Breaking the Wrong

by Calia Read

  “Julian tricked us, he tricked everyone.”

  Our entire family is blindsided by the discovery that it was Julian who led Elizabeth on. It’s a deception that none of us expected. It feels like someone has just poured rubbing alcohol into the gaping hole left open by Elizabeth’s death. It festers and burns now, but there will be healing relief later on.

  But the shock remains. It’s easy to accept that someone else, a stranger, willingly betrayed you. But when it’s someone that is a close, personal friend, it makes the ache ten times more painful.

  Aniston and I have been talking more than usual. We’ve talked Julian’s deception through, trying to piece together what happened. My brother is hurt. I can hear it in his voice. But I think the two of us are also frustrated that we never saw what was underneath our noses the whole time.

  “How are Mom and Dad?” I ask.

  “Dad’s cutting ties with Julian’s dad. And Mom just cries a lot.”

  Edward and Charlotte didn’t know what Julian had done, but for my parents, it’s impossible to move past everything. “Did you tell them about the journals?”

  “Yes, Eden and I told them a few days ago.”

  “What did they do?”

  “What do you think they did? They’re pissed off. They want to know why we never showed them.”

  “We never told them because we thought we knew everything,” I point out.

  “And how did that end up for us?” Aniston says bitterly. I open my mouth but he clearly has more to say. “We put the blame on some other guy, while the fucking perpetrator went off scot-free!”

  But Julian isn’t free now. Now that everything is out in the open, he’s been cut off from our family and his own. I thought it would be more enjoyable to watch the person that humiliated Elizabeth be crushed by the truth. But it isn’t. Something strange unfurls in my belly when I think about the entire situation. It’s close to pity. That he could trick us all, and do something to someone so innocent and feel no remorse.

  It takes a heartless person to do that and he’ll never see it that way.

  The doorknob turns and I quickly shove E’s journal underneath my pillow just as Severine walks into the room. She has shopping bags in her hands and looks happy. I want her happiness.

  “I gotta go,” I quickly tell Aniston before I hang up.

  Her smile fades as she walks toward her bed. She doesn’t ignore me. Instead, she looks at me with a guarded expression and takes off her winter hat before she shakes the snow off her dark hair.

  I wipe the tears from my cheeks with the back of my hand, and she sits heavily on her bed like she is forcefully pushed down.

  “How are you?” she asks quietly.

  We don’t talk. Ever. The fact that she is openly speaking makes me lift my face and stare at her. Her green eyes are sharp as she crosses jean-clad legs and waits for me to answer.

  I tuck my hands underneath my thighs and lift a shoulder. “I’ve been better.”

  “Emilia...” She shakes her head and looks out the window. Everything is covered in white. It’s easy for me to forget that a new season is upon us. Severine sighs and looks away from the frosted glass. “You knew that it was going to end bad.”

  I’m not surprised that she found out what happened between Macsen and me. But I do want to know who told her. “Did Macsen tell you everything?”

  “I hardly talk to Macsen. Thayer told me,” she explains.

  Everything is out in the open. There’s nothing for me to hide. My nod is short and blunt. I look at the material of my comforter, the color of the walls. I look everywhere but at Severine because I don’t want to see sympathy or pity in her eyes.

  “Did Thayer say how he is?”I ask.

  I rarely see Macsen at the library anymore, and when I do, he immediately leaves.

  A strange expression runs across Severine’s face. She tilts her head to the side and watches me carefully. “He’s mad,” she admits slowly. “Really mad. But I think that’s a cover-up. He’s hurt and is acting like nothing is wrong.”

  “I’m trying to make this right,” I confess. Divulging any information to Severine makes me hesitate for a second, but I want to tell her. She only has one side of the story; she deserves the second half. “He told me to leave him alone in New York. He told me that we shouldn’t talk. I changed tutors because I thought that was what he wanted!”

  “But he’s pissed,” she says slowly.

  My head bobs up and down anxiously. “Yeah.”

  Her shoulders sag as she sighs deeply and looks down at the floor. “You wanna know something?”

  With Severine, I feel like that’s a trick question. “I guess…” I say cautiously.

  “Now that I know your story, I don’t hate you.” She looks up at me bluntly and shrugs. “I get you now. I grew up with a half-brother that I barely saw, but I can understand why you did what you did. You loved your sister.”

  Tears spill down my cheeks and Severine quickly turns her back on me and starts to pull items out of her bags. I’m grateful.

  “Where does this leave us?” I ask.

  Severine lifts up a blouse and inspects it. “I like you more than I did in August, because if this was all some kind of game to you, you wouldn’t have come back after winter break. You could have stayed in New York, but you’re here.” Abruptly, she turns and faces me. “I don’t know all the reasons that brought you back, but I’m fairly certain Macsen is the biggest factor.”

  I nod in agreement. “He is.”

  “Do you love him?” she asks bluntly.

  Awkwardness should be hitting our conversation right about now. I’m looking Macsen’s ex-girlfriend in the eye, talking to her about him. But there is no leftover residue from their relationship. She only loves Thayer. I see that and it’s the only reason why I answer.

  “Yes, I do.”

  Severine nods, moving her head up and down over and over like a bobble head. She doesn’t say anything at first. Walking over to her closet, she starts to hang up her clothes. I watch her smooth out the material on each shirt she hangs. Finally, she pauses on the third item. Her hands squeeze the hanger before she speaks. “If you love him, you should fight for him.”

  I’ve always expected Severine and I to remain at an impasse. From day one, the two of us have knocked heads. But right now we’re moving forward. The thought makes me smile slightly because it may not be such a bad thing.

  Standing up, I cross my arms and stare at the wall thoughtfully. “Or, I give him space and time.”

  “No, Emilia.” Severine shakes her head as if I know nothing. “Fight for him. I would tell you to back away, but only if you could take your heart back from him. But you can’t. It’s his now.” She slams the hanger and I flinch. “So fight for it,” Severine demands.

  She’s right.

  Everyone wants to fall in love. But I think more people are in love with the theory of love. If you’re looking in from the outside, it looks so beautiful. On the inside, it’s scary because it can take over your life. It’s the strongest emotion but also the darkest. It can put you on a high for days, but it can wrap an anchor around your feet and drown you in less than a minute.

  If everyone knew the truth, no one would really ask for love. But when it drops into your life, you can only hope that you have enough strength to hang on.

  “Sometimes people need space,” I offer.

  Her eyes slant in my direction. “Macsen has had enough space.”

  Gathering all my hair into both hands I walk back and forth between our beds, thinking over Severine’s words. I want to believe her because for me, it’s been enough time. I drop my hair and it falls back down to my waist. “It’s only been two weeks since everything unraveled!”

  Severine shrugs a shoulder and goes to plug in her curling iron. “Then do absolutely nothing. But you were brave to come here on your own to begin with, so be brave again and don’t back down.”

  “And if I fight for us and it doesn�
�t work?”

  Severine gathers a big bag of makeup and drops it in front of her floor-length mirror. She looks at me through the mirror and lifts a challenging brow. “Then you were brave to try.”

  I rub my finger over the polish over and over. I’m nervous. She’s planting theories in my head; ideas that are crazy, spontaneous, and nothing like me.

  But they just might work.

  “What are you doing tonight?” Severine asks cryptically.

  I stand up straighter over her tone of voice. “I’m staying in.”

  “Not anymore.” Severine throws a shirt at my face. “Get dressed, you’re coming out with me.”

  Chapter Thirty-three

  EMILIA

  I exit my car and adjust my shirt for the fifth time.

  “Stop it!”

  Severine slams the passenger-side door of Thayer’s truck shut and quickly swats my hand away from the sweater and shoves a finger in my face. “You look hot. Macsen will die when he see’s you.”

  “It’s too low-cut,” I mutter, looking down at the long, cardigan sweater that Severine loaned me.

  “You’re not going to church! Besides, you need to let those things breathe.”

  When I was getting ready and reached for an undershirt, Severine had rolled her eyes and said I didn’t need one. But I do because the push-up bra I’m wearing makes me feel like I’m showing way too much cleavage.

  Tosha walks around my car and nods. “Severine’s right. You look great.”

  Severine and Tosha smile at each other, and I feel like they planned this whole thing together. When I agreed to go with Severine to this party, I texted Tosha and within minutes, she was walking through the door with a wide smile on her face.

  “You already have his attention, Emilia,” Severine tells me and practically pushes me toward Tosha. “But this will drive him crazy. He’s mad, but not mad enough to keep himself from responding to you in this outfit.”

  I stop in my tracks and stare at her with wide eyes. I wanted to see Macsen on his birthday, but suddenly, I feel nervous. “If he’s still mad then maybe I shouldn’t go in.”

  “She might be right,” Thayer points out. He waits patiently for us at the end of his truck bed.

  I expected Thayer to hate me, but the minute Severine told him that I was going to Macsen’s party, he nodded his head and grinned as if it was the best news he’s ever heard.

  Severine ignores the two of us and grabs my hand, dragging me to the front door. “You’re coming in,” she says firmly.

  When she opens the door, music hits me with such force I want to cover my ears. Macsen’s apartment is just as packed as it was at Chris’s Halloween party. Severine glances over at me curiously, while I stare around the room with wide eyes, suddenly aware that this is a bad idea.

  Thayer walks in behind us and takes a few steps before he finds a group of guys and does the ‘bro hug.’

  We walk deeper into the apartment and I stand on my tiptoes, searching for Macsen. Severine’s hand lands on my shoulder and pushes down. She shakes her head with disapproval. “Don’t look for him. I promise he’ll find you.”

  Crossing my arms, I nod and fight the urge to find him. Tosha sighs and wraps her arm around my shoulder. “You need a drink. ASAP.”

  “Who needs a drink?” Chris asks.

  Thayer is right next to him and hands Severine a beer while Tosha slides up to Chris. “Emilia needs one.” She pokes him in chest. “Go be a good boy and get her one.”

  Chris’s eyes land on mine with shock, and when he looks me up and down, he’s instantly shaking his head. “This is bad-”

  Tosha claps her hands and quickly interrupts him, “You heard me. Get us drinks!”

  Chris glances at her dryly and looks over at Thayer. A look passes between them, and I’m instantly on guard.

  Severine looks past Thayer’s shoulder, into the living room. “Where is he anyway?”

  Chris shrugs and his lips thin into a tight line. Paranoia sets in and all I can picture is Macsen with another girl. “Where is he, Chris?” I ask sharply.

  “God! I don’t know!” He holds his hand up in front of him and glares at Thayer. “I can’t thank you enough for bringing these three with you.”

  Chris walks back toward the kitchen and I watch him with worry in my eyes.

  “Don’t even think about it!” Severine warns. She wraps an arm around Thayer and leans against him.

  “If he’s here with someone else-”

  “He’s not,” Severine replies adamantly. She looks so sure and confident, but I’m not.

  “Come on. Let’s go dance.” Tosha steers me in the opposite direction, toward the living room. She leans close and practically has to shout, “I’m surprised you actually went through with this.”

  “I wanted to come,” I insist.

  She smiles back, but it’s filled with sympathy. “You mean you wanted to see Macsen.”

  I give her a weak smile. “Same thing, right?”

  Tilting her head to the side, she looks at me thoughtfully. “Don’t let it show,” Tosha comments over the music.

  “Let what show?” I ask.

  “You’re looking around for him and it’s obvious. Now I haven’t had a lot of lasting relationships, but I do know one thing. There’s no greater revenge than to be seen by an ex looking completely hot and like you’re having fun.” Tosha looks at me seriously. “Even if you have to fake it, you pretend that there’s no other place you’d rather be right now. Find a guy, dance with him, and Macsen will see.”

  I didn’t have it in me to do that, but her words have me curious. “You can guarantee that?”

  “I’ve never been more certain of anything else.”

  “Certain of what?” Severine asks. She walks up to the group with Chris and Thayer next to her. Chris looks around the room, and I have no doubt he’d rather be dancing with a girl right now.

  Tosha slings an arm around Severine’s shoulder and looks at me sweetly. “I was telling our little Emilia that if she wants Macsen’s attention, she needs to find a dude to grind up on.”

  My eyes widen at her choice of words. Severine and Tosha laugh.

  “She’s right,” Severine agrees. “Find a guy. Any guy.” She looks over at Chris and practically punches him in the shoulder. “You’re a man whore. Go let Emilia dance up on you.”

  Chris rubs his shoulder and gives Severine a dirty look. “One, you punch like a fucking dude. And two, I would love to dance with Rapunzel, but I’m not going to do that.”

  “Why not?” Tosha asks.

  Chris holds his hands in the air. “Use some other dude to make him jealous. I like my balls where they’re at.”

  Tosha shrugs and peers over my shoulder. “Isn’t that your new tutor?”

  Standing on my tiptoes, I find Sebastian standing with a group of people I don’t know. “Yeah. That’s Sebastian,” I confirm.

  I’ve only had a few sessions with him and so far, so good. He’s okay to talk to, but it’s not easy. Talking with Macsen is always easy. Even in beginning, when I was supposed to hate him, it was easy.

  “My, my,” she looks him up and down, “I likey.” Tosha smiles mischievously and cups a hand around her mouth. “Hey! Sebastian!”

  “Tosha, no!” I warn in her ear.

  She ignores me and when Sebastian looks at her curiously, she crooks her finger at him. “Yeah, you,” she shouts. “Come over here!”

  “I’m leaving,” I warn.

  Tosha grabs my arm tightly. “You’re staying.”

  Sebastian comes closer and when he sees me standing next to Tosha, he smiles widely and looks me up and down slowly. “I didn’t know you’d be here,” he says.

  I smile and go back to looking around. “Me neither.”

  “Are you here alone?”

  Tosha raises her brow and waits for me to answer. “No, I came with friends.” I nudge my head in Tosha’s direction and she introduces herself coyly.

  S
ebastian looks around before he nervously asks. “So you’re not here for Macsen?”

  Tosha clears her throat and steps into our conversation, not that she was ever not listening. “No, she’s not here for him.”

  His smile is one of victory and I know right then that he might be interested in being more than my friend.

  “Then let’s dance,” he says with a smirk.

  I’m getting ready to say no when Tosha answers for me. “She’d love to!” I give her a look and she quickly whispers, “Do it … just trust me.”

  I follow Sebastian and out of the corner of my eye I see Macsen … with another girl. It becomes harder to breathe as I watch the redhead rub herself all over him. She’s dressed in a tight pink shirt that doesn’t cover her stomach, and low-rise jeans. I hate her instantly, probably on principle because every time she grabs his bicep or wraps an arm around Macsen, I want to scream at her that he’s mine.

  Macsen never looks her way, or in my direction. He talks with a friend. But he doesn’t push her away and that only gives me more pain … and so much anger.

  He could be with anyone. Macsen is free to do whatever he wants, but he’s bouncing back pretty quickly. Sebastian stops in the middle of the room, just as a new song comes on. It’s a song that I actually recognize. The beat is loud and when Mirah starts to sing the lyrics to “Low Self Control,” I move easily. Maybe it’s the new surge of jealousy that makes me less self-conscious. Sebastian keeps his distance and moves along with me, and when I think of Macsen, I take a step closer to Sebastian.

  I want him to watch.

  I want him to be angry.

  I want him to react.

  Moving with Sebastian, I hold onto his lean arms and breathe in his cologne. It’s nothing like Macsen’s. Sebastian’s hands land on my waist. I don’t push them away and my arms drift higher, wrapping around his biceps.

  With every move, I’m aware of everything around me. The minute my skin starts to tingle, I know Macsen’s eyes are on my body.

  My steps falter for a second as my body starts to feel like it’s on fire. When I catch my breath, my anger makes me turn around. My back presses against Sebastian’s chest and I hear him inhale loudly. But all I see is Macsen across from me, taking me in slowly.