“Young folk always think the world revolves around them. Chances are his issues are his own just as yours belong to you. If it’s meant to be, things will work out.”
“Oh, forget that. This is why I’ve stayed away from any kind of relationship. Too much work and aggravation for too little reward. I have a roaring headache from clenching my teeth so hard after one conversation that went sour.”
“Life isn’t always about the sweetness but the sour, too. Without the dark, there is no light.”
Miranda stared in mild exasperation at the older woman. Perhaps if Mamu had taken less of a passive role in Johnny’s life, the direction wouldn’t have taken a nosedive into the toilet. Oh, that wasn’t fair, she immediately chastised the uncharitable voice that had cropped up in her head. Mamu wasn’t responsible for the choices that Johnny had made.
Miranda exhaled slowly and closed her eyes for a brief moment before opening them again to say, “I know, Mamu. But you didn’t see the way he looked at me. It was as if I’d suddenly shared something completely distasteful and, frankly, it was a huge turnoff. Me and Talen are a package deal. He can’t have me if he doesn’t want Talen, too. It really solidified my decision to remain single, that’s for sure.”
Mamu chuckled, and before she could offer another opinion, Talen came running back into the room with his backpack and coat on. “Ready, Mama,” he announced with a gap-toothed grin. Miranda smoothed her son’s pitch-black hair and smiled. This boy was where her heart resided and that was all that mattered. Jeremiah could wallow in his own misery alone. She wasn’t about to become a part of whatever issues he was carrying with him.
* * *
SEVERAL DAYS HAD passed and Jeremiah had successfully avoided all contact with Miranda. After his less-than-gallant behavior, he didn’t blame her for the cold shoulder but he wished she wasn’t being quite so open about her disdain for him. He supposed he shouldn’t complain—she hadn’t run to Stuart to blab about their indiscretion, so he owed her for that one—but he knew if they didn’t start thawing around each other, the staff were going to start talking.
“Jeremiah...can I talk to you for a minute?” Mary asked, venturing into his office and interrupting his thoughts.
“Of course,” he said, gesturing for her to come in. “What can I do for you?”
Mary glanced around and then surreptitiously shut the door. Her need for privacy made Jeremiah sit a little straighter. Was he paranoid for worrying that Mary was suspicious of his involvement with Miranda? He kept his expression impassive and waited for her to continue. “Forgive me if I’m talking out of turn, but I just feel compelled to put in a word for Miranda.”
Jeremiah did a double take. “Come again?”
Mary twisted her fingers and fidgeted, plainly feeling as if she was treading on dangerous ground, but she continued anyway. “She is my friend and I know her pretty well. She’s got the best heart, and whatever she said or did to create the tension between you, please know that she’s probably kicking herself right now because she’s better at hindsight than being in the moment.”
It took Jeremiah a full minute to realize that Mary thought Miranda had done or said something reckless to him as her superior and Mary was worried for Miranda’s job. If it weren’t such a chaotic situation, Jeremiah might’ve laughed at the irony. He smiled at Mary to put her at ease, but in truth he was simply relieved that Mary was clueless as to the true reason for the tension. “Everything is fine between me and Miranda. She’s a valuable member of this team and I’m sorry if you got the impression that there was tension between us.”
“She called you some names under her breath,” Mary admitted, appearing guilty for sharing. “But she’s always had a hot temper and sometimes she just can’t seem to control what comes out of her mouth. But she’s a very good person. The best. And that family has been through so much it just doesn’t seem right to come down so hard on her for something she can’t truly control.”
“I admire your faith in your friend and coworker but you’re worried for no reason. I’m curious, though.... What did you mean about Miranda’s family?”
Mary looked as if she’d shared something she shouldn’t have but then said, “Well, it’s not as if it’s a secret. A big murder case is hardly commonplace around here, and it was on all the national news outlets, so you’re bound to hear about it sooner or later. Although you should probably hear it from Miranda....” Mary paused, perplexed, but when the prospect of sharing the juiciest gossip she knew was on the table, she simply couldn’t pass it up. “Eight years ago, Miranda’s younger sister, Simone—prettiest girl you ever seen, I’ll tell you that—she went missing only to turn up dead two days later. She was battered and bloody but she didn’t actually die from her wounds. No, the bastard who took her left the poor girl in the mountains and she died of exposure. But that’s not the worst part—” Mary paused for a breath. “Trace—that’s Miranda’s brother—and Miranda tried to find her but didn’t in time. By the time they found Simone, she’d been dead for at least two hours. And no one was ever able to solve the case. Whoever killed Simone Sinclair is still walking around, free as you please.”
Jeremiah stared, shocked. “How awful.”
“Yes,” Mary nodded sadly. “Not the kind of thing that our little township wants to be remembered for, but God must’ve needed his angel back because they couldn’t save her in time. And Miranda, bless her soul, has never really gotten over it. Well, come to think of it, none of the Sinclairs have really come back from that one event. Such a tragic mess. So now you know why I’m concerned. We’re all a little protective of Miranda, even though she’d hate to hear us say something like that. She’s a stubborn thing.”
Jeremiah mulled the information. This certainly put recent events in a different light and he felt like a shit for weirding out on her because of his own tragedy. The least he could do was explain. “Thank you for sharing, Mary. I appreciate the insight.”
Mary smiled and said, “Please keep this between us. Miranda is a very proud woman and it would kill her to know I’ve spoken so freely about her personal business.”
“Your secret is safe with me,” he assured her, and Mary let herself out.
Jeremiah leaned back in his chair and reflected on everything that had happened in the past week. The poachers had disappeared; whatever tracks they’d left behind had been erased by the storm and they had no choice but to wait and see if they left another carcass behind. The necropsy had confirmed that the gallbladder had been removed, which supported the theory that they were poaching for the Asian black market, but Jeremiah wasn’t sure how to catch them in the act in order to make the charges stick. He understood Miranda’s frustration and, in a way, thanks to Mary, he understood her passion. She needed to make a difference, to catch the bad guys because her sister’s murder was still hanging over her family’s head. God, he couldn’t imagine the heartache. Tyler was gone but at least Jeremiah had answers. How did the Sinclair family mourn when all they had were questions? He needed to apologize and explain himself. It’d be a miracle if she’d listen.
Since that day on the mountain, he’d replayed every word he’d said—and hadn’t said—and he winced in shame. He may appear put together but inside he was a mess. But whatever his own issues, it wasn’t fair to Miranda to dump them on her.
He clapped his hands over his face and rubbed slowly. Once again, he wasn’t sleeping. The overall fatigue was beginning to make him delirious. He slept soundly with Miranda at his side and the unbelievable bonus was the phenomenal sex before and after the shut-eye. But even realizing that fact, it wasn’t very useful. He and Miranda had no future together. He owed her an explanation about his behavior but he knew in his heart that he couldn’t slip into any sort of parenting role with Miranda’s son. The memories of being a father would kill him.
Here’s the plan: apologize and start fresh.
>
Seemed he was doing an awful lot of apologizing lately when it came to Miranda. Was that their lot in life? God, he hoped not. He didn’t want her to think he was unhinged—or worse, realize that he was too fundamentally damaged by crushing grief to be of use to anyone.
But that was the thing, though; he was damaged. And he probably needed Miranda to know that, even as much as it hurt his male pride. Men were supposed to be able to shoulder the heavy weight, no matter what it was. He’d failed his ex-wife and his son. There was no help for it; he had to admit that shame if he was ever going to get past it.
Good luck with that.
Yeah. Thanks.
CHAPTER TWENTY
JEREMIAH REALIZED BELATEDLY that a bottle of wine might not have been the best choice but he thought flowers would’ve been even worse and he hadn’t wanted to show up empty-handed when he groveled.
Miranda opened her front door and gasped when she saw him standing there. She edged the door closed and stood on the stoop, glaring at him warily. “Are you lost?”
“Can we go inside?” he asked, but when she didn’t budge he tried a half grin as he said, “I know I deserve some kind of retribution for my behavior but making me stand in the cold until I freeze seems a little harsh.”
The tension in her jaw lessened incrementally but she didn’t seem inclined to invite him in and it dawned on him...her son was home. Her gaze narrowed when his understanding became clear. “Yes. My son is here and I don’t expose my child to strange men. And you’re the strangest I’ve ever met,” she tacked on.
He winced. “I deserved that. Fine. We’ll talk right here and I’ll make it fast. But first, here, I brought a peace offering.” He handed her the bottle of wine, which she accepted with a frown. “Frankly, I don’t know if there’s an appropriate offering for whatever we have going on. I hope you like merlot.”
She smiled briefly and tucked the bottle under her arm. “Make it quick. I have to help my son with his homework.”
Homework. He remembered helping Tyler with his math because the boy had struggled so much with fractions and Josie hadn’t been able to make heads or tails of the math problems. He’d give anything to be able to sit down at the table and work equations with his son again even though at the time Jeremiah had wanted to tear his hair out. “I was wrong to act the way I did,” he said abruptly, getting straight to the point. “I’m sorry.”
“Is that it?” she asked.
Her disdain threw him. “What do you mean?”
“Aren’t you going to tell me why you acted the way you did? You went pretty nuts on me. For a second I thought maybe you had a split personality because you went from zero to weirded out in sixty seconds and people don’t do that unless they have some deep psychological damage. Trust me, I know a thing or two about inner demons.”
“Because of your sister...”
She looked at him sharply. “How do you know about my sister?”
“Small town.” He didn’t want to rat Mary out but he wanted Miranda to know that he knew. “I’m sorry.”
“I don’t want your pity or your sad eyes. Don’t you think I get enough of that around here? She’s gone. End of story. I’m trying to live my life but everyone around here doesn’t seem okay with that and keeps throwing it in my face about my sister. Let her rest in peace, for God’s sake.”
“I know a thing or two about guilt,” he shared quietly. “If you want to talk about it, I’m here for you.”
“Are you deaf? No, I don’t want to talk about it. I’m tired of talking about it. I wish everyone else would tire of it and move on to someone else’s tragedy.” Sudden tears glittered in Miranda’s eyes and she wiped at them with a groan. “Is that all? The apology wasn’t necessary and thanks for the wine. Now go away before people have yet another reason to talk about my personal business.”
Before Jeremiah could lodge a defense, she’d disappeared behind her front door and the lock had slid into place. His breath plumed in frosty curls before him and his toes had begun to tingle inside his shoes. He wanted to bang on the front door and make her talk to him but he wasn’t about to make a scene in front of her son, and he couldn’t very well continue to stand there on her front stoop, hoping she returned.
So much for the grand gesture.
He sighed and reluctantly returned to his car so he could drive home. What had he expected? That she’d welcome him with open arms, listen patiently to his explanation and then wrap him in a sweet embrace so they could cuddle together? Ugh. What an idiot he’d been to spring an apology on her while she was on her own turf. From what he knew of Miranda, her son and their home were sanctuary and she didn’t let anyone sully that haven. Why he thought she’d let him, he had no clue. Temporary insanity.
Maybe this was a sign from the universe—move on. He had no business having any sort of relationship aside from a professional one with Miranda Sinclair. He had a clear and obvious opportunity to allow the severed ties to remain shredded.
But even as he justified all the reasons he and Miranda were a terrible idea, he couldn’t deny that he still wanted her. It was something he couldn’t quite fathom but it was there, pulsing like a raw wound just beneath the surface.
Damn it.
He’d have to try again. Miranda deserved that much.
But he’d give her a few days to cool off, he decided.
Already he was wishing he could simply take her into his arms and show her with his actions how sorry he was, but he knew that sort of gesture would backfire. She might even bite his lip for his attempt. In spite of his failure, a smile edged across his mouth. He’d never met a woman so filled with spirit. Her passion was unlike anything he’d ever experienced. He couldn’t expect that sort of passion to have a limited application. Miranda loved, played and fought as hard as she did anything. He had to admire that kind of thirst for life, even if it promised to complicate his life in so many different ways.
He just wanted to make things right between them. Even if it meant they weren’t together. That was all he wanted.
Sure. Keep telling yourself that.
He ignored the cynical voice of reason and put his mind to work thinking of another way to make it up to Miranda.
* * *
MIRANDA CLOSED THE DOOR and briefly shut her eyes, unnerved by Jeremiah’s sudden appearance at her doorstep. Did he really think that by showing up with a bottle of wine all was forgiven? She glanced at the wine and noted the quality. Well, at least he had good taste. She considered pouring herself a glass but decided against it and put the bottle into the pantry instead.
“Who was at the door, Mama?” Talen asked, looking up from his homework just as she slid into her seat beside him with a smile.
“No one. Now...let’s see, where were we?” She redirected Talen back to his word problems and they spent the next half hour solving the fish dilemmas of Fisherman Frank as they added and subtracted their way to the final answers.
Finally they were finished, and as Talen was putting away his papers and books, he stopped and looked pensively at her after he’d pulled a crumpled piece of paper from his pack.
“What’s up, buddy?” she asked, frowning when she saw the paper. “What’s that? Is it for me?”
“It’s a permission slip,” he said but he didn’t hand it over.
“For what?”
“A field trip.”
Miranda frowned when Talen seemed reluctant to hand it over. “Buddy, don’t you want to go? Let me see...”
Talen handed her the crumpled paper and she scanned it. Talen’s class was scheduled to visit the Petersen Bay Field Station. “Oh, this sounds fun. I remember doing the same trip when I was your age. What’s wrong?”
“All the boys are going with their dads.”
Miranda’s stomach twisted but she forced a smil
e. “I’ll go. Sounds like a good time. I need a day off anyway.”
“No. It’s okay,” Talen said, refusing her offer.
She stared in hurt shock. Her son had never rejected her offer of volunteering at the school before, much less attending a field trip with him. She tried not to let her hurt show. “Okay, that’s fine. I don’t have to go. But, just out of curiosity, why don’t you want me to go?”
“Mama...all the boys are bringing their dads. I don’t want to be the only boy who brings their mom. I’d rather go alone.”
“Oh.” Miranda couldn’t believe how much her son’s admission hurt. Everything was changing much too quickly for her to absorb. “I bet I can do anything those dads can do,” she promised her son. “Your mama is pretty cool.”
Talen gazed at her with a small smile but his eyes were sad as he said, “You can’t be a dad.”
“No, I can’t,” she admitted. “I’m sorry, buddy.”
“It’s okay,” he said and shouldered his pack to go to his room. He paused at the hallway and turned around, his face scrunched in thought. “Mama, isn’t there someone out there for us? I know I’d have to share you but Kenny said the best part about having a dad is being able to do ‘guy stuff’ together, like fishing and hunting and farting because that’s what guys do.”
“I can do all those things. Even...fart.” She couldn’t believe she’d just said that. But she was desperate. She felt her son slipping away from her and it was happening faster than she could imagine it ever would. “I’m a really good hunter and fisher.”
Talen nodded but she could tell by his expression he didn’t feel she understood his point. Oh, she understood. But it hurt like hell. All this time she’d been shielding her son from temporary father figures only to find that he was hoping she’d find him one eventually. She didn’t know how to make him understand that she wasn’t interested in finding a man to fulfill the role of daddy. She’d become a little too set in her ways to allow another person’s input, particularly when it came to her son. “If you change your mind, I’d be more than happy to go with you,” she said. “Just say the word and I’m there.”
That Reckless Night Page 15
