by Ivy Jordan
“I know, but I had my career. I could take care of the two of us. It was my mess, not yours.”
“You should have let me had a say in whether I wanted to be a part of your mess or not.”
“Maybe you’re right, but do you really think if I had sought you out that you wouldn't have assumed I was trying to trap you, that I was just looking for a meal ticket? You’ve changed since I met you then, and so have I.”
“Then why not tell me when we reconnected and started seeing each other?”
“It was weird, Cade, and it just kept getting weirder because I didn’t tell you.” She takes a breath. “I hope you will believe me when I say that I wanted to, and that I know I should have told you sooner, but once I saw how good you were with Alan, I couldn't find the right words to say that I wish I hadn't run away from you back then, and that I wish we could have had all of the first three years together.”
“I trusted you, Serena, with everything. And you broke it.”
“Cade, I-”
“No, listen to me now. When I got to college to play football, and then when I got drafted and moved here, I made friends that ended up taking advantage of me. I never had true friends once people realized I had talent. And the more well known my name became, the more those leeches came out of the woodwork looking for anything to latch onto with me. And, women that I thought liked me for me took advantage of me, too. It was nothing like what I felt with Josephine or any of those other women. They were users who wanted a leg up in life, and I knew their game, so I guess I used them, too.
“But I haven’t wanted that in years. When I met you that night, I loved that you had no idea who I was. For the first time in a very long time, I felt like someone was getting to know me and not the Condors superstar. I felt like we connected in a way I hadn’t with anyone in years. It was real – very real. I thought you were the person I could trust my heart to, Serena. But you’ve just betrayed me like all the others.”
“Cade,” she whispers, approaching me slowly. I let her take my hand and she entwines her fingers with mine. “Betrayal was never part of this for me. Apparently, I don’t have any good reason to have not told you before now. I have reasons, but I know they aren’t good enough. I know I should have, and I wish I could go back and fix it, but I can’t, it’s too late now. I can only hope you’ll forgive me and we can move forward.”
I let her hand drop from mine and step back. “I don’t know if we have a forward, Serena.”
“Cade, please,” she pleads as she move towards me.
I shake my head. “I need time to think. Just give me some space. I’ll call you.”
I hurry from the room and towards the door Serena follows without a word, but I hear her sniffle and turn back to look at her. Tears stream down her face, but it has very little effect on me. My heart feels torn in two, and I force myself to look away from her.
“I’ll call you,” I repeat before opening the door and striding down the walkway.
Serena stands in the doorway and watches as I walk away. I try to keep from looking at her, but I glance back. She’s slid into a ball on the front steps, her knees pulled to her chest crying. I watch her cry until I can no longer see her, and that’s when I break as my own tears begin to fall.
There are so many thoughts warring in my head, and I don’t know what to do with any of them. I’m hurt that she kept this from me, especially after we connected again. She had so many chances to tell me, but chose to keep it hidden. Part of me wonders if she would have ever told me; though, I know she would have. I believe her when she says she wanted to but the longer she waited to tell me, the weirder it got. I can even understand her hesitation given our two different lives. I’m still mad, though, and I really can’t be around her until I can work that out.
I drive for over an hour and find myself pulling into Tyler’s driveway and grab my phone as I sit there to call him.
“What’s up, Cade?” he asks when he answers.
“Not much. You home?”
“Yep, just hanging out.”
“Do you have a few minutes to talk?”
“Yeah, man, of course.”
“I’m in your driveway; can I come in?”
“You're in my driveway?” he questions.
“I’ve just been driving around for the last hour and I need to talk to someone I trust.”
“Cade, is everything okay?”
“Yes. No. Maybe. I don’t know,” I sigh. “I’m walking to your door now,” I tell him as I hang up.
Tyler meets me at the door with a beer in hand. “Dude, you look like shit. What happened? Were you crying?” He leads me downstairs to his basement, which Tamara had made over after he retired as his office/trophy room/man cave. We take seats opposite each other, and I take a long pull from my beer before Tyler clears his throat. “So... You wanna talk about it?”
“Alan is my son.”
Tyler nearly chokes on the beer he is trying to swallow, and he coughs and sputters. “I’m sorry, what? Because it sounded like you just said-”
“Yeah, that’s what I said.”
“Your girlfriend's son is yours?”
I nod and take another drink. “Apparently, our one-night stand, the one that she ran out on, yielded a son.”
“How did you find out?”
“I figured out for myself, to be honest.”
“She didn’t tell you?”
“No. She answered my questions, but she didn’t tell me.”
“Did she say why she didn’t tell you?”
“She said she didn’t know how to, and then we kept seeing each other, and it just got weirder and weirder to tell me.”
“Yeah, I could see that. Well, what about before this thing started between you? Why didn’t she ever try to tell you while she was pregnant, or even after Alan was born?”
“She thought we’d just move on with our lives, but I think she was too proud to tell me. She didn't want to tell me and be seen as a gold digger, and she didn't want my help when she’s a strong, independent person. And, we were two really different people then.”
“Aren't you still two different people?”
“I guess.”
“But you love her, and it works, yeah?”
I look at him, let his words sink in. “Yeah,” I admit.
“So, keep making it work then.”
“But she kept it from me, Ty. We’ve been seeing each other since December. Almost three months she hasn’t told me. I’m supposed to be okay with that?”
“No, but you can talk about it with her. You like Alan, right?”
“He’s a fantastic kid. I’ve been so drawn to him since the first time I met him. At least now I know why.”
“I bet she was just scared, Cade. Wouldn't you be if the roles were reversed? Here she is, raising a kid, and you just reappear in her life. It’s not something you just blurt out in casual conversation. ‘Oh hey, this is my son, Alan, and by the way, he’s your son, too.’ It couldn’t have been easy for her.
“And before you misunderstand, I’m not saying what she did was right because it wasn’t. A few weeks or a month I could understand, give her a little time to figure out what exactly was going on between you, but this long? No, it’s not cool; but I do get where she might be coming from. You’re Cade Thomas, man. Don’t you think that maybe that was a little overwhelming for her?”
“So how do I get over it, then?”
“You gotta figure that out for yourself. No one can tell you what to do next, it’s your call. I hope you make the right decision. Now, I’m betting you want to talk about anything else but this, so how about I tell you about this family vacation Tamara wants to take the kids on.”
I smile, grateful to have Tyler as a friend. “Yeah, tell me about it.”
I end up staying for dinner with Tyler and his family, and when I finally get home, I head straight to my bedroom. I take a long shower and try to force my thoughts to anything but Serena and Alan. I think I’ve su
cceeded until I get out of the shower and see a text message from Serena.
I’m sure I’m the last person you want to hear from or even talk to, but I couldn't go to bed without saying again how sorry I am for keeping the truth from you. I hope we can move on from this, but if you can’t, I understand. If you want to be a part of Alan’s life and not mine, I get it. If you never want anything to do with either of us again, I’ll accept it. I hope you choose us, though. You deserved better from me, Cade, and for that I will always be truly sorry.
I toss my phone aside with a heavy sigh and don’t reply to the message. I’m still angry at her for keeping the truth from me, and I’m not ready to talk to her just yet. I need time to think about everything. I’ll call her when I’ve had time to process that, for once, XYZ got it right: I have a secret love child.
Chapter 34
Serena
It’s been three days since Cade discovered the truth about Alan, and I have to say, they have been some of the worst days of my life.
Alan and I are still hiding out at Ashley’s house, and Gus is on his way to bring me a stack of term papers to read through and grade so that I can hopefully get my mind off the shit storm my life has become. Interest in Cade’s love life hasn’t quite died down yet, but an underage starlet was just busted for a DUI, so that has started to dominate the headlines, thankfully. Doesn’t mean my mind isn’t still reeling from all the attention. I admit, I’m looking forward to the distraction getting some work done might bring.
When the doorbell rings, I check the peephole and breathe a sigh of relief to find Gus on the other side. That relief is also mixed with a pang of sadness that it’s not Cade, but I’ve come to the realization that him showing up is just wishful thinking. I open the door to let Gus in, and he holds out a bottle of wine for me.
“I thought you could use this,” he smiles.
I take the bottle. “Thanks. You have no idea how right you are. Let me grab some glasses for us. Make yourself comfortable in the living room,” I tell him. He nods and makes his way into the other room as I head to the kitchen. When I join him, I pass him the wine bottle and an opener. He opens it and pours each of us a glass and passes one to me.
“So…how are you holding up?” he asks as we sit.
“Okay, considering.”
“The paparazzi aren’t hanging around campus anymore, if that means anything,” he informs me.
“That’s good to know. I only took one week off. I’ll be back to classes next week.”
“I don’t think anyone would judge you if you took more time.”
“I know. It’s just I need to get back to my life, though. Sitting here isn’t doing me any good. All I do is replay what happened with Cade over and over in my head, and that isn’t exactly doing much for my state of mine.”
“What happened with Cade? I mean, I’m sorry, I’m probably way overstepping here, but he seemed really concerned for you when he stopped by your office. Did something else happen?”
“Yeah, something else happened,” I reply. I pick up my wine glass. “I’m gonna need more of this first before I start to talk about it.”
“You don’t have to, Serena. It’s your life, and I’m just your TA.”
“Actually, Gus, you’re more than just my TA. You’re my friend. Not to mention, after you graduate, you’re going to be my colleague, too, and I could really use a colleague that’s also a friend. I’ve never had one in this profession.”
“That makes two of us,” Gus winks as he clinks my glass. He tops off my drink and settles back on the couch. “Whenever you’re ready, I’m listening.”
I take a long gulp of the wine, take a breath, then down the rest of it in one swig before setting my empty glass down. “That headline about the secret love child? It wasn’t that far off, except it was still a secret to Cade, too.”
Gus’ eyes widen and he leans forward, resting his forearms on his knees. “Wait...what? You mean...Cade really is Alan’s dad?”
“Yep. I wasn’t completely forthcoming when you asked me how I know Cade. The reason I know him is because three years ago, I was out to meet a blind date at a bar who no showed on me. Cade was at the same bar, and he started talking to me. I didn’t know who he was, but he was so easy to talk to and we just hit it off. He asked me to dinner since my date had stood me up, so we left the bar, went to dinner, and then he invited me to his place and… Well, the rest I feel is rather obvious,” I continue, shaking my head to clear away the memory.
“I left in the middle of the night. At the time, I thought he was a businessman going through a mid-life crisis because of the things he said and then I saw his house. Jesus, it’s huge. I immediately knew we had two different lives, and I couldn’t picture any possibility of things working with him. So, I left a note thanking him for a nice night and disappeared.”
“And then you found out you were pregnant?” Gus deduces.
“Mm-hmm. I had learned who Cade was by then, but I didn’t want to find him and have him thinking I was trying to trap him or that I was after his money. Not to mention, he was on again with what’s-her-name.
“But I knew I wanted to have the baby, and it was the best decision I could have ever made. Alan and I were happy living our life and then Cade saw me giving an interview on TV and showed up at my lecture...and you pretty much know the rest.”
“Wow. Serena, I had no idea. You didn’t tell him when he showed back up in your life?”
I shake my head. “I wanted to. I knew I needed to, but I couldn't find the words. I kept telling myself I was waiting for the right time, but it never came. And then the gossip sites found out about me and turned it into something so salacious.”
“How do you think they found you?” he asks.
“Cade thinks Josephine tipped them off.”
“After she came by your house?”
“Probably. She did say she would ruin my life if I didn’t leave him alone.”
“What a bitch.”
“Tell me about it,” I concur, refilling my glass once more.
“So, I guess when you told Cade about Alan, he didn’t take it too well?”
“He might have taken it better if I had actually told him. He figured it out for himself before I could. When he came over the day after the article, he kept apologizing for everything even though it wasn’t his fault, and I just couldn’t say the words that needed to be said. But then he suggested that maybe Cade’s dad could make a statement. I just froze. I couldn't be honest with him, and he worked it out. We haven’t talked since.”
“Oh my God,” Gus breathes out. “Serena, I wouldn't even be functioning if I were you right now. I’d be in a ball, crying my eyes out.”
I laugh a little. “I want to be doing that, but I’ve gotta keep it together for Alan.”
“You know what we need? A dance party,” Gus says, jumping to his feet. He looks around, spots the stereo Ashley has nestled on a shelf, and he marches toward it, hooking his phone up to the audio auxiliary cord. He turns toward me as the music starts and motions for me to get up. I shake my head at him, denying his request as he starts to sing along to the Katy Perry song.
“Do you ever feel, like a plastic bag,” he sings off key. I giggle at him as he makes his way back to me and grabs my hand, pulling me off the couch.
“Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin,” he goes on. He looks at me expectantly. “Come on!” he encourages. “Sing along. You’ll feel better.” He moves up to the open space of the floor and he starts to dance in his spot, moving my arms as he goes.
“You just gotta igniiiiiiite the liiiiight, and let it shine. Just own the niiiiight, like the fourth of July!” he sings, drawing the words out just right.
I feel a smile turn up the corners of my mouth and I give in. “‘Cause baby you’re a firework, c’mon show ‘em what you’re worth,” I join in with him. Gus’ enthusiasm is infectious and soon we’re singing at the top of our lungs and dancing full out across the living room as
Katy Perry turns to Lady Gaga.
It feels good to let go, and Gus and I are both laughing as we fall to the couch three songs later, each grabbing our wine glasses. “Thanks, Gus,” I tell him. “I needed that.”
“That’s what I'm here for. Now, you wanna talk about these term papers or dance to a little David Guetta first?”
“Guetta, then term papers,” I say with a smile.
***
Gus stays for a couple of hours until I have to leave to pick up Alan. Alan and I return to Ashley’s after leaving his daycare to find her already home and making dinner in the kitchen.
“Hey, you look happy. Did Cade call?” she asks as Alan bounds off to the small guestroom to play.
I shake my head. “No; Gus stopped by with some term papers for me to grade and made me take part in a spontaneous dance party in your living room.”
“Aww. Gus is awesome,” she gushes. Then her tone softens. “So, have you heard from Cade at all?”
“No.”
“I’m sorry, Serena.”
“It’s not your fault,” I tell her as I sit down. “You told me to tell him and I didn’t. I should have, dozens of times, and that’s on me.”
“Still, I hate that you’re hurting. Have you heard from him at all? Maybe a text?”
“No. I’ve called and texted, but he hasn’t responded.”
“He’s probably just still upset.”
“I know, I just thought maybe he felt as strongly as I do and that after a day he’d call and we’d talk it out. I guess I was wrong.”
“I don’t think you’re wrong.”
“Sure feels that way. You know I want him back, Ash, but it’s my fault he isn’t speaking to me so, I have to take the consequences.”
Ashley puts a casserole in the oven and wipes her hands on a dish towel and sits across from me at the table. “Serena, why didn’t you tell Cade?”
“Honestly, I was scared.”
“Of what? Cade’s a good guy.”
“I know, but I was afraid he would freak out and I’d lose what we had…which I’ve done anyway,” I mumbled.
“Why would you think he would freak out over you telling him that Alan is his?”
