Each resident was a full-fledged person, with their own history and motivations. Did they have families? Loved ones? Hopes and fears? Even if they were just a digital illusion, the prospect of destroying one of them left a bad taste in his mouth and a knot in his stomach.
Abbad had been watching him. “As I said, individual motivations are a tangled web. Do you plan to fight tomorrow?”
Finn glanced at the librarian in surprise. Indeed, the librarian seemed adept at reading others – even when he wasn’t invisible. Although, he supposed there was little to gain in lying to him, not when Abbad had been so forthright with him.
“I honestly don’t know,” Finn replied, shaking his head, and his eyes drifted to the sands. “I have little interest in being part of some larger conspiracy among the faculty. I’ve experienced more than my fair share of intrigue over my life. I also have some reservations about killing a resident and the fairness of the duel tomorrow.”
Abbad just nodded, letting a heavy silence linger in the air.
“Have you ever wondered about my affinity?” Abbad asked finally.
Finn glanced at him, confusion sweeping across his face.
“Let me rephrase. What is my motivation?” Abbad asked bluntly. “Air mages are supposed to foster happiness. As I’m sure your instructors have told you, many in my field find joy by living in the moment. They encourage randomness and chance to accomplish that goal.” Faint amusement tinged Abbad’s voice at this last statement.
Finn frowned. Now that he thought about it, that did seem strange. The reserved and stoic librarian didn’t seem like the type to gravitate toward air magic. “Happy” wasn’t exactly the first word Finn would have used to describe him.
Abbad met Finn’s eyes. “As a young man, I thought life was a competition, a straightforward race to the finish line. Systems like the one the guild adopts encourage this linear view of the world. They provide a concrete goal and place us in direct competition. However, you and I are no longer young men. We have lived a sizable portion of our lives. What have you learned from that experience so far? Does life seem like a race to you?”
Finn snorted in amusement. “Only if the race has no clear finish line, no rules, and most of the contestants don’t seem to know that they’re participating,” he replied dryly.
A rare smile swept across Abbad’s face. “Indeed. Life is chaos, no matter how much we might try to impose structure and order upon it. If there is any singular goal or finish line, it is only what we create for ourselves or let others impose upon us. We set ourselves a task, a goal, or an achievement, and then we struggle towards it – often doubling back, circling around it, and, on occasion, getting lost entirely.”
Finn simply watched the librarian, noting the sober expression that lingered on the man’s face. “For me, that is happiness. That chaos. It is the freedom to choose a goal, to pick a path. To stumble, to fail. To rally and step up on the podium, a crowd chanting your name,” Abbad offered, sparing a glance at Finn.
“That is the dream I have for this place, and for these students. I wish this to be a school – a real school – not simply a disguised prison,” Abbad murmured wistfully.
He laughed softly. “That’s always the first question that we face. What is your goal? In some ways, that is the easiest part. Once you choose a goal for yourself, this invariably leads to a second and more problematic question. What are we willing to sacrifice to make that dream a reality? Because everything has a cost.”
Abbad trailed off, his eyes distant. Finn could feel his own thoughts swimming. He saw some truth in what Abbad was saying. After Rachael, he had lost his direction. He had lost purpose. AO had helped him regain some of that. It had thrown these complicated and cryptic problems at him. It had given him a goal to strive toward. Yet in many ways, Finn was now struggling with that second question.
Was it worth it? Should he keep going?
Before the… incident, the answer had always been easy for him.
His thoughts returned to the fight with Vanessa – recalling how she had been willing to go to any lengths to beat him. “A win is a win,” she had said. Finn had been like that once. He had been willing to do nearly anything to accomplish a task – forgoing sleep, and friends, and family. Yet that attitude had ended up costing him everything.
What was worse, he wasn’t certain that he had really changed. Maybe that was why he had been so cautious about re-engaging with the world. Fear that he would repeat the same mistakes. Had his actions inside AO really been any different? He had endured the extraordinary to make it to this point, and this was just the beginning.
What was his limit?
Brutally murdering strangers? His friend?
Not only that, but this world kept asking for more and more from him – as though it were testing his limits. Maybe permanently killing a resident and getting embroiled in some conspiracy was too much. Even if he won, what would the competition among the guilds entail? He suspected that the other organizations that ran this city would have a strong incentive to meddle. And the pinnacle? Control of this city and the responsibilities that would entail. Was he willing to do what needed to be done to accomplish that goal?
As the silence lengthened and stretched, Abbad shrugged and slowly rose to his feet. “Unfortunately, these are questions that don’t have a ‘right’ answer. We have to decide for ourselves what we wish to strive toward and the price we are willing to pay,” he observed quietly, glancing down at Finn.
“I, for one, can only hope that you choose to continue with this competition. You could do good here, in this world,” Abbad offered. In many ways, the librarian’s words seemed to mirror what Kyyle had said to him – encouraging him to keep going.
Why do these people keep placing their faith in me? Finn wondered.
Abbad turned to leave, padding quietly across the stone platform. One last question occurred to Finn then, and he was calling after the librarian before he realized it. “What are you willing to sacrifice for your goal?”
Abbad hesitated but didn’t turn around. “Everything,” he answered simply.
Then the librarian’s fingers wove through a complicated pattern, and a mirror of air swept in front of him. Within just a few seconds, Abbad had disappeared and only faint streamers of sand swept across the platform.
Finn was left sitting there, feeling even more confused than he had before. The conversation had only served to reinforce and highlight the doubts that had been lingering at the forefront of his mind for the last few days. It had also made one thing abundantly clear.
He wasn’t certain whether he wanted to keep going.
Chapter 39 - Final
When Finn arrived at the courtyard the next day, he discovered the true size of the Mage Guild. It seemed news of the final competition had spread among the travelers. Hundreds – if not thousands – of mages were crammed into the field and ringed the terraces. The crowd had spilled over into the halls, novices struggling just to make it to the sands of the field to catch a glimpse of the duel. The massive water portal that still hung in the air and rippled and reflected the harsh sunlight that beat down on the courtyard.
The other novices, residents and travelers alike, were forced out of the way by Finn’s entourage – a collection of guards that had appeared that morning to summon him to the field. Although, Finn wasn’t certain whether the stone-faced and heavily armed men were there for his protection or to ensure that he showed up. Either way, they now created a pocket around Finn, shoving at the other mages roughly. It only took a few minutes for the other students to catch on that one of the competitors was entering the courtyard, Finn’s name suddenly drifting above the crowd like a whisper.
Through it all, Finn felt numb.
This was usually the moment he should be filled with nervous excitement and a hint of nausea, forced to pace off the excess energy somewhere as he tried vainly to focus on something else.
Yet he just felt… nothing.
The e
vents of the last few days lingered with him. He had been forced to butcher his friend, go to extreme lengths to defeat Vanessa, was the focus of some sort of deep-seated conspiracy, and now had to go kill another student – permanently and on live-magical television. The worst part, however, was the conversation with Abbad the night before.
After a sleepless, anxious night, Finn still wasn’t certain how to answer the librarian’s questions. If he were being honest with himself, he wasn’t sure what his goal really was, much less what he was willing to sacrifice to accomplish it. It was like Abbad had finally put into words a battle that had been raging in Finn’s mind for a long time – perhaps even before he stepped foot inside AO.
“Hey,” a voice said to Finn’s left, and he jumped slightly, startled by the interruption. He turned to find that Julia had appeared inside the circle of guards. Finn waved off the burly men as they noticed the rogue in their midst and reached for their weapons.
“Hey back,” Finn replied in a tired voice.
Julia looked at him, noting the circles under his eyes and the weary droop of his shoulders. “You don’t look like you slept at all.”
“Nerves, I guess,” Finn grunted.
Julia arched an eyebrow. “Uh-huh. I’m not sure I believe that. What’s going on?”
Finn opened his mouth to respond but hesitated. What exactly could he say? That he was having second thoughts? That this game had forced him to confront a series of questions that he would have much preferred to take to his death bed, happily ignored. That he was wondering what would happen if he ran right now. How far could he make it before the guards hauled his ass kicking and screaming up onto that platform?
Yet his daughter was still looking at him expectantly, her normally jovial expression cracking slightly and worry shining in her eyes. “I’m not looking forward to killing a resident,” Finn offered weakly. “They seem far too real.”
Julia tilted her head, and he wasn’t sure that she believed him. She didn’t press the issue, perhaps sensing that now wasn’t really the time to talk about this, with hundreds of excited mages squeezing in around them.
“Okay,” she said softly, almost inaudible amid the buzz of the crowd. “Well, I brought you something,” Julia offered, thrusting a leather bundle into Finn’s hands.
Finn glanced at her in surprise, but she offered no explanation, only gesturing for him to open the package. He peeled back the thick leather as they walked, discovering that Julia had handed him a bundle of razor-sharp throwing knives, each blade carefully sheathed.
“Figured you might need a few extras,” Julia offered as Finn stared at the blades. A hopeful, expectant look lingered on her face. Even though a fully grown woman now stood before him, Finn could still remember a similar expression on the face of a young girl as she brought him some spaghetti art she had made in class.
Something clicked in Finn’s head then, his gaze panning back and forth between the blades and Julia’s face. With the sensation came a wash of guilt. His children represented a reason to keep going – a purpose. In fact, they were the reason he had even started playing this damnable game. Finn had done little to foster those relationships over the years. Instead, he’d chosen to wallow in his own misery after Rachael had passed. Despite that, Julia had stayed steadfast with a ready smile and a forceful nudge.
Before he realized what he was doing, Finn hugged his daughter, wrapping his arms around her. She stiffened as though confused, but he felt her muscles ease after a moment, and she hugged him back.
When Finn withdrew, he noticed that her eyes were a bit glossy. He wasn’t quite able to decipher the look on her face though. “Good luck,” she offered, not able to meet his eyes. “I’ll be rooting for you.”
Before he could reply, Julia had vanished, slipping between two of the guards and almost instantly disappearing among the crowd. His eyes followed her, the brief exchange only serving to add to the chaotic, swirling thoughts that rebounded through his head.
Finn didn’t have long to dwell on the encounter as his group neared the dais. The crowd parted to let them pass, and soon they were free of the throng of mages. Finn stood upon dense, hard stone once more and his eyes took in the massive crowd that filled the courtyard and terraces.
Streamers of multi-colored energy wound through the air, the students summoning their own mana in dazzling displays. Finn saw water dance and spiral and flames flicker and fade, the combined energy of dozens of students spelling out the names of the competitors. He saw his own name emblazoned in flame, painted several times across the field.
“Mages, students, and teachers,” Nefreet’s voice whispered through the courtyard. The crowd stilled and quieted. “Today is the final duel. A battle that will determine the strongest from among our novices. A final competition to choose a mage to represent our guild in the Emir’s competition.”
Nefreet turned back to the stage, waving at Finn. “From the travelers, we have Finn. A fire mage of exceptional talent and skill.” Finn noted the way the headmaster’s eye twitched slightly at that comment. Apparently, he didn’t enjoy admitting to Finn’s abilities.
“From among our residents, we have Khiana, an air mage with the speed of a striking python and the power of a chimera.” Finn looked over at his opponent, although the man made no effort to acknowledge Finn’s glance. Khiana was a slender man, wiry muscle rippling beneath practical robes. Instead of a staff or a more typical weapon, bandoliers filled with knives crisscrossed his chest.
Because of his injuries, Finn hadn’t had a chance to watch the resident semi-final duels, although Kyyle had offered some insight into his opponent. It seemed Khiana had yet to lose a duel and had struck down both of his opponents within only a few minutes. He had barely taken a scratch. This man was much more deadly than the other air mages Finn had faced before – and even those fights had been rough.
As Nefreet continued his announcements, Finn’s eyes swept the dais. Brutus stood to the side with the other faculty, and his instructor gave him a nod as their eyes met, his irises flashing with fiery energy. Finn returned the gesture as he continued to observe the mages crowding the platform. Something felt off, but it took him a moment to realize what was missing.
Lamia was nowhere to be seen.
Water mages still ringed the dais, but the water magic master wasn’t present among the faculty. Finn had a sinking feeling in his stomach. He had long ago given up fighting Kyyle’s conspiracy theories, and Abbad had as much as admitted that a member of the faculty was gunning for him. Now his number one candidate was missing? He had a bad feeling about this.
“These duels are a lesson – even for those not standing upon this dais!” Nefreet called out, interrupting Finn’s thoughts. “They sort us and define us. They allow the strong to rise to the top. More than that, they give us purpose. A goal to strive toward even as they harden our bodies and our minds to the rigors of our craft.
“These two champions represent the culmination of this grueling gauntlet, mages forged of fire, ice, wind, and earth. They represent the strongest among us, not just in the fury of their magics but in their strength of will.”
Nefreet waved at Finn and Khiana. “This is the lesson that the Emir has encouraged us to instill in our mages for the last hundred years. Victory or death!”
As Nefreet spoke this last line, a rippling roar rose up from the crowd, crashing across the courtyard like a tidal wave until it vibrated Finn’s core. His fire mana responded to that passion, yet only weakly, his own reservations holding him back.
“Now, we shall commence this final duel to choose a champion for our guild!” Nefreet announced.
With that, the headmaster turned back to Finn and Khiana and handed each of them a familiar stone token, a glowing symbol emblazoned on its side. With the ceremonies out of the way, the two competitors turned to face each other. Finn saw no doubt or hesitation in Khiana’s eyes as he stared back with calculating precision, as though he were analyzing a table or a chair –
not a living breathing person.
He wasn’t certain that the same resolve shined in his own eyes.
Yet there was nowhere to go but forward. Before Finn knew it, their tokens tapped against one another and the world abruptly faded away in a flash of multi-colored light.
Chapter 40 - Compelling
When Finn opened his eyes again, he wasn’t standing in a field, or an underground cave, or a muddy rice paddock. This was no foreign field of battle. Instead, he was somewhere… familiar.
The leather walls of the tent billowed and flapped behind him, snapping taut as a breeze rippled across the structure. This gust of air caused sand to spill inside the tent, twisting and swirling in the air and shifting the streamers of silk that hung from the ceiling. He remembered those decorations, how they had slapped him in the face as he wheeled himself through this same tent. Although, that seemed like an age ago.
Oh, what the hell is going on now?
Finn’s eyes panned across the tent until they rested on the tapestry near the back of the room. The scene had changed. The former phoenix was gone, only ashes remaining. In its wake, an egg now rested in the center of the tapestry, awash in flames. From this shell, Finn could see the tip of a fledgling firebird’s beak just barely emerging, as though it were struggling to break free. He felt himself drawn to the image, and he swore – for just a moment – that he saw the flames flicker.
“We meet again,” a familiar voice spoke from behind the tapestry. A moment later, the Seer moved into sight, thick silks wrapping her body and leaving only her eyes visible. The black python slithered up her arm and wound around her neck, its eyes watching Finn.
Awaken Online: Ember (Tarot #1) Page 41
