Please forgive me, Harlow.
Love you always and forever,
Hendrix
By the end of the letter, Harlow is shaking and crying to the point she can barely breathe. “Shh…it’s okay, I’ve got you.” I try my best to comfort her, but fuck! How do you comfort someone after they learn that the person they love, their sibling, was sexually abused as a child and killed themselves because of it? And to also learn that another innocent child was involved as well, and that child also killed themselves.
Instead of talking, I just rock Harlow back and forth on the couch and hold her tight. I need her to know I’m here for her. We can talk later, but right now, she just needs the silence to digest what she learned and to come to terms with what happened.
***
An hour later, she’s finally calmed down enough to speak.
“Why haven’t you left yet?” Her voice is hoarse from crying.
“What? Why would I leave?” I ask, confused and a little pissed off that she thinks so little of me to think that I would.
“I don’t know. I mean, this can’t be how you thought you’d spend your day. I’m sure you have better things to do then to watch me break apart and try to put the pieces back together again.”
I lean back a little so I can look into her eyes. “I’m not going anywhere, Harlow. I want to be here for you. When are you going to get it through that thick head of yours that I care about you and want to help you? You’re stuck with me, babe. I’m not leaving you. Not now…not ever.” I know those are strong words and she may not believe them, but I don’t think I’ve ever spoken truer words in my life. I will never leave her. Even if she decides to run again, I will find her.
She may have found out why her brother killed himself and what he went through to protect her, but I found something out too. I need her in my life. I’m not sure I could live without her again.
“Come on. Let’s get out of here,” I say, jumping up with her still in my arms. “Let’s do something crazy.”
Wiping the tears from her face, she looks at me with the most life I’ve seen in her eyes since she’s gotten back. Shit, maybe even ever.
Smiling, she says, “Hell yes. Let’s go live.”
Chapter 10
Harlow
It’s been two weeks since Louie read me the letter my brother left me before he killed himself. I still feel some anger toward him, and certainly sadness and pain for what he went through, but I have a better understanding of why he made the choices he made. I wish I could go back in time and change what happened, but that’s not how it works. Life isn’t a Nintendo game where you get a do-over.
After Louie read the letter, and I cried until I had no more tears, we went to the park. It was a place I could feel connected to the good memories I had of my brother. We spent the day running around like children: playing tag, swinging, and playing in the sandbox. I know it sounds lame, but it was exactly what I needed. It was fun and freeing at the same time. I no longer felt like I had the world on my shoulders or chains around my ankles. Like a child, I felt free. I had no concern of what my next steps would be or worry about life in general. There was just us; me and Louie, being carefree and having the time of our lives.
He was worried for the first few days after, thinking I would close myself off and shut everyone out. But I was done with being alone. I had people here that cared about me, thought of me as family. They are all I have now.
We talked about the letter and what it revealed. I cried and got angry, but not like I was before. I was no longer angry at my brother, but at the foster father we had and the hand life dealt us.
And we also talked about Rayanne.
My brother was right; I didn’t really know her. Looking back now, I realize I barely even remember what she looked like. I can’t believe I was so caught up in my own misery and trying to stay in the shadows myself that I don’t have one memory of her—of what she looked like or what her voice sounded like. She was three years younger than Hendrix and I. She didn’t even live, yet she had lived through things that most people couldn’t even imagine. She was good and innocent, but she was also a fighter and so very strong.
“Good morning, babe. What’s got you thinking so hard?” Louie says as he squeezes his arms that are wrapped around my waist.
Rolling over so I’m facing him, I look at his sleep riddled hair and his lazy smile.
“I was thinking about my brother and Rayanne.”
His smile turns sad. “Want to talk about it?”
Leaning forward, I plant a soft kiss on his lips. “I want to buy plaques for them. Hold a service. I never had one for Hendrix after I found out about his death and Rayanne never had a family. I don’t even know what was done with her body,” I say sadly.
Thinking back to those first few days after Hendrix and I left all those years ago, I remember the sadness that surrounded him. I foolishly thought it was despair for not knowing what we would do and being alone on the streets. I thought it was all the responsibility he took upon himself to support us. But now I know better. Now I know he grieving for the girl he loved and lost.
“I think that’s a great idea. And it will help give you some closure.” Louie speaks with sadness, but also with hope. I know he’s worried about me, but it’s because of him I have the courage to do this. It’s because of him I’m finally on the right path to healing and getting over what happened.
“Thank you,” I say as stare into his eyes. He has no idea what he’s done for me. For two years I held on to my anger for what my brother did, thinking he was selfish and weak. I hated him for what he did. But now, with Louie and the club by my side, I’m finally on the road to healing.
“For what, babe?” he asks.
“You never gave up on me. Even after I left and was gone for so long. After coming back here the way I did and the way I treated you and everyone else I care about. But most of all, thank you for helping me through my anger and pain. For helping me see past it all and remember the good memories I have of my brother.”
Louie rolls over so he is covering my body with his, then he kisses my lips. “I would do anything for you, Harlow.”
No more words are spoken as nothing else is needed to be said in this moment.
He takes my lips in a rough kiss, but I meet his desperation with my own. We haven’t had sex since the morning before he read me my letter. Going without him inside of me makes me ravenous for him.
“I need you inside me, Louie. I can’t wait,” I say, ripping my lips away from his, but not for long.
Attacking his mouth once more, I reach down to pull his boxers off, only to find he’s already naked. When did that happen? Not wanting to waste time asking, I take his cock in my hand. He’s so hard, I wonder if it’s painful for him.
Not even bothering to take my own panties off, I move them to the side and eagerly feed his cock into my greedy pussy.
“Fuck,” Louie groans as he pushes all the way inside of me.
He barely gives me time to adjust before he’s thrusting viciously, but I don’t care. The pain only adds to my pleasure.
“Faster, Louie,” I urge him on. I can feel myself already at the brink of climax and I want it now. I need that orgasm more than I need my next breath. I’m desperate for it.
Picking up the pace, he doesn’t disappoint. “Shit, Harlow. I’m not gonna last,” he moans, but I don’t care if this doesn’t even last a minute. My whole body feels like a live bomb that’s ready to explode.
“I don’t care. Please. Please…” I beg him. I’m so close, I can taste it.
Lifting my leg for better leverage, he pumps into me harder, faster. With my leg now over his shoulder, he’s able to hit a part inside me that sends shockwaves throughout my body.
“Oh, God!” I scream.
My orgasm starts to take hold, and just when I think I’ll fall over the cliff into oblivion completely, Louie slows his pace a little.
“No!” I yell, thinking he’
s going to stop or make me wait. But instead, he delivers short, hard thrusts that has me seeing stars.
“Come with me, babe. Come now!” he growls before he stills inside me, but it’s enough.
I scream out his name as I feel my whole body start to vibrate and contract.
After our breathing has settled and we’re able to move our limbs, Louie lifts himself up so he’s braced on his forearms above me.
“I think you wore my ass out,” he says, still sounding breathless, but I think it’s all for show.
“Oh yeah? Well, maybe next time you’ll let me be on top.” I give him a wink, then use all my weight to roll him over so I can straddle him.
He looks shocked, but turned on at the same time. “Oh no, you don’t. I know that look. I have to be to work in twenty minutes, so unless you want to deal with Dani, I need to shower.”
A part of me wants him to fight me, force me to stay in bed with him. But another part knows that we can’t. I can’t let Dani down after everything she’s done for me. I was horrible to her when I got back into town. I owe her more than skipping work just so I can have more mind-numbing sex.
“All right, but your ass is mine tonight,” he says, then he slaps my ass before tossing me off him. I give myself these few seconds to sit here and enjoy the view of him getting dressed before I make my way into the bathroom for a shower. A cold shower.
***
Louie left as soon as I was out of the shower, saying he had some business to attend to at the club. Grabbing my energy drink and phone off the counter, I head out the door. I’ve been staying in the apartment upstairs for the last couple of weeks, and even though I don’t want to live here forever, I can’t deny how much it makes things easier for me. Especially if Louie and I are going to make messing around minutes before I have to be to work more than a random occurrence.
Just as I reach the bottom of the stairs, my phone rings. Thinking it’s Louie or Dani calling, I don’t look at the caller ID before answering.
“Hello?”
Holding the phone between my ear and shoulder, I open the door to the back of the shop, but when no one replies, I stop. “Dani, is that you?” I ask.
Still, there’s nothing.
“Louie, really? If you’re fucking with me, I’m going to kick your ass when I see you tonight,” I say with fake irritation. It gives me a thrill to have someone to mess with again. I haven’t had this since I left here two years ago.
When I still don’t hear a response, I pull the phone away from my ear to check the caller ID. Unavailable.
“Hello? Who’s there?” I try once more, and this time, I hear a faint chuckle, then the line goes dead.
Thinking it’s just some kids prank calling, I forget about it and walk into the shop.
“Hey! Who were you talking to?” Dani asks as soon as she sees me.
“Hey, I have no idea. Probably some kids messing around,” I reply as I head toward the front desk.
Sara is sitting at the desk talking on the phone, so I wait until she hangs up to give her a hug. “Hey. Married life still treating you well?” I ask in greeting.
When I got back and met Sara, I hated her. Well, I hated what I thought she represented. But getting to know her these past weeks, I realize she’s kind of like me. And a lot like Dani. Which is probably the reason we are on our way to being really good friends, and not just co-workers.
I don’t know what Sara was like when she first got into town, but I’ve heard stories and it seems like she’s come a long way since then. I just hope that given time, things with me will be better as well.
“Married life is…sexy,” she says dreamily.
“Ugh, please don’t start telling me sex stories about you and Toby. I don’t want the visual,” I say jokingly. I would never deny her if she needed to let every detail out. I’m a good friend like that. What can I say, Toby is hot; they all are. So if their women want to talk about their sexy bodies and how they work their magic in the bedroom, I will lend an ear to listen. It’s a horrible job, but someone has to do it.
“Well, if we can’t talk about Sara and Toby’s sex life, let’s talk about you and Louie,” Dani says from behind me.
Spinning around, I open to my mouth to lie to her about how Louie and I aren’t together when the door chimes.
We all look to the guy who comes walking in with a large vase full of at least three dozen roses.
“Harlow McPherson?” he asks all three of us.
“Oh, that would be me,” I say, confused.
As soon as I sign for the flowers, he hands them over and wishes us a good day. Making my way over to the desk, I set the vase down and look for a note within the masses.
“Who are they from?” Sara asks.
“I have no idea. There’s no note,” I finally say when I come up empty.
“I bet I know who sent them,” Dani says cheekily.
“Oh shut up.” To be honest, I can only think of one person who would send them, but I don’t know why Louie would. I mean, we just saw each other mere minutes ago and it’s not like we’re really together. So why?
“No, but seriously, girl. Do you have something you want to tell us?” Dani asks in a serious tone.
“Nope. Nothing.” It’s the truth. There is nothing to say. Louie and I are friends who just so happen to enjoy each other’s body on occasion. And we have strong feelings for each other, but it’s still just friendship—with a little somethin’ on the side. Sure, I hope that it happens more often than every few weeks or just when the mood strikes, but that’s me. We haven’t talked about our relationship and I’ve been okay with that.
“Whatever, girl. You’ll spill the beans soon enough, but until then, get your ass to work.” I’m grateful that Dani is letting this go because I have no words. I’ve never gotten flowers before so I have no idea what this means.
Sitting down in the chair Sara vacated, I try to get into the mindset of work by going over the schedule and accounting books.
“Oh, I almost forgot. This was in the mail for you today,” Sara says as she hands me an envelope.
I’m starting to get a bad feeling. This is all way too much for one day. First, my time spent with Louie. Then the phone call and flowers. Now this. What the fuck is going on?
“Thanks…” I let the sentence drift off, still trying to come up with a logical explanation. Things don’t just happen like this, especially not to me. I don’t get random calls. I don’t get flowers. I don’t get letters that I’m not expecting. And I never expect a letter.
“Well, aren’t you just the popular girl today?” Dani says, though I can hear the edge in her voice. It’s not directed toward me, but she is also a little weirded out by all of this. It’s just too much. It does make me feel a little better that she feels it too though, and it’s not just me.
Thankfully, she doesn’t stick around to wait for me to open the letter. I don’t want an audience because I have no clue what to expect.
Opening it slowly, I take a deep breath before reading the few words that are written in an unfamiliar hand.
My sweet Harlow,
It was so good to see you today. It’s been too long. But soon enough that won’t matter.
Until next time…
xoxo
I feel a chill go down my spine. I’ve had a feeling a few times that someone was watching me, but I wrote it off as being paranoid for no reason, or someone from the club following me. After Louie read me that letter from my brother, he’s been really worried about me. And when he’s not with me, he either sends me text messages to check up on me or he’ll make sure I’m always with someone. I know he thinks I’ll go off the deep end again, but I won’t. Not because I’m over what happened, because I don’t think someone can ever really gets over something like this, but because I don’t want to. I have too many things in my life that are good, and I want to keep it that way.
But going off this letter, there is someone else out there, watching me, follo
wing me. And I have no idea who it could be. I don’t know a lot of people around here. Only the people in the club or close acquaintances to the club. Of course there are the customers, but no one really sparks a thought that they would turn stalkerish.
Deciding there is no use thinking about it anymore, I put the letter in my purse and get back to work. I just hope Dani doesn’t ask me about the note. I don’t want to mention anything till I have more time to figure it out. No sense worrying anyone unless it’s necessary. It could just be some kid messing around, like the phone call. Although that doesn’t seem likely.
***
It’s late by the time Dani and I close the shop down. She had a last minute walk-in and I didn’t want to leave her here alone to close. Plus, I didn’t feel like going upstairs to an empty apartment.
Louie texted me a few hours ago saying he was still at the club, but that he would come over as soon as he was done. I haven’t thanked him for the flowers yet, but I will. I just want to do it in person because I also want to talk about us.
I didn’t want to get into it with him and try to label what we have, but after getting the flowers and the girls asking what’s going on, I decided that I needed to know as well. I want to know. I really like Louie. I always have, but I need to know if this is more than just friends messing around. If that’s all this is, that’s fine, but I need to know. I don’t want to be thinking this is going somewhere when it’s really not. It may sting a little, but I’ll take Louie any way I can get him. I don’t want to live my life without him in it for another day I don’t have to. And if that means only having him as a friend/booty call, then so be it. Like I said, I’ll take what I can get, when I can get it.
“All right, you ready to head out?” Dani asks. She’s been quiet tonight, more so than usual. It could just be me, or maybe she’s still freaked out about the flowers and the letter, but I’m thinking it might be more than that.
Defying Destiny (Forsaken Sinners MC #3) Page 10
