by Joanna Sims
“I don’t really.” She studied the ring options in the case. “I have always liked emeralds.”
“Yellow or white gold?”
“Yellow.”
They were talking around the issue, but they both knew that they were discussing an engagement ring. Tyler had made it clear from the very beginning that he wanted to marry her and raise their child at Bent Tree Ranch. She had grown to love the land as much as he did. But it wasn’t just about her or Tyler or even the baby on the way. She had a son in Virginia who was waiting for her to come home.
“Penny for your thoughts,” Tyler said to her on the drive home.
“I was just thinking that the baby looks like you.”
“You think so?”
She nodded.
“I tell you what...” Tyler gave a little shake of his head. “I don’t know our child yet, I don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl...and I want you to know that I don’t care either way. I don’t even know our child’s name, but when I saw him, or her, on the screen today...” He shook his head in wonder again. “The love I felt for that baby... I didn’t even know I had that much love in my heart.”
Chapter Nine
She had been living a double life and it was starting to weigh heavily on her. Her family in Virginia didn’t know that she had withdrawn from school or that she was pregnant and still living at the ranch. It was easy to blur the truth when you were hundreds of miles away.
And she had been lying to Tyler, really. Lying by omission. He believed that they were slowly building a life together in Montana. Part of her wanted to believe that was possible, too. But nothing was certain. Nothing. If she had to choose between being with her son or staying in Montana with Tyler, she would choose her son every single time.
“I wasn’t expecting to find you here.” Tyler walked through the chapel door carrying a toolbox.
London hadn’t expected anyone to be up at the chapel this time of day. For weeks now, it had been a place of retreat, a place of quiet reflection for her.
She stood up to face him. “I like to come up here to think.”
“Well...don’t let me stop you.” Tyler put the toolbox down on one of the benches. “I’m just dropping this off for later.” Tyler nodded at her hands. “What’s that?”
London walked over to him, hands open. “It’s my grandmother’s rosary. She was devout.”
“It’s beautiful.” Tyler added with a facetious smile, “Are things so bad that you need to pray?”
When she didn’t laugh, he asked the question again, but this time without the joking smile. “Are things so bad that you need to pray about them?”
“Do you have time to sit down with me?” she asked.
“I’ll make the time.”
They sat down on the bench closest to the preacher’s podium. London reached for Tyler’s hand. This man had been so honest with her, so true. From the very beginning, he had never wavered in his desire to make a family with her. All of his cards were on the table. She was the one with secrets. She was the one who was always hiding something.
“I want you to know that...I think that I’ve loved you from the first day we met. But I couldn’t allow myself to get involved. I had J.T. to think about and I couldn’t let myself get sidetracked again because of a man...do you understand that?”
“Why does this sound like you’re trying to say goodbye to me?”
“I just want you to understand why I’ve always...put walls up between us.” She looked down at their entwined fingers. “Things with my son are complicated, Tyler. His father has joint custody, but he’s wanted J.T. to live with him for a while now. And the only reason J.T. is in Virginia with my parents is because both sets of grandparents are there and J.T. didn’t want to leave his friends.”
“J.T.’s father wouldn’t agree to him moving to Montana, is that what you’re worried about?”
“I think there is zero chance that Jon will agree to it. He’ll fight me for full custody and I’m not altogether sure that he wouldn’t win. I can’t risk losing my son, Tyler. I can’t do it.”
“Hey...don’t get yourself all worked up over something that hasn’t happened yet. You don’t know that he’d win full custody...”
Tears started to spill onto her cheeks—tears that she had been holding back for months. Tyler wiped her tears away with his thumbs and then pulled her into his arms.
“If I stay in Montana with you...” She pushed back a little to she could look into his eyes. “And I do want to stay in Montana with you, Tyler, I do...but I think that he’d have a very good case against me.”
“Why’s that?”
London wiped her face off on her shirt and pulled her phone out of her back pocket. “You’ve never asked to see a picture of my son.”
“I didn’t want to push you...”
She held out her phone to him. “That’s J.T.”
Tyler looked at the picture of the boy. He was a tall kid, stocky, with a round face and a quirky grin.
“Good-looking kid,” Tyler observed.
“That’s it?”
“What did you expect me to say?”
“Did you notice that he’s biracial? His father is African-American.”
“I can see pretty good.” Tyler handed the phone back to her. “I just didn’t think it needed to be mentioned.”
“Well...his father thinks it’s worth mentioning. Jon thinks it’s of utmost importance for J.T. to be connected to his culture. And he doesn’t think that I’m equipped to do that.” London gestured around her. “If Jon gets wind of the fact that I’m trying to move his son to a state that has—let’s face it—not much diversity... I think the gloves will come off.”
Tyler took a minute or two to process all of the information London had shared. Finally, he took both of her hands in his and said, “Look...if we’re in for a fight, we’re in for a fight. But let’s not borrow trouble. We’ll just take it one step at a time. You’ll be seeing J.T. at the end of the month, and you can get him used to the idea of the baby and coming to Montana for a visit,” Tyler said. “Why don’t we fly him out here the next time he has a break for school? Once he’s here, I guarantee he’ll fall in love with the place. After all, some of the first cowboys were black. It’s in his DNA to love it here.”
London nodded her agreement. “His father has him for Thanksgiving, but I get him for Christmas this year.”
“Then we’ll bring him here for Christmas at Bent Tree Ranch.” Tyler squeezed her hands to reassure her. “Until then...let’s just take things one day at a time. We’re here together now.” He kissed her lightly on the lips. “That’s all that matters to me.”
London put her hands on either side of his face. “I love you, Tyler.”
Tyler gazed into the eyes of the woman he loved, the mother of his first child. “And I love you. From the first moment I saw your face, I’ve had you in my heart.”
* * *
That night, London went to bed with less weight on her shoulders. She had opened her heart to Tyler and he had treated it gently. She still had her reservations about J.T.’s ability to thrive in Montana, much less his father’s agreement to such a move. But she had Tyler in her corner. This time, this pregnancy, she wasn’t alone.
“London! London!” Banging on the wall at the bottom of the stairs awakened her. In the dark, she fumbled for the light by the side of the bed.
“London! London!” More banging on the wall—it was Barbara calling her name.
She shoved the blanket back, swung her legs out of bed and ran to the door. She ran down three flights of stairs and down the hallway to the back of the house. She had never been to this part of the farmhouse—this was where the master bedroom was located. In her bare feet, she walked quickly to the end of the hall.
“Damn it, Barb... I’m fine.” Hank was sitting on the edge of the bed; his typically tanned face was ashen. He appeared to be out of breath and had broken out into a sweat.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing!” Hank snapped at his wife. “It’s a stomach bug, nothing more. Go back upstairs.”
“You hush up!” Barbara snapped back at Hank. “He woke up with stomach pains and pains in his arm and his back.”
London stayed in the doorway. “Any shortness of breath?”
Grudgingly, Hank said, “A little.”
“Chest pains?” It was like reliving her stepfather’s heart attack all over again.
“They...they come and go,” Hank admitted.
“Aspirin?” London asked Barb.
“I’ll get it.” Barbara headed to the bathroom and returned quickly with water and an aspirin.
“I’ll call an ambulance,” London said. Hank had all the symptoms of a heart attack.
“No.” Barb shook her head. “Go wake Tyler...the ambulance will take forever. We’ll drive him in ourselves.”
London could hear Hank protesting as she ran through the house, out the front door and across the yard to the cabin. Tyler was easy to wake, and then the four of them piled in to Hank’s king-cab truck and headed to Helena. They arrived at the emergency room and Hank was immediately taken back on priority. It wasn’t a surprise to London when the tests confirmed that Hank had a blockage in one of his arteries.
“What’s the word?” Tyler stood up when his mom appeared in the waiting room.
“They’re admitting him,” his mother said. “They’ve given him some medicine to dissolve the blockage, but we’ll just have to wait and see. They’re calling in the specialist tomorrow. You two go on back to the ranch—I’m going to stay here with your father.”
“I don’t want to leave you here, Mom.”
“No. Really, Tyler...please go back to the ranch. It causes me more stress worrying about the two of you on top of worrying about your dad. London looks exhausted—she needs her rest.”
“I’m okay,” London protested.
Barbara had the last word. She was the matriarch of the family. She hugged and kissed both of them, and then sent them on their way with a wave and a promise to call with an update. She tasked Tyler with calling all of his siblings in the morning, along with any relevant family members and friends.
When they arrived back at the ranch, the sun was still several hours from coming up. They first went to the main house to get Ilsa, the German shepherd, and Ranger, the cat, before they headed to the cabin. They undressed, slipped into bed together and Tyler wrapped his arm around London, his hand possessively resting on her baby bump. Ilsa spread out at the bottom of the bed, while Ranger took possession of the spot above their heads. For several hours they slept together, until the light of the sun filtered through the open window. Tyler rolled over and squinted at the sun streaming in the window before he carefully extracted his arm from beneath London’s head. Ilsa and Ranger were both waiting at the door to be let out. He took care of the animals first before he took care of himself.
“How’s Dad?” Tyler had his cell phone on speaker while he started the coffee.
“Ticked,” his mother said with a yawn. “He thinks this is all just a big waste of time. Have you called your brother and your sisters?”
“Doing that next. How are you holding up?”
“I’m fine, honey. I’ll call you later.”
Tyler called his siblings and then searched in his kitchen for breakfast food options that wouldn’t irritate London’s overly sensitive sense of smell. After a breakfast of plain toast with peanut butter, which London managed to keep down, they hung out near the main house until they heard from Barb.
* * *
Hank was released from the hospital two days later with a confirmed diagnosis of a mild heart attack. Anyone who knew Hank realized that it would be an uphill battle getting him to agree to the recommended heart-healthy diet, which was the topic of discussion the morning after his release from the hospital.
Hank looked at the small plate his wife had put down in front of him with a mixture of confusion, irritation and disgust.
“What happened to the rest of my breakfast?” he asked Barb.
She joined them at the table with her own small plate. “This is it. Scrambled eggs, wheat toast and a sliced banana.”
To London she said, “I have to go into town today and stock up on some things—do you want to come with me?”
“Barb...” Hank used a tone of voice that London had never heard him use before with his wife. “I’m not going to be changing every little thing just because I had a few chest pains.”
Hank loved bacon and butter and steak and sausage and everything else that had appeared in the avoid column of the heart-healthy diet list. Tyler and London exchanged glances and decided to keep their opinions to themselves.
“I do the cooking and this is what I made,” Barbara said easily. “If you want something else, you’ll have to make it yourself.”
Hank put the plate on the floor for Ilsa, stood up more slowly than he usually would, went to his study and shut the door behind him hard.
Barbara continued to eat her scrambled eggs. “Change is always difficult.”
“I remember how tough it was for my stepdad to change his lifestyle after his heart attack,” London agreed.
They all felt as though they had dodged a bullet with this heart attack—it was a warning. Hank had heart disease and if he didn’t change his diet, he would end up on the operating table—or worse. But everyone in the family knew that he was going to be stubborn about it. He was a rancher. He liked to eat red meat and smoke cigars.
“Once he comes to terms with it, it’ll be easier. He’s going to be a bear as long as he’s on light duty,” Barbara said thoughtfully. “For now, we’re all just going to have to support him with a lot of love and patience. Nobody likes to get this kind of news.”
Tyler went to work and London went into town with Barb, armed with a list of healthier foods for the refrigerator. While they were buying groceries, it occurred to London that she should do something to spoil Tyler. He had been completely supportive from the first moment they discovered that she was pregnant. He’d never wavered in his commitment to her or their child. She knew that she hadn’t been able, for a multitude of reasons, to commit to him with the same confidence. Tyler had been doing most of the heavy lifting in their unconventional relationship, and she wanted to let him know that she recognized it and appreciated it.
While Tyler was moving the herd to a different pasture, she took over his kitchen and started to make his favorite meal: shepherd’s pie. Barb’s recipe was simple enough to follow. So, the minute they got back to the ranch, she started peeling potatoes to mash. With the potatoes in the pot boiling on the stove, London tied a bandanna over her face, like a train robber from an old Western movie, so she could brown the hamburger meat without smelling it. She browned the meat as quick as possible, breathing through her mouth, then added cans of strained corn to the browned hamburger.
After she browned the meat, she had to go outside for some fresh air. For her, it was definitely challenging to cook while pregnant. Back in the kitchen, London mashed the potatoes using salted butter and heavy whipping cream. She dug through the bottom kitchen cabinets to find a glass pan that would be perfect for baking, spread the meat mixture on the bottom, added a layer of mashed potatoes and then topped off the pie with freshly grated sharp cheddar cheese. Finally, she popped the shepherd’s pie into the oven to bake.
She sat in Tyler’s living room, trying not to think about all of the things that she was missing this semester in school and back in Virginia with her son as he started middle school. This was an important milestone and she was missing it. She had thought, at t
he time, that the events she missed would be counterbalanced by the security a degree would bring. But now? What was that payoff? What had she done to herself? What had she done to her son?
“Man...something smells good in here!” Tyler opened the front door of the cabin.
London quickly wiped the tears from her eyes and pasted a welcoming smile on her face. She met him halfway for a hug. He kissed her hello on the lips before he leaned down to kiss her baby bump.
With his arm still around her, holding her close to him, he said, “I could get used to this.”
“Please don’t.” She laughed, happy to see him. “I need to be out in the barn. I love your mom and dad, but their arrangement would drive me insane.”
“So...I can’t ask you to fetch me a beer and my slippers?”
She hugged him with another laugh. “Not if you want to keep your front teeth.”
“I want to keep them,” he assured her.
She took his hand and led him into the kitchen. When she opened the oven to show Tyler what was baking, his eyes lit up.
“I thought I smelled Mom’s shepherd’s pie!” Tyler eyed the pan hungrily.
London opened the refrigerator and waved her arm as if she was a hostess on a game show. “And...your favorite beer.”
Her plan to spoil him had worked. Tyler leaned back against the kitchen counter with a look of sheer pleasure and surprise on his good-looking face.
“What’s the occasion?” he asked her.
London didn’t often feel embarrassment, nor was she a shy person. But the way Tyler was looking at her, with his deeply set clear blue eyes filled with such love and admiration, made her feel more shy and self-conscious than she had in her life.
Her face felt a little hot. Was she actually blushing? “I just wanted to do something nice for you, that’s all. Why don’t you go get cleaned up? By the time you’re done with your shower, dinner will be ready.”
They ate dinner on the back deck of the cabin, with the small lake and dock in the foreground, and the chapel on the hill and the tall mountains as the background. It was more romantic than any fancy restaurant could have been. It seemed as if they were the only two people on the planet. Tyler had three helpings of the shepherd’s pie, which made her feel like a million bucks, because Barbara Brand was a hard act to follow in the kitchen. He wouldn’t let her clear the table or wash the dishes. Instead, he piled them up in the sink, bachelor-style. They sat down at the end of the dock, him with his last beer in hand and her with her toes dangling in the lake water that was cooling with the early-evening air.
