Her euphoria was short-lived when the sobering light of reality brought her back down to earth. It was a bittersweet moment. Now more than ever she needed to resolve her turmoil about whether to divulge Bobby’s true identity to Shane. If only she knew how he really felt, whether or not he loved her. And whether her closest secret would cost her any love he felt.
Cynthia stared at the glowing numbers on the digital clock—four-thirty in the morning. She turned to look at Shane, being careful not to disturb him. She’d been afraid to move for fear of waking him, so she’d lain awake for fifteen minutes trying in vain to make sense of what had happened. She cautiously slipped out of his bed, gathered her clothes and retreated down the hall to her bedroom.
A shiver made its way through her body. One thing was for certain—if there had ever been any hope of getting Shane out of her system, she had destroyed it the moment she’d allowed him to lead her into his bedroom. She was sinking into a quagmire of conflicting desires and fears. A small sob caught in her throat. And at the center of it all was her need to protect her son.
She climbed into her own bed, but was unable to get back to sleep. Too many thoughts and images circulated through her mind. If she did tell Shane about Bobby, how should she do it, especially in light of their having made love? She certainly couldn’t just blurt it out as if it was something that had previously slipped her mind and she’d suddenly remembered it.
The exact nature of her fears had shifted dramatically over the past couple of days. She had observed the growing closeness between Bobby and Shane with ever-increasing anxiety. She’d come to believe that Shane would not reject the boy. But her new and larger concern far overshadowed that. She feared Shane’s affection for Bobby might lead him to try to get custody of her son, especially if he was angry about her not having told him he was a father.
Would he use her son as a means of getting back at her? Could the compassionate and caring man she’d spent the day with yesterday do something so terrible? A wave of fear made her physically flinch. The man she loved attempting to take her son away from her...
A single tear made its way down her cheek as the sorrow combined with her fear settled inside her. She knew she would never be able to survive something that horrible. Shane hadn’t said anything to her about love or commitment or the future. Without that she could not risk her son’s security and well-being. With single-minded determination she reinforced her vow to keep Bobby’s identity a secret.
She took a deep breath and tried to settle the anxiety running unchecked through her body. She had an appointment that morning, the last step in settling her father’s estate. Then she could start looking for a house for Bobby and her. She got out of bed, showered and dressed, then went downstairs.
Before she’d emotionally prepared herself, Shane wandered out of the kitchen carrying a cup of coffee. Wariness clung to his words. “I missed you this morning. I woke up and reached for you, but you weren’t there.”
A shiver of trepidation darted across the back of her neck. She reached to still it while glancing nervously at the floor. “I...I thought it would be better for me to return to my own room...in case Bobby awoke early.”
“I see. I thought for a minute there might have been a problem.”
“Well—” she swallowed her nervousness “—now that you mention it, I think we were far too hasty last night...caught up in a moment that should not have been.”
He arched an eyebrow, cocked his head and looked at her questioningly. “What do you mean?”
“I mean—” she gathered her strength and determination while forcing a firm control to her voice “—it was a mistake and never should have happened. Things were over between us six years ago. It’s to no one’s benefit to resurrect something based solely on a misplaced physical attraction.” She turned away from him, knowing her blatant lie must have shown on her face. It had been far more than merely physical desires—at least for her.
He grabbed her arm and turned her around so he could see her. Urgency surrounded his words. “What are you talking about? There was no mistake about last night.”
“You’re wrong.” Her words were uttered with confidence and finality, but inside she was running scared.
He held on to her arm until she worked it free of his grasp. He saw the fear in her eyes and decided not to pursue it at that moment. It was a fear he’d seen many times since her arrival, but now he was beginning to understand it. It had to do with Bobby. Every new piece of the puzzle pointed toward Bobby being his son. He needed answers, but he knew he had to be careful in how he went about getting them.
“Isabelle was gracious enough to volunteer a couple of hours of her time this morning, and she’ll be here soon. I want to get Bobby up and dressed before she arrives. I should be finished with my meeting by ten o’clock. If all goes well, this will be the final step. I’ll be able to file all the papers and close out the estate.” She turned away from him again before he could say anything.
He watched her climb the stairs. Isabelle may be arriving soon, but she will be leaving far sooner than you think. He had made his decision. He planned to spend the day alone with Bobby and this time, unlike when the two of them spent the afternoon in the pool, he would not be afraid to ask Bobby questions about his father.
Isabelle arrived about half an hour later. Cynthia picked up her file, kissed Bobby goodbye and left for her appointment.
Shane watched from the living-room window as she drove down the street, then he called to Isabelle. “I have a really light schedule today, just a few things this afternoon. Why don’t you run along and take care of your own business matters, and I’ll stay here with Bobby.”
Isabelle glanced questioningly at her brother. “Are you sure you don’t mind?”
He gave her a reassuring smile. “I don’t mind at all.”
Shane was very pleased with himself as he watched Isabelle’s car back out of the driveway. He turned toward Bobby. “How would you like to go on an adventure today?”
Bobby looked up at him curiously. “An adventure? What kind?”
“Well—” he steered the little boy toward the garage door “—how about a trip to the Native American tourist center, then the museum? We can have lunch in the park and go see some horses after that. How does that sound to you?”
A grin spread across Bobby’s face. “That sounds neat!”
Bobby’s enthusiasm for everything new was infectious. Shane found himself seeing things in an exciting new light as he introduced Bobby to a world the little boy had never seen before. Shane showed him the intricate basket weaving and designs of the Tohono O’odham tribe. Bobby spotted the same drawing of a maze that Cynthia had purchased on the reservation.
He pointed to it. “What does that mean?”
“That’s the Man in the Maze. It represents the journey of man. He starts at the top when he’s born and moves through all the turns and changes as he acquires knowledge, strength and understanding, until he reaches the end where he reflects on the wisdom he has gained during his life.”
Bobby’s eyes opened wide in amazement. “Gosh.”
From the museum they went to the park where Shane bought lunch from a hot-dog vendor. They took their food to a nearby picnic table. After they finished eating, Shane bought some peanuts and they sat on a park bench feeding the squirrels. He took a calming breath and finally asked the questions that had been on his mind all day.
“Did your mommy ever tell you anything about your daddy?”
Bobby threw some peanuts on the ground and laughed when the squirrels scrambled to grab them away from the birds. “Only that he went away.”
“Do you know where he went or why he had to go away?”
Bobby frowned and squirmed on the bench, as if uncomfortable with the conversation. “I don’t know.” He looked up at Shane, his eyes filled with the type of honesty only a child could produce. “I wish I had a daddy.”
The raw emotion of the moment tore at Shane’s
heart and almost destroyed his composure. Then Bobby told him something that left him totally unnerved and nearly took his breath away.
“My middle name’s Shane, just like yours.” Then he repeated it, his chest puffed out with pride. “My name’s Robert Shane McCree, and I’m five and a half years old.”
“Five and a half...” Shane gulped down the spiraling emotion that lodged in his throat and tried to calm the churning in his stomach. That half year made all the difference in the world. He tried to sound casual, not wanting to add any unspoken implication to his words. “I didn’t realize you were that old. When is your birthday?” He held his breath as he listened to Bobby’s answer.
He didn’t know what to think or how he felt as his suspicions were finally confirmed. This little boy, this captivating child any man would be proud to call his son, was his son—his and Cynthia’s. It was probably the most sobering news of his life. The only thing that came close was his belated realization of the colossal blunder he’d made when he’d cut Cynthia out of his life.
Shane’s mind turned back to the last couple of weeks when he and Cynthia were together. He had already made the decision to break it off with her. That night doubts began to set in. In a totally spontaneous moment they had made love on the patio of his house late at night. He had been so torn between his decision to terminate their affair and the very intense physical passion that had overwhelmed him that he had neglected to take proper precautions. Two weeks later he had finally broken off their relationship. That had to have been the night Bobby was conceived.
The joy and elation that had exploded inside him was quickly overtaken by feelings of betrayal, and anger at Cynthia for keeping his son a secret from him. This was something much bigger than hurt feelings from years ago. The pain knotted in his stomach. How could she have done this to him? Especially after they’d made love last night with all that long-suppressed passion.
He knew he had to confront her with his suspicions about Bobby that evening. It could not be put off any longer. He wasn’t sure how to approach her, but he knew he needed to handle it carefully. He wouldn’t gain anything by going into it with an outward display of anger, and he didn’t want to do something that would make Cynthia take Bobby and leave Pueblo. He didn’t want to take a chance on upsetting Bobby, either. This little boy certainly wasn’t to blame. He—
“Shane?” Bobby’s impatient tugging on his shirtsleeve made him realize that the little boy had been talking to him. “Can we, Shane?”
“I’m sorry, champ. What did you say?”
“Can we go look at the horses now?”
Shane smiled at the endearing sight of the eager young face. Emotion welled up inside him as he took Bobby’s hand, only this time he was certain it was his son’s hand he clasped. “You bet we can.”
Cynthia hurried up the walkway to the front door. An uneasiness pricked at her, a tremor of apprehension telling her that something was wrong. Isabelle’s car was gone. Perhaps she and Bobby had gone to the store, or maybe she’d taken him to a movie, although neither possibility struck her as likely.
As soon as she entered the quiet house, it was obvious they weren’t there. Isabelle had known Cynthia was only going to be gone for a couple of hours. There was no reason for her to have taken Bobby anywhere. She searched for a note, anything to tell her what had happened. After finding nothing, she attempted to reach Isabelle on the phone.
The sick feeling churned in the pit of her stomach as she listened to Isabelle’s explanation about Shane insisting that he would watch Bobby. She knew as surely as she knew the sun rose in the east and set in the west that he had discovered the truth. One thing was certain—whatever happened between Shane and her had to be kept away from Bobby. She would not allow her son to be an innocent pawn. She prayed that Shane had not said anything to Bobby, that he could understand and honor that need.
The rest of Cynthia’s day turned into a muddled and distraught collection of disconnected thoughts and wasted efforts. Each passing hour doubled her tension, and the stress churned inside her to the point where she felt she’d actually be sick.
At last the kitchen door opened and Bobby charged in from the garage, bubbling over with excitement. “Hi, Mommy! You should have been with Shane and me. We had a whole bunch of fun!”
She nervously glanced at Shane. She didn’t know how to read the expression on his face. It was as if he’d put on a mask and was hiding behind it. Her anxiety level jumped even higher, if that was possible. She quickly returned her attention to Bobby before Shane could say anything. She forced an outer calm. “I was surprised when I got back and you weren’t here.” She extended a confident smile and tried to keep the concern out of her voice. “What did the two of you do all day?”
Bobby kept up a constant line of chatter for what remained of the afternoon, all through dinner and into the evening. Just as the day before, he had gone at full speed without resting and had exhausted himself but didn’t want to stop. She was finally able to get him to bed.
As she tucked him in, a shiver of trepidation moved through her body. She knew without looking that Shane was responsible, that he was standing in the doorway watching her. Feeling her apprehension rise, she didn’t dare turn around to look at him. She kissed Bobby on the cheek.
“Mommy?” He looked up at her, his expression very serious.
“Yes, honey?” Another tremor darted through her body.
“I wish Shane could be my daddy.”
Cynthia sat in stunned silence. Every bit of sanity and reason surrounding her life sank into the bottomless pit of her stomach. She didn’t know what to say or do. She desperately fought back tears. Her throat went dry. She finally managed a weak smile and said, “It’s late. You should be asleep.”
Her entire body went numb, then the anguish flooded her. A sick feeling tried to work its way up her throat. She felt as if she’d been kicked in the stomach and had all the breath knocked out of her. She could not stop the involuntary action that made her turn around toward Shane. He cocked his head and shot her an odd look, one she didn’t know how to interpret.
All-out panic crashed through her body as she fought back the tidal wave of emotion. A dull ache throbbed at her temples. She continued to sit on the edge of Bobby’s bed, afraid to leave the room. She knew she would have to face Shane with the truth—a truth he must surely know by now.
The ringing doorbell gave her a welcome respite. The unavoidable moment of truth had been put on hold. Shane leveled one last questioning look at her, then went downstairs to answer the door.
Cynthia hurried to the top of the stairs. She recognized the caller—Riley, Shane’s brother. This delay did not change what she knew to be inevitable. It was no longer a matter of whether she should tell Shane about his son. Now she would have to explain why she’d kept Bobby’s identity from him. Ropes of anguish knotted in her stomach. The situation had gone from bad to worse.
Nine
The two men went to the den, where Shane poured each of them a drink. He handed a glass to Riley. “So what brings you by?”
“I hadn’t seen you for a while, that’s all. I thought I’d stop by and see how things are going.”
“Things are going fine. Thanks for asking.” Shane studied his brother for a moment. Riley tried to put on an air of indifference, as if nothing bothered him, but Shane saw beneath the facade. “Now that the pleasantries are out of the way, why don’t you tell me the real purpose of your visit?”
Riley’s anger flared for a brief instant. “Can’t you cut me a little slack?” He quickly regained his composure. “I didn’t want anything special. I just happened to be in the neighborhood and saw your lights on.” He took a swallow of his drink. “I, uh, was just wondering if you’d heard anything new about Link Templeton’s investigation.”
“Nothing official in the last day or two.” Cynthia’s words returned to Shane about Riley having spent the night with Angelica Dodd. He’d started to ask Isabelle about it, but
had decided against it. The same question reared its head with Riley, but again he decided against pursuing such a ridiculous line of questioning. It couldn’t be anything more than stupid gossip. He clenched and un-clenched his jaw. Any kind of information that had come from Brad Rowan wasn’t worth the time it took to repeat it. Besides, Link was a fair and honest man. He wouldn’t be taken in by malicious gossip. “How about you? Anything new?”
“Same here. For a while there it seemed like every time I turned around, he was finding something else to connect me to it.” Riley chuckled nervously. “He’s obviously come to his senses, realized that I couldn’t have done it and turned his snooping in other directions.”
Shane’s voice carried the ominous overtones that fit his feelings in the matter. “I know you’re innocent, but you’d better take Link’s investigation seriously. He’s turned up quite a bit of circumstantial evidence connecting you to the murder.”
“Yeah, but that’s all it is—circumstantial. He doesn’t have anything real.”
“Dammit, Riley! You’d better start taking this seriously before you end up in jail.”
Riley responded to Shane’s outburst with a nervous chuckle. “How can I possibly take it seriously when it’s so ludicrous? He’s just blowing smoke. He doesn’t have any hard evidence.”
Shane scowled at him. “We’ll see if you’re still laughing when Link shows up at your door with a warrant for your arrest.” Shane firmly believed Riley would never be arrested, certainly not on a few pieces of flimsy circumstantial evidence, but he felt compelled to try to drive home once again the seriousness of the matter. He raised his voice. “You’ve got to treat this with more respect!”
Shane’s angry voice carried upstairs, but Cynthia could not make out the words. Whatever he and Riley were arguing about, it couldn’t involve her. If she was lucky, it might even divert Shane’s attention away from her—and Bobby. She started to go to the kitchen to get a glass of iced tea, then decided to wait as she tried to determine whether Shane and Riley were still involved in a heated discussion. After five minutes of not hearing any angry voices, she cautiously ventured down the stairs.
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