by Viola Victor
29 - Twilight in the lighthouse
It is dusk. Here in the lighthouse sunset has been somehow sad for some time. Because of the sea in front of us or the time that we left behind.
Martina, by now, is always sad at sunset. How she loved sunsets once! But now she sits near the window and looks out. If I talk to her she doesn’t hear me, or pretends not to hear. Then she asks me to go to her and holds my hands.
"Do you remember, Viktor, the book of my uncle?" she asks.
"Of course I remember."
"Do you think he was right? That he wasn’t completely crazy? I mean, about what happens to us after we die. Do you really believe that soul is immortal and that we will be able to be reborn and recognize each other always, in every life?"
She had always been like that, she had never learned. To be happy, you only have to make a habit of not asking questions that will never be answered.
"I think so. I mean, why would he lie?" I reassured her.
"I don’t know. Because it suited him. Because people make up stories not to be afraid. Because he was mad. For a lot of good reasons."
"But the dreams? How do you explain them?"
Martina wouldn’t like to get old. Martina wanted to remain beautiful, as when we first met. No, maybe as a little later, when she was a bit less child. She will always hide her ankles, she will always remember to cover them with the hem of her long skirt. She doesn’t want me to see them when they will no longer be like this.
"They will become ugly," she says.
I think they will always be beautiful: they are Martina’s ankles. They are white and thin and I liked it when she forgot them under the light of the moon. Now I just want her to stay beside me. How would I have done without her?
But Martina is not satisfied with hows. She wants whys.
"Even if we were reborn, if you don’t remember anything about your past life, it is as if it’s not really you. I don’t know, I am not sold. I don’t like the idea that when I find you I will not remember anything about this. And about who knows how many other lives before. Yet who knows how many things have happened to you as a child that you don’t remember. And yet you cannot say that you aren’t yourself. But if we were reborn, would you still love me?"
"That's not a question that can be answered. How could I know what I would do if I were reborn and didn’t remember anything about myself? I'd be another person and I cannot vouch for what another person would do."
"On the contrary, you would be you. You, you, always you. It was you, in all those dreams, in all of the lives we've lived. I've always recognized you. Tell me. If we were in a difficult situation, if you belonged to someone else or if circumstances wanted us apart, would you flee away with me? Or would you forsake me?"
"No, how could I?"
"Would you want me even if I were ugly, if I had thick ankles? Small eyes?"
"Well, thick ankles, I don’t know..."
"Be serious!"
"I don’t understand where you're going. It’s simply absurd. They were only dreams that impressed you. And the theories of an old man full of imagination, which might be true or not. We'll never know. Don’t think about it, forget it."
I was certain that she hadn’t resisted the lure of the flower. How far had she looked? I had to find it and destroy it completely before it was too late, before she went too far. I had never seen her so upset before. I don’t know why but I remember the night when she climbed to the top of the tower to find me. I tell her and we laugh together.
"I wasn’t looking for you. I just wanted to run away from home."
"This is what you think. If you hadn’t been there for me, you'd have just run away. But you came because I needed you, otherwise you'd be gone. Because I was alone and shabby, because I had a ridiculous hairdo. Why else?"
"And if there really are other lives, lives in which it will be hard to love me, will you try it, at least? Would you do crazy things for me?"
"Martina, honey, we've been together in this life. We have been well, happy. Isn’t that enough?"
"No, not enough for me."
The Author
Viola Victor is the pseudonym of a young author born in Brescia and living in Bergamo (Italy). After graduating in modern literature she began to teach in middle and high schools. "Nocturne" is her debut novel.
www.violavictor.com
The Editor
Carmelo Massimo Tidona, employee, writer and translator in his spare time, has been reading and writing since as long as he can remember. Some of his short stories have been published in various anthologies.
For 0111edizioni Carmelo Massimo Tidona published:
“Trittico Oscuro”, collection of urban fantasy tales (2009, Italian).
“Riflessi d’Ombra”, urban fantasy novel (2009, Italian)
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