He moves like a panther across the bed and slides under the covers next to me before I can say another word. “You talk baby, I’ll listen but I’m not going to like this so I need to feel you close to me.” He raises the thick cover and motions me into my old familiar spot which is next to him tucked under his strong arm. “Scoot” he orders, I sigh and roll my eyes but move into place. My God, I can’t believe the relief and feeling of home that spreads throughout my body when I am enveloped in his arms. It’s incomparable to anything I’ve ever felt, he is addictive and I’ve finally got my fix.
I don’t want to talk about bad things, I don’t want to tell him my past now and I think that may be exactly the reaction he was hoping for but this one time he’s not getting what he wants. I have to tell him. He moves the comforter up over my shoulder with his free hand and we lay there in a little heavenly cocoon wrapped in each other’s arms soaking up the moment of unity that we have both craved for so long.
I had to break the spell though and get this over with. It was important to me so I just dove in. “They raped me repeatedly as soon as they had me back in the house where they were staying, I don’t think any of them actually lived there. It was dilapidated and run down, most likely abandoned long ago.”
He is holding his breath and I’m certain every muscle in his body has tensed but he doesn’t speak so I continue. “They kept some sort of bag over my head for a long time, maybe a day and a night. I couldn’t see anything, obviously, so I’m not sure. My hands were bound with rope behind my back. They took my clothes and beat me in between raping me. They eventually hung me by my bound hands from a pipe that ran along the ceiling and took the bag off of my head. I couldn’t see them though, my eyes were swollen shut from being hit.
I think they shattered every bone in my face, they cut my hair with a knife in chunks down to my scalp and taunted me with it, calling me Barbie. They stabbed me, I don’t know how many times with that knife. The plastic surgeon was the best money could buy, you can hardly see any scarring.” Evan has a death grip on me now and I’m sure he hasn’t taken a breath since I began speaking but I’ve started this and I have to keep going.
“They took turns with their attacks and I started blacking out off and on, I was bleeding from the knife wounds, the pain was unbearable. The relief of being freed from the pipe gave me a second of hope, the first time they unhooked me I thought it was over. That was a short lived hope, they only took me down to get at me from different angles. They raped me with more than just their bodies, I could feel the blood running from many areas but primarily my vagina and a wound on my back that I think was caused by some sort of piece of glass. I heard it break before, well before.”
I have to stop, the memories are overwhelming, every time I allow myself to remember it’s like I’m reliving it again, the pain, the smells. After a deep breath I go on. “I’d given up hope of surviving, I prayed for death but they kept me right there on the brink for what felt like forever, returning me to the pipe to hang when they took a break from me which wasn’t very often. One of them liked to burn me with his cigarette and another jabbed and smacked me with a wooden rod, I don’t know exactly what it was. After what I could figure must have been 3 days and nights they were taking a break and I was alone in the room hanging from the pipe. I heard a door slam, one of them left.
I think they were periodically doing drugs so maybe he went to a dealer I don’t know. I was barely conscious but right before I passed out completely again I heard someone crash through the door, people were screaming and yelling. I heard heavy footsteps running in and out of rooms, more doors slamming. They were searching for me, someone had heard me screaming when they walked by the house and called the police. I can’t even say I was relieved or glad because I passed out before they could get me down from the pipe. I woke up in the hospital.”
I finish my story and take another deep breath before I realized that my grip on Evan was as tight as his was on me. He finally begins to breathe again. My God, did he hold his breath through the entire story? Silence hangs between us while he attempts to recover. I can’t stand it anymore I have to know his reaction so I loosen my arm from around his abdomen and prop up on my elbow to see his face. I was expecting rage, fury, pity or anything but what I saw.
Tears streamed silently down his face, his eyes are closed but the steady flow continues while my heart shatters into a million pieces right in the center of my chest. What have I done? I’m encompassed by guilt as I realize that maybe what I needed to share with him was too much for him to accept. He has his own past and demons to fight and now he has mine as well. He told me he didn’t need to hear my story and I assumed he was trying to protect me from the pain of telling him but maybe he was protecting himself from having to know the horror I endured.
“Oh god, Evan I’m so sorry, so, so sorry. I didn’t, I wasn’t…” Shit what was I supposed to say now? It’s too late, all the cards are on the table he either accepts me or not and I know I won't survive if he can’t. “Sorry? What on earth could you be sorry for baby?” he answers after opening his misty green watery eyes devastating me further with the pain that resides there now. “I’m sorry I told you, I thought it would be good for you to know but it’s too late, it was a terrible idea and I can’t take those visions out of your mind.”
Sitting up he gathers me into his lap arranging the blankets so I am completely covered and protected from the chill in the room. “Don’t you ever feel sorry for doing something you need to do to make yourself feel assured in our relationship Mia, ever, understand?” I nod, looking down into my lap while he smooth’s the curls that have escaped my braid away from my face. “I love you more right now than I ever have, you’re my warrior queen. No woman I’ve ever known has endured what you have and come out on the other side with such courage, strength, grace and beauty, inside and out.”
It’s my turn to cry as hot tears spring to my eyes and fall onto his bare arm that he has wrapped on the outside of our comforter. He’s accepted me, for who I am and what I’ve been through, called me a warrior queen which I guess in a way I am. I fought like hell and I won, not those bastards who tried to kill me. “Don’t cry baby, you’ve cried enough now, I’m here to protect you forever and I’ll do whatever it takes to prevent you from shedding another tear unless it’s in happiness.”
Well shit, leave it to him to say exactly the right thing at exactly the right moment. “I won’t cry if you won’t.” I say striking a deal with him. “All right, agreed.” he said while pulling me away from his warm hard body and wiping my tears with the sheet and then his own. I sniffle unattractively and he smiles a small understanding smile but adds the wink that always makes my tummy flutter and my heart skip a beat.
“Sleep now baby, you need to rest and get well so you can set me free from the misery of keeping my hands off of you. I’ve missed you so much but you’re in no condition to be making love.” Making love? He’d always referred to it as fucking but never making love. By some miracle after all I’d been through I rather liked being fucked by this man but making love sounds so much more beautiful and permanent. Maybe we can make a deal to do a little of both.
“Ok, I’ll sleep as long as you promise to hurry up and make me strong and fat.” “Oh, baby, that’s the easiest promise I’ll ever keep. So am I forgiven now?” “You were forgiven the second I saw your face. I can never be mad at you, no matter what you do.” I admit. “Scoot.” he commands and I return to my place plastered to his side, one skinny leg up and between both of his solid muscular legs, arm stretched across his abs, his surrounding me we snuggle down together peacefully for the first time in months.
A seed of hope takes hold in my heart that maybe, just maybe, everything will be all right.
Chapter 4
“The One”
JSMN
I made it through that first night, barely. Four a.m. arrived accompanied by a nightmare like no other. I should have known they wouldn’t disappear im
mediately just because Evan was back in my life. I slip out of bed and gasp when my feet hit the chilly floor before heading to the bathroom to shower off the cold sweat I’m covered in and to warm up. What is it with this house anyway? It’s so damn cold in here! I remember with disappointment that there is no shower, just a claw foot tub here and I wonder if the house has another bathroom. I’d really like to just quickly shower instead of soak. Tip toeing back into the bedroom I have no idea why I thought I could get past my mentally connected partner unnoticed, and of course I haven’t.
“Where are you going?” he asks in a deep, rough, sleepy voice. “I had a bad dream” “And?” “I wanted a shower but there’s only a tub, I thought maybe there was another bathroom.” “Why do you need to shower? I thought we had you all cleaned up before bed last night?”
He rolls over climbing out of bed passing over my spot, in doing so, he feels how damp the sheets are. He’s answered his own question. “Do you want some help? I’ll show you to the other bathroom, where are your socks?” he asks looking down at my bare freezing feet. “Socks? I didn’t have any on when I went to sleep.” “I put them on for you, I should have given you your meds but you’ve been drugged so much in the past couple days I thought it would be good to clear your system. Ah, here they are.”
He’s been rummaging around in the sheets when he holds up a pair of fuzzy, warm looking, lavender socks. Lavender, of course. “I must have kicked them off when I was dreaming. And whose fault is it that I’ve been drugged so long?” I snip. Padding silently to me he bends down at my feet and taps one and then the other, sliding the warm socks on, ignoring my smart comment.
My God that helps so much. “Why’s this house so cold?” “It’s old, I’ve only had minimal updates and not much remodeling done here, the fireplaces are the only heat sources.” “I’m surprised you would want to come here, it doesn’t seem much like your style.” He turns me around pointing me toward the door to the bedroom holding my waist gently pushing me forward.
“My style huh? What exactly is my style?” “Uh, big for one thing, swanky, elaborate, showy, obnoxious…” he cuts me off placing his hand around my mouth from behind and whispers into my ear. “That’s enough.” I can’t help it, I know I shouldn't but I giggle into his hand. He begins to guide me again down a short hall. We turn into a slightly larger bathroom with both shower and tub, still modest in comparison to Evan’s usual grandiose style.
“If you weren’t undernourished and sick I’d spank you for sassing me with that smart mouth of yours.” he says while he starts the shower and looks over his shoulder at me with an “I dare ya” look on his face. “If I weren't undernourished and sick I might like it.” I retort with sass.
He returns to the shower testing the water temperature. “In.” he directs, pointing toward the shower and I push off my socks with my feet while wiggling out of the flannel pajama pants and tank top he has dressed me in. I haven’t seen any of my own belongings as of yet. Before I can walk to enter the shower I catch my reflection in the mirror above the sink and inhale in surprise.
It’s like I’m seeing myself for the first time in weeks and I’m shocked at how bad I look. Evan realizes what’s happening and moves to escort my paralyzed body to the shower and away from the mirror. “You’ll be fine baby, back to your normal weight in no time.” He attempts to comfort me but I am appalled at how disgusting I look and that Evan has seen me multiple times this way. “And you look beautiful no matter what weight you are.” How the fuck does he do that? I swear he has some sort of ESP abilities. I stand under the spray of hot water, he even remembers I like it nearly scalding.
I unbraid my hair that is wet and sweaty, sticking to my face as a result of my nightmare. His hand appears through the curtain holding a bottle of shampoo and I take it gratefully watching it disappear and the curtain being pulled tight against the wall so no heat will escape. I wash and magically when I’m ready to condition his hand appears with the appropriate product and I finish up. Peeking out of the curtain I find Evan standing there with an enormous fluffy towel, some things never change, and I hesitate to step out. One because it’s fucking cold out there and two, because I’m now leery of being seen naked. He rolls his eyes knowing what I’m thinking and steps into the shower with me, still clad in only his sexy as hell black briefs.
The water is off so he doesn’t get soaked while he pats my skin dry from head to toe and then wraps the towel around me, twice. Holding one finger up to make me pause when I begin to turn and step out he gathers my hair and squeezes the water from it before re-braiding it. Just when I think we’re finally getting out he traps me between his arms one hand on either side of my head, palms against the wall, he holds me captive with his sharp green eyes.
His gaze moves to my mouth where he pauses for what seems like forever, my pulse is pounding and that familiar whoosh starts in my ears. Moving in, he starts so gently pressing his lips against mine, no tongue just soft kisses, holy hell I’ve missed this man’s touch! I try to intensify the kiss but he murmurs “No, no.” and I let him set the pace. Torturing me with baby kisses on each corner of my mouth just like I remembered, center, just like I remembered and then oh God, down my neck, just like I remembered.
I can’t help myself and I reach out to touch him, he allows it, twisting my fingers through his hair I pull him closer, he allows this as well. But, when I try to slide my tongue into his mouth he pulls away and scoops me up, pulling back the curtain, we are blasted with cold air. I shudder from the sudden halting of intimacy and the chill. I wrap my arms around his neck and nuzzle into his chest as he moves us briskly back to bedroom where he grabs a clean pair of purple satin pajamas.
He dresses me and tucks me in so tight I think his subconscious is working overtime, still worrying that I’ll leave him again. I watch as he returns to the fire and loads several logs onto the dying embers from a pile next to the fireplace. He stuffs some kindling under them making the flames take hold and I can feel the heat from across the room. It’s still dark and the only light is from the fire, he looks majestic standing there with the light playing on his gorgeous chiseled body. I want him, and I can see he feels the same way, his cock straining against the material of his briefs. He returns to me in the bed, ignoring the fact that he is completely hard as a rock and slides in behind me pressing it against my ass. “We gonna do something about this?” I say nudging against his swelling manhood. “No baby.” I put my bottom lip out but he can’t see as he’s spooning behind me.
“Put that lip back before a bird perches on it.” Seriously? This is getting insane! “How do you know I’m pouting?” I exclaim and he just tightens his hold on me slipping his leg between mine but I can sense a smile going on back there. “Sleep.” Well, shit…I’m getting tired of these one word text like answers but I know it’s no use complaining, it’s just his way of simplifying the conversation.
I sigh and he chuckles his warm breath into my neck. I lay still and quiet, I’m not going back to sleep it’s six a.m. too late for sleeping pills and he’s right, I should try to purge myself of all medications for a while. If I can figure out how to sleep that is. I’m soon warm from head to toe and I see a slit of light coming through the curtains across the floor while I listen to his soft breathing, thank God he doesn’t snore. I wonder what day two of this dramatic Italian kidnapping trip will bring.
Chapter 5
“Monster”
Imagine Dragons
So this is your Aunts house? I ask after we have finished lunch the following afternoon. Sitting across from each other at the small kitchen table, the fireplace is snapping softly behind me sending a shiver of Goosebumps zinging through my body. “Are you cold? I thought I had you close enough to the fire.” He asks, a frown line deepening between his eyes that accompanies his now constant concern. “No, no just thinking…” “About what?” “Your aunt, you as a little boy, what you went through. Why would you want to come here? Why would you even want to keep
this house, return to this town?”
I turn toward him after a moment of silence and one of my top three reasons for running out of Evan’s life is staring back at me, void and empty dilated eyes. That moment, that exact moment in time, panic floods my body and my blood turns to ice. Fucking hell I can’t do this, why did I stay? Why didn’t I fight harder? Why didn’t I run farther? I actually want to pass out right now but of course my cruel brain has chosen this particular moment to remain alert and very aware, figures. Maybe a survival tactic? Who knows what he would do to me if I fainted.
I can't move, frozen I stare at a stranger. He’s blacked out before but this time feels different. This time something tells me to stay still, to wait him out, that something is very, very wrong. Evan continues to stare blankly at me, directly into my eyes a vast emptiness envelopes me. I wasn’t cold a second ago but now I’m trembling like a delicate flower in a spring storm. His unresponsive gaze is scaring the shit out of me. Slowly, he begins to move, but not in a natural way, not the fluid graceful way that I’ve witnessed since waking in this cottage.
Slowly, he rises from the table and takes a step toward me pausing, a spark of recognition passes over his face briefly but vanishes as soon as it arrives. My heart is pounding, breath coming in shallow huffs. I break into a cold sweat that covers me identically to the way it does during my nightmares. He turns to take small hesitant steps toward the front door, I watch him move through the quaint modest living room, slowly. He stops with his hand on the door knob, something clicks in my mind and I have the overwhelming urge to bolt, so I do just that. As fast as I can in my weakened condition I run and slide in my socks on the stone floor which is how he catches me.
Dark Thief (The Two Sides of Me Book 2) Page 3
