by Abby Crofton
After spending a few hours with her talking and eating and making jokes, she was so much more to me than the pretty cheerleader I had a crush on. She was a real person. Which was stupid of me to think, because she had always been a real person. But she was one of the first girls I had ever found attractive after I’d finally admitted to myself that I liked girls. She was literally the personification of my burgeoning sexuality. It was hard to go from dream girl to real girl, but I was slowly realizing that getting to know the real Kate was a thousand times better than dreaming about Kate Monroe.
Plus, she seemed to like spending time with me too. She hadn’t looked at her phone once since she’d come over, and didn’t shy away from teasing me or laughing at my expense. That was something I appreciated. Some people might have found those sort of interactions rude, but to me it was a sign of comfort between two people. I couldn’t imagine being close friends (or more) with anyone without having some lightness and fun in the relationship. As long as all people involved were okay with it, of course.
Even though Kate and I would most likely never be in a romantic relationship, I really wanted to be her friend. Ignoring her physical attractiveness, which was very hard to do, there were so many great qualities about her. Except for the whole trying to get me in shape thing. If she decided to cancel the workout session, I wouldn't fight her on it.
A knock at the door drew our attention away from each other. "Come in," I called out. The door opened to reveal my sister. I got a queasy feeling in my stomach at the sight of the smirk on her face. She was up to something.
"How's the studying going?" she asked no one in particular. She was leaning against the doorframe right inside the room.
"Fine," I responded. I would have to have a talk with her later about not listening. I had specifically asked her before Kate arrived to make herself scarce, and here she was interrupting us. I was going to leave it at that and hope Eddy would take the hint and leave, but then Kate chimed in.
"Haley has really been great about explaining some of the stuff I missed in class. I'm feeling much better about the exam than I was yesterday, that's for sure," she told Eddy.
"Good thing Haley is in your class, then," my sister said to Kate. Her voice took on a saccharine quality. That wasn't good. "It's too bad none of your friends are in that class though. You had to go ask Haley, who was virtually a stranger, right?" Eddy didn't even stop to let Kate answer. "Though I thought Megan Jones was in that class. Isn't she on the cheer squad?" she asked.
Kate looked surprised for a second but recovered. "Meg's a great friend. Not that great a student, though," she answered. "Let's just say I felt a little more confident about Haley's notes than Meg's."
That was exactly what I had thought. For a second, I thought about suggesting another study session, including Megan this time, but I kept my mouth shut. I rationalized that Kate should bring it up since Megan was her friend. Not to mention the part of me that wanted to keep any more study sessions just between Kate and me.
"That make sense," my sister said, nodding. She still looked unnaturally innocent with her hands now clasped behind her back. She was still standing by the door, but I almost expected her to start strolling around like a TV prosecutor during a trial, right before the unveiling of a key piece of evidence that would send the defendant to the electric chair.
I was right. She did have something planned. She was facing both of us as she talked. "I was just under the impression that since Megan is a member of the National Honor Society, she could take pretty good notes. Guess I was wrong." She turned around and walked away from my room without closing the door behind her, leaving the two of us on the floor to think that little bit of information over.
I hadn’t known that Megan was in the National Honor Society. I actually didn't know anything about Megan other than she was a cheerleader and the three of us had history together. Apparently she wasn't that good of a student in history, regardless of honor society membership. That was probably what Kate had meant when she’d said that Megan wasn't a great student. That she wasn't a great student in World History class.
Regardless, my sister was trying to stir up something, but just thinking about trying to figure out what was making me tired.
Kate was looking at my bedroom door with her eyebrows furrowed and her mouth set into a straight line. Instead of getting up and going after my sister as I half expected her to do, she turned to me and her face relaxed into a rueful smile. “It's getting late, and I really should be getting back home,” she said as she started gathering her things together. “I still have to finish my homework for my other classes, and I'd like to get in a quick run before I head to bed.”
I could feel my own eyebrows rise. “I thought you had practice earlier today. Not enough exercise for you?” Admittedly, I had no idea what went on at cheerleading practice.
“No running at practice today; we just did some quick drills and choreography for the last few games of the season. Track, softball, baseball, and lacrosse all have upcoming games or meets that we're scheduled to attend. I always like this time of year. Everyone thinks football season is the big time for cheerleading, but the spring sports are smaller and more relaxed than in the fall. Plus, we get to be a little more creative.” She finished putting her things in her backpack and stood up. I quickly got to my feet.
“Let me walk you out,” I said as I pointed in the direction of the stairs. I didn't want to seem like I was trying to get rid of her, but at this point I didn't know what else to say.
She led the way downstairs, and when we got to the front foyer, I could see my parents sitting in the living room. “Thanks again for dinner, Mr. and Mrs. Suarez,” she called out. Both my parents turned from the TV and gave Kate smiles and waves.
“Like I said before, stop by anytime, Kate,” my mom said. “It was wonderful to meet you, and I hope Haley will have you over again soon.”
“It was nice to meet you, Kate,” my dad added.
I opened the front door and led the way toward Kate's car. When we got to the small sedan, I turned to her. “Guess I'll see you Saturday, then. Unless something comes up. You have my number, so just text me or give me a call if you have to cancel. Or if you want to forget about the whole working out part and just go get some ice cream or something,” I told her truthfully.
Just as I’d hoped, she smiled. I was getting addicted to her smiles. “You can't get out of it that easily,” she responded. “But I wouldn't be averse to some ice cream after a hard workout.”
“Are you sure we just can't skip to the good part?” I asked. She gave me a disbelieving look and didn't bother responding.
“Bye, Haley. Thanks again for all your help tonight,” she said as she leaned toward me and put her arms around me in a hug. I was momentarily surprised, but soon enough I was giving her a hug back.
“No problem, Kate. Anytime.”
After Kate left, I went back inside my house to find my entire family waiting for me in the living room. All three looked expectantly at me, my parents hanging off the back of the couch and Eddy standing to the side. I looked at them. They looked at me. Was I supposed to say something?
"Thanks again for tonight," I started hesitantly. "No major embarrassments, which is always appreciated. But"—and here I turned to my sister and pointed in her direction—"what was up with the visit to my room? I specifically asked you for space, and instead you come in and interrupt our study session. Why would you do that?"
"Hey, I was doing you a favor," she said indignantly. "Now you know she likes you, because she made up that whole story about needing your notes and a study session for that class. Megan Jones is super smart and probably does better in history than you do. You should be saying ‘thank you’ instead of attacking me.” She sniffed, piqued. “I'll be the better person, then: you're welcome." With that, she walked right past me and up the stairs, and then I heard her door close. I stood there, shocked at what she had just said.
My head was st
ill turned in the direction of the stairs when I heard my mom say something. I quickly swiveled in that direction.
"Your father and I both like Kate very much, Haley. We totally approve of you two dating, and we're really looking forward to meeting her parents." I understood the words coming out of her mouth, but I was having trouble making any sense of them.
I quickly tried to clarify. "Mom, Kate and I are not dating. We're not even friends. Today was the first time I've ever even had a conversation with her. Plus, she's straight," I added so they would know they were definitely getting the entire thing wrong.
My dad jumped in. "Honey, I'm not an expert on same-sex relationships. Or the love lives of high school girls. But that girl was definitely into you tonight. And from what your sister said, it sounds like she saw something there too," he pointed out.
I was getting a little grossed out now. I did not want my parents discussing, or even thinking about, my nonexistent love life. "You are all way off," I protested. "I hardly know the girl! She's just a really nice person who is friendly. That's it. There is absolutely no romance involved. And I really want to stress this part again, because I think it’s the most important: she is straight.”
“Or she might be bisexual. Or questioning, or gay, or on her own spectrum of sexuality. You said yourself that you didn’t know her very well. Why is it so hard to believe that she may like you?” my mom asked with a gentleness in her voice that made me swallow a lump forming in my throat. I didn’t know why I was getting emotional about this nonsense.
“I won’t be some straight girl’s experiment,” I told them with finality. “So please just drop it.” I didn’t wait for a response. I turned and made my way to my room. I tried thinking about how fun this night had been with Kate, but my mind kept drifting back to what my family had said. I knew they meant well and wanted me to be happy. I also wasn’t deluded enough to think they hadn’t noticed my crush on Kate. As I was learning, I was pretty transparent with my feelings. So they’d put two and two together and got six: I liked Kate, Kate was nice to me, therefore she liked me and we should be dating.
But that wasn’t how it worked. I was forming a friendship with Kate, and I didn't want to jeopardize that with wishful thinking about romance. It was ironic that, before, I’d been nervous about having any contact with her. Just the idea of talking to her had made me sweat through my clothes. But I’d had such a good time with her tonight that I really wanted to hang out with her again. She was funnier and easier to talk to than I’d thought she would be. Me and my lesbian crush would probably ruin all that if I wasn't careful.
No matter how well-meaning my family was, I couldn't let my romantic feelings get in the way. Because I definitely had romantic feelings at this point. Kate had gone from being a goddess who I didn't know to this great person that I was getting to know. I still had a crush, but it was more real now because Kate was more real to me. It was amazing that my whole view of her had changed in only a few hours. Looking back to just this morning, it was embarrassing how I’d thought about her. I’d practically dehumanized her with my focus on her physical traits and my complete ignorance of her personality.
I thought about calling Marie to talk some of this stuff out, but I couldn't quite make myself do it. I just wanted to sit in my room and think about things for a little bit, like could a lesbian be friends with a straight girl who she had a crush on? If movies and TV shows were anything to go by, the lesbian usually ended up dead or heartbroken. The idea of either of those things happening to me was very unappealing.
And there was that last sliver of thought that refused to be dislodged in my mind. What if, against all reason and rationality, Kate actually liked me? Just the thought made me feel warm in the best way possible. Hope was sometimes a little brighter than the harsh light of reality.
Chapter 8
School the next day was uncertain. I didn't know how I would act if I ran into Kate. It was great thinking we were friends after a fun night together, but after sleeping on it, the old nervousness had come back to me. Did we actually have anything in common? We shared the same sense of humor and both liked tacos. As far as I knew, that was it. I didn’t think she would ignore me if we ran into each other in the hallway, but did she really want to be my friend?
It turned out Kate was the least of my worries. I got to school at my regular time and parked in the student lot. Eddy and I had not talked during the entire ride over. I was still mad at her for the stunt she’d pulled last night, and she seemed to be mad at me too for some reason. She probably still thought I hadn’t shown enough gratitude for the “help” she’d given me. We were at a stalemate, neither of us willing to back down. I wasn’t too worried, though. Usually when we had a fight, we gave each other the silent treatment for a few days and then silently agreed to ignore what had happened. And honestly, I could sort of see where she was coming from. She thought she was helping me in her own crazy way, while I hoped she was coming to realize that I saw her actions as intrusive and rude. Either way, our mutual silent treatment left me feeling irritated as I locked the car and headed toward the school.
Walking through the front doors alone, my irritation turned to dread. Jenny Jeffries, my archnemesis, was walking straight toward me. I steeled myself for the unpleasantness to come. She had hated me for years, and I still could not figure out why. I had racked my brain after every one of our encounters, where she usually belittled me and made less-than-subtle references to how stupid she thought I was, but I was still in the dark. I had even resorted to asking Marie to fish around and see if anyone else knew why Jenny hated me. She had come back to me empty-handed.
So when Jenny stopped right in front of me and asked with the most pleasant tone of voice she had ever spoken to me, “Haley, can I please speak to you for a moment?” I was shocked.
“Sure, I guess we can talk,” I stammered out. As she led the way down the hall, I wondered if it was a good idea to go somewhere private with a person who enjoyed making fun of me. Maybe today was the day she snapped, and she was leading me to my death in a dark corner of the school. I really had to stop following people into dark corners of the school.
We ended up in a small classroom by the gym. I remembered taking a couple of written exams in the room when I took gym freshman year.
I became mildly alarmed when she closed the door behind us. Looking around, I saw that she was standing in front of the only way in or out of the room. If this was a murder plot, then it was going very well so far, at least for her. Me, not so much.
“So, I saw you talking to Kate Monroe yesterday,” she started. This was unexpected.
“Yeah,” I drew out slowly. That was all I was willing to say until I was a little clearer on what was going on.
Jenny looked at her feet. She seemed to be having trouble getting out what she wanted to say. Finally, she took a breath and made up her mind. “I don’t think you know this, but Kate is actually one of my really good friends. We grew up on the same street together, and I used to go over to her house so much that I practically lived there. She doesn’t have any brothers or sisters, so I sort of took over a sibling role.”
She paused and gathered her thoughts again. I’d had no idea she was close to Kate. I hadn’t even known that they knew each other.
“Look, what I’m trying to say is, don’t even think about hurting her. Kate is one of the best people I know and deserves to be with someone who recognizes how awesome she is. For some reason, she likes you. I don’t know what she sees in you, because you have always been really annoying and whiny, but I’m not the one who wants to date you. So don’t be a jerk to her and we’ll be fine,” she said, sending my world off its axis.
My legs got really weak all of a sudden, and I had to sit in the nearest chair or I was going to end up on the floor. I was shocked. I was sure I had heard it all wrong, and that Jenny Jeffries of all people hadn’t just announced that Kate liked me. This had to be a joke. It was just like her to find the cruelest t
hing to say to hurt me.
“Why are you saying this?” I asked her. I couldn’t control the weak sound of my own voice. It got even worse when I felt the urge to cry. I put my hands over my eyes in an attempt to stifle any tears.
“What's the matter with you?" she said, exasperated. "I just told you that a beautiful girl likes you, and you're falling apart. You should be jumping around with joy. Actually, you should be celebrating the fact that anyone likes you despite all your deficiencies. I can't be the only one who can't stand you."
I couldn't help it. The pressure behind my eyes finally broke and I was crying. It was one of the worst things that could have happened. I was crying over a girl who was my tormentor’s best friend.
"Oh my god, you're crying now. This is pathetic. Why in the world are you crying?"
I didn't answer. I just kept my head down on the desk and let the tears flow. At least I wasn't sobbing. This was already embarrassing enough without big, ugly sobs and snot everywhere.
Just when I thought things couldn't get worse, they got worse. I felt an arm go around my shoulders. Then my back was being patted awkwardly. I cried harder when I figured out that Jenny Jeffries was trying to console me. I really was pathetic.
"There, there," she muttered halfheartedly. It was obvious she didn't want to be sitting there with me. I didn't blame her. I wouldn't have wanted to be with me either, in the state I was in.
There were a few more seconds of awkward patting, murmured attempts at consolation, and my sniffling. Finally, Jenny seemed to have had enough, because she pulled back and grabbed my shoulders to straighten me in the chair.
