by M. E. Carter
Santos’s jaw tightens, and I can see his knuckles turning white as he grips the steering wheel.
“Is it a problem taking you there?” I ask. “I think you’ll like it.”
“No. Going there is not the problem.” He grimaces. “I just don’t like the thought of you going on a date.”
“Santos, if we’re going to try building a different relationship, we have to be honest from the get-go. I’m being honest here. I went on a date. Big deal. But I found a restaurant I like, and I’d like to share that with you.”
He takes a deep breath and his knuckles start to return to a normal color. “I know. And I appreciate your honesty. The idea of another man kissing you, or touching you, or...” he swallows, “… or making love to you. I just have to not think about those things. I don’t have a right to be angry or anything. I just have to pretend they didn’t happen.”
“They didn’t happen, Santos.”
He glances over at me a few times while trying to keep his eyes on the road. “Um, what parts?”
“Well, there was a little kissing. But that’s it. No touching. No making love.”
We sit in silence for a few minutes. It’s not uncomfortable at all. It’s Santos trying to figure out what he’s thinking and how to put it into words, and I’m ok with letting him sit quietly to do it.
“I’ll admit, I’m relieved to hear that no one has ever had their hands on you except for me. But I’m also a little surprised. I don’t think you realize exactly how desirable you are.”
I bite my lip and try not to smile as big as I want to. Hearing Santos say that fills me with so much joy. Instead, I point to the parking lot of the restaurant. “Turn right here.”
When we step into Akashi, I watch out of the corner of my eye to see what he thinks of my new favorite eatery. He seems impressed with the ambiance and also with the menu.
“This is a really neat place, Mari,” he remarks when we’re seated and he’s glancing over his choices. “I’m glad you brought me here. I’ve always wanted to try sake.”
“It didn’t really sit well with me last time. I think I’ll just have a regular old glass of wine.”
“You can always sip off mine if you decide sushi goes better with it.”
“I might do that.” We peruse our menus a little more and I point out the ones I’ve enjoyed so far. We finally decide on several rolls to share as well as some edamame to snack on while we wait. It’s relaxing and effortless, something our relationship wasn’t for a very long time.
The waiter finally delivers our drinks and disappears again to turn in our order, leaving us to more conversation.
“How was your study date today anyway?” I’m enjoying watching Santos get his teaching certification. He’s always been so good with kids, so this new career choice isn’t a surprise to me at all. His reaction to my question, however, does.
“Not well.” My interest is piqued, and I find my gut telling me something is wrong.
“I thought you guys were getting along.”
“We were. Until she hit on me today.”
My body stiffens and I sit up straight. I can hardly breathe. The memories of his previous betrayals assault me, and I can’t seem to stop them.
“Mari, look at me,” I hear him say through the fog I seem to have fallen into. He grabs my hand. “Mariana, I already went to my professor and asked to be assigned to another study partner.”
“What?” The fog starts to lift enough to hear what he’s saying.
“I didn’t appreciate her proposition, so I went to my professor and asked to be reassigned to another partner.”
“What… what did she say?”
He continues to rub my hand gently with his thumb. “She said she didn’t like doing it. That the whole point of it was to learn how to get along with a teaching partner. So I explained a little bit about what happened and she agreed to reassign me. Said that I did the right thing telling her, because in a school environment the first person I should tell is my principal to keep something like this from getting out of hand.”
I nod, still shocked by this turn of events. “So who is your new partner?”
“Her name is Jerry.”
“Her?”
“Her. She’s fifty-seven years old and has always wanted to be a teacher but just never did it. Her husband died unexpectedly last year so she figured now was a good time. And her original study buddy had to drop out of the program for some reason, so it worked out well for both of us.”
I lean my elbows on the table and rub my temples, squeezing my eyes shut and trying to get my emotions under control.
“I’m sorry I’m reacting this way,” I say as I squeeze my eyes shut. “You just threw me for a loop. I wasn’t expecting that.”
“I know. And I hate the memories it brought up for you. But I swore to you I would be honest. Total transparency. I’ll answer any question you have.”
I blink the tears back from my eyes. I have so many questions that I want the answers to. But do I really? Do I want to know? I can’t help but ask even though I know it’s not a good idea.
“Do you think she’s pretty?”
“Yes,” he says without emotion.
“How pretty?”
He shrugs. “I think that’s probably subjective. But if it helps, she’s twenty-five and has long dark hair. Works out a lot, I guess.”
“Nice rack?” I know it’s unfair to challenge him like this. I’m not sure I really want to know if he’s noticed something like that, but in this moment, I’m struggling to not be angry again. I need to know he’s going to be honest and truthful and faithful all at the same time.
“Yes,” he whispers, a look of shame crossing his face and dammit, if that doesn’t make me feel a twinge of guilt for asking.
I nod and look away, trying to grasp my thoughts. I can’t tell if I’m upset someone hit on him, upset he thought she was pretty, or happy he told me. Maybe a mixture of all three. It’s an odd feeling.
I finally work up the nerve to ask the one question that haunts me. “Did you think about it? About going ahead and doing it? I mean, how close did you get?”
He scratches at his jaw, and I know I’ve made him uncomfortable. He doesn’t want to hurt me with his honesty, but he knows I’ll be hurt by dishonesty, too. He’s in a no-win situation caused by this little bitch and he knows it.
“I started to.” I wince and he leans forward. “Wait. Just wait and listen.” I look up and hold my breath. When he sees that I’m waiting like he asked, he continues. “My version of a drug was sitting right in front of me, being offered up on a silver platter, so yes, my thoughts started going there. But as soon as I realized what was happening, I shut them down.
“Mari,” he leans in again, “I told her no. Told her I was exclusively dating someone, and when that wasn’t good enough for her, I walked out and went straight to my professor to get out of the situation permanently.”
He rubs his hands through his hair and I know he’s nervous that I don’t believe him. Or that his answer isn’t good enough.
“But did I get close to actually doing it? No. Not at all. And it may sound bad, but I am so grateful I was put in this situation today because for the first time ever, I saw it coming. I saw the temptation coming so I was prepared and knew exactly how to get out of the situation.” He smiles proudly. “I left soccer because situations like these are constant and I am not good enough at fighting it yet. But leaving soccer never meant I wouldn’t be tempted again. I knew that from the beginning. But today, I was put to the test for the very first time and I passed. I passed, Mari.”
He pleads with me with his eyes to believe him and be happy for him. All my anger fades away, so I grab his hand to reassure him.
“I’m so proud of you,” I say through tears that are threatening to fall. “And you’re right. This is not the last time we’ll face this and to know that you were able to protect yourself, protect us this time…” I can’t finish my sentence kno
wing if I do, I’ll cry. He squeezes my hand harder and I see the same emotion on his face.
Of course our waiter returns at that moment to deliver our food. The intrusion isn’t necessarily welcome, but it does give me a chance to discreetly wipe my eyes and take a breath.
Before I can get my soy sauce ready, Santos hands me his phone. “Here. I haven’t talked to her since I walked out of the room. I haven’t even responded to these texts. But I want you to see that there is no remaining temptation. She is crazy.”
I scroll through his texts, and sure enough, they get more and more aggressive the longer he doesn’t respond.
Santos, this was no big deal. You don’t have to be reassigned.
Seriously. I’m sorry. I just like sex, that’s all. I didn’t realize it was that big of a deal.
Don’t be an asshole, Santos. We can still work together. I promise it won’t happen again.
Does your girlfriend always drag you around by your balls like this?
You know what? Fuck you, dude. Don’t ever contact me again.
“Wow.” I read over them a second time. Five messages in thirty minutes from her. Not one response from him. “She’s a bit cuckoo isn’t she?”
“And she wants to be a kindergarten teacher.”
“I guess you have to be a little bonkers to want to wrangle around twenty five-year-olds all day long.”
I smile at him and his shoulders relax. “You ok?” he asks.
I nod. “I’m ok.”
“I promised you transparency.”
“You did. And I’m really glad you followed through with that promise.”
“Good. I would hate for you to lose your appetite with all this fattening raw fish to eat,” he teases.
I dip my first bite in my soy sauce and pop it in my mouth, all while smiling at him.
He was honest with me, maybe more so than he’s ever been. And I faced it head on, way more than I ever have before.
This isn’t the last time we’ll face something like this, but we just proved to each other and ourselves that we can conquer it. And that feels good.
I drop the last of the boxes in the kitchen. At least, I think it’s the last of the boxes. There may be more hidden somewhere, but at this point, I’m not asking.
Putting my hands on my hips to help regulate my breathing, I look around the room. When Mari said this place was perfect for her and the kids, she wasn’t kidding. Just standing here, I can imagine her chopping vegetables on the black and white granite island while looking on as the kids play in the den area.
The kids race into the room and jump up and down around me. “Can we play outside, Daddy? Can we, please? Can we go swing?”
“Ok, ok, you can go outside,” I laugh and try to get to the back door through the gaggle and arms and legs surrounding me. “But be careful with the swings. Don’t go too high and watch out that your brother doesn’t stand in front of you while you’re swinging.”
The chorus of “Yays” sound as I open the door, and just as quickly as they ran in, they all run out.
“You think they’ll be ok out there?” Mari questions as she carries a smaller box into the room and drops it on the island. “It’s ninety-six degrees today.”
“I’m sure they’ll be fine. I don’t think they’ll last longer than ten minutes, but they’ll be fine for those ten minutes.”
We unpack dishes and silverware, me asking for guidance when I’m not sure where she wants something.
“You did a great job picking this house, Mari. I think I like it better than the last one.”
She smiles over her shoulder as she puts a stack of dishes in the cabinet. “I think I did, too. I knew almost immediately when I walked in. It just felt like home, ya know?”
“I do. And I’m thrilled you got to move in so quickly.”
“I think it helped that we went ahead and set a closing date for next week. I still can’t believe we’re paying for it with cash. And the swing set? You really outdid yourself, Santos. Christmas is going to be a big disappointment after that.”
I look out at the kids playing. Theo is on his tummy on one of the swings. He keeps lifting his feet, trying to figure out how to get it to work. Got to admire his tenacity. They’ve been out there for a few minutes and he hasn’t given up yet.
Lina is doing her best to climb up the rock wall to the fort at the top. Part of me worries about her climbing without a spotter, but she’s shaping up to be the athletic one of the bunch. Sure enough, she makes it to the platform with no problem.
And Myra, she’s swinging as high as she can, singing the latest Disney theme song.
“The neighbors are gonna love that,” I say with a laugh.
“The noise?” Mari asks. “I know. Fortunately both sides have kids in elementary school, maybe a middle schooler, so they’re used to the noise.”
“It’s fun seeing them so happy and free, ya know?”
“I know.” She comes to stand beside me, and we watch them out the window together. “I think we made a lot of mistakes in our marriage and divorce. But the one thing we really did right was to keep their well-being first. I know it was hard on them in the beginning. But somehow, someway, we did something right when we pushed through all the hurt. Not just for us, but for them.”
I put my arm around her and pull her close, kissing the top of her head. “That was all you, Mari. All you.”
She puts her arms around me and squeezes me into a tight hug, and we just stand there, holding each other as we watch the kids. Who are suddenly racing back into the house.
“How do they always do that at the same time?” I ask. “Are they like a herd? When one bolts, they all do?”
Mari giggles and opens the door so they can come barreling in.
“Mommy, we’re thirsty.” “Can we have a dwink?” “Juice, Mama.” Basically, they’re all saying the same thing. Summer in Houston has struck again.
“Ok, ok, ok,” she blurts out, putting her hands out to stop them, which isn’t working at all. “If you want a drink, sit down on the stools and I’ll get you one.
Like the herd they apparently are, they all scramble up on a bar stool, chattering and giggling the whole time. I look through boxes, but have no idea where the cups are.
“Mari, where are all the cups?”
“I put them in that small box,” she replies, as she pulls the juice out of the fridge. “The one on the island.”
Sure enough, she did like she always does and she thought ahead. The box has five cups, five plates, five spoons, five forks and two knives in it, as well as a pan, and pot and some napkins. Just enough for us to tackle whatever boxes we want and still be able to feed everyone.
Everyone including me.
I look up at her as I pass her the cups. She gives me a quizzical look, so I know the emotion of the moment must show on my face. I feel like I’m the only one who understands why this feels so monumental to me, which is okay. I don’t need to explain. Just pull out the supplies so they’re ready to go.
“I have news,” I blurt out. I’ve been sitting on this information all day and feel like now is finally the time to share it.
“Yeah? Good news?”
“Oh no! Mama!” Theo yells when he spills his drink. Mari immediately picks up a washcloth and cleans it up, pours him some more juice and gets him resettled before I can even react. It’s impressive.
“Sorry,” she says. “Continue. This is good news, right?”
“I think so.” I put my forearms on the counter and clasp may hands. “I got a call from my professor this morning. They’ve officially placed me at a school for my student teaching.”
Her eyes light up and her jaw drops open in delight. “Yeah? Is it a good school?”
“It depends on what you mean by good.”
“What does that mean?”
“Because my ultimate goal is coaching, I’ll be doing sort of a dual program working with the soccer coaches half the time and an eighth-grade math tea
cher the rest of the time.”
“Santos, that’s great! I know they don’t normally do that, so that’s fantastic!” Seeing her excited for me makes me want to puff out my chest. I haven’t seen her like this since I got signed with my first team. Who knew she’d be that excited for me when I changed careers?
Actually, that’s not right. I should have known. Because Mari has never loved me for soccer. She’s always loved me for me, and soccer just came with it. I watch as she continues working with our kids, a smile on her face the whole time, and once again, it hits me how in love with her I am. She’s never been anything less than perfect to me.
Moving swiftly around the island, I grab her by the arms and spin her around. She squeals, but I crush her to me and kiss her deeply. Her lips are as soft as I remember and soon, they part so I can push my tongue inside. She tastes different, and yet exactly the same, which seems symbolic of our relationship somehow. I barely register the girls giggling as we make out. I’m too busy enjoying this moment before it’s over.
All too soon, the kiss winds down and Mari pulls away enough that our foreheads are still touching and we’re breathing heavily.
“What was that for?” she whispers.
“I’m so in love with you, I just couldn’t help it,” I say, keeping my eyes closed so the moment isn’t broken. “You don’t have to say anything. I just needed to show you.”
Slowly, I open my eyes and back away from her, holding her steady until she regains her balance. I go back to where I was standing before and lean against the counter again like nothing happened.
“So anyway,” she smirks at me for trying to go back to the previous moment. There’s no way to pretend I didn’t just maul her in her new kitchen in front of the kids. “They placed me at Timberlake Middle School.”
Her jaw drops open again. “The Timberlake Middle School down the street?”
I nod.
“The Timberlake Middle School the kids will be zoned to when they go to middle school?”
I nod again. “The Timberlake Middle School where the current soccer coach has already put in his plans to retire after this coming school year, which is part of why they’re letting me do the dual classes.”
