Class Mom

by Laurie Gelman

  “Thanks. Is that the only reason?” I ask.

  “I’ve had some bad experiences with class parents in the past. Mothers can be so catty sometimes.”

  I look at her, but don’t say anything. She shrugs.

  “What other reason would there be?”

  I’m feeling very unsatisfied. It’s like having an itch in the middle of your back that you can’t quite reach.

  “I don’t know. You went to a lot of trouble just to spy on your own class. I would have cc’d you on the emails if you wanted.”

  “Yes, but they wouldn’t have been the same, now would they? I wanted the real flavor of the class.”

  “Oh, well, okay. Good. I’m glad it worked for you. I’m just happy there isn’t a terribly neglected sick little girl with a workaholic mother out there.”

  She laughs. “I know, right? Hello, Child Services?”

  I’m positive there’s more to the story, but I’ve heard all I want to.

  “Okay, so I’ll arrange for the party on the last day of school. Maybe we can play freeze tag on the grass behind the school.”

  “I don’t need to know the details, Jenny. I’m sure it will be great.”

  This is my cue to leave. As I open the door, Miss Ward is right behind me, pulling me into an awkward hug.

  “Thanks, Jenny. You were a good friend this year.”

  I really don’t know what to say to that, so I just hug her back and walk away.

  On my way back to the car, I dial Nina. She answers on the first ring.

  “What happened?”

  “Well, you were right—she’s leaving.”

  “Did she tell you why?”

  “She said her old school in New Jersey wants her back and made her a great offer.”

  “Do you believe her?”

  “I do. Why would she make that up? The bigger question is, does Kim Fancy know, and how is she taking it?”

  “Are you friendly with her at all?”

  “Not even a bit,” I admit.

  I unlock the minivan and slide into the driver’s seat.

  “So is this public knowledge?” Nina asks.

  “Well, she didn’t say to keep it quiet, so I guess it is. I’m feeling a little bad. She might have been crazy, but Miss Ward was a good teacher. Maxi is going to miss her.”

  “Oh, he’ll fall in love with his next teacher. They always do.”

  We make plans to see each other over the long weekend. As I pull out of the parking lot, I see a red Grand Cherokee with the hood up on the side of the road. I slow down to see if they need help and regret the impulse immediately when I see JJ Aikens. I roll down my window.

  “Hey, JJ, need any help?”

  She looks up, confused, then walks from her car over to mine.

  “No, thanks.” She sighs. “I’m just waiting for Triple A. I told my husband the transmission was going on this thing.”

  “Do you have Kit with you? I can drop her somewhere if you like.”

  “It’s okay. She’s playing on my phone and it shouldn’t be too much longer.” She looks at her watch.

  She seems disproportionately sad, even for someone with a broken-down car. I decide to tell her the big news about our teacher to take her mind off her troubles.

  “Miss Ward just told me she’s leaving the school and going back to New Jersey.”

  JJ doesn’t seem a bit surprised. But what happens next really startles me.

  “So is Kim,” she says in a weird, squeaky voice. She then screws up her face and bursts into tears.

  “She is?” I say a bit too loudly. This makes JJ cry harder.

  I throw the minivan into Park and get out. I walk over to her and put my arm around her shoulder.

  “I’m so sorry. I know you guys are good friends.”

  She shrugs off my semi-hug and looks at me like I’m the crazy one.

  “Do you think I’m sad? I’m not sad, I’m mad!” She wipes her apparent tears of anger away and looks me straight in the eye. “You have no idea what I have put up with from her.”

  I’m so confused. “What are you talking about?”

  “I can’t tell you. I’m not supposed to tell anyone.”

  “Tell anyone what?” I lob out there to see if she’ll bite.

  She shakes her head. “For almost three years I’ve kept her secrets and supported her stupid ideas.” She is speaking more to herself than me. “Did you know she’s always trying to have stuff delivered, because I guess people in New York don’t go out and do their own shopping?”

  “You mean Manhattan,” I say, trying to lighten her up.

  “Manhattan,” JJ sneers. “New Jersey is more like it.”

  “She’s from Jersey?” I ask, genuinely surprised.

  JJ looks panic-stricken. “Oh, my God, don’t tell her I told you.”

  “Told me what?” I wink at her. “But is she really?”

  JJ wipes her nose with her hand and nods.

  “A place called Edgewater.” She shrugs. “It’s supposed to be nice.”

  “So why all the talk about Manhattan?”

  “She wanted to make herself sound more important. I didn’t even know the truth until this year when that woman showed up.”

  I frown. “You mean the jewelry designer?”

  “No, Miss Ward!”

  “She knew Miss Ward from New Jersey?”

  There’s that panic-stricken look again.

  “Oh, my God. Don’t say anything. No one’s supposed to know.”

  I’m trying to remain cool and calm, but my heart is racing.

  “Why would it be a secret that they knew each other in New Jersey?”

  “I’m not supposed to tell anyone,” JJ whispers.

  Yeah, you’re a real gatekeeper,

  As bad timing goes, Triple A showing up right then counts as a winner. JJ is immediately pulled out of our conversation cocoon when Dusty (according to his name tag) walks up and asks what the problem is.

  As JJ takes him to the front of the car, I debate whether I should stay and push my luck, or cut and run with what I have.

  The decision is made when JJ calls out to me asking if I can drive her and Kit home.

  “I’m happy to,” I answer with a smile. I jump in my driver’s seat and pray for lots of traffic.

  * * *

  “I don’t think I’ve ever been to your house,” I tell JJ. I know damn well I haven’t.

  “I’m off Trail’s End, right by the mall.”

  “Gotcha.” I pull into the street and calculate that with traffic I will have about fifteen minutes to glean as much information from her as possible, unless we get lucky and there’s a three-car pileup. Kit is sitting in Max’s car seat happily watching one of his movies with the headphones on.

  “So…” I lead off, hoping JJ will pick up the ball.

  She turns her whole body to me.

  “You have to promise you’ll never tell anyone what I told you,” she begs.

  “You’ve only told me that Miss Ward and Kim knew each other from New Jersey. I won’t say anything, but I think I’d have a hard time finding someone who cares.”

  “It’s not that they know each other, it’s how they know each other.”

  We’re at a stoplight, so I turn and give her my best “confused” look, which isn’t hard because I am still pretty confused.

  JJ gives an exasperated sigh.

  “Look, if I tell you, you can’t tell anyone.”

  “I won’t.”

  “Swear on Max’s life.”

  Funny, I had just asked Nina to swear on her kid’s life, and she had refused. I’m not sure it’s wise to bet Max’s life on my ability to keep my yap shut, but I’m too damn curious not to.

  “Okay. I swear.”

  “On Max’s life.”

  I grimace.

  “On Max’s life.” Now I know I won’t tell anyone. I look at JJ expectantly.

  “Well, from what I know, Kim moved here to get away from Peggy.”
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  I try to keep my eyes on the road but I have to look over to see if she’s serious.

  “When I first met Kim at preschool, we hung out all the time because we had to be there to help the kids with separation. You weren’t there, were you?”

  Am I that forgettable?

  “I didn’t do preschool for Max.”

  I want to slap the judgmental look she gives me right off her face.

  “Kim told me back then that they’d moved for David’s job, but also because he’d had an affair and they needed a fresh start. They seemed to really be trying. They used to take these romantic weekends. We watched Nancy a few times.”

  “How does Miss Ward fit in to all this?”

  “When we first got the letter from the school telling us who the kindergarten teacher was, Kim totally wigged out.” JJ laughs humorlessly at the memory. “She told me this was the woman David had the affair with and she had obviously followed them here. She was really unhinged and I felt bad for her. She even went to Principal Jakowski and tried to have her fired before school started.”

  “I’m surprised she didn’t manage to,” I say, thinking about how relentless Kim Fancy can be when she wants something.

  “Turn left here,” JJ directs. We are now on Trail’s End, fairly close to our destination.

  “She couldn’t, though. Have you ever seen Miss Ward’s résumé?”

  I shake my head no.

  “She has a doctorate in early childhood education from Columbia and she started her career pioneering a ‘Mandarin for toddlers’ program for the state of New Jersey. There was no way Jakowski was going to turn her away.”

  “That’s crazy,” is all I can think of to say.

  “That’s my house at the end of the block, with the blue mailbox,” JJ tells me. Shit! I’m not ready to let her go yet. I pull into her driveway and put the minivan in Park.

  “So, is this like a stalking situation? She followed them here to boil a bunny on their stove?”

  “What?” JJ clearly doesn’t get the reference to my favorite movie of all time, Fatal Attraction.

  “Nothing. So she moves here supposedly to win David back, and what? Try to get him to leave Kim?”

  “That’s what I thought, but it turns out it was Kim who had the affair, and Kim who she came here to win back.” She shakes her head in disbelief. “And now she has.”

  “When did you find out all this?”

  “Two weeks ago. Until then I thought David had had the affair with her, and I felt so bad for Kim to have to see this woman. She bad-mouthed her constantly, but then would go and have”—she makes air quotes—“‘meetings’ with her. I thought she was trying to save her marriage. But then I walked in on them making out in Kim’s backyard. I think it was just after that event at your husband’s store.”

  We both sit in silence for a moment. Miss Ward moves to Kansas to follow her heart and ultimately wins the girl. Huh. It’s kind of romantic, in a crazy-bitch sort of way. Then I frown.

  “So what’s going to happen to Nancy and David?”

  JJ shrugs. “No idea. Do you think he would go back to New Jersey with them?”

  “I can’t even pretend to know what these people would do.” I laugh. Boy, nothing like this ever happened when I was class mom for Vivs and Laura.

  “God, it feels good to talk about this,” JJ admits. “I’ve been keeping a lot of secrets this year.” She starts gathering up her bags and tells Kit to get ready. “Thanks so much for the ride.”

  “Any time.”

  “It was nice to talk to you. I used to have a lot of friends, but after Kim moved here I became kind of obsessed with her and I lost most of them.” She opens the minivan door and gets out, but pauses before she closes it.

  “Maybe I was a little in love with her, too.”

  And with that slight overshare, she closes the door and heads up her front walkway with Kit.

  “Remember,” she turns and yells, although I can barely hear her through my closed car windows. “You can’t tell anyone.”

  24

  * * *

  To: The Soon-to-Be 1st Grade Parents

  From: JDixon

  Date: 6/8

  Subject: HAGS! As the kids would say

  Dear Formerly Miss Ward’s Class,

  I just want to give a third and final reminder to everyone that tomorrow is the last day of school for our kindergarteners and everyone is invited to our field day/picnic, which takes place from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. on the west side of the field behind the school.

  Thanks to everyone who volunteered to bring food and drinks. I’m happy to report that we have a new winner in our speedy response category. Since Sasha Lewicki’s automated reply has left the class, Ravi Brown leads the pack with an impressive 58 seconds, but you should know that all responses came in at under ten minutes. I couldn’t be prouder.

  I also want to thank everyone for pitching in these last two weeks and helping Principal Jakowski manage our class. Miss Ward’s untimely departure could have been a disaster, but we all pulled together and made it work. Special shout-out to Ali Gordon and Don Burgess. You guys are amazing with kids! You should be teachers.

  Hope to see you tomorrow, but if I don’t, then HAGS (which I think is a truly horrible acronym for Have a Great Summer, but the kids seem to love it).

  Over and out for good!

  Jen (and Asami in spirit)

  * * *

  * * *

  And there it is, my last official email as class mom. After tomorrow, I’m a free woman. Well, “free” is a relative term, I guess, since I’m still a mom and I now have an active little boy home with me all day, every day. Thank goodness for play dates. I already have Max scheduled through July Fourth weekend.

  These last two weeks have been what my mother would call a mare’s nest. Miss Ward never came back after Memorial Day weekend, if you can believe it. She must have been planning all along to leave then. I should have known from that hug.

  The children were very confused when they wandered into room 147 on the Tuesday after the long weekend and found a note from Miss Ward written on the Smart Board. Only about a third of them could actually understand it. According to Max, Suni Chang saved the day by reading it aloud to the class. The note explained that her work here was done, that they were all going to be wonderful first-graders and she had to move on to a new group of kindergarteners who needed her … just like Mary Poppins. She wrote that! Just like Mary Poppins. Go fly a kite, Miss Ward.

  The school had to scramble to make sure her class was covered for the final two weeks. Most of the moms took a turn co-teaching with Principal Jakowski, who showed no indication that he had ever spent any real time in a classroom. My shout-out to Ali and Don was from the heart. They came in together, which I was surprised and happy to see, and the kids loved them. They created all these amazing learning games that were really fun (all this according to Max, whose favorite was something called What’s in the Bag?). I can’t help but wonder if my chat with Ali kick-started a little something between them. Probably not, but it’s more fun for me to think that it did.

  I found it a bit out of character for Miss Ward to leave without giving the kids any kind of closure. I’ve said it before, she was a bit of a wack-job but a great teacher. The kids were sad that they didn’t get a chance to say good-bye to her or their beloved classmate Nancy Fancy, who (big shocker!) didn’t come back, either. I can only assume they’re all happily ensconced somewhere in Manhattan or New Jersey.

  I kept the promise I made on Max’s life, but about a week after JJ Aikens swore me to secrecy, she started telling anyone who would listen. It was quite the topic at the klatch, let me tell you. And, like any good story, it got better with each telling. My personal favorite was when Shirleen Cobb said she heard that Miss Ward and the Fancys were making porn together. When I asked her what kind of porn, she said, “The un-American kind.”

  The only secret that actually stayed a secret was the real identity of
Sasha Lewicki. Of course, I did tell Asami (I mean, who else would really care?), and she could not have been more magnanimous when she said, “I told you so.” I have to give her full props. She totally called it.

  Right now I have to dash to Party City to get water balloons for one of the games we’ll be playing at the picnic tomorrow. That party will be my final duty as class mom and, I have to admit, the thought chokes me up a little bit.

  I debate sharing this with Nina when I see her at the picnic tomorrow. Ever since she re-upped as PTA president, she has been dropping little hints about me being a class mom again. She hasn’t come right out and asked me yet, but I know she will. And when she does, I’m pretty sure I know what I’ll tell her.

  “Absofuckinglutely not!”

  * * *

  To: The parents of Mrs. Peele’s 1st grade class

  From: JDixon

  Date: 8/30

  Subject: I’m your class mom!

  Dear Parents,

  For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Jennifer Dixon, and it is my pleasure (wink) to be your class mom for this coming year.

  To the parents who were with me last year in kindergarten, all I can say is you’ve made it through boot camp already. You know the rules and you can stop reading this now. See you on curriculum night, which is (see below).

  To the rest of you, make sure to read every damn word of this email …

  * * *

  Acknowledgments

  First and foremost, I’d like to acknowledge Beinstock/UTA super-agent Paul Fedorko, who convinced me that all my whining about being a class parent might actually make a good book. Thank you for not only encouraging me but also shaming me by saying “Danielle Steel isn’t too busy to write and she has more kids than you.”

  While writing Class Mom, I had no idea that the five most dreaded words a friend of the author can hear are “Will you read my book?” Thankfully, I had a bevy of generous souls who were more than willing to read various drafts and give me feedback, and for that I am grateful. The most loyal of these was my paid professional friend Gabrielle Maertz. If Gabby hadn’t laughed in all the right places, I never would have kept writing beyond the first forty pages. Others who gave me their time and wisdom: My forever sister/friends Maria Crocitto, Nancy Bennet and Cindy Vervaeke. Alison Cody who lived the whole nightmare with me. Jessica Aguirre who printed out all 360 pages and lugged it around until she finished it, God bless her. Paige Baldwin, who told me that Jen needed a goal. Sheri Impemba who was the first to read it and ask me if she could let her friends read it too. Jan Weiner who let me use a very sweet story about her son Caden, and Caroline Rhea, who gave me the funniest line in the book (“I’ll let you decide which one it is).