by Faye, Carmen
“Did you want to be petted? Is that why you’ve opened up so wide?” He rubbed two fingers lightly along the seam of her pussy through her panties, and she opened up her legs wider. The smile on his face was hard to hide, but he was trying to play the role for the both of them.
Her ass was rolling around on his thigh, trying to get more contact with anything that would push her button… literally. She had on the plainest panties he could imagine. White cotton briefs with no flowers or stripes, and on any other woman he’d have just removed them and got on with what he was doing, but on her, it was the most provocative piece of fabric he’d ever seen. It was like a present each and every time he saw them, even thought something about them made him feel like he was doing something he shouldn’t. They weren’t the easiest to pull to the side, but watching his cock fill her snug pussy with that soft cotton sliding up and down his shaft on every entrance and exit made him blow his load faster and harder than he could ever remember.
The firm slap to one of her ass cheeks made her breath catch and her hips stutter. She liked that. He was always good at reading people, and it was more pleasurable to read women, but with this one the pleasure was deeper and the rewards for educating himself on her nuances were outstanding. He rubbed the spot that he’d just assaulted, and she pushed against his hand.
“Matt?”
“Yes?”
She sighed big and slapped her own ass harder than he’d have done it, but she whimpered like it was the best thing ever. Oh it was like that? He could definitely help her out.
He situated her so that she was half on his lap with her head on the bed and her one foot on the floor. The other leg he drew up and placed on the bed so her pussy was wide open to him. He began tapping her cheeks lightly but then building up only to stop and rub her pussy through her panties. Matt didn’t know when he’d had so much fun with foreplay. Watching her yip and flinch before her hips rolled, trying to make contact with something substantial was hot as fuck, but he’d positioned her so that she’d not be able to get off by rubbing on anything. She was pumping the air—and his fingers when he allowed it.
“You’re trying to kill me with frustration,” she moaned into the bed.
“Maybe, but what a way to go,” he replied and was encouraged by the weak laughter that was muffled by the bed covers. The last few smacks were loud and quick. Emmy lay on his lap, trembling, and he decided to end it.
Standing up he moved her to the center of the bed and then flipped her, placing her feet on the bed and spreading her knees wide.
“Looks like you’ve made your good girl panties all wet.” He poked at her opening where the wet spot was growing and ran his fingers up to the hard knot of nerves but only lightly.
“I love how you call my underwear ‘good girl panties’—are there bad girl panties, too?”
“Yes. You have a few pair of them, but I am enjoying you in these.” He pulled the fabric that was covering the place he wanted to kiss the most to the side and took a moment to just take in the sight and aroma of this woman. “Is this what I did to you?”
“It’s what you always do to me. When I hear your voice or see your face, my pussy gets ready for you.”
“She deserves a kiss for that.” He gave a few light kisses from her entrance to her sweet spot and waited for Emmy to stop pumping her hips toward him. It didn’t make sense that just this little bit of play would make him so hard. It was like he’d never been held within her slick heat. Each and every time it was like the very first time. Thrusting two fingers inside her and fastening his mouth onto her clit made her scream out her passion. She grabbed his hair that had grown much longer than it usually was and pull him toward her. There was no way he was going to leave her like that. He sucked and nibbled on her clit while she grinded against his mouth fiercely.
Her orgasm went on and on, and the longer it lasted, the happier he was about it. When she was done, it was like all the stuffing had come out of her, and she was like a limp rag doll. He got on the bed and pulled her into his arms, petting her as she pulled herself together.
“I like that game,” she said, sounding like she was going to go to sleep any second.
“I thought you might. Since you’re so relaxed and comfortable, tell me why there was sadness in your face when I asked you the question in the kitchen.”
Her sighs were becoming legendary. “I’m going to admit this, but know that I feel bad about saying it.”
“Noted.”
“You’re getting your memory back. You may not notice it, but more and more you’re remembering things.”
“I feel flashes of things more often, and they are a bit clearer, but why does that make you sad.” He turned her so he could see her face. It was easier to read someone when he could look at them, apparently she knew that too and tried to turn away. “Stop, I like looking at you so stop trying to hide.”
“You remembered the first sentence you ever spoke to me; you remembered my safe word was orange soda; and you remember different things about me. I’ve liked being with you. I’ve enjoyed sharing breakfast and the paper. Laughing about stupid things on television. When you get your memory back, it will be time for you to go back to work.”
It was him that looked away this time. Not because of what she was saying, but because he’d thought of the same thing and had also been concerned about it.
“I’ve enjoyed you, too. When I get my memory back, and you know I will because I’m too stubborn and dedicated for my mind to not do what I want, we’ll still talk.”
“That’s what I get sad about. The you I knew didn’t want that. You left me sleeping in my room when you left the first time, and we didn’t even have each other’s information.”
“Fate had a different plan for us though, and here we are.”
“I just don’t want you to do anything that you don’t really want to do, and the other thing is I don’t want to get used to you, and then you get your memory back and have the same mindset you had before, which was leave…leave…leave.”
He didn’t really have an answer for her, and he knew that he was getting better. In the next little while, hopefully, he’d have his memory back, but he wanted her, too. Until he could work that out, he wouldn’t bring it up to her, so he just gathered her closer to him and hoped she could feel a portion of what he was feeling in his caress and hold.
“I understand what you’re saying and how you’re feeling…”
“I know, Matt, one moment at a time and one day at a time,” she said, sounding resigned.
“You know me pretty well, too, it looks like.” He looked at her and watched her study him like she would be drawing a picture for the line-up technician at the police station, like he was going to disappear and she’d never see him again.
“I’d like to think so… I’d like to think so,” she said with her voice trailing off. Snuggling into him was something new for him, but with her, he enjoyed it. He wasn’t tired and thought that he’d had more sleep in the last few days than he’d had in the last year. It did give him some quiet time to just think and reflect on what was going on with his life and the beauty he held within his arms. In the past, he was just trying to leave before he became attached, but this one had him caught like an enemy in the wrong territory, and he didn’t want to get away.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Something was going on with Matt. Emmy had been with him for the last two weeks, and she knew his schedule. He had physical therapy three times a day, and he started going to general meetings in the evenings. There was something he wanted to say, and he always looked like he was on the cusp of telling her. As soon as she saw him today, she was going to talk to him about it. She had one of the meals he seemed to like so much—pot roast and mashed potatoes—sitting on the table, and he should be home any minute. Back…she had to stop trying to make this temporary place a home and think about him coming back.
The key jangled in the lock, and for whatever reason she was nervous.
Would he think she was trying to be too domesticated?
“Hey you,” he said when he entered the kitchen and came over to give her a kiss. Looking all around the kitchen at the feast and the flowers she’d put down to set the mood. “What’s all this?”
“Just wanted to have a nice meal ready for you when you got home.”
His face screwed up just slightly, and she knew he was thinking about whatever he was keeping from her.
“That’s very sweet. I’ll go wash my hands and be ready to eat.” He walked away slowly, like he knew this wasn’t going to be any old regular dinner, but he returned shortly.
She was making their plates and setting them down. All this planning and she didn’t know whether she should talk to him before he ate, while he ate, or after he ate. Should she try to be cute about it, or should she be direct?
“Listen, Emmy. I know you’ve sensed something is different, and you’re right. I’ve been trying to think of how to put this and what to say. Until today, I didn’t even have clearance to tell you, but my memory is back.”
“So you remember everything?” She knew she should be happy, but in all actuality, this was what she’d been afraid of. The government didn’t need her for him anymore, but the question was did he still want her around?
“I do. I’ve wanted to tell you, but at first I thought it would make you sad, and then I was told that limited people were allowed to know.”
She was hungry and now had the answer to the question. She should have waited until after dinner to have this conversation. “So I’m not really needed anymore?”
“I knew you would feel that way, and I didn’t want that. But the truth is that the mission is going to be coming up soon, and I’m going to have to leave. I remembered you talking about your aunt and you finding yourself—and here you are taking care of me. I’m going to be away for the next six month, and I have been wracking my brain trying to figure out something for us. This is one of the reasons I didn’t want to get attached to anyone. It’s the reason I left you the first time without knowing how to get in contact with you. It was for you as much as it was for me.”
She’d wanted him to tell her what was up, and even though she knew that this was what it was, she was upset to hear it.
“When are you leaving?” she asked and decided that she wasn’t going to give in to the crying fit she wanted to have. This was what she knew was coming, and she had to accept it. The relationship was more than she’d planned, and this trip had shown her more about herself than she’d ever known.
“I’m not sure yet.” He started eating, and she was glad that his words didn’t seem to affect his appetite. Matt actually seemed like he felt lighter. “I will say that I’m glad that I told you about everything. Being in the military with such a high clearance makes for lonely days and nights, but I’ve appreciated having you here and spending time with you.”
“Me too.” She mixed her food together without any real plans to eat it, and as soon as she saw that he was done eating, she jumped up to take his plate to the sink.
“You don’t have to wait on me, Emmy. Let me help out.” He said picking up the dishcloth and wiping down the table. “Where do you plan on going next on your world tour?”
She knew he was trying to make her happy with casual conversation, but all she really heard was, “When are you going to be leaving?” Emmy knew she couldn’t stay, just like she knew he had to leave, but just looking at his smiling face was too much.
“I’ll get the rest of the kitchen in a bit. I have a headache, and I’m going to go rest.” She went over to Matt to give him a kiss on the cheek. It wasn’t her intention for him to think she was mad at him, because she wasn’t. She was mad at herself for getting involved with a man who she knew wasn’t going to be around her long. Emmy did everything with abandon when she started feeling comfortable, and he was great at making her feel like she was the most special person in the world. She didn’t look at him as she made her way to the room, but as she saw the bed she hoped she could just close her eyes and get some sleep. The way the bed became blurry before she got into it made her hope that she could at least keep her crying quiet. This wasn’t how she wanted to come across—weak, needy, and crying at the first discussion of him leaving. Was it always going to be like this? Yes. That was the plan. He was going to be deployed to parts unknown, and she was going to continue her journey of self-discovery. The problem with her discovery was that she really liked spending time with the tall, blue-eyed SEAL who took her breath away whenever he was near.
She’d just gotten her luggage back to her in all the craziness after the disaster, and it was going to be time to get back up into the big plane and continue on. The tears were falling freely, and she’d never been so happy that she had all those brothers. They also wouldn’t have let her hear the end of a bout of crying, so she learned to be stealthy and quiet in her tear duct cleaning procedures.
The door to the bedroom opened, and she hoped that he just wanted to change his clothes, but he didn’t seem to be looking for anything, and he wasn’t preparing to leave. It was hard holding her breath, and in a few minutes, he was going to have to do CPR if he didn’t get out of the bedroom. She was afraid to breathe because there was a good chance a sob could come out and that was just not her style.
She rolled over to her side away from him so he would think the headache was just too bad to talk right now.
“I know that was a lot to process at one time. I’ve hurt you, and I’m sorry. This is one of the reasons I didn’t want to get involved with anyone. My life isn’t my own, and I’m not able to share all the information that I’d like to with someone I care about.” Matt lay down on the bed and rolled her toward him. The lamp was on, so she wasn’t able to remove the evidence that was running down her face. “I’ve grown to care for you a lot, Emmy, and I know you feel the same way, but my job is dangerous and I don’t want to hold you up.”
“This just means that you don’t want me to wait for you.” She tried to use her most powerful voice, but it was falling flat.
“I’ve seen what waiting can do to a person. My mother is one of the sweetest people I know, but the bitterness and anger of waiting for a man who isn’t ever coming back has taken its toll on her. She is suspicious, frustrated, and looks for problems where there aren’t any. I don’t want that for you.”
“So I’m just supposed to go off and do my own thing and forget that I fell in love with a SEAL?” Emmy closed her eyes because she let out the one thing she didn’t want to tell him because he’d made her mad.
Matt gently took her chin in his hand and turned her face toward his. “Emmy?”
She didn’t want to open her eyes but why not. He knew she was crying, and it wasn’t like he was going to go away. She opened her eyes and saw nothing that she thought she was going to see. There was no sign of anger or a desire to get away from her and all her emotions. He was there, and the understanding on his face made her cry harder. Damn it.
“I’m not going to say that I’ve changed my mind about waiting because you know how I feel about that, but I think we should enjoy each other while we’re together. You have an open ticket because of the typhoon, right?” Matt looked into her eyes, and all she knew was that she’d stay for as long as he was there. They had fun, and the sex was hot, but it was more to her than that. If there was a way she could sign up to be a SEAL so they could be together, she would.
“Right,” she said, wondering what he was going to say.
“Well, you have a few choices. You can either stay and we can have fun until I have to leave, or you can start you adventure now and we let fate see what’s in store for us.” He continued to look at her, but now she had trouble reading his expression. Did he want her to go or did he want her to stay?
“What would your choice be?” It pained her to hear her voice sound so watery, and she could see that it affected him, too.
“You’ve done a lot for me, Emmy. Staying here, when you h
ad other plans, to help me get my memory back on track. I don’t think I’ve heard you complain once about anything—from my mother’s not so nice treatment of you, to your staying alone in this apartment often. You take things in stride, offering up meals and comfort at every turn.”
“That was really sweet of you to say all of that, Matt, but you didn’t say what your choice for me would be.”
“The point of me saying all of that is that you’ve done more than enough for me. This whole trip you set out to take was supposed to be about you and what you wanted. I am not going to offer any opinion because this should be based on you.” Matt’s words were making her want to cry again, and she hoped that she could keep it together until she was out of his life. He had enough going on to have to worry about leaving a basket case behind.
“I don’t really have an answer for that. I’ve had fun taking care of you. Maybe I’ve been given this opportunity to do it so I could understand my family more. It’s hard to give it up. When I found out you were regaining your memory, there was a part of me that was sad I wouldn’t be needed anymore, and as happy as I was that you were regaining yourself, I was losing my spot. Does that make any sense to you?” Emmy hoped that she didn’t sound as crazy as she felt she sounded.
