Rachel walked past the teams of busy people and into the house. Inside, it looked and smelled glorious. There were flowers everywhere. The grand double staircase was wrapped in deep green ivy and tiny white lilies. The scent of sweet pipe tobacco filled the foyer. It was a smell that instantly made her feel like a child again. She remembered vividly playing with Elena in this house when they were young. They would dress in her mother’s old formal gowns and pretend they were at a fancy tea party. Mrs. Wilkinson let them use her old jewelry and fine china. They would sit in the dining room, having filled the seats with dolls and stuffed animals, and play for hours. Looking up, Rachel noticed a large portrait of a young Mrs. Wilkinson at the top of the stairs. Her smile was warm and the resemblance to Elena was unmistakable. Rachel recalled all those sleepovers when Elena’s mother would make them hot chocolate and tell them elaborate and fantastic stories of what it had been like as a little girl growing up in Mexico. Rachel always wished she could have lived in this house, with this family. It was such a nurturing home.
Rachel walked up the stairs and knocked at Elena’s door before letting herself in.
Elena sat at her old vanity dresser, having her makeup applied by a woman Rachel had never met. Elena’s wedding gown hung on a dressing screen to the right. It was a simple, strapless, long, white dress. It was beautiful.
“Hi Rachel, this is Jeanette. She can get started with your makeup as soon as she’s done with mine. You can hang your dress right there.” Elena pointed to the bathroom door.
Jeanette was a young, curvaceous woman with dark, olive skin and brown hair with brassy, blond highlights. She wore tight leggings and an animal print top. She had on a mass of gold bracelets and big gold earrings. She had a joyful nature about her and hummed quietly as she worked on Elena’s face. I hope she doesn’t paint on the same amount of lip liner onto Elena as she’s wearing, Rachel thought. She was pretty sure Elena had met Jeanette through Elena’s work at the clinic. That was the thing about Elena: she could have hired the most expensive makeup artist from Neiman Marcus or Saks Fifth Avenue, but she preferred to hire people she met through her work. It was her nature. One of Rachel’s favorite memories of Elena was when they were teenagers and a fierce cold snap had come through Texas. The temperature had fallen into the teens. The entire city shut down. They had been watching the local news on TV and learned that some of the city’s homeless were refusing to go to shelters. Elena desperately wanted to do something to help. She decided to make a big batch of homemade soup, and Rachel helped her put it into disposable containers. Then she and Rachel, with the help of Mrs. Wilkinson, drove around looking for homeless people downtown and gave them a warm meal.
Rachel smiled at Jeanette and said, “It’s nice to meet you,” then hung up her dress and asked Elena how she was feeling.
“Really nervous, but good. I miss my mom so much right now.”
Rachel’s eyes softened. “I know. She would have been so happy for you.” She wondered what Mrs. Wilkinson would have thought of her if she knew that, only two days ago, she had slept with the man her daughter was about to marry.
“I’m glad you’re here with me,” Elena said, keeping her head still for Jeanette but looking at Rachel in the mirror.
“There’s no place else I’d rather be.”
Rachel felt as if she were living in an alternate universe. She should be happy for Elena. She should be here supporting her on this special day. Instead, she was here as the ultimate impostor. She no longer knew herself. How could everything change so quickly? How on earth could this be happening?
When Jeanette finished applying Elena’s makeup, Elena stood and turned around to face Rachel. Unlike the way Jeanette had applied her own makeup, Elena’s was soft and natural looking. She looked angelic. Her chestnut brown hair was pulled up tight, her big, green eyes looked deep, and her fair skin was flawless like porcelain.
“You are stunning,” Rachel said almost unconsciously as she stared into Elena’s eyes.
Elena smiled, and then her eyes began to water.
“Ay, Dios mío. Don’t start crying, Doctor, or you’ll mess up your makeup,” Jeanette said, gently touching the corners of Elena’s eyes with a tissue.
Elena’s smile grew wider. “Now help me into my veil and dress and get your makeup done. Be downstairs in thirty minutes so we can take the pictures.”
Pictures. Wonderful, Rachel thought. A permanent reminder of the fraud I’ve become.
* * *
Rachel wore a simple, pale yellow chiffon dress with spaghetti straps. Elena’s cousins, the other two bridesmaids, wore dresses similar to hers. The only thing that really set Rachel apart from the other bridesmaids was her flower bouquet, which was nearly twice the size of theirs.
When Rachel came down the stairs, the house was more chaotic than before. There was a circus of people moving from here to there, each with their own agenda. After she searched the house, she eventually found Elena in the backyard with her father and cousins. The photographer was waiting impatiently next to them, shifting his weight from one foot to the other and checking his watch. The yard had been transformed into a beautiful sight, with huge white floral arrangements and white canopies and tables. The wedding coordinator had made three rows of white wooden folding chairs, with one long aisle down the middle that flowed to a white, wooden altar wrapped in the same type of ivy and lilies that spiraled the staircase inside. The huge, mature oak trees filtered the sun majestically. There were spots of sunlight shining through the branches and just a slight breeze in the air that smelled of roses and lobster bisque.
“My, you look lovely,” Dr. Wilkinson said to Rachel as he reached out to hug her.
“Dr. Wilkinson, the house is amazing. Mrs. Wilkinson would be so impressed by all these beautiful lilies,” she said, looking into his cheery eyes.
“Yes, well,” Dr. Wilkinson carried on with a wistful smile. “She is especially missed today. But I know she’s here with us in spirit. Now come ladies, let’s get on with it before the photographer has an anxiety attack.”
They posed for pictures in various settings, inside and out; on the staircase, in the formal living room, in the foyer, in front of the house, and in the backyard. The guests started arriving and Elena was being a good hostess by receiving them graciously. Rachel stood patiently behind her and greeted them politely as Elena made the introductions.
“Aren’t you supposed to be hidden away somewhere until the ceremony?” asked a large older woman in a turquoise blue dress.
“Oh, I’m not superstitious that way. I’d much rather be here with my father and all of you than hiding away in my room. Besides, Jack’s supposed to call me before he gets here. That’s when I’ll go into a brief seclusion,” Elena said with a smile.
It was then that Rachel excused herself and went upstairs to Elena’s room. The thought of Jack made her queasy. The scarlet letter on her face was starting to make its appearance again, and hiding away sounded like a good idea. She needed some time to pull herself together. Once inside Elena’s room, she walked over to the window and looked out onto the backyard. She could see the guests moving around, no doubt commenting on how beautiful the house looked, how beautiful Elena was, how delicious the food smelled. She had been there, staring out the window for about ten minutes when someone knocked at the door.
“Yes?”
The door creaked open as Ben popped his head in. “I thought I might find you in here. It’s so bizarre to be in this house again after all these years. I can’t believe how it looks exactly the same. I feel like I’m twelve years old. Did you see Rosa? She’s still their housekeeper! She nearly fainted when I told her who I was.” He stood at the door, wearing a dark suit, fully shaven and sporting his best attempt at neatly combed hair.
Rachel looked at him solemnly.
“Aren’t you coming down?” he asked. His smile faded. “Something wrong?”
“Can you come in and shut the door?”
“Sure,”
he said, closing the door behind him. “What’s going on?” He seemed even larger than usual in the small bedroom.
Rachel looked at the floor. She didn’t know how to say it. “I….” she stammered, gulping in a quick breath. She forced herself to just say it. “I slept with Jack.”
There was silence as the words fell flat in the room. She had thought for sure when she finally confessed to someone she would feel relieved, but she didn’t. She only felt disgraced.
Ben stood motionless with a blank look on his face. She figured he wanted to ask if she was kidding, but the severe expression she wore said she was anything but. He squinted. “What exactly are you saying?”
“Thursday, after the dinner party, after the dance club, he drove me home and it … just happened.”
Ben’s brow darkened. He frowned and sat down on the bed. Rachel watched him intently and started biting her manicured fingernail. It was disturbingly quiet in the room for what felt like an hour.
He finally spoke.
“I don’t know what to say. What were you thinking, Rachel? Who initiated it? Was that the only time? Wait—” He pushed his palm out into the air. “No, no, don’t tell me. I don’t want to know.” He brought his hands together and up to his face, like he was praying. He fell silent as he looked down at his shoes. He brought his hand to his eyes and began to rub them.
“Of course it was the only time. And does it really matter who came on to whom?” Rachel reasoned. “It just happened.” She stepped away from the window, inching slightly closer to Ben.
He looked directly at her. “How could you? To Edward? To Elena?”
“I don’t know,” she said, her face falling. She searched his eyes for an ounce of empathy, for a solution. “What do I do?” She wanted him to hold her. She needed him to hold her. To reach out his arms, and tell her that she wasn’t alone.
Ben stood from the bed and walked towards her. She thought he was going to hug her but he stopped about two feet in front of her. His eyes darted directly into hers. “I’ll tell you what you’re going to do.” He glared at her and wagged his index finger in her face. “You’re going to keep this to yourself. You’re going to bury this so deep down inside of you, you’ll make yourself wonder if it ever really happened at all.”
Rachel lowered her head, letting out a brief sob. “I don’t think I can do that.”
“Do you want to lose Edward?” he asked. “And Jacob. Think about your son, Rachel. This isn’t about you anymore.” He turned away from her and started to pace around the small bedroom. “Jesus, how could you be so stupid? You’re not fifteen years old anymore. There are serious consequences here. You, of all people, should know that!”
A tear rolled down Rachel’s face as she watched her brother unravel, just like she did every time she remembered that night. She never should have dragged Ben into her grief. She wanted to run. She wanted to sprint out of Elena’s old house. She wanted to run to another neighborhood, to another country, to another continent. It was too much.
Ben’s pacing froze. He looked at Rachel, determined. “This was your mistake, and now it’s your cross to bear. Tell no one and move on. It never happened.” He turned towards the door. “Your family is waiting for you downstairs.”
He shut the door forcefully behind him, shaking the picture frame on the wall nearby. The sound startled her. For the first time in her life, Ben actually reminded her of their mother; his iron tone, the way he stared her down like a dog who just soiled the carpet. It was all too reminiscent. Rachel hadn’t known how Ben was going to react, but she certainly never thought it would be like that. Still, he was right. This was her cross to bear, to bury. She sighed deeply. She walked over to the vanity mirror, looked at herself and wiped her face with a tissue from Jeanette’s makeup case. She retouched her lip gloss and headed downstairs.
* * *
It was a beautiful ceremony. There were about thirty guests. Rachel and Jack waited with the minister at the altar. Elena came down the aisle escorted by her father. They were both grinning from ear to ear. Dr. Wilkinson had tears in his eyes as he pulled the veil over his daughter’s head, kissing her cheek. Everyone was smiling. Even the servants gazed at Elena and Dr. Wilkinson with affection. Rachel held her head down for most of the minister’s sermon, as if in prayer. And she was secretly praying. After the exchange of the rings, she turned back and looked at Edward sitting in the first row with Jacob in his lap and Ben sitting next to him. Edward smiled and shot her a quick, flirtatious wink. She smiled back at him warmly. She heard the minister say, “If anyone knows any reason why these two should not enter into holy matrimony, speak now.”
She turned her attention back to the altar, closed her eyes, and with a deep breath thought to herself, I will forever hold my peace.
* * *
Early the next morning as Rachel lay in bed, she felt Edward nuzzle against her. With his body pressed against hers, he kissed her shoulder and moved his hand over her breast. Rachel tensed. She quickly clutched his hand and moved it to her mouth, where she kissed it. She paused. “I’m sorry, sweetie. You know I’ve got to take Ben to the airport.” She heard him sigh deeply. He let go of her, pressing his back heavily into the mattress.
“Maybe tonight, okay?”
“Sure,” he said.
Rachel didn’t have to look at Edward to know he was hurt. She touched his arm, but he shot up and left the bedroom.
Damn it. She hated telling Edward no, especially now, when it mattered even more.
An hour later, she was in the car with Ben and Jacob. Though Ben had only been in Austin four days, the initial trip to pick him up from the airport seemed as far away as a childhood memory. The weather then had been sunny and bright; it was now cool and overcast, the air both inside and outside so thick. Neither of them spoke to one another the entire twenty-minute drive. Luckily Jacob was there to interrupt their silence.
“I don’t want you to go, Uncle Ben,” he called out from his car seat in the back.
“I know, but I’ll call you when I get there, okay?” Ben said, as he looked at the passing cars on the highway.
“But I don’t want you to!” Jacob yelled.
“I promise I’ll be back soon.”
Rachel parked the car in front of Ben’s terminal. He got out of the SUV and opened the back door to unfasten Jacob and let Homer out. He pulled his suitcases and animal crate onto the loading area. Rachel turned on her hazard lights and got out of the car to join them. The airport was busy. Jacob watched the airplanes flying overhead with untamed joy, ignoring everything else, even Ben hustling to gather his things.
Right before Ben put Homer in his crate, he took out a small prescription medicine bottle from his coat pocket and removed a single white pill. He bit off all but a tiny bit and gave the small piece to Homer, then hard-swallowed the rest himself. Rachel watched him intently. “What?” he said. “It calms our nerves when we fly.”
“Can I have one?” Rachel asked.
Ben shot her an inquisitive look.
“I can’t sleep,” she said.
He was quiet for a moment. “Here,” he said, handing her the bottle. “Keep it, but don’t do anything stupid…again.” He laughed, obviously joking, but in a tight, controlled way.
“Thanks.” She took the bottle and put it in her pocket.
“Look, Rachel, I’m still upset, but I’ll get over it. Now you have to get over it. Put on your big-girl pants, and pull yourself out of this funk, for Jacob’s sake, for your sake, for ours.”
Rachel grabbed her brother and hugged him tightly. She pushed the side of her face into his chest, resisting the urge to cry. Ben held her and glanced down at Jacob, who was busy petting Homer. He whispered in Rachel’s ear. “We’ll make it, Rach. We always have.”
Rachel’s eyes welled with tears and she tried with all her might not to lose it in front of Jacob.
“Are you sad because Uncle Ben is leaving, Mommy?” Jacob asked, looking at her with worried eyes
. She smiled at him reassuringly and let go of Ben.
“Yes. But he’ll be back soon, right, Uncle Ben? Maybe for Thanksgiving?” She wiped the tears from her face with the back of her sleeve. “I’m sure Agnes will make her signature stuffed turkey.”
“I don’t know about that. I might be going on a Caribbean cruise around the holiday break, but if I can’t come back for Thanksgiving, I’ll definitely be here for Christmas.”
Ben opened the animal crate and Homer instantly jumped in. When Ben closed the gate, Jacob bent down and stuck his fingers through the wires so Homer could lick him.
“Okay, buddy, come give me a hug.” Ben picked Jacob up and gave him a long embrace. “Be a good boy. I love you.” He kissed his forehead.
“I love you, too. Bye, Homer,” Jacob said, looking at the crate.
Ben handed Jacob over to Rachel, and hugged both of them. “Everything is going to be fine.” He pulled his carry-on over his shoulder, picked up the crate and turned to leave. Rachel stood there holding Jacob as she watched Ben walk away into the airport. Once inside, he turned back to look at them. He smiled warmly and waved goodbye; then he was gone.
THREE
RACHEL HAD NOT SCHEDULED any appointments on Monday, but she decided to drop off Jacob at pre-school anyway. She drove to Austin High School and parked at her usual place under the Highway 1 Bridge, adjacent to the Lady Bird Lake Hike and Bike Trail. She needed to run. She was an avid runner and had been since college. It was her therapy, the only time she could clear her mind or think through a problem. Even if it was raining or bitter cold or in the dead heat of summer, she never regretted hitting the trail. She always felt better afterward. She ran nearly five miles a day, but on this particular outing, she barreled through nine. She ran past the Stevie Ray Vaughn statue in front of Auditorium Shores and over the South First Street Bridge. Instead of heading back as she normally did, she turned east on the trail. She ran under the Congress Bridge, which housed the world’s largest bat colony, toward the Four Seasons Hotel and the I-35 Highway, and kept going until she reached the colorful graffiti-painted walls on Robert Martinez Jr. Street on the east side of town. She ran faster and harder than usual, taking hills at top speed. She paid little attention to the lake, the picturesque scenery, or the other runners she passed by. She ran until it was impossible to go farther. By the time she returned to her car, her legs were fatigued and starting to cramp. Her hair, which she had up in a ponytail, was damp and clung to the back of her neck. She was exhausted, but still—she did feel better. She was glad Elena and Jack had left for their honeymoon to Europe. She was thankful they were gone. It gave her some time to keep her mind occupied by other things and not dwell on what she had done.
Rachel's Folly Page 4
