by TJ Rudolph
The guy jabbed the knife toward Chase’s chest, but Chase swiftly moved to the side and slammed it out of his hand with his fist. Chase threw a punch into his side and then his face and the guy stumbled backward. All of his friends walked toward Chase after that, but he grabbed the one guy and flung him against the biggest one. After they went down, he took hold of the other guy and knocked him to the floor and before I knew it they were all running away.
“You better not show your face around here again,” they warned Chase before they left.
He walked toward me and although I was relieved, I stared angrily at him. “What the fuck was that, Chase?”
“Those guys are dangerous Grace, I had to protect you.”
“It didn’t have to come to that, we were just dancing,” I shouted.
“I’m sorry but…”
“Just take me home!” I interrupted him.
I sat in the back seat with Bobby when we drove home and there was a tense silence in the car. I didn’t want to talk to Chase for the rest of the evening and went straight to my room as soon as the car stopped. I heard the front door opening an hour or so later and Bobby popped her head into my room.
“You doing okay?” Chica she asked me.
I sighed, “I’m not exactly sure.”
She came into the room, kicked off her shoes and crawled into bed with me.
“I’m sorry Grace that was a real asshole move that Chase pulled.”
“I don’t even know where he learned to fight like that, seeing him that way was scary and if something happened to him…”
Bobby rubbed my arm, “Dean told me that Chase learned how to fight in juvie to protect himself. Did you know that he served time?” she asked me.
I nodded, I didn’t want to get into that with her now.
“Apparently Dean saw him fighting a few times over the summer, but says he really calmed down since you came into his life,” she said.
I suddenly felt bad for going off on him but I thought it would be best for me to speak about it to him in the morning.
***
The next morning, I was up early. I needed time alone in the art studio, maybe Aaron would come to me. Bobby was still asleep so I left her a note to tell her I would be back later.
When I walked into the studio I immediately put up a blank canvas and started painting. I kept on looking around to see if Aaron was there but he never came. A few hours later, I heard the door creak open, but I didn’t look around, I knew that the only person who knew where I would be was Chase.
“Grace,” he said cautiously. “Can we talk?”
“I don’t think I’m ready yet Chase, what you did last night was really terrible. I tried to continue painting but my anger got the better of me and I spun around.
“Where did you learn to fight like that anyway?” I knew that Bobby already told me but I wanted to hear his version.
Chase put his hands in his pocket and hung his head. “In juvi, they wanted to teach us how to use our strength and anger in a constructive way. So we learned defensive techniques. But since it was juvi we also had to learn how to throw some serious punches to protect ourselves.”
“Yeah well, you threw a lot more punches than was necessary last night,” I said turning back around and furiously brushing the paint on the canvas.
“I know and I am sorry, Grace. I’m probably going to say that a lot because I will screw up a lot. I can’t promise that I will change overnight and, Grace, if you want to leave now, I won’t stand in your way.”
I turned to look at his gloomy eyes. “Chase, we are going to have lots of fights and none of it is going to lead to me leaving you. Stop walking around as if the minute you turn your back, I am going to leave. You just have to ease up on the jealousy, I am yours and yours only,” I said walking toward him and cupping his face.
“I know and you’re right, just give me another chance.”
I sighed. “You are forgiven, but I still need some time, so just let me paint these pictures and I will come back to the room.”
“Thank you. All this is new to me and I am still learning, just be patient with me, I will get it right someday.”
“It’s new to me too, Chase.”
“I know and I am sorry I let you see that side of me.”
I nodded.
“I’ll see you later,” he said kissing my cheek.
I took another two hours to finish what I was doing and when I stepped back to survey it, I stared straight into Aaron’s blue eyes. This was the fifth picture I had drawn of him this year, but it was the only one where I could see his face.
“Why do I look so sad in that painting?” I heard a voice behind me.
“Aaron,” I smiled, “where have you been?”
“You don’t need me here anymore, Gracy, and it’s time that you let me go completely, at least me in this form.”
“I’m not ready yet, Aaron.”
“Grace, it is time to move on, I will always be a part of you. There is a great guy waiting for you and the only way you are going to help him, is if you are completely healed first.”
“I know, I am just not ready. Just give me some more time.”
“It will be okay, Gracy,” he said and then he disappeared.
I walked back to my room with tears in my eyes, hoping that Aaron didn’t just say goodbye to me. But he was right. I needed to let go, I just didn’t know how.
When I stepped inside Chase was sitting on my sofa, staring at a blank TV screen.
“Hey,” I said softly.
‘Hi,” he smiled up at me. “Bobby and Dean went out to get something to eat.”
I walked over to him and sat down. “I’m sorry that I over reacted earlier, I know that things were hard for you before you came to WRC,” I said placing my hands in his.
“Grace there is something else I didn’t tell you. It’s not exactly true that I learnt how to fight in juvie. When I was twelve years old I had to learn to dodge my father’s hefty blows and by fifteen when I realized that I wasn’t always missing them, I decided to do something.
I got some old weights from a sports shop and started bulking up. My dad never stood a chance after I became stronger, but it meant my mother was taking those extra punches.”
“That’s awful Chase,” I exclaimed teary eyed.
“Watching him hit my mother like that made me so angry. She wouldn’t let me intervene and the result was a temper always raging inside of me. I used to pick fights at school, on the street, anywhere I could find an outlet I would take it. But since you came into my life things have been different. I want to be better, but last night when that asshole grabbed you I just lost it.”
“It’s okay Chase,” I said placing my hand on his face, “I didn’t understand before, but I do now.”
“I’m sorry you had to see that side of me.”
“I just wished that you told me sooner.”
“I know,” he said as pulled me into his arms. “From now on I’ll do better.”
Chapter 11
The last term of the year, everyone had their noses stuck in a book, even The Bleeding hearts were doing less gigs. WRC had a serious policy about failing. One or two subjects they were okay with but you could not flunk an entire year or you would have to appear before the board. Chase came over to my place every night to check if I needed help with math and most nights he would fall asleep on my sofa.
One night after Chase had fallen asleep and I closed him with a blanket, my phone rang. When I checked I saw that it was my dad. I went to my room and closed the door.
“Hey, Dad,” I whispered, “I am so happy to hear from you.”
“Hi, honey, how are you? I miss you too.”
“I’m really good,” I told him.
“I’m glad to hear that, baby. I got a text from Cherry to say that she put the house in my name. Thank you for doing that and I’m sorry that you had to meet with her. What made her sign over the house so quickly anyway?”
“It must be the stern talking to I gave her,” I lied. “I told her that you raised me alone and that house belonged to us. That must have done the trick.”
“I am glad she didn’t give you too much trouble. I have to board the ship now but I will be home for Christmas and I told Agatha and Chris to come over for lunch.”
“Okay, Dad, I will see you soon, I love you.”
“Love you too, honey, take care of yourself.”
When my dad ended the call, I thought of taking Chase with me for lunch and how awkward it was going to be to let my boyfriend meet Agatha and Chris. I also needed to tell him everything before I did and I wasn’t really looking forward to that.
“Was that your dad?” I heard Chase’s voice behind me. I turned my head slightly and nodded. He came up to me and pulled my back against his stomach and held me close.
I turned to face him and folded my hands around his neck. “I’m so happy that you’re here,” I told him.
“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else, Gracy.” I took my hands off his neck and walked to the other side of the room when he called me that.
“Did I say something wrong?”
I turned away. I wasn’t ready to tell him about Aaron. But it wasn’t fair for me to try and break down his walls, when I was still hiding a big part of myself.
I turned to look at him again, “I had a friend… Actually, he was more than that.”
“A boyfriend?” Chase asked.
I shook my head. “He was my best friend. I was in love with him, yes, but he never knew. He rescued me from the dark life I was living and was the only friend I ever had.”
“Was?” Chase asked.
“He...” My voice faltered.
Chase came close to me and held my hands.
“He died,” I said as tears rolled down my cheeks.
Chase wiped my cheeks with his thumbs and wrapped his arms around me. I lay my head on his chest as my tears started rolling.
“He used to call me Gracy, ever since the ninth grade when I fell over a huge stone and twisted my ankle. He came running, picked me up and asked, “Gracy, are you okay?” and it stuck.
“I’m sorry,” Chase said holding me tighter “if you don’t like it…”
“No, it’s not that. It just reminded me of him, but I actually don’t think I mind. I think I like it, it feels familiar.”
I wasn’t ready to tell him more. Not yet anyway, so we lay down on the bed in silence, with his arms still bound tightly around me. When I eventually felt his arms loosen, I moved out of his grip and watched him sleep. There was a peaceful look on his face that I had never seen before. Maybe it was because I shared a part of myself that I never thought I would share with him. I was glad that I told him about Aaron and that we were slowly moving closer toward each other, bridging the gap of mistrust. I eventually fell asleep, watching his chest rise and fall, lulled by the rhythmic sound of his breaths.
*****
I heard a phone ringing somewhere in the distance and thought maybe I was dreaming. But then I felt Chase stir and him raising his voice outside the bedroom door.
I got up and walked to him as he put the phone down.
“Grace, I’m sorry to get up and leave like this. But I have to go,” he said and headed for the door.
“Chase,” I said grabbing his arm. “What’s going on?”
He rubbed the back of his neck as if he was unsure about whether or not he should let me in this time.
I waited quietly for him to decide. I didn’t want to push him.
“It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me right now.”
“If you go with me, I can show you,” he said.
I sighed softly, relieved that he trusted me enough, and nodded.
I got dressed as quick as I could and we walked to the car. The car ride was silent and tense until Chase started to speak. “Grace, I’m sorry for dragging you with without telling you where we’re going.”
He went quiet again and vigorously rubbed his forehead. “We’re going to Rosewood to see my mother.”
I didn’t know what to make of that, he only mentioned his mother once and that memory was not a fond one. I only nodded and reached out to touch his hand.
We entered our home town and drove toward the mountainous side of Rosewood. When we neared the steel fencing I knew that we were at the Rosewood Mental Institution. Chase stopped in front of it, signed his name at security and drove inside. He pulled the car into a parking lot and after he switched it off, he sat quiet for a long time.
He eventually took a deep breath and turned to me. “My mother loved my father, so much in fact that she always had a reason as to why he hit her. She always blamed herself. The day he beat her unconscious, I called for an ambulance and she spent weeks in a hospital. I was at her side day and night. When she finally woke up I told her what had happened to my dad and that the police was waiting for her to wake up. They needed to hear her testimony. She lost her mind; she blamed me, called me a murderer. Luckily for me the doctor could act as my witness, because she had so many broken bones and bruises. Some of her broken bones were from years of torture and they knew she was a victim of abuse. The court deemed her to be in an unfit mental condition and a danger to herself, so they forced her to go to a mental institution. After she was admitted there she started to regress and is now a permanent resident of the hospital. I have not spoken to her in over a year and last night one of the nurses called me to say that she is hysterically looking for me. I told her that I had no interest in seeing her. She told me that my mother has tried to take her life several times and they are afraid that one day she will succeed and that perhaps it’s time for me to say goodbye.”
“Chase, that’s... I’m so sorry,” I said as I put my arms around him.
He kissed the top of my head, “let’s get this over with.”
“You want me to come with you?” I asked surprised.
“Only if you want to,” he said.
“Of course, I do,” I told him.
Chase slowly led me toward a glass front door and took another deep breath before he rang the bell. We heard a buzzer and he pushed the door open. We walked down a long wide corridor, toward a steel gate and there was a security guard standing next to it with a white uniform. “Your names, please?”
“Chase Ryder and Grace Delaney,” Chase responded.
“Do you have an appointment?” the security guard asked.
Chase nodded.
Please wait here while I call for one of the nurses. He picked up a cordless phone and dialed a number and a few minutes later a lady in a white dress came walking toward us, her heels clicking on the shiny marble floor.
The security guard opened the gate with a key and the nurse addressed Chase. “Hello, thank you for coming. Will you please follow me?”
Chase took my hand and we followed the nurse into the reception area. It was a small area with two chairs and a table with magazines neatly stacked on top. “Pease wait here a moment,” the nurse said and I watched as she walked into a nearby room.
