“Looks like right now,” Claire said. “How did Conan the Barbarian not hear the car miles away?”
“Shut up,” Maria said.
Sherlock looked at Maria, thinking she was talking to him.
“Not you, numb-nuts.”
Hey, if you’re gonna insult me, get it right! I can’t have numb nuts if I have NO nuts, because you heartless people sent me to the vet!
“Couldn’t have you humping my stuffed animals and peeing all over the house. We’ve been over this,” Maria said.
“Huh?” Claire asked.
“Oh, nothing. I was talking to Sherlock.”
“Right, almost forgot you could talk to the Bloodhound. Is it all dogs, or just him?”
“So far, unfortunately, just him.”
Sherlock stuck his tongue out at her. Then he went back to trying to snatch fireflies out of the air, his jaw snapping closed wetly, without much luck.
Tabby walked to the backyard. She looked beautiful, dressed in a red blouse and tight jeans. Her lipstick was dark, which made her pale skin seem to glow in the night. “Hey, gals,” she said.
“What are you all dressed up for?” Maria asked.
“Yeah, have a hot date?” Claire echoed and made smooching sounds. Muah, muah, muah, muah!
“Actually, I did. I went to the movies with Cody,” Tabby said. She stood in front of the two girls on the swing set and looked down at her heels, which were also red.
“What!? Cody? No way!” Claire said. “How much did you have to pay him?”
“Boo!” Tabby said. “What, you don’t think I could get that?”
“Not really,” Claire said.
“I do,” Maria said. “You look great, Tabby.” She didn’t care for the banter any longer. She had her own news to drop on her friends, though not as good.
“Thank you, Maria,” Tabby said, eyeing her up and down. “You look…good, too. Sword and all.” Then she looked at Claire and said, “Did I miss a memo? Is there an early Halloween party going on?” The two girls laughed.
Maria just took it. “Very funny. Get it out, get it all out of your systems.”
You look like a pirate’s ass, Sherlock said.
Maria shot him a death stare. “I know magic now, buddy. Watch out.”
Sherlock ignored her and made that weird laughing sound, like a hyena barking.
“Did she just talk to her dog?” Tabby asked. “Well, as if this night couldn’t get any weirder.”
“Told you,” Claire said.
Maria closed her eyes and thought of the vision Duke had shown her. It was enough to send prickles of anger all up and down her body. And in the darkness, her skin glowed blue. Tabby brought a hand to her mouth and gasped. “Whoa, Maria, we need to get you to a hospital.”
“That’s what I said!” Claire said.
“No, you didn’t,” Maria said. “You wanted to call ‘Ripley’s Believe it or Not!’ You don’t care about me, you punk.”
Claire stuck her tongue out.
“Aren’t you worried?” Tabby said. She was walking backward, hand still over her mouth. “What the heck is wrong with you, Maria?”
“It’s who I am,” Maria said. She got up. The light from her skin bathed the green grass in cobalt.
“An alien?” Tabby said.
Maria turned to look at Claire. “See? She got it.”
“Oh, my God, you’re an alien,” Tabby said. “I always thought you were a little weird, Maria, but this is bonkers.”
“Not exactly. It’s a long story, so I’ll sum it up for you, I’m—”
“A witch,” Claire finished. “And…Conan the Barbarian.”
“Don’t make me use this sword.”
Claire stuck her tongue out again, looking like Sherlock…oddly.
“Yes, I’m a witch. It explains a lot,” Maria said.
Tabby was shaking her head. “No, it really doesn’t. If anything, it raises more questions.”
“Yeah, that too,” Maria said. “But forget all of that for a second, okay? I have something important to tell you guys.”
“I think that ship has sailed,” Tabby said. “What could be more important than you being a witchy alien?”
“Oh, no!” Claire said. She rushed over to Maria and put a hand on her belly. “You’re pregnant, aren’t you? I could’ve sworn you were gaining a little weight around the middle.”
Maria slapped Claire’s hand away. “I’m getting closer and closer to using this sword. Don’t make me do it, guys.” She eyed both Tabby and Claire. “No, I’m not pregnant. It’s somehow crazier than that.”
Tabby opened her mouth. Maria cut her off.
“No more guessing. I’ll just freaking tell you. You two are my best friends, okay? So I couldn’t just leave without letting you know. I wanted us to have a proper goodbye.”
“Goodbye?” Tabby said.
Maria nodded.
Get on with it, Sherlock said. All the fireflies caught on to my scheme. They went into hiding.
Maria ignored him. “I’m leaving,” she said.
“Like, where? On a vacation?” Claire asked. She swiped a hand through her hair and took a step forward. “I mean, if you’re going on a vacation, it would be cool if we could all go together.”
“Unless her grandpa is taking her to see the world’s biggest ball of yarn, or spoon, or something weird like that,” Tabby said and laughed.
“I could totally see him taking you to that,” Claire added.
Maria shrugged. In all honesty, one time Gramps had mentioned something about the world’s biggest plate of spaghetti. He was into weird stuff like that.
“No. It’s not a vacation. It’s more of a…mission.”
“ ‘A mission’?” they said in unison. “What are you, a secret agent?” Tabby added.
“Yeah, are you Jack Sparrow or Tom Cruise? You can’t be both.”
Maria didn’t see why not, but she had since thought of herself, in light of the recent discoveries, as a mix between Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Harry Potter. Except she wasn’t slaying vampires…yet. She was slaying giant spiders. Or at least, she hoped if it came down to it, she would come out on top.
Tom Sparrow has a nice ring to it, eh? Sherlock said.
Again, Maria ignored him.
“No, I’m going back where I came from,” Maria said.
“So, St. Thomas Hospital?” Tabby said.
That was it. Maria had tried to ease them into it. She wished she had proof, like she had proof when she and Claire were in the mall parking lot. Maybe a first class ticket to Oriceran or something like that. She was pretty sure it didn’t work that way.
“Oriceran! I’m going to Oriceran. I’m going to save that village of people I told you about, Claire! My village.”
Both girls stood saying nothing, trying to wrap their head around it.
Finally, Tabby spoke. “Oriceran? Isn’t that in South America?”
Maria sighed. She walked over and hugged them. They were both rigid as corpses. She wished this meeting could’ve gone better. There was a chance it could be their last meeting. But not everything works out the way you want it to in life — a lesson Gramps had taught her when she was much younger.
“I love you both. I’m glad you are my friends.” She kissed each one on the cheek. Claire made an audible yeech noise. Maria ignored it. “I hope I see you again. My heart tells me I will, but the path ahead is unclear. I can’t say for certain.”
“Geez, you’re starting to sound like your grandpa,” Tabby said. “Weird.”
Maria said nothing. She snapped her fingers, motioning for Sherlock to follow her. His toenails clicked on the plastic slide as he came down, and the two of them left Claire’s backyard.
A talking dog, and a telepathic witch with a sword on her hip.
Sometimes, the world was very weird indeed, Maria thought.
As she walked down the dark street, fearing nothing besides the future, Maria thought there was one person she had
wished she could’ve said goodbye to.
Joe. The cute security guard she’d had a schoolgirlish crush on for the better part of her time employed at Rolling Hill Mall.
‘Better part’? Who are you kidding, Maria? she shook her head while rounding the corner of Jean Street, which lead to Main. It was love at first freaking sight; that crap you see in romance movies that you never believed.
Sherlock sniffed at some roadkill, and Maria nudged him. “Don’t do that,” she said.
You aren’t my boss, Sherlock responded.
“For a while, I thought I was. Until you opened your mouth…well, I guess you don’t really open your mouth to talk. Telepathy and all.”
Magic, Sherlock corrected. If I want to sniff dead squirrels, I can.
“I guess. Just don’t eat them. Can’t afford to have you puking while we portal through worlds, or whatever the hell we’re doing.” Maria noted how silly it sounded, saying it aloud. She still couldn’t believe it. So much had happened to her in such a short span of time. She thought if she took a moment to let it all sink in that she might go crazy. Crazy would not be good; not with a giant spider potentially stalking her for a music box that, somehow, was a key to the purgatory world, where the things we know of as ghosts roamed and rattled their chains.
Maria shuddered.
Why do you seem so down? Sherlock asked.
Maria gasped sarcastically, put a hand to her heart. “Aw, wow, Sherlock, I didn’t know you were so concerned.”
I’m not. You’re just kind of a drag to be around right now. Ruining all my dead-squirrel-sniffing festivities. I mean, come on. You had your little goodbyes. Don’t I get something? I’m a Bloodhound, for crying out loud. Sniffing is what I do!
“If you really want to go sniff roadkill, I guess you can…”
Nah, the feeling’s passed. I’m hungry now.
“Jesus, do you ever stop being hungry?”
He shook his head. But seriously, Maria, why are you so down?
“I guess it’s just all of this, you know?”
So not because you really wanted to sniff the dead squirrel, too?
Maria screwed her face up in disgust.
Guess not.
“I’m sad because I’m leaving a life behind.”
Not much of one, if you ask me.
“Well, I didn’t.” Maria crossed her arms. Pissed off by a dog? What is the world coming to?
Well you don’t have a boyfriend, you lost your job, you aren’t in school…hell, you don’t even have a car, Sherlock counted off.
“Gramps was gonna give me the Firebird. I know he was!”
I think he’d give it to me before he gave it to you. Sherlock stuck out his tongue.
Maria laughed and patted him on the butt.
Whoa! Buy me a drink first.
Maria rolled her eyes. “Thanks, Sherlock.”
‘Thanks’?
A car went by. Maria checked to make sure their windows were up. She hated the idea of anyone besides Tabby and Claire knowing she talked to her dog like this. Their windows were up, but it didn’t stop the older man and woman from giving Maria and her Bloodhound a long, hard look.
“Must be the sword. Man, people aren’t too big on the sword these days.”
Wrong era, Sherlock said. But why are you thanking me again?
“Because you always know how to make me feel better. I mean, look at me. Two days ago, I was a somewhat normal girl. Now I’m a witch who can communicate with dead kid soldiers and a dog, walking the streets close to midnight with a sword on my hip. Talk about a complete 180…and I don’t completely know if it’s a good turnaround.”
You’re welcome, I guess, Sherlock said. And thank you.
Now Maria stopped. Sherlock stopped, too. “Thank me?”
Yeah. The voice coming inside of Maria’s head was now a whisper.
“For?”
For…you know…being a good owner. I’ve seen the way some dogs are treated. I’ve seen TV shows where Bloodhounds are only used for their award-winning, crime-solving noses. I’ve lived a good life of hanging around, sleeping, and doing whatever I want. You know, except for sniffing dead squirrels.
“At least when I’m around.”
Sherlock nodded, his big floppy ears shaking with the movement.
“You’re welcome. You’re family, Sherlock.”
Aw, don’t get all sappy with me, Maria, please. I don’t want to—
“Cry?” Maria guessed.
Bloodhounds don’t cry. We solve crimes!
But Maria saw his eyes were watery all the same. Well, more watery than normal.
They came upon Main Street. The lights of Salem’s sign were off, but the there was one light on in the back. The senior magic brigade. She wondered if they would be playing cards, like they were the night before. Probably not; not on a night like tonight. A solid lump of fear rose up her throat. She stopped.
This was it. This was the end.
Sherlock looked up at her. What is it?
“I’m not ready. I don’t feel right leaving yet.”
Why not? You said your goodbyes to Claire and Tabby. He lifted his paw up and examined it like he was a human counting his fingers. Far as I know you don’t have any other friends, unless you count Ted a friend, but he’s a royal asshole and a half. Hm. Who could I be leaving out? Oh! I know! Sherlock proceeded to make kissing sounds, which did not, in fact, sound much like kissing sounds at all. They were more of a slobbery chomp-chomp.
Joe.
“Shut up,” Maria said. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Maria, I’ve known you since you were a pup. He snickered. See what I did there?
Maria glared at him.
Okay, listen, if you’d feel better saying bye to Joe, I don’t see the harm.
“No, I couldn’t. That would be so weird. I can’t just show up at his house and say, ‘Surprise! I’m leaving and that kinda sucks because I have a huge crush on you but I don’t know when or if I’ll be back at all, so what’s the point?’”
You make a good point there.
“Plus, the village. I think most of the dread inside of me is coming from them. They’re counting on me, and I don’t know if I can really — ”
Stop! Sherlock said. You’re Maria Apple. You can do whatever you put your mind to. You were raised by Ignatius Apple. You always do what’s right and what’s good. I think you could’ve saved them before you even discovered that you were a witch.
Maria bent down. There were tears in her eyes. She wrapped her arms around Sherlock.
“Thank you, Sherlock,” she said. “I needed that.” She kissed him on the bridge of his nose.
Blech! No kissing! New rule. No kissing!
“But we’re friends,” Maria said playfully.
Sherlock shook his head. No, no, I don’t have friends.
“What about that dead squirrel back there?” Maria asked, a smile on her lips. She was obviously joking, but Sherlock didn’t catch the joke.
Well, you didn’t give me much time to get acquainted with it. Could’ve been a long and fruitful relationship. I should’ve defied you, put all four of my feet down.
“Paws,” Maria corrected.
Whatever. I don’t think there are any squirrels on Oriceran.
“There are Gnomes.”
Sherlock’s ears perked up.
Gnomes? You mean those little bastards with the red pointy hats? Fuck them. No promises.
“Sherlock…”
Fine. I won’t kill any.
Maria crossed her arms again and tapped her foot on the sidewalk. She was glad the roads were deserted. She couldn’t imagine how ridiculous she looked right then.
Fine. I won’t kill, I promiseeeee. But I can’t promise I won’t pee on them.
“I guess that’s a step in the right direction, but when you start a war or something, I don’t know if I can fight on your side. Being a part of a war fought over urine spilt is not on my buck
et list.” Then, Maria put on her game face, which was really just squinting her eyes and clamping her jaw shut. “Now, let’s go do this. Let’s save that fucking village.”
Sherlock barked, and the two of them took off toward the ice cream shop.
Chapter Fifteen
They went in the backdoor, like they had the night before. Salem, Agnes, and the Muffler twins sat at the same table. The cards were out, but they played no games.
Gramps paced back and forth by the freezers full of ice cream.
When Maria and Sherlock walked in, Gramps’s head shot up. “Maria!” He rushed over to her, moving much faster than his age should’ve allowed. “I’m so glad you’re okay.” He hugged her tight.
Maria wheezed. She caught the time on the clock. It was only 11:04 P.M. So she was four minutes late; not the end of the world.
“I said 11:00,” Maria said when Gramps ended the hug.
“I know, I know, but something terrible happened,” Gramps said.
The others sitting around the table wouldn’t lift their heads up to look at either her or Gramps.
“What?” Maria said, dread sinking in her stomach. Am I too late? Did Malakai do what he wanted to do, even without the music box? Had he taken in from Gramps?
“There’s been an attack. Two agents of the Order of the Silver Griffins have gone missing,” Gramps said.
“Ah, you scared me,” Maria said, somewhat relieved. “I thought it was the music box!”
Gramps took it from the table behind him, which Maria hadn’t seen, and handed it to her. It gave her strength.
“Okay, missing? What does that mean?” she asked, but she knew what it meant.
It meant a giant spider was definitely close.
“There’s been more sightings,” Salem said. His voice was very soft, much softer than normal. “I was the last one to see Felah. I feel so terrible.” He put his head in his hands. Agnes rubbed his back. The Muffler twins simultaneously wiped tears away from the corners of their eyes.
“And you think Malakai had something to do with it?” Maria probed. Instinct was taking over, an instinct she’d not felt before.
“If…if he did, I fear there is no hope,” Gramps said. He looked at the checkered-tile floor.
Midwest Magic Chronicles Boxed Set Page 17
