by jc santo
I walk up and he meets me halfway down the sidewalk.
“Hey man, you gotta minute to talk?”
I nod, unsure where this is going.
“I was thinkin’ about you and my sister last night. I don’t know what happened between the two of you, but I know there’s history.” I nod but keep all my comments to myself for now. “I just want to make sure you’re here for the right reasons. Joey doesn’t need a man comin’ around just to take advantage of her then run off, which like I said, I don’t know what happened with you two before, she’s been tightlipped about it, but I don’t want her hurt again. When she came to visit two months ago, she was so depressed and none of us knew how to pull her out of it; I felt helpless. And I can’t help but assume you had something to do with all of that?”
He looks at me expectantly.
I’m assuming Jo hasn’t filled her family in on anything with the two of us, and not to be rude, but it damn sure isn’t my place to tell her brother what happened; but I can give him some peace of mind.
“I fucked up a few months back, Miguel. Overreacted to something and blamed Jo. I ran out and shipped off on a deployment instead of giving her a chance to explain herself. I know that I screwed up big time, and I’m tryin’ now to fix it.”
He nods his head casually.
“I can respect that you’re owning your mistake, but I gotta be the big brother here—don’t fuck up again, she deserves better than that.” With a firm nod from me, he holds his hand out to shake mine. “I really hope you mean what you say, cause she’s gonna need someone strong enough to keep her from losing herself when Mom’s time comes.”
I nod; he’s right about everything. I have to prove myself to her first and foremost
“Good luck man, you’re gonna need it with that stubborn woman.”
I chuckle, “Who are you tellin’, man? Trust me, if I’ve learned anything about your sister in the past four years, it’s that she’s gotta be the most bullheaded woman I know.”
“You got that right, but she loves you.” I whip my head up to look at him from where my eyes were focused on the ground at my feet. “Yeah, you heard me; she loves you. My sister is stubborn and independent. And, I could be wrong here, but you just got home from a deployment and instead of going to see your family, you jumped on a plane and flew across the country to make sure my sister was handling this situation regarding our mom alright?” I nod again, unable to deny that that is in fact exactly what happened. “I’m guessing you love her, too.”
Once again, I simply nod my agreement. I do love her; more than I ever thought I would love a woman in my life. I would give anything up to please Jo, to see her smile every morning and to hold her in my arms each night.
“You’re right, man.”
“Then you two need to fix whatever is going on. Anyone can tell the two of you care about each other. Shit, the damn hospice nurse was asking about you yesterday and I thought Jo was going to jump across the damn table to choke the shit out of her for even suggesting someone putting a word in for her!”
I bust out in laughter. The mental image of Jo’s jealousy over Kandice simply asking about me brings great joy to me.
We sit outside and chat a few more minutes, mainly about mundane topics before we're interrupted by Miguel’s wife, Christina.
“Baby, breakfast is almost finished, I need help getting the table set and plates made for the kids and your mom can use some help getting to the table.”
“Okay, we’re coming,” he glances at me, “Mom is having a rough time getting up and moving today.”
I nod in understanding, “I'll help your mom and you help your wife with the kids?”
He agrees and we head inside to accomplish our tasks.
Pat isn't surprised at all to see me this morning. She smiles when I walk into the living room where she's set up in her recliner.
“Good morning, J.C.” Although she's trying to sound cheerful, you can tell she's riddled with pain today.
“Morning, Ma’am,” I pull out my thick southern drawl, knowing how much she loves it.
“Save the sweet talk for my Joey, help this old lady into the kitchen so I can get some food in me. Maybe that’ll help ease some of the nausea.”
“Rough day today?” I ask, all joking gone from my tone. She nods in response. “Okay, let's get you something to eat, so we can get you back in your chair afterwards.”
As I'm pulling her up from her seat, she whispers in my ear, “You're a good man, J.C. and my Joey loves you. Just don't give up on her.”
I place a soft kiss to her temple in acknowledgement. That's one thing she doesn't have to worry about; I'll never give up on Jo. I just hope she’s right in her confession about Jo’s feelings.
J.C.
The last two days were lazy ones, everyone simply hanging out around Jo’s home since Pat was in quite a bit of pain. However, halfway through the day, Pat came up with an idea. She suggested Jo take me out sightseeing.
I’m all for it and Jo, although hesitant, agreed to it. I assumed it would be a few hours out touring the surrounding area, maybe drive down Hollywood Blvd or walk along Venice Beach. The first hint something was up should have been when Miguel volunteered to ‘make the arrangements’. Who needs arrangements to go out for a couple hours to sightsee?
He excused himself to make some phone calls and the entire time I sat in the living room with his wife and Pat, wondering just what was up his sleeve. And based on the sly looks both the ladies were giving me, I can’t help but believe they knew what was going on.
We’re being set up.
They both berate me with a crazy amount of weird questions while we wait for Miguel to return. Jo was sent on a wild goose chase errand to the store during all of this, so I knew she wouldn’t be around to help save me from the inquisition.
The biggest surprise of all was that Jo went for her mother’s crazy idea. After she returned from the store, without finding whatever it was she was sent after, her mom sprung the idea on her. I thought for sure Jo would refuse to leave her; especially to spend some one on one time with me. Since our conversation in the living room the other day, she has avoided me as much as possible. If not for her mom’s interference, I’m sure we wouldn’t have said more than five words to each other in the past couple days.
Our ‘sightseeing tour’ somehow ended up as a spontaneous four-hour trip to Las Vegas. Miguel ‘happened’ to have a connection at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino.
So here we are, within two hours of pulling onto the famous strip.
Jo looks beautiful. She’s wearing a pair of tiny denim shorts, a fire engine red tank top and black flip flops that are now sitting on the floorboard feetless. One of her weird quirks I’ve missed while I was gone, she always drives barefoot.
It’s funny the odd things you remember about people.
The ride thus far has been loud. Literally. LOUD. Jo has avoided conversation by blaring the radio and singing as loud as she possibly can. Something she claims is a tradition that she, Marshall, and Tegan do.
I swear, anything involving Marsh is crazy, so I don’t fully doubt that she’s telling the truth.
After waiting for what seems like an eternity for a moment to present itself to approach any of the heavy topics we need to discuss, I force myself to give up hoping one will magically appear.
As I turn the volume down, I watch as Jo’s grip on the steering wheel tightens and her casual, laid-back posture stiffens—she knows where I’m going before a single word has left my mouth.
“Look, we need to—”
“J.C., don’t,” she interrupts me. “I can’t do this right now. I’m already on the verge of a breakdown. At the very least, wait until we get to the hotel.”
She’s right, remembering how upset she was when she told me about the miscarriage, I know this subject isn’t one to be discussed while she’s driving.
“Okay, but we’re talkin
g before we go anywhere or do anything. It’s been weighin’ on us both for too damn long. Just know I’m sorry.”
She gives a slight nod and runs a hand behind her sunglasses; wiping away a tear possibly?
The urge to ask questions is strong, but I deny myself that for now; I’ve waited over six months for answers and explanations, a couple more hours won’t kill me. And she needs me now.
Without another word, I turn the dial back up on the stereo to some annoying ass song I know Jo loves, and place my hand over hers on the gearshift.
Although I feel the slight jerk of her hand, she doesn’t move it, and that is what I’m holding onto. She didn’t pull away.
Driving down the strip is incredible. I’ve never had a huge desire to go to Las Vegas, but now that I’m here, I do intend to indulge in the sins of Sin City.
We’re both stunned when we arrive at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino and the desk clerk informs us that our room has been reserved for a two night stay instead of one like we thought.
The entire elevator flight up to our room on the sixth floor, I’m infatuated with Jo’s Spanish accent while she cusses out her brother to herself. I expected her to fight to go home tomorrow, which I think she was planning to, until I overheard a one-sided conversation between her and Pat after we get into our room.
“But Mama, I came home to spend time with you, not party in Vegas…So? He would have been fine sightseeing right in Los Angeles. There was no reason for us to drive all this way…Now isn’t the time for us to talk, Mom. What’s done is done, my focus is on you and my career.”
I really tried not to eavesdrop but it's damn near impossible to do when we're sharing a hotel room. With a king size bed, I might add. That was specified in our reservations; one non-smoking King. Another thing Jo wasn't very happy about when we arrived.
Seems as though her whole family is conspiring against her in this ridiculous attempt to deny us what we both know is inevitable.
As soon as Jo tosses her phone down onto the bed, I mute the already ridiculously low volume on the TV.
“So?” I question, unsure of how her mood is now that she knows her family set us up.
“So what? We’re booked for two nights here. You figure out what you want to do, I’ve been to Vegas plenty.” Her callus tone frustrates me.
It’s not like I was in on this little shindig to force the two of us to spend time together. However, I’m not bitter about it like she all of a sudden is.
Her mood swings are crazy right now. One minute she despises me and the next she’s terrified to make eye contact with me. Whatever the hell is runnin’ through her mind, we need to discuss it, because I for one am sick of not having my Jo around.
“Well, I know what I want to do right now,” I beam proudly, trying to brush off her hostility.
She arches an eyebrow in response; waiting for me to indulge her with my plans.
“Room service and hit up the minibar.”
Jo’s eyes widen in surprise. “Do you know how much they charge for those ridiculous tiny bottles of alcohol?”
“You do realize your brother, who set this whole deal up, booked the room on his card, right? What better way to tell ‘em not to pry than to rack up some extra charges...he did say to have a good time,” I wink then open up the room service menu. “Oh look at that, they have lobster here.”
Glancing at Jo, I see her old smile and the gleam of mischief in her eyes. She’s in.
Little does she know, I’ll pay her brother back for all of the extra amenities we charge to the room. And whether she’s ready or not, we’re discussing this tonight.
Our first night here in Vegas will be spent together, hashing through our problems, then tomorrow we’ll go out and have some good ole fun, Sin City style.
Two hours, three shots of Patron and a six pack of Bud Light later, we’re both feeling good and most of our natural behavior is back. Now’s the time to finally broach the topic of our past.
“We always did know how to have fun, didn’t we?”
“Yep, that we did.” I watch as she lifts her beer bottle to her lips and tilts her head back, taking a long drink. “I’m surprised nobody caught on to what was happening sooner than they did, to be honest.”
I take a moment to reminisce how things have changed. Jo and I had slept together only once before Hunter came into our group. Everyone believed I’d had a thing for Tessa; don’t get me wrong, Tess is sexy as hell, but she and I wouldn’t have been good together. We would have had our one night, because that’s all either of us were interested in back then, and then we would have moved on and possibly ruined our friendship in the process. While Jo and I had no intentions of making a relationship, our attraction was different than the one I had for Tessa.
“Why do you say that? We were good at covering our tracks.”
She laughs silently to herself; I can tell she’s thinking over the past as well.
“You know Marsh knew, like from the beginning. He never bought any of our cover-ups.”
“Yeah well, Marsh knows everything, so I can’t say I’m too surprised.” I make eye contact with her. “You know they all miss you, right? They’re worried about you; we all want you back Jo.”
I hope she can hear the sincerity in my confession. I want her back in so many ways.
She takes a deep breath before answering, “Sometimes you can’t go back to the person you used to be. Some things just change you so much that you lose who you were and you’re forced to accept who you’ve become.”
“You’re not lost, Jo. I’d never let you get lost. Darlin’, you may not realize it yet, but I’m always gonna be here to take care of you.”
She unconsciously nods her head as if she’s only halfway listening to my words.
“I just felt alone, J.C. I didn’t know who to turn to.”
“I don’t understand why you didn’t tell me, or hell, any of us for that matter. I get that you finally talked to Miller, and from what I gather, she’s been there for you ever since, but why did you feel like you couldn’t tell any of the rest of us? Why would you think we’d be upset with you?”
She shakes her head with a disappointed look on her face, “I was embarrassed and ashamed. I blamed myself for losing the baby, so I just expected everyone else to as well.”
I reach across and pat her knee. “Nobody would blame you, Darlin’, as shitty as it is, sometimes these things happen. Please know that, once the shock of the news wore off, I would have been ecstatic about that baby. And so would all of our friends.”
She chooses to ignore the last half of my statement, instead focusing on the friends part of it.
“How are they? Like really? I feel so distant from everyone lately that it’s like I’m an outsider no matter where I am. My family has their own world in Cali, life has continued for our friends while I’ve stepped away. I just don’t know where I belong anymore, J.C.”
I know she’s feeling the alcohol we’ve consumed, because not only am I feeling it too but Jo is never this forthcoming with her feelings, especially her fears like this.
“You belong with me, Jo,” I confess.
She looks bewildered at my outburst, but doesn’t retort.
“And as far as how everyone is, why don’t you ask them yourself when we get back to Virginia? Or better yet, why don’t you FaceTime Tessa or Tegan? You know they’d love to talk to you.” I pull my phone out of my pocket and look to her for a nod of approval or refusal.
With a slight nod from her, I scroll through my contacts to Tessa’s name and hit the camera button.
It doesn’t take but a second for her to answer.
“Hey!” she exclaims as her face comes into focus. “What’s goin’ on?”
“Hey, Tess.” I move to sit on the floor in front of Jo’s chair. “We just wanted to call and say hi.” Jo smiles shyly and waves.
“Hey, T.”
I sit back and watch as the two bes
t friends chat as if there hasn’t been a wedge in the friendship. Seeing them talk, I can see the old Jo coming to light again. This simple phone call just did wonders for her. All this time she’s felt alone, I think she was too wrapped up in her guilt and sorrow to realize that any of our friends were only a phone call away.
I know any of them would have picked up the phone for her in a heartbeat and been that shoulder she needed to cry on. Jo just needed to realize it for herself; hopefully this talk with Tessa will help her to realize that her friends have always been here for her, they were just waiting for her to come to them.
The girls chat for a few more minutes, discussing everything from what we’re planning to do in Vegas to how Pat is doing before a piercing shrill comes from the hallway.
Sawyer.
“Ugh, I better go. Marsh is coming over shortly to pick up Sawyer so she can get a break from Parker and Madison for a night. Poor girl loves those babies but she can’t stand for them to touch any of her toys.”
At the mention of the twins, I feel a slight twinge of jealousy, but I squash it down. I know that it wasn’t our time for a baby and I shouldn’t feel animosity towards Tessa over our loss. I notice Jo’s tense shoulders as well, almost as if she’s fighting the same internal battle at the thought of our friend’s children.
“Alright T, we’ll talk later.”
“Y’all have fun tonight. Go see the city and send me pics! Miss y’all!”
With that, the call is ended.
Jo hands the phone back to me and places a hand on my shoulder.
“Thank you.”
I immediately place mine over top of hers, terrified she’ll move it if I don’t hold it there. Her touch makes me feel alive for the first time in months and I don’t want it to end just yet. I look over my shoulder to see her gazing at our hands.
It may be wishful thinking, but the thought that she’s thinking along the same lines as me has me pulling her hand to my face and gently kissing the palm, eyes never leaving hers.
