by jc santo
I lunge into his arms again.
“God, I love you. You really are amazing; you know that?”
He laughs off my praises and suggests we get my mom to show her how it looks before he jumps in the shower.
I’m slightly confused until he enlightens me.
“Oh, I grabbed my stuff from the hotel and checked out this morning. I’ll be here with you until we leave for Virginia in a couple days; of course, this was at your mom’s demand.”
I can’t help but laugh; leave it to my mom to insist he stay here at the house. I honestly believe she loves J.C. almost as much as she loves my brothers.
Of course, Mom loved everything J.C. had done to the yard. And he was more than happy with his reward— an authentic Mexican dinner prepared by Christina and I, followed by a back massage that night.
For our last days in California, we simply hung around the house relaxing, other than a short shopping trip with my sister-in-law. Well, I relaxed and spent down time with my mom, J.C. took care of many of my mom’s ‘honey-do’s’ around the house. Joseph and Miguel work so much that minor repairs have sat unfixed for who knows how long.
Another surprise that J.C. was behind was rearranging his and my flights to ensure we’d fly home together. While I could fight to stay longer, I know it would be futile; although my mom is sick, and technically she’s ‘given up’ so to speak, she refuses to stop living simply because this cancer is taking over. And I’m itching to share our news with all of our friends back home.
So I’m sad but also excited to return to Virginia.
Saying goodbye to my family is always hard, especially to Mom. I’ve been a mommy’s girl since I was little; leaving her, my best friend, never seems to get easier no matter how many times I’ve done it now. But this time, it’s even harder. Knowing that the next time I see her she won’t look this healthy, she will have lost even more weight, the cancer will have spread even more.
This time leaving, I know there’s a ticking time bomb on just how long she has left.
Miguel and Mom both tried discussing her final arrangements with me, but I refused to acknowledge the subject as much as possible. Although I may regret it later, I finally told Miguel to handle as many of Mom’s arrangements without me, prior to anything happening. I don’t know that I will be able to handle making any type of decision when her time comes.
The flight home was tough just having that heavy subject matter on my mind. J.C., of course, was supportive and nurturing the entire flight. If I wasn’t already head over heels for him, I would have fallen by his concern for me during this time.
Our flight lands at Norfolk International Airport at four in the afternoon. I can honestly say I’m surprised to see Reed here to pick us up.
No doubt he probably had to fight Marshall, or keep our arrival time a secret, in order to be the one who collected us instead of my nosey friend.
“Hey, you two!” he calls out as soon as we clear the arrival area. We walk to where he’s standing and are welcomed with a smartass smirk when Reed catches sight of our entwined hands.
With an arched eyebrow, he states, “Glad to see you two finally got your shit together.”
J.C.’s deep voice makes a chuckling sound. “Throwing my words back at me now?”
“Fuck yes, you knew it was coming,” Reed calls over his shoulder as he leads the way to baggage claim. “Oh, we have plans after this, by the way.”
“What?” J.C. and I both question.
Reed steps onto the moving walkway and turns around to face us. “Apparently, some of our friends are tired of being in the dark with just what exactly is going on with the two of you.” He turns back to facing forward, but calls over his shoulder again, “I’ll be sure to mention to everyone, including Marshall’s nosey ass, that I knew you two got hitched first.” He glances back just in time to see me scowl at J.C.
“You told him, too?!”
Before J.C. is able to answer, Reed defends him.
“He didn’t have to, Jo. That big ass rock on your hand told me everything I needed to know,” he winks and flashes me his panty-dropping smile. “Congratulations, happy for you guys.”
We exit the moving walkway and immediately hop on the escalator and ride down to the ground floor where the bags have just started circling around the conveyor belt.
“See, dang! Always blamin’ me when I didn’t do anything wrong,” J.C. mocks.
“Welcome to married life, man,” Reed retorts.
“And what would you know about married life?” J.C. asks, “Unless you and Tegan ran off and got hitched, too, without tellin’ anyone.” He raises an eyebrow in question.
“Yeah right, you know Tess would have my nuts if I did that. She’s still crazy overprotective of Tegan. Shit, I should probably plan on asking their dad and Tess for permission to marry her.”
This is the first I’m hearing Reed mention marriage, but judging by J.C.’s unsurprised look, I believe the two of them have discussed the topic before. Unfortunately, it doesn’t go much deeper than that before the talk turns to sports and our bags are spotted.
Our bags are finally gathered and loaded in the back of Reed’s truck and we make our way over to Reed and Tegan’s apartment. To say I’m nervous about how our friends will react to our marriage is an understatement, but I’m slightly less nauseated now after seeing how well Reed took the news.
J.C.
I can tell Jo is anxious about dinner with everyone; she’s avoided them all for months and held herself at such a distance that she’s uncomfortable around what’s become a family to all of us. Not to mention the fact that I’m sure the twins will be there. She’s going to have to face a lot tonight; telling everyone about her mom, seeing our friend’s babies that she’s avoided, and admitting why she’s been MIA. Oh, and that we ran off and got married—yep, I think that’s everything.
I’m riding up front with her sitting behind me and I hate that I can’t wrap my arms around her to provide some comfort right now.
We arrive within a couple of minutes at Reed and Tegan’s apartment. The three of us pile out and are met with an overly excited Tegan running down the stairs.
“Jo! I’m so glad you’re back.” She immediately pulls her into a hug. “How’s your mom doing?”
Before Jo can answer, I suggest they head inside while Reed and I move our bags to my truck that was left parked there, and we can discuss everything when we’re all in the apartment together. Jo and Tegan both nod and walk up the stairs.
“You ready for this?” Reed asks as soon as they’re out of hearing distance. “You know everyone is going to be all over her, right? They’ve been questioning the fuck out of me since the night you came back.”
I nod.
“How is she? And be real with me here, J.C.”
I light a cigarette while thinking of the best answer.
“She’s getting back to our Jo. The first few days I was there, she avoided me. It took some planning, with her mom of all people, to set us up on a little getaway to Vegas before she finally started talking to me. But once she did, it was like we clicked back to the old us immediately.” I shake my head unsure if what I’m trying to say is coming out right at all. “She’s been through hell these past few months, man. I hate that I was part of the cause of that. I don’t ever want her to feel that way again, and I know she’s going to with everything happening with Pat.”
“I get it. She told me what happened before you came home. She hasn’t told anyone other than me and Miller what she went through, and to be honest, everyone has noticed her distancing herself from us.”
“She told you about the baby?” I damn near whisper the question, hating to even speak of our lost child.
He nods.
“I blew up on her and ran out when I should have stayed and took care of her. You know how fucked up that was to go through on deployment?”
Reed shakes his head. “I can’t fucki
n’ imagine. You know you both have to put the past in the past, as hard as something like that is to overcome, you aren’t going to move on without letting it go. Trust me, I know all about the past fucking with your future. It was a hard lesson for me to learn and I don’t want Jo, or you for that matter, to have as hard of a time with it as I did.”
I drop my butt to the ground and put it out with my boot, then wrap an arm around Reed’s neck as we start walking towards the stairs that lead to their apartment. The door opens just as we make it up the top step.
“It’s about time, fuckers,” Marsh says, looking over us both. “I was beginning to wonder if you two had run off together.” I roll my eyes at him and walk by into the house.
“Whatever, Marsh-Mellow,” I hear Reed say mockingly behind me.
“Shut up, asshole,” he retorts.
Reed starts laughing as Tessa walks up and hugs me while filling me in. “It’s Sawyer’s new nickname for Marsh. How are ya?” I nod and place a kiss to her cheek as she hugs me. “How’s Jo doing?” she questions quietly.
“Good and she’s gettin’ there.”
“And her mom?”
I shake my head no and my face must relay enough to Tess to figure out that things aren’t looking good for Pat. She doesn’t ask any more questions though, thankfully. I’m not sure I can handle them, and I’m pretty sure Jo doesn’t want to deal with the grim reality of her mom’s health right now.
Sawyer chooses that moment to come running at full speed into my legs, wrapping her petite little arms around thick thighs to the best of her ability. I squat down and place a kiss to her forehead.
“Did you pix JoJo?” she whisper-yells by my ear.
“I think I did, baby girl. Why don’t you ask her yourself?”
Both of our heads tilt up to see Jo watching our private exchange from across the room.
“JoJo!” Sawyer squeals as she runs to Jo’s arms at the same time a stunning smile graces Jo’s face as she leans down waiting for the impact of the small child.
“Hey sweetie, I missed you!”
“I missed you, too.”
Trying to give Jo and Sawyer a little bit of privacy, I take in the room around me.
There are two saucer lookin’ chairs set up in the middle of the living room where Parker and Madison are both watching all of us adults. Once I spot the twins, my eyes find Jo, who seems like she’s been looking everywhere but at the two little smiley babies since Sawyer left her embrace.
Hunter walks over and expertly picks up Parker, who has started to whine, places him on one hip and somehow manages to pick up the smiling Madison, too. He brings them over and hands Madison to Tess so that he can go make them both a bottle of formula. I see Jo’s shoulders slightly tense up as she watches Madison’s every move. With a small nod, I silently tell her to come to me.
Jo comes to stand beside me and I immediately wrap my arm possessively around her waist. I swear all eyes go to my hand then up to our faces, awaiting some sort of explanation.
“You okay?” I whisper in her ear for only us to hear.
She nods and gently elbows me in the stomach, causing me to look up and see the audience our small show of affection has attracted.
“Oh so,” Jo says with a fake laugh, stalling until Hunter rejoins us with two bottles in his hand, “Yeah...Umm, we kind of got married.”
She holds her hand up, showing off her diamond ring and everyone, with the exception of Reed, instantly swarms us both, giving us their congrats and another round of hugging ensues.
“Oh my God!” Tessa yells. “So this happened after we facetimed when y’all were in Vegas?” Jo’s head bounces up and down. “And you didn’t tell me? What the hell, Jo!”
“I didn’t know! He sprung it on me shortly after we got off the phone with you!”
“Shit, I gotta go finish dinner,” Tegan says. “Come in the kitchen, I wanna hear all the details!”
I hold my hands out and take Madison from Tess so she can help with dinner and go sit on the couch. Hunter, Marshall, and Reed all join me on the couch to watch the Rangers kick the Tiger’s asses. Every few minutes, usually when Reed whines, Tegan pops in to brag about her team being better than his.
Although I’m not sure what the hell I’m doing, I do manage to feed Madison her entire bottle. Granted she held it herself, so all I did was act as a recliner for her, but I still fed a baby with no help.
After twenty minutes, both of the twins are catnapping on a pallet of blankets on the floor, and we’re all seated with plates when more questioning begins.
“So, I know this is probably a sore subject,” Marsh starts off, “but you wanna fill us in on why you’ve been so distant with all of us lately?”
Jo takes a deep breath and I place my hand over hers, silently offering support.
“I don’t want to go into too many details, but I do owe all of you an explanation,” she looks directly at Tess, “especially you, T.”
Everyone stops eating and waits with anticipation for her reasoning.
“I, uh, well, I got pregnant back in October. I lost the baby a few days before Thanksgiving. Please know that my backing away from everyone wasn’t intentional, it was just so hard to see you,” she looks at Tessa, “happy and pregnant knowing that I lost that for myself. And for everyone else, well, to be completely blunt, I figured J.C. would tell you what happened and no one would care to speak to me, so I was trying to save myself from having to retell the story of what happened and from the heartbreak of everyone abandoning me.”
Everyone sits stunned.
“Why would you think that we would abandon or hate you? It’s not like you purposely caused the miscarriage,” Marsh inquires.
“Actually,” I speak up, “that would be the result of how I handled the situation. When Jo told me what happened, I freaked out and did just what she said; I went off on her and then ran away from all of the problems when I volunteered for that deployment.”
Tegan makes a small gasp. “That’s why you volunteered to go?”
I shamefully nod my head.
“I fucked up, and thank the Lord, Jo is giving me another chance. So, I decided to start off on the right foot this time.” I look at my wife and smile, “No more hiding, no more pretending. I’m head over heels in love with this woman; marrying her was the first smart decision I’ve made in a long time.”
She smiles sweetly at me, and I can’t help it, I proudly lean over and fuse my lips with my wife’s, right in front of all of our friends.
Jo
We’re all sitting in the living room after dinner while Tess and Marshall clean up the mess in the kitchen. Hunter is setting up a movie for Sawyer in her room; she wanted some ‘space’ from the twins for a little bit.
Her word, not mine.
For a five-year-old, the girl knows what she wants. Gotta give her credit there.
J.C. is sitting next to me with Parker in his lap, both of them zoned into the baseball game. And Tegan and Reed are lying on the floor, his head propped up by a throw pillow, hers resting on his stomach with sweet Madison leaning back on Tegan’s bent knees as she enthusiastically watches her aunt and Reed coo and aww at her.
Even though I still feel slightly awkward around my friend’s babies, now that my confession about the miscarriage and my reasoning for my hesitancy towards being around them is out, I feel like a burden has been lifted and I no longer feel the urgency to run away from them.
Instead, my former instincts of wanting to cuddle and love them all come to the forefront of my mind. I nonchalantly begin gently running my hand along the back of Parker’s head; I smile at his little roll back there.
Of course, J.C. is so in tune with my feelings before I am, with no prompting or words exchanged, he slides Parker back and into my lap. My immediate reaction is of course to wrap my arm around him and get he and I both comfortable with his new seat.
I feel eyes on me and see that my
husband is watching with mirth in his eyes.
“What?”
He leans closer and places a kiss to the top of my shoulder and allows his mouth to stay there.
I don’t think he has any intention of answering my question but he finally does.
“You’re so good with him,” he says causing me to smile.
“It’s not like I’ve had a hard time just yet; I’m holding him while he chews on a toy. It isn’t rocket science.”
I look over when he doesn’t say anything back and see him studying me. My eyes widen in an unspoken question.
“I’m proud of you, darlin’.” I shrug, waiting for him to elaborate. “I figured if we announced the marriage tonight, that would be it. You handled that and the miscarriage very well.”
The sweet chunky guy on my lap continues to chew on his teething toy and drool, completely oblivious to the thoughts and emotions holding him is bringing out in me.
Again I shrug, unsure how to respond to his praise.
It was time to stop hiding; Chaplain Ashby has mentioned during multiple visits that I should come clean about the miscarriage to everyone, that it would lift a huge burden off my shoulders and allow me to move on better than any other type of therapy or healing would.
“Hey, once everything settles down around here, with all of this,” I wag my third finger indicating our unplanned marriage, “would you be willing to go see the Chaplain with me? I think it would help us put some final closure on a lot of our past issues.”
J.C. doesn’t hesitate at all in his response, “Absolutely.”
His attention focuses on Parker who’s started jabbering at us from around the toy still wedged in his mouth.
“Huh, buddy, you like Aunt Joey?” He gurgles and smiles at J.C. “Yeah, I think she’s pretty great too.” He looks back me and our eyes lock, allowing him to see all of the insecurities and deep hopes and desires in mine. “You're going to make a great mom for our kids one day, Joey.”
