by Calia Read
One hand brushes past my stomach and when he touches me in between my legs, I moan. He moves the piece of lace to the side and my body starts to shake in anticipation. I want him to touch me there. I want it so much.
But he only glides his hands up and down my thighs. I’m close to grabbing his hand and putting him right where I want him. This is torture.
“You’re wet for me,” he rasps out.
If I opened my mouth, I know nothing but moaning would come out. I settle on frantically nodding my head.
His finger brushes against me and I gasp. “Do you want more?”
Macsen’s slow touches make my eyes flutter shut. “Yes,” I whisper.
I hear his harsh breathing as he hooks his fingers underneath the material of my underwear and drags it down my legs.
A hand brushes intimately in between my legs and this time, my hips arch, trying to seek more. Slowly, Macsen pushes a finger inside me. I feel lightheaded from how good this feels.
“God,” I moan. My neck arches as Macsen’s finger moves in and out of me.
“Do you want me, Emilia?”
Opening my eyes, I find Macsen staring at me with a hungry expression. I want to say he knows the answer to his own question, but he looks desperate, like he doesn’t see the truth. It hurts my heart. I pull his head down and kiss him as hard as I can, trying to show him the answer.
Macsen pulls away. “Tell me, out loud,” he rasps out.
His finger is moving quickly, and I swivel my hips, desperate for release. This feels so good.
“Yes, I want you.” I moan out and press myself closer to his hand.
“That’s what I want,” Macsen admits against my neck. “I want you to always want me. Just me.”
Biting my lip, I try to keep a groan from escaping my mouth. I’m holding my body back from whatever it wants to reach, and it’s becoming impossible as Macsen palms one of my breasts. The skin feels abraded from his stubble and his cold hands stroking my breasts makes my mouth form a perfect O. Nothing comes out. He increases his pace and with one thrust, I come.
His name leaves my mouth in a scream.
I feel his hand disappear and I pant, feeling relaxed and ready for more. He gave me what I didn’t expect and now I want his body on top of mine. I want him to move inside me. I want so much more from him.
The mattress dips next to me. Macsen pull me up so I’m resting against the pillows. He moves on top of me, and I realize he’s naked. The smooth skin of his chest against mine excites me even further. I wrap my arms around him and rub myself against him.
“I’m trying to draw this out,” Macsen says slowly.
“You don’t have to,” I whisper. I keep moving until his erection is right between my legs. My hands touch and knead the muscles in his back and when the tip of him rubs against me, my eyes almost roll back.
“Fuck, Emilia.” Macsen grits out.
He kisses me passionately and sits up, leaning over to dig through his nightstand. I look down and see his erection against my stomach. Boldly, I reach out and touch him. His body jerks and he swears loudly.
The drawer slams noisily and he looks down at me. My hand easily moves up and down his length and I watch with fascination as his mouth goes slack. “You can’t. Do. That,” he grits out.
I squeeze and his body becomes rigid. “You like it,” I whisper.
“Yes, I like it.” My hands move away from him reluctantly, and I watch him put the condom on. He looms over me and holds my face. “But I’d rather be inside you.”
His knees press my legs further apart, and he settles between my legs. My breath is coming out in short little puffs as rubs the tip of himself against me.
“I can’t stop after this.”
My nerves make me reach out and grasp his biceps. I’m excited and terrified. I’ve never done this before. “Keep going, Macsen.”
He makes a sound and soon, his arms are bent, boxing my arms in. “You’re going to feel good,” he murmurs against my lips.
When he enters, he’s slow at first. I sigh and relax my thighs, letting him go deeper. When I do, he moves with one quick thrust. I feel a burning sensation and yelp. He fills me completely and it’s more than I anticipated. Macsen freezes. His body is rigid. I want to hold him closer to me and push him away at the same time.
What’s done is done. My virginity is gone and we both know it.
Macsen pants. His eyes are clenched shut as he tries to stay perfectly still. When it feels like the pain will never go away, it does. My body relaxes slightly, but I’m still wincing. Finally, Macsen opens his eyes and looks down at me. His eyes show disbelief, but there’s something else. It’s downright feral because he’s the first. I gave him something that I can never take back.
“You’re a virgin?” He grinds out.
My fingers rest against his lower back, rubbing his skin. I’m trying to stay patient but I’m starting to throb. I need him to start moving again. “Is that a problem?”
His voice is strained and his arms start to shake. “Yes.”
I pull him closer, desperately hoping that he won’t pull away from me. “You can’t take it back,” I warn, but it comes out as begging.
And I don’t want him to take it back. I want no regrets tonight.
“I can stop if you want me to,” he offers, but it’s weak. Macsen’s trying to give me an out.
I feel him start to pull away and quickly wrap myself tighter around him. That pulls Macsen in deeper. He breathes hard and I speak against his cheek. “I want this.” He starts to shake his head no and I kiss him. This time, I beg. “Please.”
My plea seems to break his resolve. Slowly, I feel him move deeper. I wince slightly, and he pulls out slowly. I turn my hands up and my palms grasp the outer side of his biceps, pulling him closer.
“Slower?” Macsen grits out. I shake my head back and forth as he rocks back into me.
My hips arch up on their own will. Everything feels good now and my body is greedy for more.
Macsen pulls in and out, each time quicker than the last. I circle my hips in the air, and he groans loudly.
“You are so fucking tight,” he says through his teeth.
My head kicks back against the pillow and I start to find his rhythm. The minute I do, he stops using restraint and presses himself harder into me, stretching me further. Sensations fill my body, making me move quicker against Macsen. We’re both sweating as he increases the pace. It drives me to grip the sheets.
He whispers things in my ear that drive me to the brink. Things that I never thought I would like, but I do. I wrap my legs around his waist and push him deeper into me. My body starts to tingle, and I know I’m so close to coming. Macsen pushes into me harder.
“Macsen!” I shout out and claw at his back.
“You like when I do that?”
“Yes,” I say in between thrusts.
One of his arms moves away from my side and disappears in between my legs. While he’s moving in and out, he rubs his finger above my entrance.
“You chose me,” Macsen says in a rough, demanding voice. I nod my head. What he’s saying is the truth, but hearing him say it out loud makes it official. “We can’t go back from tonight.”
My head moves back and forth as my back bows, arching underneath him. His words, mixed with his touches have me seconds away from release. “Oh God...”
Macsen makes a guttural sound and I open my eyes and find his eyes roaming my body. His eyes quickly squeeze shut as he tries to speak. “Emilia ... I ... can’t ... wait.”
His thrusts are more urgent, becoming faster and faster. I hear a slam above me. The bed shakes and I open my eyes long enough to see both of his hands gripping the headboard. His arms are tense and his muscles are bunched. I claw at his back. My body stiffens. Tingles spread throughout my body, causing my toes to curl. A quick burst of pleasure fills my body and I scream out his name.
He rocks into me hard, and I feel him lengthen before he groan
s harshly. “Fuck!” he shouts.
I’m panting when Macsen collapses on top of me. His breath is warm against my neck as he holds me tightly. I stare at the ceiling, feeling more relaxed than I ever have.
When Macsen rolls over and stands, he says nothing to me as he removes his condom, throws it away and walks to the bathroom. I hear the water running. Quickly, I pull the covers up over my body. My arm covers my eyes and I try to fight off the guilt that’s trying to claw its way into my mind. I can’t seem to regret it, but I’m starting to wonder if Macsen does.
The faucet shuts off in the bathroom. I hold my breath and when I feel the mattress dip next to my hip, my body stiffens. Is this where he asks me to leave? I’ve never done a walk of shame and something tells me it won’t feel good.
But that doesn’t happen.
Macsen brushes a hand down my arm. Slowly, I lift the arm covering my eyes. He stares down at the sheet with a frown and pushes it away from my body. I panic and try to grab the sheet as it exposes my breast and stomach.
His eyes veer up to my face. All the lust is gone in his eyes and replaced with concern. “Don’t,” he tells me softly.
My hands let go of the sheet and it falls back onto my body. Macsen resumes pulling the sheet away and my pulse starts to hammer.
He looks calm as he stares at my exposed skin. “Are you sore?” he asks quietly.
Honestly, I am. I tell Macsen the truth. “Yes,” I whisper.
His head moves up and down, letting me know he heard me. Macsen’s hands land on my thighs. He pushes them slightly apart and I immediately tense up because I’m not ready for round two.
Smiling softly, he glances at me. “Let me help.”
My legs open up on their own. But a frown never leaves my face as I watch his hand rest against my thigh. I see the cloth in his opposite hand and have no time to react before he gently presses the warm wet towel between my legs.
My body jerks in shock. All I can do is gape and watch Macsen as he frowns in concentration and gently cleans me up. My lips curve up the same time that my heart breaks. This large man that scares most people with his intensity is taking care of me. It shocks even me.
The physical care he’s giving me makes the whole act of giving my virginity to him a lot more significant because right now he’s making me feel cherished. The pain is momentarily gone and I relax, just watching Macsen with complete shock.
Silently, he sits there. But he doesn’t need to say anything. Macsen’s already cracked through my defenses and shattered my guilt.
I don’t know how long I sit there staring at Macsen’s bent head, but when the towel turns cold, Macsen pulls it away and looks up at me solemnly. The warmth is still in his eyes. “I want you to stay tonight,” he tells me.
My head moves up and down. “I want that too.” And I do. I want it so bad that when the words come out of his mouth, a sigh of relief almost escapes my lips.
His mouth curves into a half-smile and he kisses the side of my lips. “Sweet Emilia,” he murmurs. “So fucking sweet.”
My heart burns over his words.
He gets up to clean off the towel and this time, when I hear the water running, I know there’s nothing to panic over. That brings a smile to my face.
When Macsen comes back to the bed, he moves close to me. I stare at the wall blankly as I realize that I have followed Tosha’s advice. I’m broken glass, but I have shocked myself, and now there are tiny pieces of the truth cutting me open. I could bleed for Macsen Sloan—could spill the truth out to him. And the most terrifying truth of all is that I could love him.
Macsen hooks an arm around my waist and pulls me flush against his chest. I grab his hand and place it flat on my chest, above my heart.
It makes sense. He shares it with my sister now.
I’m officially going to hell.
Chapter Nineteen
MACSEN
She sleeps on her side, with her legs tucked tight to her body. Even when Emilia’s sleeping, she’s still trying to protect herself.
Rolling onto my back, I grasp the curve of her hip with my hand. Touching her feels good. When I touch her, she comes alive.
Sometimes, Emilia is ambiguous. When she speaks, there is always this double meaning, and I can never see the real truth. But she responds when I touch her and there’s nothing unclear about it. I know that it’s me she wants.
Turning my head, I stare at her back and her shoulder blades that are partially hidden by her long hair. I push all that hair away and kiss the skin in between her shoulder blades. Little goosebumps form on her skin. She moves her arm slowly and soon her head shifts. When she looks at me, her eyes are hooded and underneath her lids is a faint trace of her makeup.
She’s still fucking gorgeous. I still want her.
Emilia rolls over and her body collides into mine. She rests her chin on her open palm and looks down at me. “Good morning.”
I pull my eyes away from her tits and nudge my head in the direction of my alarm clock. “It’s more like good afternoon.”
She looks over at my nightstand, and her eyes widen. “I’ve missed two classes!” When she scrambles to get up, I hold on tight and she ends up sprawled across my chest.
“You’ve missed two already. How many classes do you have this afternoon?” I ask.
“Just one.”
“Miss it.” My hands drift down and cup her ass, pressing her as close as possible. “I know this great tutor. He’ll help you with anything.”
Emilia smiles playfully. “I’ve heard he’s mediocre.”
She slips out of my hold before I can do anything. Even when I try to speak, nothing comes out. Emilia stands completely naked in the middle of the room. Her eyes are on the floor, scanning the clothes dropped everywhere. Bending down, she grabs that small piece of lace that she calls underwear and slips it on. I sit up, trying to figure out which is hotter, Emilia taking her clothes off or watching Emilia put them on one by one.
She looks over at me, and her cheeks turn red. “Stop staring.”
Ignoring her, I keep looking at her body. With the sun shining through the blinds I can see everything perfectly. Emilia grabs her bra and goes to put it on. I grab her by the arm and pull her back to me. I like looking at her, looking at what I touched all night long.
She straddles my waist and cringes. “Are you still sore?” I ask her.
My hands go up to her perfect tits. I touch the skin that isn’t red from my stubble. It’s fascinating to me, my skin against hers. Touching her feels right, but looks wrong. I have cuts, calluses, and bruises. She’s flawless with white skin.
Her eyes close briefly before she pushes herself into my hands. “Yes, I’m still sore.”
When her eyes open, she blinks repeatedly before she grabs my jaw and kisses me. I smile before her tongue slides against mine. Reaching around her neck, I wrap my hand around her head and pull her closer. Her nipples rub against my chest and her hands grasp my shoulders tightly.
I kiss her until I know her lips will be swollen. The bruises that are covered by her clothes are from me, but only I know that they are there. That pulls something out of me. It makes me want to brand her as mine. There needs to be an outward mark—something that every guy on campus will notice.
When she pulls away, she’s breathing erratically. “You’re lucky you’re a good kisser,” she teases lightly.
She pulls away and puts her bra on while I grab some boxers and sweatpants. I throw a t-shirt in her direction and sweatpants. She stares at them and I try to shrug my shoulders nonchalantly. “Just wear that.”
Emilia puts the pants against her body. “I think they’ll be a little big.”
“Roll up the pants.”
Emilia puts my shirt on first. The hem covers her ass. When she puts on my pants, she rolls up the waistline four times. “I look ridiculous.”
Crossing my arms, I look her up and down. I like her wearing my clothes. Feels good. “You look fine.”
“I need to go to the bathroom.” She slips past me and turns around quickly. “Do you have any face wash?”
“Oh yeah,” I draw out. “It’s underneath the sink, right next to my pink shaver.” She gives me a dull expression and I laugh. “All we have is soap and shaving gel.”
“That’s good enough.”
I hear the door shut, and a few seconds later the water starts running. She takes a long time. Chris and I are in and out of the bathroom within a few minutes. After a while, I stop waiting and start to pick up my room like a fucking weirdo. I hate when things are dirty or out of place. It’s like the smell of smoke. It makes me feel filthy. I’m usually tempted to take a shower to get rid of the feeling.
I drape Emilia’s clothes on my computer chair, and when I go back to my bed I see a blood stain on the middle of my sheets. My eyes are rooted on the stain. I didn’t know beforehand that she was a virgin. Maybe I wouldn’t have attacked her like a starving animal. Maybe I would have gone slower. I can keep thinking of all the maybes, but the truth is, all it really took was one small touch and I was a goner.
A minute later she walks out. I turn back to look at her. All of her caramel hair is pulled up and her face is wiped clean. She looks too innocent, too sweet.
She walks up next to me and I rub my thumb across her cheek. “I’ve never seen you without all the glob.”
Emilia pulls back to give me a look. “It’s not glob, Macsen.”
“Makeup. Whatever you want to call it.” I shrug and look closely at her face. “I like this.”
“Me in the morning time? Maybe you drank more than I thought last night,” she teases.
“I mean it.”
She stops smiling and something crosses her face. When she blinks, it has disappeared. Emilia looks down and pats my stomach. “Don’t get used to it. I feel naked without my makeup.”
I tug on her hair playfully. “I’ve seen you naked. It’s fucking amazing.”
She looks over her shoulder and walks down the hall just as Chris walks through the door. He slams the door and finally looks up. When he sees Emilia, and me standing behind her, a sly smile crosses his face. I give him a warning look and he completely ignores me.
