Bertie and Dad ran to the church hall. It was empty. The room was set out with chairs and tables ready for the wedding party. At the far end was a long table with drinks and nibbles for the guests. Bertie’s eyes lit up. He hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast.
“Right,” said Dad. “You look in here, Bertie. I’ll try the kitchen.”
Dad hurried off. Bertie gazed hungrily at the nibbles. He helped himself to a handful of crisps, just to help him think. What had Mum said? Oh yes, butter. Where did they keep the butter? He searched the table. Peanuts, dips, sausage rolls – but no butter.
“Find any?” shouted Dad, clattering cupboard doors in the kitchen.
“No, not yet!”
Bertie grabbed some more crisps in case the service went on a bit. Luckily his sporran was the perfect place to keep a snack. He checked to see Dad wasn’t watching. Wait, what was this? Bruce and Dora’s wedding cake was sitting on a trolley. Bertie loved cake, and this one was a monster. It was a three cake tower trimmed with pink roses. On the bottom cake, written in icing, it said:
Bertie stared. Icing – of course! Icing was just like butter. His finger hovered over the beautiful wedding cake. Should he? Time was running out and he had to get the ring off. This was his last chance. SHHLUPP! Bertie scooped up a big splodge of icing.
Mmm – not bad! He tried a pink rose. Mmm mmm mmm.
Remembering his mum’s advice, he slathered his thumb in icing and licked it off. Whoops! The writing on the cake had got a bit smudged. Some of the letters were missing. But what about the ring? He twisted it. YES! It slid over his thumb. Genius!
“Any luck, Bertie?” cried Dad, suddenly appearing from the kitchen.
Bertie stood in front of the cake. “Oh … um, yes. Look, I got it off!” He held up the ring triumphantly.
“Thank goodness!” said Dad. “You found some butter?”
“Er, sort of,” said Bertie.
“Then what are we standing here for?” said Dad. “Let’s get back to the church!”
Bertie glanced over his shoulder at the cake as he left. It did look a bit messy. But it was too late to do anything about it now. After all, it was only a cake. Who was going to notice?
CHAPTER 4
They reached the church and stood outside, panting for breath. Dad put his ear to the door. He groaned.
“They’ve already started!”
“What?” cried Bertie. “They can’t have!”
“They obviously couldn’t wait! We’ll have to sneak in quietly,” said Dad.
“But what about the ring?” said Bertie, holding it up.
“Give it to Neil! Just try not to draw attention to yourself.”
Inside the church, Dora and Bruce stood at the altar. The vicar was reaching the part with the wedding vows. Neil wiped a drop of sweat from his forehead. Where in the name of heaven was Bertie? If he didn’t get here soon it would be too late!
“Dora Lara Spooner,” said the vicar, “do you take this man to be your husband?”
“I do,” trilled Dora.
“Bruce John McDougal, do you take this woman to be your wife?”
“I do,” boomed Bruce.
There was a long pause.
“The ring!” whispered the vicar.
“Oh, um, yes, the ring…” stammered Neil, turning bright pink. He searched his pockets as if that might help.
“Neil!” hissed Dora.
Neil shook his head helplessly. “I … er … I haven’t…”
CRASH!
Every head in the church turned round to look. Bertie had zoomed up the aisle and skidded, falling flat on his face. His kilt had flopped over, so everyone got a good view of his pants. Suzy giggled.
“BERTIE!” hissed Neil.
Bertie got up. He pulled down his kilt and came forward. In his hand was something pink and sticky like a half-sucked sweet. He handed it over. Bruce slid the ring over Dora’s finger.
“EUGH!” said Dora.
After the service they all crowded into the church hall for the wedding party. Bertie had to sit through hours of boring speeches, but he didn’t care. He was off the hook. Dora grumbled that he’d almost ruined her big day, but Bruce patted his head and said no harm was done.
Neil stood up and banged on the table with a spoon.
“And now, the bride and groom will cut the cake!”
Bertie gulped. Oh no! The cake – he’d forgotten all about it!
A lady pushed the trolley to the front where the bride and groom stood waiting. Dora took the knife ready to cut the first slice. She stared. She gasped. She looked like she might faint.
Her beautiful wedding cake – ruined! The tower was looking wonky, and there were sticky fingermarks all over it. Someone had scoffed most of the pink roses. Worst of all, the message was missing some letters, so now it read:
“EEEK! MY CAKE!” shrieked Dora.
Mum and Dad turned round. There was only one person who could have done this, and he was wearing a sticky kilt and a guilty expression.
“BERTIE!” groaned Mum.
Bertie gulped. He put his hand into his sporran.
“Um … anyone want a crisp?”
Copyright
STRIPES PUBLISHING
An imprint of Little Tiger Press
1 The Coda Centre, 189 Munster Road,
London SW6 6AW
Characters created by David Roberts
Text copyright © Alan MacDonald, 2010
Illustrations copyright © David Roberts, 2010
First published as an ebook by Stripes Publishing in 2012.
eISBN: 978-1-84715-403-3
The right of Alan MacDonald and David Rober ts to be identified as the author and illustrator of this work respectively has been asserted by them in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988.
All rights reserved.
Apart from any use permitted under UK copyright law, this publication may only be reproduced, stored, or transmitted, in any forms, or by any means, with prior permission in writing of the publishers or, in the case of reprographic production, in accordance with the terms of licences issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency.
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
www.stripespublishing.co.uk
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