by Amy Bellows
The door opens, and Todd walks in with a steaming mug and a plate stacked with two fluffy pancakes.
He smiles. “Good morning. You hungry?”
I’m too shocked to respond. Todd made me breakfast? I didn’t even know he could cook.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
“Yeah. I just wasn’t expecting breakfast in bed.”
He leans down and kisses my forehead before laying the plate on my lap and handing me the mug of steaming coffee. “This is a polar bear shifter thing. The morning after an omega sleeps with an alpha, he shows his appreciation by making breakfast.”
“Are you serious?”
He sits at the edge of the bed. “Yeah. I’m also obligated to give you a foot rub, if that’s okay with you. Polar bear shifters actually have a lot of socially mandated foot rubs. We’re into that.”
And here I thought polar bear shifter alphas were a bunch of players who slept around and didn’t care about the omegas in their bed. I should have known Todd wouldn’t be that way.
“We didn’t have sex, right?” If we had sex and I don’t remember because I was so drunk, I’ll never forgive myself.
He scoots down the bed and pulls the blanket back to expose my bare feet. “No. We didn’t have sex. Polar bear shifters aren’t as obsessed with sex as you seem to think. When we decide to spend the night together, sex isn’t always involved. Sometimes we like to cuddle or simply enjoy each other’s company. Not all polar bear shifters even like or want sex. That doesn’t mean they should have to be alone, does it?”
He lifts my foot up onto his lap. His fingers tickle a little at first, but his deep, slow strokes feel nice.
“I’ve stayed at your place before,” I remind him.
“Never in my bed.”
“So you’re telling me every time I stay in your bed, I get breakfast in bed and a foot rub?”
He nods. “My mothers raised me right. I’d never let an omega wake up in my bed without showing my appreciation.”
The more time I spend with Todd, the more I realize everything I’ve learned about polar bear shifters is wrong.
“Is there something I’m supposed to do to thank you?” I ask.
He switches feet. The second foot tickles less than the first. Maybe because I’m so relaxed right now.
“It’s customary for an omega to kiss the alpha and thank them verbally. The type of kiss designates the kind of relationship the omega wants with the alpha. Omegas kiss an alpha they want friendship with on the cheek and kiss an alpha they want as a romantic partner on the lips. The alpha is required to respect the wishes of the omega if he wants to sleep with them again.”
Ansel did that yesterday. On the cheek. I had no idea that was some kind of tradition. I simply thought he was overdoing it with the PDA.
“So, if I kissed you on your lips and you didn’t want a romantic relationship with me, we wouldn’t sleep together again?”
Todd keeps his focus on my foot. “Yes.” His shoulder tense. “Or if you kissed my cheek and I wanted a romantic relationship, I’d have to accept your boundaries.”
He’s genuinely concerned I’m going to change my mind about what we discussed last night. I guess that’s fair. I was really drunk. I set my plate and mug on the nightstand and crawl toward him.
“I probably have the worst morning breath,” I say.
His eyes lower to my lips. “I don’t care.”
“I don’t know anything about kissing.” After last night, he’s probably aware, but without liquid courage, I’m nervous all over again.
He licks his lips. “I don’t care.”
I place my hands on his shoulders to stabilize myself. This can’t be that hard. I just tilt my head and aim for his lips. Do I close my eyes before the kiss starts? Or after? Are my lips too dry?
This was so much easier when I was too drunk to overthink everything.
I bring my weight forward and lower my lips onto his. He exhales through his nose in relief, then grabs my hips and pulls me into his lap. As his lips release my mouth, all the restraint he showed last night is gone, and he leaves hot kisses along my jaw and down my neck, sucking at my skin. The sharpness of his teeth and the roughness of his stubble send jolts of pleasure through my body. He rubs his hands up and down my back before cupping my ass and squeezing.
Oh, God. I wrap my arms around him and hold him close. I’ve never felt this much yearning before. Not just in my cock, but somewhere deep inside of me. It’s overwhelming.
“Shit. I’m sorry. I went too fast, didn’t I?” he says.
I shake my head. “It’s not that. But it’s too big.”
“Do you mean me? I don’t need to penetrate you this time, okay? We can do oral or frot or something.”
He still doesn’t understand. “No. How much I want you. It’s too big.”
He growls in my ear. Actually growls. That ache inside me becomes so unbearable, I rock my hips. He stops me with his hands. “Don’t do that, or I’ll lose control.”
What would that be like? Todd’s shoulders really are as big as a mountain. His arms are thick and muscled from his metalwork. How would it feel to be taken by Todd while he was so overcome with lust that he couldn’t control his powerful body?
I shiver. Do I really have the power to awaken that side of him?
“Oh, love. Don’t be afraid. I won’t hurt you. I just want to take it slow your first time. Sex between polar bear shifters can get a bit… rough sometimes.”
I run my hands across his wide shoulders and down his big arms. “I wasn’t afraid. I… like the idea of you losing control.” Despite his warning, I bite my lip and rock my hips. “I think I’ll like it rough.”
He closes his eyes and lets out a long breath. “Oh, Christ. You’re going to be the death of me.” He lifts me up as if I weigh nothing and sets me at the head of the bed. “Here’s the deal. You’re going to eat your breakfast, and then we’re both going to brush our teeth. After that, we’ll talk about this.”
None of that plan included kissing or having sex. Does he think I can’t handle him? How is a relationship between us going to work if he’s always holding back?
“Todd, I know you’re a polar bear shifter. You don’t have to pretend to be a penguin shifter around me. I want you as you are. All of you.”
The fire from before returns to his eyes, and he stalks across the bed on his hands and knees, towering over me. “You want me out of control, huh?” He rests the full weight of his big body on top of mine and kisses me savagely, his stubble burning my face. His body writhes on top of me, and God, I don’t know what he’s trying to protect me from. This is perfect. I need more.
His stomach lifts off of mine, and he unzips my jeans, violently yanking them open. Next he tears at my underwear. Then I’m exposed and hard before him. Maybe I should feel scared or worried about what he’ll think of my dick, but I’m too overcome with wanting him.
“Fuck, Lewis. You’re beautiful.” His words are more of a growl. He encircles my cock with his fingers and pushes the foreskin up and down. I can’t breathe. His hand feels so good. At the same time I’m desperate for air—like I’m running a marathon. I squeeze my eyes shut and buck my hips into his touch. “That’s right. Fuck your gorgeous dick into my hand.” The grip of his fingers is too much and not enough. His strokes speed up.
I shake my head from side to side. I need more. “Please…”
His body starts moving in time with his hand. It’s far too easy to imagine how it would feel to be penetrated by him. That’s all it takes to push me over the edge. My orgasm hits hard. I’m spurting all over his hand, screaming into his ear, clawing at his huge shoulders violently enough to leave marks. But he doesn’t seem to care. He kisses me with the same feral intensity I feel pumping through my body. Despite what he might think, his strength isn’t scary in this moment. It’s exactly what I need.
As I come down and Todd’s kiss softens, I can’t help but laugh. That was amazing. If that
is what sex is like, how do people ever leave their bedrooms?
Todd breaks our kiss. “What are you laughing about?”
“Is it always that good? Because. Wow.”
He traces my lips with his thumb, still covered in my cum. “Oh, love. That’s just the beginning.”
I lick the cum he’s smeared on my lips. He smiles and kisses me, his erection hot against my leg. I slip my hand in between our bodies to cup him with my fingers, and his breath catches. He’s so thick and long. Despite the fact that I just came, I still ache to have him inside me.
I squeeze him over the fabric of his jeans. “Please. I want you.”
He moans.
“Just go slow. It will be fine,” I beg.
He lifts off of me and grabs my shoulder, flipping me over. He bites down hard on my shoulder, and his fingers snake under my jeans, pushing between my asscheeks where I’m wet for him. He eases a fingertip inside.
“Oh, Todd. Oh, please.”
He bites at my shoulder again. “You’re so fucking tight.”
That’s good, right? Or maybe it isn’t. Am I too tight?
He withdraws his finger and stumbles off the bed.
“Todd? Is everything okay? Am I not… do you not want me?”
He drags his hand through his hair. “Of course I want you. God, Lewis. I want you so bad I lost control. I’m sorry.”
“You didn’t lose control. Everything was fine.”
He shakes his head and escapes out the door. “You don’t understand.”
He’s right. I don’t.
10
Todd
When I pictured having sex with Lewis, I thought I’d be gentler. Calmer. Tender. That’s what he deserves his first time. But I was ready to plow into him right after he came, just because I got caught up in my own lust.
I clean up the mess in the kitchen a little more loudly than necessary. I’m angry with myself. I don’t deserve Lewis. He’s so trusting, and he should be with someone worthy of that trust.
The floorboards creak in the front room, and Lewis appears in the kitchen doorway. Even though he’s pulled his jeans back up, there’s still cum on his shirt, and his dark hair is tousled. He looks properly fucked, and I want nothing more than to take him back into my room and make love to him. But now I’m not sure that’s a good idea.
“You can’t control yourself, huh?” His voice has a hard edge I’ve never heard before.
“I tried. You saw—”
“I saw you give me an orgasm without getting off yourself. I imagine that takes a fair amount of control.”
He doesn’t get it. I was about to give it to him hard and deep his first time. I would have hurt him.
He lifts his chin and looks me directly in the eye. “You think I’m fragile.”
“That’s not—”
“Yes it is. You won’t have sex with me because you’re afraid you’ll break me.”
I don’t argue with him this time because he’s right. I am afraid I’ll break him. I could. He has no idea how strong I am. If he knew, he would be terrified of me.
He takes in a deep breath and pulls at the neck of his shirt. It slides over his head, and he tosses it to the kitchen floor. I’ve imagined Lewis naked plenty of times, but the subtle muscle under his pale skin and the dusting of brown hair along his upper chest, leading down below the waistband of his jeans, is far more mesmerizing than I imagined.
Once his shirt is off, his bravado falters. Then he clenches his jaw and reaches for the button of his jeans. Before I can stop him, he slides them down. His underwear drops with them, until Lewis is completely bare before me. His body is slender and so much smaller than mine, but he’s solid in a way I didn’t expect. He’s mentioned plenty of times that he works out every morning, but for some reason I still expected him to be soft like Ansel.
“Just because I’m a virgin doesn’t mean I don’t know what I want,” he says.
I can’t stop looking at him. Here Lewis is, completely naked before me. There was a time when I thought this would never happen. He walks up to me and slides his hands around my neck.
“I wanted to be gentle with you. It’s your first time—”
He stops me with a kiss. “What if I don’t want you to be gentle?”
“But, Lewis—”
“If I wanted my first time to be boring and traditional, I would wait for Pebble Gifting Season. I want you—a big, strong polar bear shifter.” He kisses me again, but this time he plunges his tongue inside my mouth and winds one of his legs around my waist.
I kiss him back. This side of Lewis is strangely familiar. This is the Lewis who kicks my ass at Smash Bros. Sometimes I forget there’s steel under his innocent disposition, but he’s right. He should be able to decide what his first time is like.
He pulls away from me and backs up to the counter, placing both hands on the edge. With one fluid motion, he hoists himself up. “I want you to take me right here on this counter.”
“That’s very unsanitary,” I say, but I’m smiling.
He grins back at me. “C’mon. I’m cold. Warm me up.”
Maybe this will be okay. Lewis clearly wants to have sex, and I want to have sex too. I need to stop treating him like a child who can’t make his own decisions and respect him like the man he is.
I tuck each of my hands underneath his knees and tug him closer to the edge. “You want a big, strong polar bear shifter, huh?” I lift him up in the air by that round, perfect ass of his. The heady look in his eyes makes it clear how much he likes it. “I could take you like this, you know. We wouldn’t even need the counter.”
He wraps his legs around me and leans in to suck my bottom lip into his mouth, worrying it between his teeth. God, he feels so good. And he’s all mine.
I still can’t believe this is real.
For the next few minutes, Lewis and I explore each other’s mouths. Despite his nakedness, our kisses are slow and languid. It’s enough to have him in my arms—enough to know he wants this as much as I do. If we keep fighting for each other, this has to work, doesn’t it?
He breaks the kiss and rubs his nose against mine. “I’m ready. I want you.”
I nod. Okay. We’re doing this.
“Just give me a second. There aren’t any condoms in here. I’ll be right back.”
I put him back down on the counter, but he hugs me tighter with his legs and smiles up at me. “Take me with you.”
I chuckle and pick him back up. “You want a big, strong guy to lug you around, huh?”
“Maybe?”
I carry Lewis through the kitchen and back to the hall. Holding him in my arms satisfies a primal part of me that wants to claim him as my own. As we go, I knead his ass with my hands. He lets out a breathy “oh” and tightens his grip around my neck.
“You’re stunning. You know that, right?” I whisper in his ear. I should have said it the moment he took off his clothes.
He ducks his head into the crook of my neck. “Do you really think so?”
“Yes, I do.”
I have to awkwardly shift his weight to get the bedroom door open. Once I reach the nightstand, I set Lewis down on the bed. He releases me this time so I can go rummaging through the drawers. I can’t remember where I put the extra thin condoms. The first drawer has the ribbed ones, and the next drawer has the studded. I’m not sure Lewis is ready for that yet. I finally find the thin ones in the bottom drawer and tear one off.
When I turn to Lewis, his body is hunched, and he’s looking away from me.
“Hey, is everything all right?”
“How many guys have you had sex with?”
Shit. I should have thought about what all of those boxes would look like.
“I don’t know.”
His eyes become glassy. “You don’t even know?”
I’m not sure what to tell him. I lost track years ago. It’s not a big deal among polar bear shifters. We have sex all of the time.
“It’s just…
penguin shifters have something called missed paths. During Pebble Gifting Season, we get the contact information of the people we spend a night with, and every year we send them letters, to show them the path they missed by choosing a different partner. Our missed paths often become lifelong friends. It’s a big deal.”
And here I am with my drawer full of condoms and countless sexual partners.
I sit down next to him. “Polar bear shifters have something similar. You know we have mates we stay with for years at a time.”
This has the opposite effect I was going for. Lewis curls in on himself even more. I’m reminding him that most polar bear shifters don’t mate for life. But I still continue, because I hope I can give him something that will help him feel safe.
“Each of our mates gives us a band to go around our right arm. Regardless of how many mates we have in the future, we wear that band for the rest of our lives. If you like, I’ll make myself a band with your name on it.”
“I’ve never seen any bands like that,” he says.
“I know. They’re private. We wear them underneath our shirts. But how do you think we learned the metal magic we use to make your necklaces?”
He brings his knees up and hugs them tight. “So I’d just be one of many.”
“No. Of course not.”
He turns his head away from me. “If the other penguin shifters find out, none of the alphas will want me.”
I didn’t know that. But it doesn’t surprise me. Penguin shifters are snooty bastards sometimes.
Except Lewis. He’s never made me feel like I was less in his eyes because of who I am.
I stare at my nightstand, where the remnants of my previous sex life lie in the drawers. Prior to Ansel, how long has it been since I’ve had sex? Six months? A year? No, it has to be longer than that. The truth is, ever since I started having feelings for Lewis, I haven’t wanted anyone else, and yet I’m still afraid of giving him the level of commitment he wants—the level of commitment he needs to feel safe.
