by Violet Paige
“You look for some of your cardboard food and I’m going to check the kitchen. God, I hope there’s something in there.”
I held my breath when he walked out of the room. It was silly. I could hear his footsteps. I knew he was close by. I just liked it better when he was next to me.
I knelt on the floor. This was the same suitcase I had packed to go to Dallas to meet Ethan Howard. So much had happened in the past week, I couldn’t remember how many bars I had packed and how many I had eaten. I had been living in a state of shock. Going through the motions. Spurred by curiosity. Haunted by guilt.
I combed through the back pockets, sliding my hand between makeup bags and my compact hairdryer.
“Ah-hah!” I pulled a blueberry protein bar into the air. “AJ, I found one,” I called toward the kitchen. We could split it. It had nineteen grams of protein. We wouldn’t die from starvation overnight.
Holding the bar like a trophy, I scrambled back on the quilt. I straightened the ends. We had balled it into a mess. Sex on top of sex made it look more like a love nest than a bed. I tried to flatten the corners when I felt something. I dropped the protein bar in the center and ran my hand over the corner of the quilt again.
There was no mistaking it. There was something tucked inside the quilt square.
“AJ!” I yelled.
He ran into the bedroom. “What’s wrong? What happened?” His eyes were wild. They darted to the gun.
I held up the blanket. “There’s something in here.” He had to have heard the fear in my voice. It was mixed with excitement. I didn’t know why I was excited. This wasn’t a treasure hunt.
“In the quilt?” He knelt beside me.
I nodded. “Feel it.” I handed it to him. “I think it’s folded paper. Maybe an envelope? It feels thick.”
He ran the corner panel between his rugged palms. “Hold on. I have a knife in my bag. I can cut it out.”
I waited while he searched for the utility tool. He flipped open the sharp edge of the knife blade and started cutting. I stared while the threads popped.
He lifted the flap of the quilt square. I picked up the paper. I looked at AJ as I unfolded it in my hand.
There were several sheets stacked together. I laid them in front of us so we could examine them. AJ pressed the creases in the center to keep them flat. They had been doubled over twice. How long had they been inside the blanket? Who put them there?
We leaned closer. It was hard to see clearly in the candlelight. AJ brought one over next to the quilt. It flickered from the movement.
I brushed my bangs out of the way.
“Look. Look.” I poked the pages.
I tried to take in the images, but I couldn’t process them. My eyes darted from one page to the other. They were simple black and white photos copied on regular paper. Anyone could have printed them out on a home printer.
“Who is this woman?” he asked.
“I’m not sure, but all of those pictures were taken here. She’s here at this house. Look. She’s sitting on the swing on the back porch. And the barn. I was there today. That’s the barn door.” My voice picked up speed. “And that oak tree. The one you think is going to crush us. She’s on a tire swing.” I wanted more. There weren’t enough.
AJ flipped one of the pages over.
My throat clamped shut. I couldn’t swallow.
Scrawled on the back were the words: Penny Neworth.
He looked at me. “Syd?”
I covered my mouth with my hand.
“Oh my God. AJ, it’s my mom.”
Chapter Nine
That answered the question of whether we were supposed to find the pictures or not. They were planted, just like the other items. AJ peered at the photos, not saying anything. I tried to read his silence the same way he was reading the pictures.
“This is her house. Or was her house. It’s something,” I argued. “You see that, right?” There was a slight giddiness in my belly. I knew I needed to be cautious, but I couldn’t stop it from surfacing.
“Syd,” He stopped to turn toward me. “These are black and white copies on paper. There’s absolutely no way to verify them. Anyone could have made these. Photoshopping and picture distortion are easier than ever. You don’t know if that woman is your mother.”
“No.” I shook my head. “These were taken here. It’s her. I feel it.”
There was a mixture of sympathy and concern in his eyes.
“Ok, but what about the name on the mailbox. It says Harper by the main road.”
I pulled my shoulders back. “That’s her new name, sort of. Her married name. Neworth was her maiden name.”
“Did you know that before this trip?” he asked.
“No. It’s new information.”
“Information you got from this guy Ethan in Texas?” His eyebrows rose. I still worried about the stitches over his eye when he did that.
“Yes. From Ethan.” I wanted to study the pictures more. I wanted to memorize them. God, I’d jump into them if I could. Like that scene in Mary Poppins when the kids spent the day in the cartoon chalk drawings.
AJ collected the pages and folded them together. I had to keep myself from yanking them away from him. “I think we need to split that damn protein bar and figure this out.”
I huffed. “So you are hungry?” I eyed the stack in his hands.
“A little.”
I ripped through the wrapper and tore the chewy bar in half and handed him one end.
“Thanks.” He popped the whole thing in his mouth.
“You’re starving.” I looked at him.
“I’m fine.”
“But you have broken ribs and you’re recovering. This isn’t good.”
“Syd, stop worrying about me.”
I shook my head. “I can’t believe the FBI would send you after me like this. You shouldn’t even be back on duty. How irresponsible is your boss?”
He looked toward the window.
“Wait. You aren’t back on duty?”
He shook his head. “No. But it was either me, or the entire Bureau trying to haul you in. I thought this was the better option. They need your statement about the hijacking. Jelly Bean Jack is now at the top of their wanted list. You have to talk to them. You know more than anyone about what was in the dark web marketplace.”
I groaned. “I want to forget about him. I don’t want to think about the marketplace.” I chewed slowly, trying to make the bites of blueberry last longer. It only made my stomach rumble angrily.
“There is a fucking map out there with every location you’ve visited in the past six months.” The sharp angles of his jaw clenched together. “He isn’t going away. None of this is going away. You can’t bury your head in the sand on this.”
“I know what’s going to happen when I give my statement.”
“What’s that?” He folded his hands over his knees, watching me.
“They aren’t going to give me a choice about Project Compass. If I go in, they’ll take me in. I’ll lose my freedom.”
AJ cleared his throat. “Don’t you see if you’re on the inside, you are safer? You can be the one tracking Jack instead of the other way around? You can get out ahead of him. You can send the FBI after him. You will have the power, Syd. You. Not him. Don’t you want that?”
I bit the inside of my cheek. “I stopped hacking.”
“It’s time you start doing it again.”
“This is your job, right?”
AJ cocked his head. “To protect you?”
“No. To recruit me. That’s your job on Project Compass. You’re supposed to add me to the team. The nerdy one. I fit that peg. This is all for work.”
“I’ve been honest with you about my role in Project Compass. I told you exactly why you are needed.”
“But is that why you’re here? Because of the project or because of me?”
He pressed his lips together before he spoke. Lips that I had just kissed raw. Lips that had skimmed e
very inch of my body.
“You are the reason I’m here. I didn’t want you to get killed. I chipped your equipment when you were in the shower the other night in case you were kidnapped again. I would have done more, but it wasn’t like we were there long before you took off.” I heard the accusation in his voice. “I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe. And if that means convincing you to join an elite team that gives you the highest level of security in the country, then yes. I’m going to keep recruiting you. I can’t separate one from the other if it means you stay alive. You are the job right now.”
His words tore at me.
“I’m not an FBI agent. I didn’t go to the Academy. I’m not an investigator or a detective. I’m a Lit major, AJ. I don’t belong in the Bureau. That’s your life.” I didn’t want to finish my argument with how much I had learned to detest the FBI. After all, wasn’t it the reason he left?
He huffed. “I don’t see what choice you have.”
“I do have a choice,” I seethed. “I don’t have to do it. I don’t want to be on the Project Compass team. I’m finally doing what I want to do. This is my goal. This is my dream. They can’t force me to be a hacker. I finally figured out my path. I’m not giving this up. My show is my career now.”
“A podcast? You’re risking your life to record content?”
“Are you mocking me?”
He shook his head. “God, no.” He took a deep breath, and pulled my hands into his lap. He interlaced our fingers.
“It sounds like it. Like you don’t think this is valuable. Do you know how many people search for their birth families? How many mothers try to find their children? My story is important. And just because this is my medium now doesn’t mean it isn’t artistic.” I felt my pulse racing.
“Hey. Hey. I’m not saying that. I wouldn’t say that.” He shook his head. “I want you to live to tell this story. I want you to make a thousand podcast episodes.” He squeezed my hands. “I want to hear your voice. I want you to have this. But fuck it, Syd. You’re not going to have any of it if you’re dead.”
My eyes locked on his. “Then just stay with me,” I whispered.
His forehead pressed to mine. “If only it was that easy.”
Chapter Ten
It was all I wanted. Five years ago. I wanted him to stay.
I didn’t want to believe he was capable of walking away. AJ wasn’t that kind of guy. He was supposed to be honorable and trustworthy. A good guy who operated in a bad world. A man who carried a gun because he had to, not because he was armed to kill.
The hot guy who sat next to me in Econ 101 was still somewhere in there. Maybe that naiveté and lightheartedness had been hardened, but when I saw him, I saw my crush. My fantasy.
As we fell in love, I fell for every part of him. His smoldering eyes. His strong hands. His dry sense of humor. The way he touched me. The way he made me think about things the way I never had.
We had been living together in the townhouse for a few months when I got the call that he broke his arm playing soccer. As awful as it was to see him hurt, that was the last time I remember things being normal. Our normal. Soon after, I began to realize that something had changed at the Bureau.
I left DataCorp early one afternoon. I had completed my client list for the day. I sat in the sunroom, flipping through a magazine when I heard the back door open.
I looked up. The sling kept AJ’s arm cradled close to his chest. I knew he hated wearing it, but it was necessary with a broken arm, especially one that required surgery.
“Hey.” I smiled. My belly still flipped every time I saw him. I remember what Becca said to me at her housewarming. All the girls had labeled AJ Hart Mr. Sex-on-a-stick.
“I didn’t think you would be here.” He frowned.
“Oh.” I stood and walked into the kitchen. “I finished early and came home. I didn’t want to sit around and play ping pong or gossip at the juice bar. If you’re home too, does that mean we can have date night? It is Friday. Required date night in this town,” I teased.
“Date night?” He looked preoccupied. He had yet to focus on me. He scrolled through his phone.
“I’m tired of TV night with Travis. I just want it to be you and me for a change. No double dates. No pizza. Can we go out? There’s a new noodle place that looks like a dive, but I heard it’s five-star.”
“Syd, this case is not going well. I’m exhausted. My arm hurts like hell. Noodles another night, babe.”
I didn’t want to be one of those girlfriends who pouted. I didn’t want to be the kind who had to beg either. I hated seeing my best friend go through that with her boyfriend. Becca and Travis might live together, but he only seemed to be half-way into the relationship.
I was also determined that AJ and I weren’t going to be one of those couples who hit a slump. The kind of slump that had a vicious ability to chip away at the little things. The excitement. The spontaneity. The hot sex. I didn’t have any intention of being AJ’s roommate. I was so in love with him it made my head spin.
I wasn’t going to let us slide backward. I couldn’t imagine us being anything other than what we were to one another now. We weren’t bright-eyed college dreamers anymore. We weren’t even novices in the work world. We had sorted out the quarter-life crap our friends were trying to wade through. We had been drawn together that night in Becca’s garden, and nothing had pulled us apart.
“Ok, if you don’t want to go out, do you want to do something here?” I asked. “A movie? I could pick up something delicious from the Italian place. No pizza though. Oh, and I have that new bottle of prosecco. I think we should start day drinking.” I grinned, trying to tempt him to let loose for the weekend.
He shook his head. He rested his forehead in his left hand. “Syd, just let me breathe.”
I took a step back. “All right.”
He groaned. “It’s just—” He looked up from his phone.
“No. No. I get it. You’re tired. There’s a lot happening at work. I’m good.”
I tossed the magazine on the counter, walked out of the kitchen, and headed for the staircase. I didn’t know what I was going to do when I got to our room, but it had to be better than standing in front of him. I didn’t know how to help him if he didn’t tell me what was wrong. If he didn’t let me into his world, how was I ever going to be able to support his work?
How did I talk him through it? How did I let him lean on me if I didn’t know what the case was? I had no idea what was happening at the Bureau. Would it always be like this? It had only felt darker and more intangible in the past few weeks. God, I wanted it to be temporary. I wanted him to snap out of it.
I rolled my eyes when I saw the costume hanging in the garment bag on the back of the door. AJ hadn’t even stayed home from work long enough to heal. He dove back into his case before his surgeon, Dr. Wexler, had cleared him for duty. And I had special ordered that costume for him. To give him a fantasy. To make him happy while he was recovering at home.
I brushed past it on my way into the closet. I turned on the light and looked at our clothes. His side neat and tidy. Mine disorderly and wildly colorful.
I inhaled one of his work shirts, pressing his collar against my nose. What if he knew the secret I had been keeping? Billy and I had another session this morning. Of course, Billy had no idea I was absorbing his coding skills like a sponge. Part of me felt guilty, but he seemed so eager to teach me, it was easy to sit and listen. As long as I understood that included listening to stories about his girlfriend, I was happy to trade a kind ear for the free lessons.
Something inside me pulled and tugged to confess to AJ. Tonight, wasn’t the right time though. He was in a horrible mood. His arm hurt. The case followed him around like a low-hanging fog. I just wanted it to be over.
My head whipped around when I heard footsteps behind me.
“Oh, you startled me.”
AJ stood in the doorway. He looked lost. As if he could stagger to the floor or
either crush me with his lips.
“Did something happen?” I asked. “Do you have to go into work? Don’t they know it’s the weekend?”
His gaze floated to the garment bag. He lifted it from the hook on the door.
My heart started to race. Something deep in my core coiled tightly. I had misread his expression, now I saw it was filled with hungry lust. A lion’s lust. A primal man ready to love me breathless for the rest of the night.
“Put it on,” he directed. There was darkness and something haunting in his voice.
The blush heated my chest and neck. He gave me chills. I was consumed by the way he sounded. The way he smelled. The way he kissed. No one had loved me like AJ.
If this was what he needed tonight, I was going to be the hottest most seductive role player. My inner hellcat was ready to play.
I unzipped the bag and pulled the white satin nurse costume from the hangar. I had spent a fortune to find one that didn’t look cheap and tacky. I wanted the fantasy to be sexy for both of us. I had it overnighted, but before I got to be his naughty nurse, AJ was out the door and back on his case. Tonight, that changed. Tonight we were both about to live out our fantasies.
Chapter Eleven
When I walked out of the closet, AJ was lying on the bed. His sling was fastened over his shoulder. I bit my lip, sashaying toward him. The back of the costume barely touched the bottom of my ass. It was so tight across my chest, my breasts were squeezed together and spilled out over the top.
“Fuck me, Syd. You look…hot.” His gaze traced from my cleavage to my hips and down my legs.
My eyes fell to the floor. I lifted my hair off my shoulders and shook it out so it fell in loose tendrils. I crossed one foot in front of the other, pointing my toes. Accentuating my movements so he knew this dance was for him.
I stopped at the end of the bed. It wasn’t rehearsed. Nothing was planned. I popped the first button on the costume and crawled toward him. I’d never felt more seductive and more beautiful in my life.
