Little Lost
Girl
Part One: Separation
Angelique S. Anderson
Little Lost Girl
Copyright © 2015 Angelique S. Anderson
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any way by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording or otherwise without the prior permission of the author except as provided by USA copyright law.
This novel is a work of fiction. Although the events in the story are based on real life, names, dialogue and entities included in the authors story are made up. Any resemblance to actual, persons or entities is entirely coincidental.
All rights reserved.
Cover design by Victoria Cooper Art
ISBN-13: 978-1523955299
ISBN-10: 1523955295
DEDICATION
I Dedicate this series to all the foster kids out there who wore the term ‘foster’ like a badge. To all the kids who were never in foster care, but never felt wanted by their parents . To all the adults and children who felt abuse, loss, sadness, depression, and never had someone to tell them it was going to be okay.
It is going to be okay. You are not alone. You are loved.
CONTENTS
Acknowledgments
1
Hungry
2
Seeing is believing
3
Changes
4
Departure
5
Plane Ride
6
Grandpa
7
New Family
8
Playing House
9
Moving Out
10
Home or Something Like It
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I would like to offer my sincerest thanks to everyone who encouraged me to get my story on paper, and to all the people who have been a positive part of my life.
I would like to thank my husband, Angel, who has been my rock as I dealt with the ups and downs that came with healing from the past. I thank my children who give me the motivation to keep going and keep being better.
I would like to thank my editors, Richard and Nancy, thank you for being patient and kind teachers.
To my friends, who have helped and encouraged me along the way: You are all a constant encouragement to keep going.
I sincerely love all of you, thank you for everything you do.
Hungry
Chapter 1
The little girl sat on her worn mattress, tattered doll in hand. Her stomach rumbled for the hundredth time that morning as she sat staring at the door. She willed with all her might that it would open and on the other side her nanny would be standing with a bowl of cereal or fresh scrambled eggs, still steaming. She licked her lips.
“Eggs are my favorite!” Her young mind spun with the possibilities and the thought of a hot breakfast. But the door never opened, no matter how hard she stared at it or how long she prayed that it would.
She got up from her mattress, which had no frame, and sat on the cool, carpeted floor. Her eyes wandered across the dirty floor, searching for scraps to eat. A half-eaten cube of noodles in a Top Ramen bag; a stale peanut butter and jelly sandwich—her stomach ached for anything to eat…anything so that she wouldn’t have to leave the safety and security of her room.
She dropped the tattered doll on her bed and made her way to the door. Her small hands wrapped around the knob, and she turned it as quietly as she could. The door cracked open slightly, and she peered into the narrow hallway. The nanny was nowhere around. If fate was kind, she could tiptoe to the kitchen and grab something to eat.
Her heart pounding furiously, she closed the door behind her, with a dreaded certainty that she would be caught. Slipping into the hallway and pressing herself against the wall as she moved forward, she could barely breathe. It was early afternoon; all the lights were off and the small house was dimly lit.
As she entered the kitchen, a ray of sunshine streamed through the single, dusty window above the fridge. Her ears perked at every noise, and she carefully pattered to the one cabinet she knew would contain food. It was low to the ground, and the door was the least squeaky of all the doors in the kitchen. She pulled it open quietly, and with satisfaction, she saw cans of Spam and Top Ramen.
She reached for the Top Ramen and quickly stuffed it in her shirt. The packaging made a noisy, crinkling sound and she started to perspire. She knew she was going to get caught…and then she wouldn't eat today. Her nanny would take away the meal in an instant and then yell at her for the rest of the afternoon.
Afraid she had alerted the sitter, she stood as straight as she could and tucked the plastic packaging into the top of her shorts. Then, she pulled her shirt down and turned quickly, beginning the trip back to her room. Suddenly, she heard heavy footsteps and the floor creaking beneath them.
"What the hell are you doing in there?" a large woman yelled at her.
"I was hungry," Star answered in a terrified voice, scrambling to get out.
"I don't give a damn!” the nanny bellowed, and then she uttered a string of expletives. She always used ugly words that made Star feel even smaller than she already was. The little girl scampered down the hallway before the nanny saw the lump under her shirt.
“Please don't let her hear the sound,” Star whispered aloud. She managed to reach her room and shut the door before the nanny intercepted her. She dropped on her bed and shoved the packet of uncooked noodles under her blanket. It wasn't safe to eat it yet. Sometimes, the nanny would burst into her room and smack her on the head after she ventured to the kitchen. So Star sat still and waited patiently.
After a time, when there was no further noise to suggest that the nanny was coming, Star opened the soup. She used the blanket on her bed to muffle the crinkling sound of the plastic wrapping. Then, she broke off a piece of the hard noodle square and consumed it. It would be hours before her parents arrived home and she had to make it last.
As the dull ache in her tummy faded to a quiet discomfort, she grabbed her doll and curled up on the bed. If she could sleep until her parents came home, she could get through the rest of the day. She pulled her worn blanket over her and closed her eyes.
She drifted off to sleep, dreaming of the day she would be warm, loved, and no longer hungry.
Seeing Is Believing
Chapter 2
Star awoke to the sounds of laughter and slurred speech. Her parents were drinking again! She was giddy with happiness at the thought. When her parents drank, they were so much fun. They would often bring her presents. Sometimes, she would sit with them in the living room, talking and laughing like a real family.
She flung back her blanket and jumped out of bed. Sprinting to the door, she yanked it open. Her bright blue eyes sparkled in contrast to her tattered clothes and knotted blonde hair.
“Mommy! Daddy!” Star exclaimed as she bolted into the living room. “You’re home!”
“Yes, we are!” Her stepmother raised a beer as if to toast her and cheer her on. With her other hand, the woman took a long drag off a Marlboro cigarette. She blew pungent smoke into the air, and Star held her breath for a moment. She hated the smell of smoke, but hated even more the clouds of cigarette smoke that hung thick in the living room air.
“Well, what did you do today?” her stepmother asked. “Come here.”
Star ran to her stepmother’s side obediently, and she was rewarded with a half-hug from the hand that still held the cigarette. Star didn’t know how to answer a question she had answered so many times before. They never believed her, but she had to try agai
n.
“I hid in my room.”
“What did the babysitter cook?”
“Nothing,” Star answered quietly, lowering her eyes to the dirty floor.
“Nonsense, she must have cooked something! The two of you are eating us out of house and home!”
“Mommy, I didn’t eat today!”
“Of course, you did!”
“Mommy, no I didn’t. I stayed in my room. Nanny doesn’t like me out here when she is around.”
“Well, then where the hell is the food going, if you aren’t eating it?” Her stepmother’s voice was no longer pleasant. In fact, she sounded perturbed.
“Mommy, I told you. Nanny is eating all the food. She doesn’t feed me. I’m always hungry! I hate her!”
Star’s father, who had been sitting in the worn-out recliner by the front window, asked,
“You haven’t been eating?”
“No daddy. I’ve been trying to tell you. I keep telling you…but you never listen to me.” Tears ran from the little girl’s blue eyes and for the first time in weeks, her stepmom and dad took her seriously.
“Alright, we are going to figure this out once and for all!” Her stepmom stubbed out her cigarette and tromped to the kitchen. A moment later, Star heard the fridge opening and closing, then the sound of cupboards and doors opening and slamming shut. Then she heard another noise she didn’t recognize; it sounded like papers and then metal banging against a hard surface.
Star ran into the kitchen and found her stepmother going through the trash. Empty cans and wrappers from various foods, chili cans, hot dog packaging, soda cans, and half-eaten sandwiches were scattered across the floor. Star could smell the ham from a discarded sandwich and her mouth watered.
“Mommy, I didn’t eat that.”
Her stepmother looked at Star as if seeing her for the first time. She knew that the little girl was far too skinny to have eaten even a little bit of what she had found in the trash. Her face turned white and she walked over to Star, giving her a hug.
“I’m so sorry we didn’t listen to you. Do you want some cereal or something?” Star nodded her head vigorously. Cold milk, with sugary bites dancing in it sounded so good. She didn’t care that it was late at night. Her stepmother poured some Fruit Loops and placed the bowl on the table. Star slid onto one of the plastic seats and crunched happily.
“Go ahead and eat. Your dad and I have to talk,” her stepmother said as she disappeared into the living room. Star could hear muffled words through the wall and knew they were talking about the nanny. She also knew that the nanny would not be coming back. Maybe now they could be a real family, and her stepmom would stay with her while her daddy went to work. She swung her legs under the table and smiled to herself.
After finishing, she placed her dish in the sink and returned to the living room to tell her parents goodnight. Both were passed out on the couch, empty beer cans strewn around on the floor next to them. Star was so happy they finally believed her that she skipped off to her room. She picked up Dolly from the bed, snuggled her tight, and then fell asleep. It was the first time in a long time that she didn’t have nightmares about a troll trying to gobble her up.
Changes
Chapter 3
In the morning when Star opened her eyes, she was greeted by the smell of eggs and bacon instead of gnawing hunger pains in her stomach. She jumped off her mattress, changed her clothes, and grabbed her dolly. As she skipped into the kitchen, she smiled when she saw her stepmom’s dyed blonde hair waving about.
Finally, everything is going to be different now! Star could feel herself rejoicing inside, and she couldn’t wait to spend the day with her stepmom.
“Good morning, Mommy,” she cooed.
“Good morning, sweetheart,” her stepmother answered, flashing a half-hearted smile. An alarm went off in Star’s mind—something was wrong. Why wasn’t her stepmother happy?
“Is everything okay, Mommy?”
“Of course. Everything is fine.” Her stepmother looked Star in the eyes and forced a thin smile. Star knew it was a lie. She sat in silence, eating her breakfast. The feeling that things were about to get worse and not better hung in her thoughts like a dark storm cloud.
Star’s father came home in the afternoon, right after they had eaten sandwiches, and she saw the same half-hearted look on his face. The nanny was gone, and her parents weren't fighting. Yet, Star couldn't shake the feeling that something was not right.
A few days passed uneventfully and Star began to bask in a false sense of security. The idea that everything was okay settled into her thoughts, and she began to relax a little. Maybe her mom was just worried about something, she told herself with hopeful reassurance.
It had been four days since Star felt hunger pains. She was so elated to be rid of the gnawing feeling that she was sure nothing could bring her down. Late that afternoon, she would discover that she was wrong. She was sitting on her bed playing with her doll when her stepmother called to her from the living room.
“Star, your dad and I need to talk to you. Can you come here?” Not sensing anything was amiss, Star bounced into the living room, doll in hand. Her dad was sitting on the couch, his face red and tears in his eyes. Her stepmom sat across from him in the worn-out recliner they both loved so much. She motioned for Star to sit on the floor in front of them.
This was it—the feeling she’d had days before that something was off. Her defenses went up, and she admonished herself to be brave. I can handle whatever they tell me. I can, she thought. Walking over, shoulders back, head high, she sat cross-legged on the floor.
“Star, your daddy and I have something to tell you. It’s going to be hard to hear, but I need you to be a big girl for me, okay?” Star’s eyes grew wide, and she felt her inner strength crumbling.
“Umm… you see … your daddy and I… we have a problem. We have a gambling problem,” her stepmother confided.
Star relaxed a little, thinking that a gambling problem didn’t sound like such a big deal.
“That’s okay, Momma, I don’t mind.” Star smiled and put a reassuring hand on her mom’s knee. Her stepmom’s eyes searched her face, and she shifted her feet.
“You see, Star, the little bit of food that’s left is all we have. We don’t have money to buy more. We spent the rest of the money trying to win big so we could pay our bills, and we lost it.”
“What does that mean, Momma?”
“Sweetie, that means someone with a lot more money is going to take care of you while we sort this out.”
Star frowned at the news and felt her little heart begin to crack. “You mean…you’re going to give me away? To a stranger?”
“No baby, we have a friend who has boys and she has always wanted a girl. She wants to take care of you and give you everything we never could. When daddy and I have enough money, we will come and get you. I promise.”
“You’ll come and get me?” Star echoed in an angry tone as she stood up. She felt sick to her stomach. How could her parents give her away to some random person? Fighting back tears, she asked,
“Who is this person, anyway? Are they coming to get me?”
“No, honey, they can’t come and get you because they are in Montana. She has paid for a plane ticket for you. Your grandpa will meet you at the airport and take you to her,” her stepmother said with a sad smile. Star was so angry she felt like throwing something at her.
“She is going to take such good care of you. You aren’t going to want for anything.”
“Yes, I will! I want my daddy! I don’t want to live with a stranger! I don’t want to go! I don’t want to go!” Star screamed at the top of her lungs. She ran into her room, slamming the door behind her. Tears streamed down her face as she came to terms with what her parents had just told her.
“Don’t they want me?” she asked out loud. Only bitter silence echoed back.
Departure
Chapter 4
There was nothing anyone could say af
ter that. Star knew it was just a matter of waiting for her parents to ship her off, to dispose of her. The days seemed to drag on for an eternity, and then, the fateful day arrived. She was told to pack her second-hand suitcase. Two hours later, she was boarding a plane to go live with someone she had never met.
Finally able to eat when she was hungry, what should have been a happier time for Star had become darker than she ever could have imagined. It was surreal, like a bad dream, yet it was the middle of the day and she was wide awake.
The day Star said goodbye to her parents, she put on her nicest blue dress. It was her favorite because it had the fewest stains. She loved the white ruffles on the arms and collar. She always felt like a princess in it. She wanted her daddy to remember how pretty she was so he wouldn’t forget about coming to get her.
“Star, are you ready to go?” Her stepmother called down the hall to her. She took one long, last look around with tears in her eyes and made sure that Dolly was packed away safely. She pulled the cool metal zipper up with a sigh. The wheels on the suitcase worked well and she grabbed the leather handle, wheeling it out of her room. She had few belongings so it didn’t weigh much.
Star tried to keep a brave face, but the moment she saw her daddy pacing back and forth in the living room, she started to cry. She didn’t know when she would see him again, and she didn’t understand why they couldn’t just figure out a way to keep her. She didn’t eat that much, and she wouldn’t mind going hungry again if that is what it took.
Little Lost Girl: The Complete Series Page 1
