by Jessie Cooke
“Over my dead body,” Jack growled. “Who is it? Is that that homo friend of yours? Is this his way of apologizing? I’ll never understand the gays.”
“Grandpa,” Bella admonished, just as her mother tsked her tongue at Jack.
“First of all, you’re going to have to watch yourself, Jack. That ‘homo friend’ as you like to call him is coming for a visit, and he’s very anxious to meet you,” Gale told him.
“Not to mention that you can’t go around saying things like that, Grandpa,” Bella said. “It’s just rude.”
“Treating my granddaughter badly is rude,” Jack countered.
“That I will agree with, but Christo didn’t treat me badly.” She turned towards the portrait. “Someone else did.”
“So why do you have a nude portrait of your homo—guy friend?” Jack asked.
“That’s not Christo,” Gale answered him. “That is Reece.”
“Is he the heartbreaker? He looks like a heartbreaker now that I look at him. I mean, I thought only homos would paint portraits of themselves in the nude, but this? Well, this is confusing, Bella dear. This is why I never moved to the big city, never really wanted you to either, but your parents were determined to let you make up your own mind. ‘Keep her on the ranch,’ I said, but they wanted you to see the world. Now look what it’s gotten you,” he said as he turned to Gale. “Her heart’s broken by some asshole that thinks highly enough of himself to have his portrait painted—naked, I might add—and sent to you as an apology. Whatever happened to good old-fashioned groveling?”
“It’s a different age,” Gale said as she stole a glance at the portrait again. “And apparently I’m going to have to come to terms with the fact that I’ve now seen my future-son-in-law’s naked body.”
“Future son-in-law?” Jack yelled as he stamped his foot. “Is this dadblame thing an engagement present?”
Bella laughed. “Hardly, Grandpa. Hardly.”
85
Bella stopped shoveling manure long enough to wipe her brow. She’d been helping her father in the stables for two days, and, despite the general idea of what she was doing and the smell, she realized that she felt happy and useful, more so than she had in a while. In fact, she’d realized that she’d rather be out here shoveling literal manure, reviving a part of her youth she hadn’t seen in a while, than shoveling the metaphorical manure of people who had professed to care about her. At least the horses were just taking care of nature, not trying to manipulate her or create a reality that didn’t exist.
She pulled the red paisley handkerchief down from around her nose and mouth and looked out at the long driveway. A large dooly truck pulling a horse trailer was meandering up the drive and towards the stables.
“Dad,” Bella called. “Are you expecting someone?”
He joined her outside the stable and looked in the direction of the long drive. “Ahhhh,” he said. “I wondered when she would come.”
“She?” Bella took off her gloves and followed her father to meet the truck as it was pulling to a stop.
The driver got out of the truck and came around to Marcus and Bella.
“You Bella Ryan?” the driver asked.
Bella nodded uncomprehendingly.
“Got a special delivery for you,” he continued, immune to Bella’s gaping mouth.
A kid about sixteen years old had gotten out of the passenger’s side and was lowering the ramp on the trailer before opening the door to reveal a stout red chestnut horse with golden mane.
“Cinnamon,” Bella whispered.
“Actually, she’s already been named,” the driver said, handing over the papers.
Bella read the papers aloud. “Destiny’s Dream,” she said reverently.
“If you’ll just sign here and here, she’ll be all registered to you, and I can tell my employer that she was delivered much to the amazement of one Bella Ryan.”
In a daze Bella scribbled off her name. She couldn’t remember signing for so many deliveries in her entire life. She knew that her father shook hands with the driver and thanked them for their troubles, but Bella couldn’t keep her eyes off the beautiful mare. She held the reins in her hand and lowered her nose so that she could stroke the velvety softness and whisper to her.
“So, when are you finally going to break down and call this man so that he can stop sending such extravagant gifts?” her father asked her.
“I don’t know,” Bella said. “Maybe I should hold out for a car.”
Her dad laughed and joined Bella in stroking Destiny’s long snout. “He called me, you know,” he said.
“I figured since you seemed to know about this little surprise.”
“He’s beside himself, Bella. Doesn’t know what to do to make amends. He knows he’s messed up, but . . . well, I think he’s just a little lost, and probably scared. Poor guy’s never been so in love from what he tells me.” Marcus Ryan offered a short grunt. “Reminds me of myself in some ways.”
“He has a funny way of showing this love as it calls it,” Bella said looking into the eyes of Destiny’s Dream. Suddenly, she heard Phara’s voice in her head.
“He is the one who is your destiny,” she had said, speaking of Reece in his absence. “He cannot share his heart; he is not capable,” she’d said to Bella when Bella countered that there was another in the picture, someone he had to commit himself to already. “His heart is already with you. You need to open yours to him now” had been her response to Bella’s protests.
“He knew exactly what he wanted,” her father was saying. “Asked for some pictures of you and Cinnamon.” Marcus turned his daughter’s face towards him and looked her in the eyes. “He knows what he wants now, too. I know we don’t know him, Bella, and God knows I’m not about to hand you over to some asshole that I don’t know, but are you going to give any of us a chance? Are you going to give him a chance? Seems to me the boy is getting a little desperate.”
“That’s the problem: he gets desperate and goes a little crazy.”
“Did your mom never tell you what I did when I realized I loved her and couldn’t live without her?”
Bella’s brow furrowed. “No.”
Marcus uttered an embarrassed laugh, removed his baseball cap, and motioned her over to an overturned log so that they could sit. She tied the reins to the hitching post and followed.
“I’d never experienced the feelings I was having with your mom. It scared the daylights out of me, but I had a farm to run, cows to keep, and a grumpy old man to make happy. So, I left her. Broke it off. Broke her heart. Ran back home and had a series of drunken one night stands with a string of Brownville’s finest—and not so finest—until I corrupted the preacher’s daughter and got caught doing it.”
“You? Really?”
Slowly nodding his head, Marcus looked away from his daughter. “It’s nothing I’m proud of, which is probably why you’ve never known it all these years. I tell you this to say, we men get spooked and quite easily when it comes to love and feelings. We do the exact opposite of what we should when we realize what’s happening. Me? I ran. Reece? He held tighter though he didn’t want you to know it. We get stupid, Bella. And you women find out, figure it out, and love us in spite of ourselves. It’s the only way the world can go on. It’s the only way our supposedly intelligent species doesn’t die out.”
Marcus reached over and patted Bella on the knee. “I’m not saying he’s a perfect angel. Hell, I barely know the man. What I am saying is that you’ve sounded happier in the past months than I’ve ever heard you, and I wonder how much he has to do with that. What I am saying is that he’s doing all he knows to do—even then, even with the stupidity, and it all came from a place of love . . . and fear. Men don’t like to confront their emotions.”
Bella hugged her father. She’d never heard her dad talk so openly about his past or about his emotions. She thought about what he’d said, who he’d been, and she realized it didn’t change her feelings for him: he was still her
dad and still a good man; he’d just strayed a little from the right path.
And the same was true of Reece.
“Thanks, Dad. I’m glad we had this talk,” she said, and she found herself wiping one lone tear from her eye.
“Bet that mare could use a little exercise after being cooped up in that trailer,” Marcus said, nodding his head towards the horse. “Want me to help you saddle her up?”
Bella smiled and nodded her head. “I’ll need some help; it’s been a while.”
“Well, it’s just like riding a bike,” Marcus said. “It’ll all come right back to you once you get up in that saddle.”
And he was right. As soon as Bella’s foot hit the stirrup and her hand gripped the horn to aid in her hoisting of herself onto Destiny’s back, she felt at home.
“How’s it feel?” Marcus asked, tightening a strap.
“Great,” Bella said as she stroked the mane of the beautiful creature. All at once her childhood and her future met in this one gift—an animal that reminded her of the joys she had lived and yet promised her more joys to come. “I may be gone for a while,” Bella said to her father. “Feel I’ve got myself a race to prepare for.”
“Take your time. Take the day. Just remember: courage is being scared and still saddling up.” He winked at his daughter. “Glad to see you in the saddle again, Bella baby.”
And as she turned Destiny’s Dream towards the open field, Bella set her eyes on the horizon. Her heels dug in, and she issued a quick “Ya!” as she leaned forward, communicating with the horse. Within seconds, everything was fading to the background and passing by her, like the wind in her hair, and she breathed deeply, the scent of freedom sweet and filling her lungs.
86
“I can’t believe you’re here,” Bella said for the third time as she leaned her head over onto Christo’s shoulder. They were walking the open field where, just the day before, she had bonded with Destiny.
“I can’t believe it either,” Christo said. “I mean, I’ve seen the house and part of the farm, but we’ve never been out to this side of the ranch. It’s beautiful. I can’t believe you’ve kept it from me for so long.”
“This is quickly becoming my favorite spot,” she said as she told him of her day with Destiny.
“Seems to me like you had quite the enlightening afternoon with your new friend,” he said. “How about here?”
Bella nodded and spread out the blanket she had brought for their talk. Christo, of course, had brought picnic basket of wine and cheese. He’d been antsy about getting her alone for a serious chat, and Bella thought they could both use a little time away from the parents.
Settling herself onto the blanket, Bella reached for the bottle of wine and unscrewed the cap. She took a swig from the bottle and handed it to Christo.
“Take another,” he said. “You might need it.”
Hesitantly, she did just that and then eyed him cautiously. “What did you do?” she asked.
“It may be more about what I didn’t do,” Christo said.
“Well I know what you are going to do right now,” Bella threatened.
“Yes, tell you everything. I know.” Christo took a deep breath and began. “I knew about Reece’s schemes—hiring Luke to keep you from finding someone else, hiring Andrew to distract Luke once he had fallen for you. I knew about it, and I didn’t tell you,” Christo said.
Bella looked at him, then looked down at the bottle still in her hand. She brought the bottle to her lips and chugged several big swallows of wine, then wiped her mouth on the back of her hand. Christo’s lip had curled slightly at her unladylike behavior, but he reminded himself that a, they were in the country, and b, she had just received some unsettling news.
“How long?” Bella finally asked.
“Not very,” was Christo’s answer. “In fact, I found out only shortly after he arrived home from the accident.”
“But you knew for weeks before I was finally told,” Bella pointed out.
“I encouraged him to tell you immediately,” Christo defended himself. “I knew how hurt you would be, but I also knew it would hurt you even more to hear it from me before you heard it from him.”
“So he had no plans of telling me?”
“That’s not true,” Christo corrected. “That’s the very reason he told me first—to get my advice on how to approach it with you. He was scared, Bella. Scared that what he had done could cost him you . . . forever.”
“Well, it just may have,” Bella remarked, her eyes burning with new tears from Christo’s betrayal. “How could you know this and keep it from me? How could you let him manipulate me so?”
Christo reached for Bella’s hand, but she pulled them away, his touch burning her skin and her heart. “Bella, I know it all hurts, and I’m sure you feel like everyone was against you and betraying you, but try to understand the motivation for it all. He loves you. He can’t imagine his life without you. Didn’t someone famous for enlightenment once say, ‘We cannot judge by action, only by motivation’? Can’t you judge him that way—on his motivation? It makes the situation so different? Doesn’t it?”
Bella put her hands over her ears. “I’m sick of hearing all of this bullshit,” she said. “Why can’t he just do something a normal person would do? Why did he have to resort to lying and cheating and manipulating in order to get what he wanted? It’s all been a lie.”
Patiently, Christo responded, gently pulling Bella’s hands away from her head. “Not all of it. Luke genuinely loved you, Bella. And Andrew genuinely loves Luke.” Christo laughed. “It all sort of backfired into some good matchmaking on Reece’s part. Funny when you think about it.”
“Yeah. You can see how hilarious I’m finding it all,” Bella snapped. She shook her head. “He never would have told me had you not encouraged him, I’m sure.”
“Yes, he would have, Bella. He has always been honest.”
“He has never been honest,” she amended. “He’s done so many things behind my back that even he got surprised at the tangled mess he’d created.”
“He did it all for you, Bella.”
“He did it all for himself,” she maintained.
“Do you really believe that?” Christo looked at her with his intense brown eyes. He narrowed them slightly and pursed his lips just enough to let Bella know that he was calling her out: he knew she didn’t believe that half as much as she wanted to.
“I don’t know what to believe,” she finally said, throwing her hands up in the air. She looked back at her friend.
They sat in silence for a while, the two of them looking off at the horizon. Christo knew to be quiet, to let Bella work through her thoughts and emotions methodically, and so he allowed her some time to breathe through them.
“You knew about Andrew, too?” she said, finally breaking the silence.
“Yes,” Christo answered softly. “Let’s face it, Bella-boo. Reece is richer than God, is insanely hot, but there are times that he’s just not the brightest crayon in the box. He panicked, and when men panic, they get stupid. Believe me—I know on several levels.”
“He got even more stupid than the average man,” Bella intoned.
“Because he’s so far from the average man,” Christo indicated. “He tried to fix one mistake with another.”
“Yep. Stupid.”
“It makes you wonder how he did so well in business,” Christo mused.
“Lying,” Bella offered.
Christo looked at Bella and took her hand. This time she let him. “I don’t think so. He looks after the people he cares for. Like Hayley Jo. You know he has set up a fund for her future.”
“I don’t feel like I know anything he has done recently. How do you seem to know everything now?”
A wave of Christo’s hand preceded his explanation. “He asked me to help sort things out, told me everything, and has been consulting me on a daily basis about a few other things.”
“What ‘other things’?” Bella said.
Christo shied away from her gaze. “Just . . . things,” he said cryptically.
“Spill it, Christo. You’re hiding something else.”
“I was going to tell you but that was before all of this discussion ensued. Now, it’s all going to be anticlimactic. It’s not the right moment.”
Bella sighed. “What am I supposed to do now?” she asked the setting sun.
“You’re supposed to forgive,” Christo answered.
“I wasn’t asking you,” she retorted, “And this coming from one of the least forgiving people I know.”
“Moi?” Christo’s eyes were wide with insulted surprise. His perfectly manicured hands sat upon his chest, fingers spread.
“Need I remind you about Nicky?”
Christo lowered his hands. “Ah, Nicky. She seems to be doing well at that job you got her. She called me for coffee, and we met last week.”
“Well, wonders never cease,” Bella replied.
“She told me everything—about Dave, about Hayley Jo’s paternity, even about stealing from Reece, which I already knew because Reece had already told me, but I acted surprised. Didn’t want her thinking I knew too much.”
“You do know too much.”
“There’s no such thing. Anyway, she’s doing well. Liking the small office she manages now. Dave has moved in and is being a great father.”
Bella harrumphed. “If Reece was smart, he would have thrown that guy’s ass in jail. He’s bad news.”
“But he’s trying to make amends, Bella. This dark side of you is no good. I’m not used to it. You’re normally the loyal, forgiving one. This is Bad Bella, and I’m not sure I’m comfortable with her.” Christo had crossed his arms and withdrawn a bit from her as if her negative energy might poison him.
“I have every right to let Bad Bella loose. I have every right to question people’s motives and loyalties. I’ve never felt good about Dave, and I blame him for most of Nicky’s undoing.”
“Well, Reece is the one that was wronged, but he’s being more forgiving than you are about the whole thing.”
