“Abel, you’re dripping down on my dress,” I chide, looking at the wet spots on the pink fabric.
Cupping my jaw, he cranes my neck and kisses the hell out of me. He eats at my lips, nibbles at the seam and licks off my lipstick. By the time he raises his head, I’m breathing hard, clutching at his necklace. “Don’t ever put that weird color on my lips.”
Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he leaves, ruining everything I put so much effort into, and making me sort of smile.
When we reach the warehouse, Abel opens the metal door but then pauses. He looks back and extends his hand toward me, palm up. The skin on his pads is rough and I know how good it feels when it scrapes against my skin. Doesn’t matter if he’s caressing my cheek or spanking my butt. His hands never fail to make me safe.
I slide my hand into his.
Together, we step into another world. Light. There’s so much light in here. it’s unnatural. Like stars go to die in this place, releasing all the light inside them that no mere mortal can handle. Abel signs me in at the door and gets me a visitor pass. Something I didn’t notice when I was here last time.
The number of beds is the same. Three. But the scenes are different. Today I take the time to study them all.
In the first bed, closest to the door, a girl is twisting in the sheets. Her dark hair feels almost one with the black fabric. Her lips are red; her skin is all flushed and dewy, breasts tipped skyward. Her hand is between her legs as she’s pleasuring herself. I expect to see a man somewhere, but in comes another woman. This one is a blonde, but thinner than the one on the bed. She has a tiny belly ring on her barely-there belly.
It makes me think of my own stomach, with all its softness and cushion. Abel loves playing with it, squeezing it, but is it really all that great? I mean, I’m nowhere near as toned and starved as these girls.
I don’t know why but it makes me feel… disappointed that I’m not as perfect or camera-ready. It makes me feel that my first attempt at make-up was a big, fat failure.
Well, what does it matter? I’m not the one doing all these things, right?
Right?
Swallowing, I look away and Abel ushers me forward. He’s letting me take my time. Not making me hurry as I absorb this otherworldly place. I don’t know why it feels that way when sex is the most basic thing in the world.
In fact, it probably must have been the very first thing in the world.
One day Adam must have come home, eating all the apples, and he must’ve said to Eve, Hey, what are we gonna do when we die? Who gets all this? Our hut and all the leafy-clothes we’ve made.
Then Eve must have said, What if we can find more two-legged people like us?
Then they must have spent hours thinking and pondering, until it occurred to Adam. Let’s grow them. We grow everything else by ourselves. Why can’t we grow people?
Only they didn’t know how to do that. But they must have been feeling things — horny things — so they went with their instincts and nine months later, voilà. They had a two-legged creature.
I clap my hand on my mouth to stop my hysterical laugh. I’ve lost it. I’ve completely lost it.
“You okay?” Abel asks me, looking down at me with such concern and love.
I can’t help myself, then. I go on my tip-toes so I can kiss him. The touch of our lips lessens the seediness of this place.
On the second bed, a woman with honey blonde hair is lying on top of a man, her back to his chest. Oh my God, she’s totally open. Like, her legs are on either side of his thighs and I can see her pussy. It’s all stretched out and so pink, with his erection inside her, and she’s grinding on him. I admit that I love the way her hips are moving, side to side, up and down, the muscles of her thighs standing taut. Her moans are loud, and yes, fake, I think. But I can’t stop watching.
A second later, another man enters the scene. He’s tall and beautiful in that made-up way that you see on TV. He walks up to the bed, all naked, his dick — big dick — in his fist, pumping up and down.
Jesus Christ, that cannot be real. His cock has to be at least fifteen inches. It’s so wide and thick and painful. I don’t even think it can stay upright. Because gravity.
Then I can’t see anything but the chest of my husband. “Stop fucking staring.”
“But did you look at his thing? I’ve never seen something like that before.” I wave my hand. “I mean, I’ve only seen yours but still. Yours is not that big.”
A muscle ticks in his jaw. Before I know it, I’m flush with his body, my breasts smashed against his chest, his arms around my waist. “You wanna say that to me again?”
“Abel…” I study his face, trailing off. “Are you jealous?”
“I’m not jealous of fake things,” he grumbles.
I curl the ends of his hair on his neck, laughing. “Good. Because I don’t think that’s real. Also, I can’t even imagine how painful it would be.”
“All you need to imagine is my dick inside your pussy.”
Biting my lip, I look at him through my eyelashes. “What about you? I’m not like these girls here. My body isn’t all toned and muscular, you know.”
“Are we doing this again, Pixie?” He lowers his face until his nose is grazing mine. “You wanna know what I think about when I look at them?”
I nod.
“You. I think about you. I know this place is fucking seedy. I know it’s fake and ugly and you don’t talk about it in polite company. Hell, people don’t admit to watching porn, let alone making it. There’s lust and sin at every corner.”
He kisses my forehead. “But even then, you manage to break through. I hear a fake moan and I think about your real ones. I see a girl biting her lip to look coy, I think about my girl and how she bites her lip because it’s so good for her. Don’t you get it? You make everything good and pure. You make everything an adventure. When I’m with you, I’m not afraid of anything. I’m not afraid to be a sinner. I’m not afraid to go to hell. Because my heaven is with me.”
My nose is tingling, and I have to blink my eyes a few times. I’m speechless.
Abel chuckles. “You gonna cry on me here?”
“Maybe,” I choke out.
Abel’s shoot takes about an hour or so, and until then I stand on the sidelines. The couple he’s taking snaps of is one of the more passionate ones, I think. They are looking into each other’s eyes a lot. He’s whispering things into her ears as he throws her around on the bed.
I’m horny and restless. I want my husband to finish his work so we can go have sex.
“Hey,” a girl standing beside me greets me.
It’s Blu. So, as it turns out, aside from working here, Ethan has a side business. He makes videos out of his house and Blu was there that day to perform for him. The mirrors in his apartment give him an excellent view, he says.
“Uh, hi,” I say, embarrassed.
“It’s good to see you again.” She offers me her tiny hand peeking out of a large, fluffy bathrobe.
“Yeah.” I shake her hand. “You too.”
Her smile is soft, as she studies me. “You know, I didn’t say anything because I didn’t think it was my place. Besides, we’d just met and I didn’t want to start any kind of trouble.”
“It’s okay.” I will myself to not blush. “I don’t… I don’t hold you responsible or anything.”
“Did you guys get married, then?”
Smiling, I look at my husband who’s squinting behind his camera, focused on the couple. “Yeah. Last week.”
“That’s great. Congratulations.”
“Thank you.”
“For the record, he really loves you.” She tips her chin at Abel. “I’ve worked with him a little. He talks about nothing but you.”
Oh, I know she has worked with him. I saw her video on Abel’s computer.
He’s bending down now, squatting on his heels. “Me too. He’s my everything.”
Then she grins and nudges me. “I’m so g
lad to meet another married couple, by the way.” She holds out her big, giant diamond. “Mine’s over there. Nick.” She motions with her chin toward a tattooed guy with a camera around his neck, talking to another tattooed guy by the windows.
For a moment, I’m surprised. Though I don’t know why that would be. Abel and I can’t be the only married people in here. But wasn’t she at Ethan’s apartment to perform? And who was that guy with her in that tape?
“Whatchu thinkin’?” she asks playfully.
“Nothing.” Then, “You’re waiting for a scene?”
“Oh no, I just did mine.”
“Really? Where?” There are only three beds in this space and I have watched all of them closely. Even the threesome. My cheeks burn at the thought.
“Back there.” She points with a finger and sure enough, there’s a hallway at the end of the loft-like space that is flanked by doors. “This is more hardcore, you know. It’s quiet, more natural back there. For the amateur feel.”
I nod like I understand.
“So you, uh, do it with your husband, then?” Damn it, I shouldn’t fish. But I can’t help it.
She’s amused. “No. He’s the one taking pictures, though.”
So many questions. But I’m not going to ask them. It’s not polite. Also, it’s none of my business.
“Right.”
She laughs. “Does that bother you? Me having sex with someone else on camera.”
I open my mouth, and then close it. “No. Of course, not.”
“It’s okay. I don’t mind.” She glances around the room. “This is really temporary for us. We’re actually moving away in a couple of months. I got into UCLA.”
“Oh wow. That’s so great. Congratulations.”
“Thanks. Yeah, I’m super proud. They’ve got a great psychology program.”
I completely turn toward her. “You’re a psychology major?”
“I will be, yes.”
Okay, I’m doing it. I’m asking the question.
“Don’t take this the wrong way but…” I grimace. “Why do you do this?”
Blu simply chuckles and gives me her full attention. “Money, basically. Nick’s a photographer. He’s the one who brought me in when he got hooked up. I’d done some modeling and I thought, why not? It’s easy money and it’s also kind of liberating and thrilling. Besides, we got married really young and we didn’t have any money, so we couldn’t go to college right away. But now we can. We’re both going to UCLA and it all happened because of this.”
“Gotcha.”
She smiles like a big sister and I feel so young right now. “Can I tell you a little something? No offense but I feel like you’re sweet and a little lost.”
“Okay.” I sweep back my poorly-curled hair.
“It’s just a job. You know how in every job you find different sorts of people? You’ll find them here, too. For some it’s just a temporary gig. Like me and Nick. An easy way to make money. For some it’s an easy way to get attention, to feel the limelight, you know? So many people here wanted to be actors but it didn’t turn out that way. Many people come because they’re addicted to sex and lust, and this is just a legit way for them to make money and do what they love. Some really don’t know what else to do. This is all they know.”
She sighs. “But a handful of people come here because it’s sort of an outlet for them. Life touches all of us, right? We all start out with stars in our eyes but it’s not always starry and rosy. Shit happens and sometimes you don’t know where to go. You come here. It’s not much different than shooting up drugs or staring at the bottom of a bottle. It at least gives you some power. You can manipulate emotions, arouse people even when they don’t want to be aroused. Sometimes life takes away your power and you do things to take it right back. It’s actually pretty human.”
Nudging my shoulder, she grins again. “In fact, this is the very definition of being human. You’re hurting so you hurt the universe back somehow. You take the power in your own hands and who cares what the world thinks.”
Her words echo in my head. They echo and echo until it’s all I can hear. Not the moans, not the clicks and shouts.
I want to hurt them like they have hurt us.
My eyes go to Abel. He’s standing up straight, his camera lowered. He’s watching the couple not through the thick lens that he uses to make everything immortal, but with his own eyes. His lips are parted and even from the sidelines, I can see the dark flush on his cheeks. I can read the tightness in his frame.
He’s aroused; I am, too. And I know he’s thinking about me, just as I’m thinking about him. I’m not surprised when his eyes find me and latch on. I know my husband inside out; I can read those dark orbs.
I can read the desire in them, the hunger for power.
It speaks to my soul. My heart’s racing. I think maybe I’ve found the very thing we’ve been looking for. I’ve found something that goes beyond intimacy into the realm of revolutionary. I’ve found an outlet of our anger.
I’ve found our rebellion.
I stand at the window of our room. It’s the middle of the night, but the streets are still alive, people still awake and walking. I couldn’t sleep and I didn’t want to wake up Abel with all my tossing and turning, so I came here.
But I should’ve known. Abel can’t sleep without me so he wakes a few minutes later and comes to stand behind me. His warm fingers grip my naked hips as he rubs his stubbled cheek over my hair.
“What you looking at, Pixie?”
“Them. Across the street.”
A couple stands on the sidewalk, wrapped around each other. They are young, must be our age, a couple of years younger maybe. The girl has a topknot and the guy’s wearing a cap that hides his face. They are leaning against the wall as the guy kisses her. They have backpacks on, their sneakers practically on top of each other as their hands tug and pull to bring each other close. Closer than physically possible. I know the feeling.
People pass them by without sparing a glance. They could be underage for all they know. They could be related for all they know. But no one questions their love, the way they eat at each other’s lips. I bet she’s moaning hard but it’s drowned by the midnight sounds of the city.
“Why does it hurt so much? Looking at them like that.” I press against him, running my ass up and down his dick, waking it up, making it hard.
His fingers tighten as he pinches my flesh. He starts to rock against me as well, dragging his veined arousal up and down the crack of my butt. I feel it getting wet and sticky as his dick oozes pre-cum.
“Because they have what we never did. Freedom to be in love.”
His misty words hit my ears, the nape of my neck and the slope of my shoulders, and travel down to my breasts. They become swollen and heavy, getting pulled down it seems by the force of the earth. There’s a tingling everywhere, on my nipples, my toes, the pads of my fingers, in the deep well of my stomach. In my core. I rub my thighs together.
“Why can’t you sleep, baby?”
“They’re not looking for us, Abel.”
He tenses behind me. “What?”
I haven’t told him about the conversation I had with Sky days ago. I didn’t know what to tell him, how to explain what I was feeling. I thought it would pass. But I can’t forget. I can’t forget that night. I can’t forget their evil, mean eyes. How my dad threw the boy I love in jail. How he beat him up. My mom’s accusations.
This is how innocent girls end up on the internet. You bring them up a certain way and this is how they repay you.
Now, I know he’s been feeling it too. The anger at the unfairness. The anger at being called what he’s not. We couldn’t do anything about it before. We kept it inside. We were helpless.
But we aren’t now. We’re free. We’re our own gods. We can do whatever we want. We can take that power back, bend the rules, hurt the universe, until we feel better.
We can make this our adventure. Our very first adventure as a
married couple.
“My parents. They aren’t looking for us. They don’t care. They probably sleep at night, dreamless, without the guilt eating at them for what they did to us. They crucified us for no reason at all and they…” I drink my tears, swallow them down as I look at the couple, still kissing. “Aren’t getting punished for it.”
Abel drops his head on my shoulder; I can feel him shaking, vibrating, his chest expanding with furious breaths. “I wanna kill them. Every single one of them. Every time I think about what they put you through, I wanna set that town on fire.”
I sink my fingers in his soft hair, rocking against him.
“Me too. I thought I was done with that place but I’m not. I want to punish them. Be their worst nightmare,” I whisper, baring my throat, and he goes in for the kill.
All the aggression he’s feeling, he puts that into marking my skin. All pretenses are gone. We’re not accidentally touching each other in the dark or rocking our bodies innocently. It’s more than that. It’s the beginning of something. He’s thrusting his hips in a steady, long rhythm, using his hands to pull the cheeks of my ass apart, running the length of his cock in between the crease.
When he comes up for air, I spin around and get on my knees, looking up at him.
He glows, orange, red and yellow, courtesy of the streetlight and neon signs. God, he’s so big and tall and sturdy, his cock throbbing.
“Pixie…” He tries to step back a bit, but I grab onto his strong hairy thighs. So smooth yet coarse at the same time.
“Let me suck you off. I wanna do it. Please.”
It’s a surprise for me that I haven’t yet. I have tasted his cum, have licked the purple crown of his cock, but I haven’t ever sucked him off. I’m not sure why that is. Sometimes he’s too impatient to get inside me and sometimes I’m dying for him to fill me up.
But tonight, I want to do it.
Abel caresses my hair with his long fingers. “Be my guest, baby. But you can’t hold me responsible for what happens when you wrap your pretty pink lips around me.”
Gods & Monsters Page 20
