He looked so sad.
“Marc, please don’t stress. You’re going to make me stress. It’s going to work out. I can feel it.”
He pulled his hands back and started rubbing his neck.
I winked at him. “Need some help? I give a pretty mean massage.”
Marc shook his head. “No, I’m okay.”
He was okay? Marc never turned down a massage. Half the time, he begged for them. “Now you’re really freaking me out.”
He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. “It’s just … I was thinking … maybe this isn’t such a bad thing.”
My stomach turned, the milkshake lying heavy. “What?”
His eyes flitted from me to my empty cup and stayed there. “Going to different schools. Maybe it’s better if we don’t do college together. Do you really even want to go to Columbia? Or even New York?”
My whole body tensed up. I couldn’t be hearing him right; we’d talked about this since freshman year. He knew I’d always wanted to be in Manhattan. And, sure, going to Columbia together had been his idea, but it was one that I had wholeheartedly fallen in love with. “Yes, I want to. What’s gotten into you? I’m not giving up on our dream. Don’t let Ms. Vail make you all paranoid. I’m going to get in. Besides, do you know how hard long distance would be? I don’t even want to think about it.”
“Yeah,” he said, his voice sounding far away. Then he paused. It was just a few seconds, but it seemed like hours, and my whole body somehow felt hot and cold at the same time. “That’s why … um … maybe it would be better for both of us if we kind of ended things now.”
I couldn’t move. I couldn’t think.
Kind of ended things now? Had he just broken up with me?
In a diner?
No. He wouldn’t.
“What?” I asked, or at least I think I asked. My mouth opened, it formed the word, but I didn’t hear any sound come out.
This time Marc took my hand and said, “Maybe we should each do our own thing. It’s our senior year.”
I snapped my hand away from his. Our own thing? What did that even mean? “Are you breaking up with me?” I managed to croak out.
“Don’t call it that. It’s more like … I’m doing what’s best for both of us.”
This wasn’t what was best. It was the exact opposite.
Everything got foggy. I could see Marc in front of me, but it felt like he was miles away.
He kept talking.
“I mean, this summer, didn’t you like having some space? A chance to be on your own?”
My mouth opened, but this time I couldn’t get any words out. I just stared at him.
Over the summer, I had been a counselor at an overnight camp in Massachusetts. I’d hated being away from him. I snuck phone calls and texts whenever I could. Marc had always said he missed me, too.
“This will be good for both of us, don’t you think?” he asked, looking at me now and nodding, as if that would make me agree.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I answered, finding my voice. “Good!? Obviously, I don’t think this will be good.”
“Cam, come on.”
The more he spoke, the angrier I got. “What would make you think I’d find anything about this good? You’re ruining everything. Don’t you see that?”
He put out his hands and lowered them slowly, looking around, embarrassed.
I stared at him. Was he trying to shush me? “What?” I asked.
“Keep it down,” he whispered. “People are starting to look.”
I dug my fingers into the red pleather cushion I was sitting on. I had no idea how loud I was being, and I didn’t care. My volume was not my main concern, and it shouldn’t have been his, either. “Seriously? Tell me you’re joking,” I said, digging my nails in deeper. I was still trying to comprehend that the guy I’d been in love with forever was calling it quits out of nowhere, and he was critiquing my volume?
“Please don’t make a scene.”
“You’re worried about a scene. A SCENE.” Somehow I found myself standing, my hands slapping the table in front of me. “You dump me here, now, and that’s what you’re worried about?”
He was standing now, too. “You want this all over the internet?” He waved his arms around the room. “Because that’s what’s happening,” he said in a harsh whisper. “Look at all the phones out.” He clucked his tongue. “I should have known you’d do something like this.”
Something in me snapped. “Me? ME! What is wrong with you? We’ve been together for years, Marc. Years. How did you think I’d react?”
He ran his hand through his hair. “You know what, if this is how it’s going to be, if we can’t talk like normal people, I’m out of here. You’re acting like a—”
“Watch it, Marc,” Avery Owens called out as she moved from the cheerleaders’ table and toward us. “I’d be very careful about what you say next.”
He rolled his eyes at her.
Tears were threatening to escape my eyes, but I fought them back. “Marc, please, just sit down,” I told him. I needed answers; I needed to know what had happened. If he wanted me to be quiet, I would. I’d do anything if it meant he’d stay. “Please,” I said, my voice almost a whisper, but he didn’t seem to care.
“You know what, let’s do this another time. We’ll talk tomorrow or something. This was a mistake.”
It was a mistake. This whole thing was, but I couldn’t wait a whole day to talk to him. I needed answers now. My thoughts were already racing. Twenty-four hours from now, I’d be going out of my mind. This was all I was going to be able to think about. He had to stay and hash it out. Was he really going to leave me here?
He moved out of the booth.
“Marc!” I cried out.
He turned to go. He might have made it, too, except he almost smacked right into Avery.
“She asked you to sit down,” she quietly hissed, her brown eyes lasering into his.
“This is none of your business, Avery,” he said.
“No kidding,” she told him. “But you made it my business, everyone’s business, when you broke up with your girlfriend of two—”
“Three,” I corrected her.
“Three years,” she continued, “in the middle of a crowded diner. If she wants you to sit, you sit. If she wants you to leave, you leave. This isn’t about you anymore.” He looked like he was going to say something, but then he actually slunk back into our booth. Avery turned to the crowd. “And the rest of you put away the phones and go back to eating your food. What is wrong with everyone?”
For the briefest instant, my grief turned to awe as I watched her.
“Are you okay?” she asked me.
I nodded.
“If you need anything,” Avery said, “anything at all, I’m right over there.” She pointed to her booth.
“Thanks.”
She nodded slightly, but I could tell she meant what she said. Her words were sincere.
After Avery walked away, Marc asked, “Do you want to go somewhere else and talk?”
I shook my head. That would have been a great question before all of this had started, but now I didn’t have the energy. I just wanted answers.
“Why did you do this here?” I asked him, wiping my eyes with my arm, leaving a trail of black eyeliner. I didn’t want him to see me crying, not when he was acting all indifferent. “It was cruel.”
His tone changed. I’m not sure if it was what I said, what Avery had said, or that he was afraid people were still watching, but his voice got soft, like he was trying to calm an animal that had escaped from the zoo. “I thought it would be easier.”
But I wasn’t some wild animal. I was a human being with feelings. Feelings he didn’t care about, or he never would have done this—not here, not at all. I let out a maniacal laugh. “Easier for who? You? Because if you haven’t noticed, it’s not easier for me.”
“Cam,” he said.
I held up my hand to sto
p him. “No, don’t. You thought if you did it here, you could just get it over with, not have to deal with the mess, or even think about it. It’s not going to be that easy.” So much for not crying in front of him. The tears began streaming down my cheeks.
“Please don’t cry,” Marc said and pulled out a napkin from the holder and handed it to me.
Please don’t cry? PLEASE DON’T CRY? The guy I love, the guy who said he loved me, just told me it’s over, and he wants me to what? Smile?
I took the napkin and blew my nose. “Why are you doing this? What changed?” I choked out, the anger giving way to hurt.
He slunk down even farther in the booth and let out a sigh. “Nothing. Everything. We’ve been together for all of high school. And we’re seniors now … and … I don’t know, I just thought it could be fun not to be in a relationship.”
The words felt like a knife twisting in my gut. “Fun? So, what, you want to date other people?”
“I don’t know what I want, and maybe that’s the problem. I want to figure it out. It was like I got to breathe this summer while you were gone, and—”
I squeezed my eyes shut. “I was choking you?”
“No, you’re twisting my words. Cam, I love you, I do. You know that.”
He sure had a funny way of showing it. This wasn’t how you treated someone you loved. “I don’t know that. Not anymore.”
His eyebrows furrowed. “I do—it’s just … I don’t want this right now. But this doesn’t have to be goodbye. I don’t want to lose you altogether. We can still be—”
“Don’t say it.” If he said the word friends, I was going to explode. I wanted to be his girlfriend. Not his pal.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
We sat there in silence. Part of me hoped he’d realize he was making a horrible mistake. Part of me wanted to scream. The other part was just too drained to do anything.
I felt a shadow cloud over our table, and I looked up. Vern Harmon, one of Marc’s soccer buddies—and a guy I thought was my friend, too—was standing over us. He didn’t even glance in my direction. “A bunch of us are getting out of here,” he told Marc. “You coming?”
Marc looked from Vern to me, silently asking for my permission to leave this hell.
“Just go,” I said.
He didn’t argue, or even check if I was okay. He just jumped out of the booth and booked it for the exit.
I watched him go, watched the door close behind him.
Marc left.
He had left me, and he wasn’t coming back.
I covered my face with my hands and sobbed.
Marc and I were over.
Chapter 4
A hand touched my shoulder. I held my breath. Thank God, Marc had come back! He must have realized how awful he was being and what a mistake he was making. I lowered my hands, ready to work everything out, to give him hell for putting me through this but to eventually, inevitably, forgive him and get back to where we were before.
Only it wasn’t Marc who had come to comfort me.
It was Avery.
A virtual stranger cared more about my well-being than the guy I would have done anything for. It made me sob even harder. I didn’t care that Avery was watching. That everyone was watching. There was no hiding the fact that my life was falling apart.
“It’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay,” Avery said. “Is it all right if I sit?”
I nodded. I really didn’t want to be around anyone, but I really didn’t want to be alone, either.
She put a glass down in front of me. “I brought you some water.”
I reached for it but stopped midway. I was visibly shaking. I was an even bigger mess than I thought. I managed to get the glass to my lips, take a sip, and put it down. Then I watched my fingers tremble. Avery put her hand over mine. “What do you say we get out of here? Do you want me to call someone for you? Help you to your car? Whatever you need.”
More sobs bubbled to the surface. I couldn’t go anywhere. “Marc was my ride.”
My mom had dropped me off, but she and my dad were going out as soon as she got home. My boyfriend was supposed to make sure I got back. Now I was going to have to wait for my parents or risk their wrath and take a Lyft or Uber. They didn’t trust the apps, but I wasn’t sure I cared.
“I can take you,” Avery offered.
I shook my head. “You don’t have to.” I didn’t want to be anybody’s charity case.
“I want to. Please.”
I studied her face. She looked sincere, and I really had nothing to lose. I stood up and followed Avery to her car.
“It’s unlocked,” she said.
Once I was inside, I leaned my head against the window. It was throbbing.
“I’m so stupid.”
“No you’re not.”
There was no way that was true. I’d had no idea that my own boyfriend was planning to dump me. We’d hung out when I got back from camp, I had sat with him at lunch every day we’d been in school, we’d joked around, even kissed in art class, and yet I’d had no inkling he was about to turn everything upside down. Sure sounded stupid to me.
“He should be the one feeling miserable,” Avery insisted, “not you.”
I closed my eyes. I appreciated what she was trying to do, but it wasn’t going to change anything. I was the one with tears in my eyes. I was the one who felt like a stack of bricks had landed on my chest. I was the one who didn’t know what do with myself. Marc was off having a night out with his friends, enjoying his freedom. The miserable award went to me—warranted or not.
“Um, Cam,” Avery said a little while later. It could have been seconds, minutes, hours; I’d lost track. All I could think about was Marc. Our conversation played on repeat in my brain.
I raised my head in her direction.
“Your address?” she asked quietly.
Right. Of course. I gave it to her, and we drove the rest of the way in silence.
She parked the car, and I fumbled with the seat belt. “Thanks,” I told her. I didn’t know what else to say, so I just opened the door and got out.
Avery did, too. “You said your parents weren’t home, right? How about I keep you company for a bit?”
“You don’t have to.”
She shrugged her shoulder. “I don’t mind. You shouldn’t be alone.”
Alone.
But that’s what I was. There was no more coupledom for me. I was on my own. I probably needed to get used to it. Avery was watching me, and I tensed as I thought about everything she—and the rest of the diner—had witnessed.
A giant scene in the middle of Scobell’s, starring me.
Now Avery was ready for the sequel. What did she want from me? Was she just trying to help? Was she afraid I was going to do something stupid? Did she want a story, some good gossip to tell her cheerleading buddies? “My sister’s home. I’ll be fine,” I said, unable to get that last thought out of my mind. Was she going to get back into her car and text everyone she knew about what a pathetic loser I was?
“Why are you doing this for me anyway?” I asked. Then I shook my head. I’d just snapped at the only person who had been nice to me, the only one at the diner who’d checked how I was doing. “Sorry, I just…” I didn’t finish. Avery had been nothing but kind. I hadn’t meant to be rude. Why did I keep taking things out on the wrong people? “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” she said. “I get it. It’s not like we’re friends or anything. I just saw Marc being an ass, and I thought you could use someone on your side. I’d want someone on mine.”
My eyes filled up again. Marc used to be the one on my side. Not the one I needed saving from.
“He never should have done that in there,” she went on, her eyes getting a faraway look. “Getting dumped sucks. Trust me, I know.” Avery and Scottie Zhang had ended things last May. Seeing her after it happened, I’d always thought she was the one who’d done the breaking up. She seemed so happy. It never even cro
ssed my mind that it could have been an act or that she was hurting. She focused her attention back on me. “We girls need to stick together, right?”
I nodded. “Thank you. I really don’t deserve this.” I felt guilty. I barely spoke to Avery, or any of the cheerleaders, for that matter, even though I had classes with most of them. I thought they were snobby because of the way they were always huddled together, laughing and whispering. But I guess it was no different from how my friends and I behaved.
My rom-coms apparently didn’t get everything right. Not all pretty, popular cheerleaders were cruel. In fact, it would seem some were secretly Wonder Woman coming to the aid of heartbroken souls at local diners.
Avery put up her hand. “Stop. You do deserve this.”
There she was, being all amazing again.
I reached into my bag to get out my keys, and noticed my phone. “Whoa.” It was blowing up. Hundreds of messages were waiting for me, most of them from Grace. If she was going for the Guinness World Record for Most Texts Sent in Under Thirty Minutes, she was well on her way to succeeding.
I scrolled through the messages.
“Grace and Terri are freaking out,” I told Avery. Then I realized what that meant. My news had spread beyond the diner and to the rest of the school.
“Cam?” Avery asked, waving her hand in front of my face. “Cam?”
I shook myself back to life. “I’m fine.” It was a lie, but maybe if I said it enough, it would be true. My breakup was all over the internet for everyone to see. It had felt real before, but this made it seem permanent.
I looked back at my phone.
Too late on that one. I was about to respond when I saw what she wrote next.
The tears that had been threatening to escape finally did.
“What happened?” Avery asked, her eyes widening. “Was it Marc? Did he say something?”
“No, it was Grace. She and Terri are on their way.”
“Then why are you crying?”
I wiped my face with my arm. “It’s just them. You. This day has been crappy, but you’ve all been—” Another huge sob escaped. “Sorry, I’m not always this big of a crier.”
Finding Mr. Better-Than-You Page 3
