “I need something to eat.”
“Yeah, me too. I guess we’ll have to hit the machines. We missed breakfast.”
An hour later we had showered, dressed, and eaten stale bagels from the vending machine. The Advil had finally kicked in and my head felt a little better, so that was a start.
Once we’d returned to the room, I sat down at my desk and powered up my laptop, thinking I’d catch up on e-mails and maybe do some research for my anthropology class. I had a paper due in a few weeks—folklore in West African cultures— and I hadn’t even picked a topic yet.
“I’m supposed to meet Marissa at the library to study for an English test,” Cece said, grabbing her backpack. “And then I’ve got a student council meeting this afternoon. Want to meet up later for lunch?”
“Lunch?” I asked distractedly, waiting for my computer to log on to the school’s network. “We just ate breakfast.”
“Good point. Okay, I’ll see you later, then.”
I nodded. “Later,” I called out.
She paused by the door, then turned back to face me. “Oh, and if Lover Boy calls, tell him you’ve got plans. Don’t let him think you’re sitting around here waiting for his sorry ass to call.”
I started to protest. “I am not sitting here waiting—”
“Yeah, keep telling yourself that,” Cece interrupted. “I know he’s hot, but come on.”
She didn’t know the half of it.
Once she left, I opened my e-mail. Nothing. I guess Whitney had finally given up on me.
I dropped my hands to my lap, my frustration mounting. It wasn’t that I didn’t miss her—I did. It was just that I didn’t know what to tell her. Anything I told her about my new friends would have to be edited. I’d have to keep the truth from her, just like always. And Aidan . . . what could I possibly tell her about him?
I couldn’t tell her about being able to speak to him telepathically, or about the way he’d taken over my visions. So how could I explain the connection we had? The abridged version would sound so shallow, such a washed-out version of the truth. Anyway, what did it matter, since he was back to avoiding me?
Thank God I hadn’t had a repeat of the last horrifying vision—all that blood soaking the grass. I must have misinterpreted what I saw; if anyone had lost that much blood, they’d be dead, and there was no way I’d seen Aidan’s death.
No way.
My mind refused to accept it. Besides, it’s not like my visions were usually so coy—I’d seen my father’s death in full Technicolor glory, no detail spared. To this day, I was still haunted by those images. But this vision . . . it had somehow sped up, as if it had been edited. I had no idea what had happened between someone shouting “Now!” and the blood everywhere.
I stood, shutting my laptop. I needed to get out, to get some air. And then I’d go to the gym, to the fencing studio. It had become my refuge, my private retreat. As long as there was no class, no practice, I had the place to myself, and everything about it comforted me—the wall of mirrors reflecting my image; the smooth, shiny handle of my foil, heavy in my hand; the faintly rubber smell of the piste, lingering in the air.
There I could lose myself for a while, forget the sting of Aidan’s rejection, forget the terrible images from my visions. I could focus on my parry instead—on the slash of the foil whistling through the air rather than the painful slash across my heart.
One wrist pressed firmly to the small of my back and the other holding the foil aloft, I silently called out the commands in my head: advance, advance, retreat, lunge, recover, retreat, retreat, advance, lunge. The rhythm was comfortable, like a familiar melody, soothing my nerves. Over and over I repeated the steps, randomly changing the order, till my legs and arms began to ache.
Exhausted, I collapsed to the piste, my foil clattering loudly to the ground beside me as I wiped the sweat from my brow. I knew without turning around that Aidan was there, in the doorway, watching me. He’d been watching me for the past fifteen minutes, silent and still as a statue.
“What do you want, Aidan?” I asked aloud, refusing to look in his direction.
“You’re good,” he said, taking several steps in my direction. “Really good.”
“And that’s a surprise because . . . ?” I looked up and saw his reflection in the mirror behind me.
He shrugged, his hands thrust into the pockets of his jeans. “Tell me more about it.”
“Fencing? What do you want to know?”
He shrugged. “Everything.”
“Let’s see . . . two years ago I was the junior varsity state épée champion. All-around, not just girls. Then I injured my rotator cuff, and I had to give up the épée for the lighter foil. That’s this,” I said, hooking my thumb toward the weapon beside me. “Anything else you want to know?”
“I’ve hurt you,” he said, sounding surprised.
“I’ll survive.”
“I had my reasons. This isn’t easy for me, you know.”
I scrambled to my feet, retrieving the foil and facing him across the empty studio on shaking legs. “No, I don’t know, Aidan. All I know is that you’re keeping things from me.” Absently I waved the foil in the air with a flourish, emphasizing my point.
I could see the indecision playing across his features. The desire to tell me the truth battled against . . . something. Finally, he shook his head. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you my secrets, Vi.”
“Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence. Why don’t you just go, then, and—”
“And what? Continue to drive myself mad thinking about you? I try to stay away from you, but I just can’t do it. I’m working night and day, trying to figure it out, trying to find a way to . . . to make it possible.”
“To make what possible?” I shook my head in frustration. “Friday you came to class just to check up on me, didn’t you?” I asked, the realization dawning on me all at once. “You knew I’d had a vision, and—”
“I heard you yelling. My name, over and over again. Do you want to tell me what you saw this time? And while you’re at it, would you mind dropping your weapon?”
I glanced down, surprised to see that I still held the foil in one hand, pointed directly at his chest. “Sorry.” I shook my head as it clattered to the ground by my feet. “But I can’t talk about it, not right now.”
“Can’t, or won’t?”
I let out my breath in a rush. “I don’t know. Both.”
“Were you—was someone hurt? You’ve got to tell me, Violet.”
“Why?” I whimpered, my bravado fading.
“Because I need to know. It seems like they’re escalating, and they always seem to involve me. I want to understand why, to know what I’m going to do to—”
He abruptly cut himself off, glancing down at the mat. I saw him swallow hard, a muscle in his jaw flexing. Finally his eyes met mine once more and the anguish I saw there nearly stole my breath away. “How else can we stop it?” he said, his voice soft now.
I didn’t want
to remember what I’d seen. I didn’t want to give voice to it. But I had to. I had no choice. He was right— otherwise, how could I stop it from happening?
“I think it was . . . your death,” I said, my voice a hoarse whisper.
“Is that all?” He actually laughed. “Don’t worry, then. It won’t happen.”
I couldn’t believe how sure he sounded. “My visions have never been wrong. Never,” I added, hoping he understood the seriousness of the situation.
His gaze met mine, steady and penetrating. “Then tell me exactly what you saw.”
So I did, trying to remember every tiny detail. The leaves, the grass, the voice, the blood—that was all I had. Not a lot to go on.
“Interesting,” he said, once I’d finished telling him.
“That’s it? I foresee your death, and that’s all you have to say?” I asked, my voice rising in panic.
I heard him sigh. “It’s . . . I can’t explain it, but I don’t think you should worry, okay? At least, not about me.”
“That’s easy for you to say, Aidan. You didn’t have to see—” I fought back tears, choking on the words. “There was blood everywhere.” I took a deep breath then, fought to control my emotions, my pain. I allowed anger—a far more comfortable emotion—to take its place. “Why is it that I always have to tell you everything, but you get to keep your secrets?”
“Soon enough I’ll tell you what you want to know—if you don’t see it first, that is. And then I’ll lose you, just like that.” I saw pain flit across his face, and I felt it too—his pain.
“You won’t lose me,” I said, taking a tentative step toward him. Despite my anger, despite everything, I felt an overwhelming urge to comfort him. “No matter what your secrets are, no matter how terrible you think they are, you won’t lose me.”
He reached for my shoulders and drew me against his chest. “I’ll make sure to remind you that you said that, okay? When you’re running away from me as fast as you can.”
“Not going to happen,” I said, my voice muffled against his shirt.
He sighed loudly. “What makes you think you can forgive the unforgivable, Violet? Pardon the unpardonable?”
