She steps back anticipating the fall out that will come from detonating a bomb like that. “What?” My lips are suddenly very dry and my heart hammers in my chest. I’m sure I didn’t hear you correctly, did you say marriage license?” No verbal confirmation she just a nods her head yes. “That’s not legal, it’s, it’s like entrapment or something isn’t it?” I’m grasping at loose ends as my vision blurs in and out. Why would he do that? Why not just ask me to marry him? If there were ever a good time to pass out now would be it but noooo, of course not! I’m stunned, shocked, temporarily paralyzed until I remember he's right here, he may not be awake but that’s not going to stop me from yelling at him.
I whirl to face the love of my life, the sneaky deceptive bastard with two personalities, and my husband. “What have you done?! Why the fuck wouldn’t you just ask me?!” I scream and smack his leg that continues to be still as death under the sheets. “I would have said yes, I would have said yes, I would have said yes.” I sink to the floor on my knees and sobs begin to rack my body, I cover my eyes with my hands. I cry for him, I miss him so much my heart feels empty and raw. I cry for us, he must have been so insecure, so unsure of my love for him to believe he had to trick me into marriage. I cry for the missed experience of having him ask for my hand in marriage. I cry because as strong as I’m trying to be I am scared shitless he’s never going to wake up and I’m never going to get to have the chance to tell him how mad I am for being cheated out of a proper proposal.
We deserve a chance at love after all the suffering and pain we’ve been through, if God could just give us this one thing. Gabriella crouches to hug me and helps me up to my chair where I will stay steadfast until this infuriating man opens his eyes. “I’m sorry Mia. Do you know what I think?” She doesn’t bother waiting for an answer. “I think he was afraid something like this was going to happen and he wanted to be sure you were well taken care of, that you would want for nothing. Maybe he was afraid there wasn’t time for a wedding and all of that.” She could be right but that doesn’t change the fact that he deceived me, it would have been just as easy to ask, allow me to accept and then sign the papers. He was scared I’d say no, I don’t know why but he must have been.
“There’s one more thing Mia.” What the hell else could there possibly be? “He made all of us promise to make sure you had the teddy bear he gave you when you first met. He was absolutely obsessive about that, reminded us every chance he could. Isaac put it in your bag.” What? My teddy bear? Diamond? What the hell is that about? He’s always made sure that bear followed me wherever I went, even home with me when I left him. There must be something special about it, other than the fact it’s eyes are giant diamonds worth a fortune, I can’t imagine what could be so important. My bag is next to my chair so I bend and rifle through it pulling Diamond onto my lap I stare at her.
Ok bear, what’s your secret? Why is Evan crazy about me having you? I turn her upside down, nothing different, just the tag I used to snoop and find out where she was from and if her diamond eyes were real, which they are, it’s ridiculous. But when I look closer I notice the seam looks like it’s been tampered with. “What is it?” “I think she’s been opened and sewn back up.” “Really? I’ll get some scissors.” Gabriella jumps up and heads out of the room I stand and go to the edge of Evan’s bed and take his hand, propping my hip against the mattress. “You’re so unfair, if you were awake I’d smack you. What are you up to with this bear anyway?”
I turn Diamond in my hands and lay her on the bed. Please Evan, wake up, I miss you terribly, you’re not fighting hard enough damn it! You know I won’t live without you right? Why are you doing this to me? I need you Evan, you’ve made all of these plans to take care of me when you’re gone, it’s like you gave up a long time ago. But I’m telling you right now, it’s not happening. You go, I go remember? So that means I have to do something terrible if you don’t fight for me, for us. You’ve tricked me into being your wife so my first wifely demand is for you to wake the fuck up!”
I squeeze his big hand hard and pray a power packed prayer to God that he can hear me and that God can hear me. I hold his heavy lifeless hand to my lips and turn it over to kiss his palm. “Got em!” Gabby sings clicking back into the room waving scissors in my direction but her face dims when she realizes she’s interrupted an intimate moment. “I’m sorry, do you need a few minutes?” “No, I’m fine.” I carefully lay Evans hand back on the bed and swipe the fresh tears from my cheeks. “Let’s see what he’s hiding in this bear.” Gabby grabs Diamond and turns her over, scissors ready to open the seam but I grab her wrist and stop her from making the first tear. “What if it’s something bad, something illegal?” I whisper. “He’s supposed to be the leader of some mob, ya know?” “Oh stop Mia, he’d never put you in any danger hiding something poisonous or illegal in there. Let’s just open it!” “Ok but if it’s something illegal you better know how to sew that thing up so nobody knows we opened it!”
She waves me off flippantly and begins to pick at the stitching with the point of the scissors until she’s got a three inch hole open in Diamonds back. Before she goes any further she looks up at me to confirm I’m still on board with seeing what’s inside and I nod yes. After a minute of poking around with her long delicate tanned fingers she freezes. “What? You got it? What is it? Come on Gabby get it out let me see!” “Ohhh, Mia, definitely not illegal.”
Her face lights up with a thousand watt smile as she removes Diamonds secret. I gasp and cover my mouth with my hand, no way, this isn’t real. I’m suddenly torn between elation and heartbreak. He is going to be the death of me, wicked and angelic this man holds my heart, threatening to burn it into a pile of ash if he doesn’t wake up.
Chapter 35
“Lay Me Down”
Sam Smith
Gabriella pulls a soft blue Tiffany’s box from the hole in Diamond’s back and I know immediately what it is. Before I can stop her she’s opened it to show me my wedding rings. Both of us gasp simultaneously this time and I feel a fluttering in my tummy. An exquisite round diamond surrounded with rose gold and smaller diamonds, the band is constructed of diamonds as well, typical Evan Lawson style, big and lavish, so unlike me but somehow exactly right.
He must have had this planned from the first week we met. That’s when he gave me Diamond, he has been expecting this all along. He must have been, there’s no other explanation for hiding the rings in my bear, he wanted me to have them if he…I can’t even think it, I shake the notion from my thoughts. Glancing back toward the bed I watch as the ventilator continues breathing for him, fluids flow into his veins, all of this keeping him alive, keeping my hope alive. That’s my husband lying there, and he may never wake up to tell me he loves me again, to touch me and smooth my hair behind my ear, make my heart stop when he smirks. He may never boss me in that irritating but sexy way, worry for me or hold me tight to make me feel safe, cherished and loved. He may never make love to me, set my skin on fire, or shock my core with the electrical charge that satisfies me like no one else.
I’ve never said the words, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness or in health but I would have, if he would have asked me. I pluck the rings from the box with determination and slide them on my finger without a glance to see how they look, I don’t care. I care about what they represent, everlasting, undying, faith filled, and irrevocable love. I lift the sheet that covers my husband and slide in next to him careful not to disturb any of the many leads and tubes. I tuck myself under his arm, holding it against me as he would if he were awake.
This is what he wanted, marriage, me by his side, partners facing all that life has to throw at us, and it has a lot. “I’m here for you, forever, no matter what. I’ve found my rings and I’m wearing them. You didn’t give me the chance to accept a proposal but I’m telling you I would have said yes without a second of hesitation. I promise to be your rock, in good times and bad, I promise to never abandon you, to support
you and care for you. I will accept you for whoever you were, who you are and whoever you will be in the future. Let no man separate what God has joined together.
Evan you lit a fire in me that brought a part of me to life I didn’t know existed, don’t let it be blown out. Those are my wedding vows to you. Now I just need you to wake up so we can say “I do” to each other and live happily ever after.” I hear Gabriella sniffle and tissue being whipped from the box next to the bed. “I’ll leave you two alone for a little while, come get me when you’re ready.” Opening my eyes Gabriella is standing on the opposite side of the bed, eyes red rimmed and nose running. “No, stay, I just had to say that to him. You don’t have to go.” Turning my face I kiss him, slide out and rearrange his covers. Just one moment more, I slide my hand into his and brush a wayward wave from his forehead and allow myself the pleasure of running my fingers through his thick dark hair and grabbing it at the top of his head I whisper to him. “Don’t leave me here alone.” “He won’t leave you, I know it. He’s never had more to live for. Right brother?” She strokes his arm affectionately as more tears trail down her cheeks.
I need to lighten this mood, I’m officially a bride now right. I’m supposed to be happy, yea right. “Time for the wedding reception, let’s eat.” I say as playfully as I can with a forced smile. She finishes setting up dinner and we sit opposite each other at the rolling bedside table. “It smells so good Gabby, mmmm, and tastes even better.” The pasta melts in my mouth and my protesting tummy begins to settle. “From the sounds of your stomach I made it just in time, you’re noisy.” “Yea I know, the only time I eat is when you bring me food, anything else is sub-par now.” “Oh, stop, thanks though, Evan was always better at cooking than me.” Their cooking seems pretty equal to me, both make delicious traditional dishes.
“Hey Mia, have you seen a strange lady around here? She doesn’t really fit in with the usual visitors and I’ve seen her in the lobby but never visiting anyone.” “No, what’s she look like?” “Kind of mousy, short, slight, hair looks like she chopped at it with sheep shears, no makeup and a little crazy in the eyes.” Yikes, I’m glad I haven’t seen anyone fitting that description. “No, I haven’t seen anyone but I did have a weird experience in the bathroom my first night here.” “Yea? In the bathroom? What happened?” “Some whacko lady asked me for a cigarette, from inside the stall, can you believe it? Smoking in a hospital, don’t people know how dangerous that is with all the oxygen?!”
Gabby pauses, fork midair. “She asked you for a cigarette?” “Well not exactly, she said something about smoke and I just figured, ya know?” “Mia, did she mention the color of the smoke?” “Well, I don’t remember. Why?” I look at her sideways scowling, something’s bothering her. I’m not gonna like this. “When I was coming in the front entrance the other day I saw the woman I just described, she said something to me about having dark smoke inside of me when I walked past her. She made my blood run cold Mia, totally freaked me out. Then today I swear I saw the same woman coming off another elevator onto this floor. She didn't speak to me, actually I don’t think she even saw me.”
I place my fork across the corner of the plate and rest back in my chair to think. What exactly did she say to me in the bathroom? Something about dark smoke, yes, now that I think about it she said nearly the same thing to me, it has to be the same woman. “I do remember now that you mention it, she told me I didn’t have the dark smoke. I just figured she was asking for as smoke. Who do you think she is? She creeped me out too.”
She squirms in her chair before hitting me with yet another blow of information that I don’t want to hear. “Mia, the night you went to Dominus with Evan and had to be rushed home, there was a woman in the club with a knife. Security spotted her with night vision cameras, she was coming up behind both of you.” Fucking hell, a knife? The woman who broke into my bedroom in Seattle had a knife, and she was short and slight. It could be the same women, and if it is she’s been so close to us! Oh my God! I can feel the blood draining from my face as I begin to tremble, the food in my stomach suddenly churns and begs for escape.
Thankfully there is a garbage can next to the bed and I easily lean over and vomit the only thing I’ve eaten in nearly 24 hours. “Oh shit Mia, I didn’t…” She’s cut off by shrill alarms suddenly sounding and a heart monitor screaming for attention. God Evan! The line on the screen goes flat, he’s coding. I have been an ICU nurse for over 10 years and have run more codes than I can even remember, I’m supposed to know what to do. But, in this horrible sickening moment I’m a wife not a nurse and I’m frozen and stunned. This isn’t supposed to happen, he’s supposed to fight for us and wake up! The room is flooded with nurses and doctors in seconds, all doing exactly what they are supposed to do, but I can’t move.
My heart cannot continue beating without his, he’s dying and so am I. I watch as a nurse shoves Gabriella out the door but they can’t move me so they slide my chair to a corner out of the way with me in it. I watch them frantically perform CPR, pushing drugs into his IV, shouting orders to each other and unsuccessfully attempting to save his life, my life. Mercifully my crazy mind assists me in escaping the harrowing scene before the pain can set in, before the grief can consume me. The room blurs and tilts until I’m plunged into the dark again, this time I pray it will be forever. There is no surviving without him, he goes, I go.
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