Twisted Paths

by L. L. Collins

  “You called me here,” he breaks the silence. “So let’s get this over with.” He crosses his arms in front of him, and my eyes automatically go to the dress shirt pulled taut over his biceps before I remember that I’m supposed to be angry.

  My mouth drops open at his callous attitude. My mouth dries out and my heart starts pounding. I don’t know this man standing in front of me. Just when I was about to run to our room—my room—and pretend he had never come here, Kinsley’s voice echoes in my head. No. I’m not running away. He’s going to stand in front of me and tell me he doesn’t want me.

  “Ronan,” I start, startling myself with how calm my voice appears to be. “I think you owe me a conversation, don’t you? What’s up with you writing me a letter saying you want a divorce? What kind of man does that?” Kinsley would be so proud, but I think I might pass out.

  His eyes look over my head as he stands silently, looking like he too wants to bolt. I can’t believe this is my husband.

  “Is there someone else?” His eyes snap to mine, and he narrows them.

  “Liane,” he says. “I realize that this is hard for you.” He looks away and I begin shaking. Hard for me? This isn’t hard for him?

  “Hard for me?” I repeat.

  He nods. “But, it’s over, Liane. We’ve both known it for years.”

  I can’t stop them; tears spill over onto my cheeks. “I haven’t known it for years, Ronan. I love you just as much as I did all those years ago. You’re my husband! How can you just throw this away? What did I do? I’ll fix it.”

  He sighs, running his hands through his dark hair in frustration. Why is he frustrated with me? What have I done? “We’ve had a good life, Liane. We raised Carter to be a respectful, hard working adult. We’ve done our jobs. Now we can finally live our lives again.”

  What? He has only been married to me all these years because of Carter? “I don’t understand. You never loved me?”

  “I loved you as much as you loved me,” he answers.

  “You aren’t making sense,” I cry, sniffling as more tears stream down my cheeks. “What have I ever done to make you think I don’t love you?”

  “I think you’ve loved me as much as you can,” Ronan answers, and I hear it. A small amount of sadness has crept into his voice. “We were so young, Lia. Way too young to have to settle down. We did the best we could with what we were given. But it’s just not enough.”

  I close my eyes against the memories flooding into my head of the months leading up to our wedding. So after all this time, he’s talking about Blake. This is all some sort of pissing contest? I know I can’t say his name to Ronan, though. That’s a no-no in our lives.

  “So you were okay with saying goodbye to our marriage with a letter? What the hell is that about, Ronan?” My emotions are taking over now, and I can’t stop it. He’s going to throw us away because of some juvenile insecurity, and I can’t allow it.

  “I just thought it would be easier for both of us than a dramatic break up,” he indicates us. “Like this.”

  “So you really thought that I was just going to accept this and move on like we were next door neighbors or something? Ronan, I don’t know the man in front of me right now.”

  He sighs, uncrossing his arms and gripping the counter behind him. “Liane, I don’t want to be married to you anymore. I’m only thirty-seven years old. You’re a beautiful, wonderful woman. But the thought of being married to you for the rest of my life is impossible. I need something more.”

  His words cut into my soul like shards of glass in my skin. That might’ve hurt less. Panic bubbles up in my throat, and I know I’m powerless to stop what’s coming. I clutch my chest as my lungs constrict, and I turn to run from him, unable to let him watch me fall apart over him when he doesn’t care. How could I have been so wrong about someone for so many years? None of it makes sense.

  He stops me as I head out of the kitchen, his strong body stopping mine without effort. “Liane.” God, I want nothing more than for him to grab my face and kiss me like he always did. Then I want him to run one hand along my body until he gets to my backside and then pull me into him so I can feel his arousal. How ridiculous am I? Here’s my husband, telling me he doesn’t want me face to face like I forced him to, and I still would take him back in a second. Without another thought I would forgive him and make love to him right now.

  Turning my tear stained face up to look at him, I cry out at the sight of his face so close to mine. The face that I had stroked while he was sleeping, stared at while we made love, and watched grow older and yet still devastatingly handsome.

  “I’m sorry,” he says quietly. I swear my heart stops. “What I did was an asshole move.” Closing my eyes, I hope for him to tip my chin back and kiss me, erasing everything that has happened over the last twenty-four hours. “I didn’t want to look into your eyes and lose my nerve.”

  My stomach drops, the moment broken. “W-what does that mean?”

  He steps back, our bodies no longer touching in any way. “You’re a beautiful woman, Liane. There’s chemistry with us that’s undeniable, and always has been. I knew if I was here with you, it would be hard to tell you the truth. So I wrote you the letter instead. I thought it would be better for both of us to not drag this out any longer than it had to be.”

  “You never answered me,” I answer, not bothering to hide the shake in my voice anymore.

  “What’s that?” He crosses his arms again, and I watch as the mask falls back into place.

  “Is there someone else?” My heart hammers in my chest, and I feel light-headed. I’m not sure if I even want to know this answer, but his rationale for wanting to divorce me isn’t ringing true with me. “Be honest, Ronan. For God’s sake, after all of these years you at least owe me that.”

  Just then, Ronan’s phone rings from his pocket and I swear relief washes over his face. He looks away from me and down at the screen on his phone. “I have to go.” He walks away, striding purposefully for the front door.

  “Ronan!” I call, hysteria threatening. He can’t leave. I know that once he walks away, he’ll never come back. At least while he’s here, he has to look at me and remember all of the good times.

  He turns, one hand on the door. “It’s over, Liane. I meant what I said in the letter. The house is yours; I’m not fighting you on anything. Whatever you want, you can have. I’ll be in touch.” With that, he walks out the door, the windows rattling as he slams the door forcefully behind him. I feel frozen in place, my mouth agape at what just happened. He had gone from angry to sorry and then back again. And he never answered my question, which is pretty much like telling me yes.

  Snapping back to reality, I run for the door, flinging it open and running down the paver sidewalk, waving my arms to get his attention. He can’t leave like this. Ronan is pulling out of the driveway, his sleek car purring as he hits the accelerator. He looks over at me briefly, and then turns his attention back to the road as he squeals his tires down the road. He had seen me that was for damn sure. My legs lose strength and I fall to my hands on the sidewalk, my chest heaving like I had just run for my life. The world spins, and I fight to regain control before everyone in our well to-do neighborhood sees the wife of Ronan Collier weeping in front of her house while her husband speeds away.

  Out of here, I have to get out of here, I think, forcing my wobbly legs to stand. Tears cloud my vision, but I stumble into the house. I know I’m in no condition to go anywhere, but rational thought is not in the forefront right now. Kinsley will want to know what happened, and I still need to call Carter. All I can think about is getting in my car and driving. Staying in this house one more minute is going to make me go out of my mind.

  Hauling my suitcases through the house and into the garage, I hear my phone ringing incessantly. Gulping air to keep myself from passing out, I finally get the suitcases into my trunk. I fall into the driver’s seat, resting my head against the steering wheel and let it all go. The hurt, the
betrayal, and the realization that my life is never going to be the same, all hits me at once. Of course I have my career and my friends, but at the end of the day, I have put everything on the back burner for Carter and Ronan for so long, I have no idea who I am or what I want anymore. All I know at this moment is that I need to get out of here and go to Sanibel.

  I’M ALMOST TO Sanibel when my phone rings. I groan when I see my parents’ number on the screen. So maybe I hadn’t convinced my dad as well as I thought.

  “Hello?”

  “Lia,” my mom’s voice shoots through my phone. “Your dad said you’re going to Sanibel. What’s going on?” I should’ve known better. I can’t keep anything from them. Even at my age.

  I want to lie and tell them I’m fine, that I just want a vacation, but I know I’m not going to be able to force the lie from my mouth. I pull the car over into a parking lot, knowing I shouldn’t drive and have this conversation at the same time.

  “Lia? What is going on?”

  I take a deep breath, catching my reflection in the rear view mirror. “Ronan left me.” I hear her sharp intake of breath, and I lose it. My fragile emotional state can’t take talking to my mom. I wish she was here to take me in her arms. No matter how old I am, I still want that.

  “What happened? I don’t understand. Lia, oh my god. I wish I could do something. Damn it, I hate that you’re so far away!”

  I attempt to form words, but it isn’t working. I just sob into the phone for what seems like forever, wishing I could teleport my car to Kentucky and lay in her arms until this all went away. But that wasn’t possible. I’m a thirty-seven year old woman, and I have to figure this out myself. We cry into the phone together, her understanding I can’t talk.

  Finally, I wipe the last of this round of tears away and clear my throat. “I took Carter to college,” I begin, my voice still strained. “And came home to him leaving me a letter. He’d taken all of his things out of the house, Mom.”

  “So you haven’t talked to him?”

  “Yes. He came over. Not that it did any good. He doesn’t want me anymore. I-it’s over.”

  “Why are you going to Sanibel?” her voice is quiet.

  “I can’t stay home,” I explain. “I need to be at the beach by myself and figure out what I’m going to do.”

  “Does Carter know?” Another sob escapes my lips. How in the hell am I going to tell our son?

  “No. Mom, what am I going to do?”

  “You’re going to get through this, Lia. You’re a strong woman. Do you want me to come down?”

  “No,” I say. “I need to be alone.”

  She sighs. “My heart is broken for you, sweetie. I’m so sorry.”

  “I am, too.”

  I TURN MY car into the familiar shell covered parking lot of the Sanibel Beach Club, a genuine smile crossing my face without warning. It looks exactly the same as it did the last time I had been here. It isn’t fancy, but it has been my home away from home for so many years that it’s beautiful to me. I step out of the car onto the shell parking lot, the sound of the seagulls and rustling palm trees assaulting my senses. Suddenly feeling like I need to get to the beach like I need my next breath, I swing my suitcase out of the trunk and beeline it for the office.

  “Liane Collier,” I say to the elderly lady running the office. I wonder absently if she’s the same woman who has always checked us in here, but I have no desire to stop and chit-chat.

  “Oh yes,” she says, rustling through some papers. “You’re Jack and Margaret’s youngest, right?”

  I sigh inwardly. So she is the same woman. “Yes, I sure am.” I force a smile, tapping my toe impatiently on the floor and willing her to just hand me the keys already. The warm sand is calling my name, and I can’t wait one more second.

  “So beautiful,” she murmurs, still shuffling papers. “I remember seeing you grow up right here, you and those McIntryre kids. You don’t look a day older than the last time I saw you, dear. Time’s been good to you. It’s been a long time.”

  At the mention of them, my stomach clenches, and I feel sick again. No matter where I go, I can’t escape the memories of my past. Then again, what had I expected, coming here? This whole place is full of memories I have tried to squash for a long time. At least I don’t have memories of Ronan here. That would be too much right now.

  “Time flies,” I manage to say, reaching my hand out for the key. If I stand there one more second, I’m going to fall apart in front of this very nice lady, and that’s all I need. As soon as the cool metal touches my palm, I turn to head out the door with a quick goodbye.

  “Liane,” she calls from behind me. I turn, one hand on the knob and my body wanting to propel me far away from her prying eyes. “You seem like you’re here looking for something. I hope you find what you’re looking for, dear. It’s not as bad as it seems, I’m sure. Maybe all you need is a friend that can listen to you, one that really knows what you’ve been through.”

  Furrowing my brow, I try to figure out whether she’s offering something or inferring that she knows what I’m doing here, but I don’t have the energy to wait to find out. Tears filling my eyes, I nod once and push the door open, stepping back into the stifling Florida sunshine.

  Walking quickly down the boardwalk to the same door I have visited since before I could walk, tears drip steadily down my cheeks. I don’t even try to wipe them away, figuring no one is around to see me and even if they are, they don’t know me. I fumble with the key, tears making it difficult to unlock the door. When the lock finally turns, I push the door open and stop, my eyes immediately honing in on the ocean waves out the back sliding door.

  Leaving my suitcase, I cross the living area until I get to the back door. Sliding it open, I step onto the porch and close my eyes. Memories swirl through my head like a slideshow on fast-forward. I can see it like it was yesterday; Beth and I running through the water, shrieking as we flung water on each other. Then Blake and his siblings would run up, and we would start playing a game of tag. We would play until we could barely stand we were so tired, and then our parents would carry us inside and tuck us in. The next day, we would start it all over again.

  Blake. I close my eyes, his face filling my memory. Our parents had met each other here before we were born. At one time, I had pictures of us sitting side by side in the water, our gummy smiles matching as we beamed at the squishy sand underneath us. I’m four weeks older than him, something I loved to assert when we were kids. I had no idea where all of the pictures went that I had collected over my lifetime, but I had my assumptions. Me being the baby of my family and him being the oldest of four, we had always gotten along so well that once we were old enough to realize we wouldn’t see each other for another year, it had torn us up to leave each other every summer. His family was from South Carolina, so other than seeing each other at Sanibel, we only got to keep in touch with letters or phone calls. I found myself wondering where Blake was now, if he married and had kids, and what he had done with himself. He had always said, even as a kid, that he wanted to own his own mechanic garage someday. I wished I knew if he had done it or not. I hadn’t asked my parents about him ever since that last summer, and they never offered any information, though I assumed they knew.

  Forcing myself away from the window, I change quickly into my bathing suit and grab the beach chair on the back porch. Stepping foot on the grass that would take me to the boardwalk, I grin again for the second time since I arrived. The breeze ruffles my hair, and the bright sun warms me from the inside out. This is exactly what I need.

  I BLINK MY eyes open, sweat trickling down my chest thanks to the stifling Florida sunshine. Looking around, I notice the beach has started to fill up while I had been asleep in my chair. Sleep has definitely evaded me over the last few days, so it was no wonder that the warm sun made me pass out. Standing up, I make my way to the water to cool off, sighing in relief as I submerge my body. I swear I can hear my skin sizzle. Cupping the water with
my hands, I cool off my face, my mind starting up again. I wish I could just stay asleep for the next few months. That would make all of this easier to bear.

  “Get it together, Liane Collier,” I mutter to myself.

  “You know what they say about talking to yourself,” a voice comes from beside me, making me jump. A woman floats on a raft, her bronze skin shining with the reflection of the water. She looks like she’s about my age, and is in better shape than most eighteen year olds. And I hadn’t seen or heard her come up beside me at all. I really need to get a grip.

  I smile, a small chuckle escaping my lips. “I just might be certifiable at this point,” I find myself saying, my voice wobbling much to my embarrassment. The woman sits up effortlessly, her almost six pack abs flexing, making me want to cover myself. I’m not heavy by any means, but this woman looks like she could bench press me with little effort.

  “Sorry to interrupt,” she says. “Tell me to buzz off if you don’t want company.” She pushes her sunglasses on top of her head, and my eyes meet hers. I see warmth and understanding there, and I immediately trust her. And I’m not by nature a trusting person. Or maybe I’m just going crazy. That’s a definite possibility.

  “No,” I find myself saying. “I could use a distraction from my own head. I’m Liane.”

  “Amelia,” she answers, sticking out her hand. “But I usually go by Mia.”

  “Nice to meet you,” I say, taking Mia’s strong hand in my soft one.

  “You visiting here?” Mia asks, indicating the beach.

  “Yes. I came here as a kid every summer, but I haven’t been back in a long time. I needed to get away…” my voice breaks, and I turn away as tears fill my eyes. God, I’m such a mess. I have no business talking to anyone right now.