Twisted Paths

by L. L. Collins

  The officer shuts the door before I can say anything, and I watch as he walks over to Ronan, who is now on the gurney with oxygen on his face. I can’t tell in the dark if his eyes are open or how severe his injuries are. They walk him across the parking lot before the officer comes back to the car where I’m sitting. The severity of the situation hits me, and I begin shaking uncontrollably. I’m not going to get out of this. It isn’t going to matter what Ronan did to us, because none of it is against the law. But now, instead of being there for the love of my life and the son we never knew we shared, here I am in a squad car, my life now on the line.

  THE NURSE WIPES my face with a warm cloth, her hands moving slowly across my bruised face. I study her with my swollen eyes as she tries to erase the proof that I just got my ass kicked. My ego is more bruised than my body, though they say that my cracked ribs will be sore for a while, and the broken nose (again) will possibly need corrective surgery. The concussion will give me a headache for a while, but it’ll help me remember. I welcome the pain and even the crooked nose because I know I deserve it. And though he took me by surprise and I got not even one jab in, I shouldn’t have hit him anyway. He doesn’t deserve to feel one more ounce of pain from me.

  This isn’t exactly how I envisioned Liane and Blake finding out that Carter is his son. I’ve lived for so many years wishing I’d never found that out. I’ve been trying to make up for all of the things I did as a kid to the two of them. I’ve always known she didn’t love me; not like she loves him. But Liane being who she is, she dedicated herself to being my wife and Carter’s mother. It’s me that could never get past it. Sometimes when I’d see her staring out the window or lost in thought, I’d wonder what she would do if she knew all the things I did to keep her from Blake. I’d wonder if she was wishing she was with him. And the day I found out that there wasn’t any way that Carter was my son, that had been the first time I’d gone outside my marriage with another woman. It hadn’t been the last. I’m a piece of shit, and that’s why when Carter left for college I knew I had to let her go. Did I do it the right way? No. I hurt her, just like I’ve been doing my entire life. I may not know how to love, but I love Carter. I know I do. That’s why this whole thing is destroying me, bit by bit. Carter is going to find out not only that I’m not his father, but that I’ve been lying to him and his mother for a long time. I may lose him forever, and I deserve that.

  When Liane called me and said that Carter had been in an accident, I worried about it the whole ride over here. I didn’t know when a good time to tell her was, but I’ve been thinking about it ever since we started the divorce process. I have no idea where she’s been, but what I do know is that all of her stuff is gone from our house. Then when people started asking me why she quit her job, I’d been floored. Liane left. The last I’d known, she’d been at the beach at her parents’ time share. I wondered if she had seen Blake there, and that’s where she was. All of that is so unlike Liane that I know it must’ve been huge to get her to change her entire life.

  I hadn’t had to wait long to find out that she was at the hospital with Blake. When I’d walked in and seen her wrapped in his arms, I hadn’t known how to feel. I should feel relieved, because I did something right. I let her go, and she found him. But the part of me that knew all along she didn’t love me made me angry. When that nurse said something about blood, all I’d wanted to do is run. This wasn’t how they could find out. Blake would kill me. I would deserve everything he could dish out, and then some.

  “Would you like more pain medicine?” Sheila, the nurse, breaks though my thoughts.

  “No,” I say, wincing through the pain to sit up. “I’m fine.”

  “The police may want to talk to you again,” she says. “You took quite a beating, Mr. Collier. You’re lucky someone saw it and called the police.” I’m lucky? I’m not sure I would qualify this as lucky. My son that isn’t really my son is up in ICU, fighting for his life. My soon to be ex-wife is there having just found out that Carter is actually Blake’s. And now Blake is headed to lock-up for assaulting me. I wouldn’t say anything about this day is lucky at all.

  I hear my phone ringing somewhere in the room. I look around, trying to figure out where it’s coming from. Sheila walks without a word to a bag of things hanging from a hook on the wall. She fishes out my ringing phone and hands it to me. It’s my parents. Wonderful. That’s just what I need right now.

  “Hello,” I say as she resumes her wiping of my face.

  “Son,” my dad’s voice booms through the line. I honestly have no idea why I even answered the phone, but I mistakenly called him and told him that Carter had been injured while on my way here. “How’s Carter? Should your mom and I head over?” I know that he has no intention of heading over here; while they’ve always loved Carter, it’s been more from afar than anything. Once they found out he wasn’t my son all those years ago, it was like they had an excuse to pretend they didn’t have a grandson.

  “She knows,” I say, wincing in pain at Sheila’s touch.

  “Who knows?”

  I sigh. Am I really going to have to spell this out for him? “Li knows, Dad. It’s over.”

  I hear him breathe out. “Well, thank goodness. You’ve needed to get rid of her for a long time. You should’ve never married her.”

  “Well maybe if you would’ve told me it was a possibility that Carter wasn’t mine way back then, maybe my choices would’ve been different. So if you want to blame someone for this, go ahead and look in the mirror.”

  “Ronan William,” he spits out. “You could’ve told her. You didn’t want to tell her, either. Don’t blame your life on me, boy.”

  I’m not going to get anywhere with him; I know this. “Don’t bother coming here,” I say. “No one needs you here, especially Carter. He has enough to deal with, now knowing I’m a piece of shit. You know, I’ve often wondered over my lifetime why I’m this way, but now I know. I don’t think you have a soul, and you’ve passed that on to me.” I hang up before he can respond, and when my eyes meet Sheila’s, I notice she’s staring at me, her mouth slightly agape. Oh, great. Time to do damage control.

  “Can you do me a favor?” I try to be charming, because she’s kind of cute and I’m a handsome guy when I haven’t been pulverized by a pissed off ex-boyfriend and father to the child I raised. Maybe she’ll feel sorry for me, especially after hearing all of that.

  “Sure,” she says, her hand resting on my arm. If my head could think in that direction right now, I might ask her out. I’ve been an asshole my whole life; why stop now.

  “Can you call up to the ICU and get my ex-wife on the phone?”

  Her brow furrows. “She’s a patient?”

  “No, my—her son is. Carter Collier.” His name is even a lie. He was never Carter Collier. I wonder for the millionth time what I would’ve done if I’d known from the time she was pregnant that he couldn’t possibly be mine, but I already know. Even if my dad would’ve told me, I know I would’ve still kept her, because that’s what I wanted and I stop at nothing to get what I want.

  She walks to the wall and punches a few buttons. I hear her talking in hushed tones to someone, and then she hangs up. “She doesn’t want to talk to you,” she says, averting my eyes. I close my eyes. Why would she?

  “Did you tell her that I was down here?”

  “Yes,” Sheila said. “She said…”

  My eyes meet hers. “I can take it. What did she say?”

  “She said go to hell and that you were a waste of space on this earth. I’m sorry. I don’t…”

  “It’s okay,” I say. I deserve that and so much more from her. Liane has always been too kind to me, way kinder than I’ve ever deserved. We’ve been through a lot together. I have to hope and pray that Carter is okay and that he stabilizes so he can have the chance at the life he deserves with the family that he needs to have. I also have to accept that I could lose him for good. It’s about time I start thinking of them before me,
anyway.

  Just like that, I know what I need to do. I fling the blanket off my legs, looking down at the hospital gown they’d put on me at some point. I don’t even remember that. Then again, I’d been in an out of consciousness for a while there.

  “What are you doing?”

  “I need to go,” I say, putting my feet on the cold floor. I look around for my clothes, knowing I can’t go in this gown. “Where are my clothes?”

  “Mr. Collier,” Sheila says. “You aren’t in any condition to go anywhere. You need to stay here and rest. The doctor wants you to stay overnight for observation.”

  I shake my head. “No. I have to make this right. Where are my clothes?”

  She looks back at the door, and I wonder if she’s going to call someone to sedate me. I can’t let that happen. “Sheila. Can I explain something to you?” She nods, her big blue eyes trained on me. Even under the scrubs, I can tell she’s got a good body. But what I’m about to say will keep her from even wanting to look at me, much less roll through the sheets with me.

  “That woman upstairs? I’ve been married to her since I was eighteen. That boy in ICU? He’s my son, except he’s not really. She just found out. It’s a really long story, but she was in love with someone else. I didn’t want her to be with anyone but me, so I did some terrible things to keep them apart. And I’ve known for a long time that our son isn’t actually mine. The guy that assaulted me? He’s the father, and he just found out. I can’t blame him for what he did. I need to make this right so that he can be there with both of them.”

  Sheila looks at me for so long, I’m wondering if she comprehended what I said. “Wow,” she said finally. “I don’t even know what to say to all of that.”

  “I know,” I say, wincing as I force my body to stand. “I know I’m an asshole. I grew up that way, and I’ve just continued it. It was more about winning her than it was doing what was right. But now I have to take care of this.”

  She nods, walking to a cabinet and taking out some scrubs. “We cut your clothes off of you,” she explains. “So this is as good as I can do. And I’m going to have to ask you to sign papers that you’re leaving against medical advice.” I nod, asking her to hurry so that I can get out of here.

  “At least you’re trying to make it right now,” she says, and I smile. Yeah. What a guy. Only years too late.

  I DING THE bell on the deserted desk, looking back and forth to see if anyone is coming. It’s the middle of the night, and I hope that I can get somewhere with them tonight. Pain is shooting through my ribs and my head, and I’m sure I look like death warmed over.

  After what seems like forever, a woman comes through the back door, stopping in her tracks when she sees me. “Can I help you?”

  “Yes,” I say. “I need to bail someone out.”

  She looks up at the clock on the wall, then back to me. “You can come back at 7am. We don’t let anyone out overnight.” I turn my head to look also, fighting the wave of nausea that overtakes me. It’s almost three in the morning. Four hours.

  “Is there any way I could do that now? His son is in ICU, and he needs him.” His son. The words coming out of my mouth make my stomach roll even more than it already is.

  “Are you okay?” She eyes me, taking in the hospital scrubs. I haven’t even looked in the mirror, so god only knows how terrifying I look.

  “Yes. Actually, I have another question. The man that was brought here, he was arrested for assaulting me. Can I refuse to press charges? Does that change anything?”

  She taps a pen on the desk, and I sigh. I wonder if I’m going to have to tell this story again to yet another woman I’ve never seen before tonight to get her to help me. “Let me go get the captain and see what he says. We don’t normally do that, but let me see if he’s in a good mood tonight. All he’ll need to do is take one look at you to know there’s definitely a story here.”

  I nod, grateful she isn’t going to make me go into it any more than I have to. She disappears, and I sink myself into one of the chairs in the waiting area, closing my eyes. I’m exhausted, and everything hurts so much that I wish for a moment I would’ve stayed at the hospital. But for once in my life, I need to think of what’s the right thing to do.

  I know I should’ve seen the signs. Carter never looked like me at all. Of course, it’s always possible for your child not to look like you, but if I was honest with myself, I had an inkling right from the time he was born. When I’d seen him, something clicked inside me. Liane had been confused with my reaction, but she’d never said anything. That was her, always doing her best to do what she needed to do. After we’d both graduated from college, she wanted to give Carter a brother or sister. We’d still been very young, but she didn’t want him to get too much older without a playmate. I’d agreed even though I really didn’t want any other kids. Carter had been a great kid and so easy going.

  After quite a while of trying, Liane had been depressed. She’d wanted us to go see a doctor, so we did. She was cleared of any issues, so then I went to get tested. I’d gone by myself, thankfully, because that’s when I’d found out. After talking to my father and knowing that it was genetic but he hadn’t decided to tell me, we both decided to keep it quiet with our families. Apparently the fact that I’d ever been conceived had been a miracle, hence the reason I was an only child.

  “Sir?” a stocky officer with a buzz cut walks out, the woman right behind him. He eyes me warily as I struggle to get up. “Captain Sharkey. How can I help you?”

  BLAKE WALKS OUT, his eyes zeroing in on mine. His hands are wrapped and he’s wearing the same clothes he had on, complete with blood stains. It had taken quite a bit of cajoling on my part, but I’d done it. Two hours after walking into that police station, Blake was released. I’d gotten all the charges dropped, but now I have to face sitting in a car with him all the way to the hospital. I didn’t think this through. What if he finishes the job?

  “You did this?”

  “Yes,” I say. “Blake…”

  “Don’t.” He holds up his hand. “Let’s get to the hospital. I need to see my son.” He walks briskly to my car, and all I can do is follow him, knowing the best thing I can do right now is shut up.

  Fifteen minutes later, we pull into the hospital. Blake has drummed his fingers on his leg the entire ride, looking out the window. We haven’t said a word, but I didn’t expect him to say anything. There’s so much I feel like I need to say, to both of them, but I know it’s too little, too late. Once I put the car in park, Blake is out of the car, almost running to the hospital doors. I watch him go, wondering what I should do. I know that neither of them want to see me, but I feel like for the first time in my life, I need to do the opposite of what I want to do.

  I BLINK MY eyes open, my neck screaming from falling asleep leaning against Carter’s bed. There’s been no change, but then again we didn’t expect any. The doctors have said it will be three to five days before they wake him up, and that’s if everything goes well from now until then. I can’t believe I actually fell asleep, but it was more than likely the result of the medicine Mia had given me when she got here last night.

  My stomach clenches thinking about all I found out last night. Carter is Blake’s son. Ronan knew it all along, by the look on his face. And both he and Blake disappeared and haven’t returned, me finding out later that Blake has been arrested for assaulting Ronan. I’d lost my mind after that, calling Mia and bawling so hard that by the time she’d gotten here, I was in a full blown panic attack. I don’t think I’ve ever felt like that, but I never want to again. I know my parents are going to arrive later this morning too, and they know none of this. I want Beth to come so badly, but I understand why she can’t come. I could really use my big sister’s support and for her to just hug me and tell me this is all going to be okay.

  If I’m honest, I’m terrified that Ronan’s parents will come here, but I kind of doubt they will. I know they are probably so glad to be rid of me now, and my
son. I was never good enough in their eyes, and it’ll be too soon if I never have to see their judgmental looks again. He’s made no mention of it, but I make a mental note to ask him the next time we talk.

  I stand, kissing Carter on his cool cheek and heading out of the room. I don’t know where Mia is, but I need to find her. I have to do something about Blake. Ronan can go to hell and stay there, as far as I’m concerned. He deserves everything Blake gave him and then some. I head out of the ICU and see her, slumped in the chair where I’d found out that my son wasn’t Ronan’s. Even my bones hurt, I’m so emotionally drained. Of course this would be what happened now. Just when Blake and I are getting to a place where everything that we do doesn’t make us scared or worried. Carter is Blake’s son. Tears sting my eyes again. We’ve been robbed of everything. Blake never got to spend his life raising his son. I think for the millionth time since I heard those words last night of how different my life would’ve been had I known that. I played the what-if game all night, just like I had for so many years. I have so many questions for Ronan, but I’m not sure I want the answers. When did he know that Carter isn’t his? Why didn’t he tell me? Well, I know the answer to that after learning all that he has done to keep Blake away from me. He couldn’t stand that I loved him, and to admit that the child we shared was Blake’s would’ve been like Ronan admitting he was wrong for what he’d done, and that’s just something he doesn’t do.

  I sit next to Mia, placing my hand gently on her arm. She’s going to feel like I do, her head angled awkwardly to the side. She’s become so important to me that sometimes I have to remember that we really haven’t known each other that long. To say she had been shocked to learn everything would be an understatement. If Ronan hadn’t already been downstairs with injuries inflicted by Blake, I think she would’ve gone and found him. She’d visited Carter with me, and cried along with me at how scary all of this is. But when she’d been holding onto me as panic took over, her soothing words had been the only thing that kept me from being committed in a different part of this hospital. When she told me as my doctor that I needed to take something to calm down, I listened. While nothing can make this situation better, I at least feel like I can function.