Midwife in a Million

by Fiona McArthur

  He could feel himself frown. ‘You’re telling me she’s not in pain?’

  To his surprise, there was even a smile in her voice. ‘Oh, it hurts all right. I’m telling you she’s not scared of the pain. So don’t feel you’re failing her by not taking it away. Her own body is dealing with the pain by releasing endorphins. If it was overwhelming her it would be different. Okay?’

  ‘Okay.’ He didn’t understand but he had to believe Kate. And, now he thought about it, Lucy didn’t sound frantic or in a panic. She sounded almost drugged already. ‘Thanks, Kate. It was bothering me she was upset.’

  He felt her hand lightly on his shoulder and then she was gone. He only just heard her quiet, ‘Thought so,’ as she sat back down again next to Lucy.

  The rest of the drive didn’t seem as bad. Rory sighed once to relieve the tension in his shoulders and focused his concentration on the conditions.

  Soon he barely heard Lucy because the road was half covered by water in places and it was his job to get them to the station without mishap.

  Finally the lights of the homestead could be seen on the hill ahead. Lucy had become more agitated in the last five minutes and Rory had begun to doubt Kate’s pain theory.

  ‘Stop here, Rory!’ That quiet yet immediate voice again from Kate.

  Rory pulled over and by the time he stopped he could hear the sound he’d heard twice before in the back of an ambulance—the sound of a mother easing her child out into the world. And he could hear Kate’s voice as he climbed through.

  ‘Beautiful, Lucy. Nice and slow. Just breathe your baby out with the pains and relax between.’

  ‘What do you need?’ Rory whispered as he looked around, but it seemed Kate had everything ready.

  ‘Just that towel when I ask for it. We’ll dry baby before laying him or her on Lucy’s skin, and if you check Lucy’s BP as soon as it’s over that would be great.’

  ‘Baby on her skin?’

  Kate’s voice was barely audible and he had the feeling she didn’t want to distract Lucy from her thoughts. ‘Lucy’s a natural born heater. Best place for a newborn is on mother’s chest.’

  He’d been thinking airways and resuscitation. Wrapping in space blankets. Apparently, that was out too for newborns. He leant over and spoke into Kate’s ear. ‘Breathing-wise?’

  Kate shook her head and frowned but she glanced at the neonatal bag and mask she had ready. ‘The heart rate is great. There’s no reason to think baby won’t be fine. You always give them thirty seconds if the heart rate’s good before you interfere. If smaller than I expect, I’ll wrap his or her body up without drying in that roll of cling wrap there, and then onto Lucy’s skin to keep warm. Just dry the head and pop that little cap on.’

  ‘Cling wrap? Plastic sandwich wrap?’

  He saw the flash of her teeth. ‘Neat, eh? Little babies get really cold from draughts and thin plastic wrap keeps air off wet skin. When the team arrives, if they want to access an arm or leg they just make a hole in the wrap for that part of the body. Keeps baby insulated.’

  ‘We have all the mod cons in this ambulance.’

  ‘Actually, I brought it with me but feel free to add it to your list when you go back.’

  When you go back! The words were like a bucket of ice over the warmth he’d been feeling as he shared this moment with Kate and Lucy. He shook the thought off but some of the excitement had been diluted by reality.

  ‘It’s coming,’ Lucy said on an exhaled breath and Rory stopped talking. He saw Lucy’s hand clenching on the sheet and he slipped his hand over hers. She grabbed his fingers gratefully and he cursed himself for not thinking of it sooner.

  ‘You’re doing a great job, Lucy,’ he whispered in her ear and squeezed her hand back gently.

  Kate was down the business end. ‘Here comes baby, Lucy. Nice and slow.’ There was a pause and then the rest of the head appeared, then, strangely, baby’s face turned as if to look the other way. Rory looked up at Kate with a question.

  ‘Restitution,’ she said quietly. ‘Untwisting of the neck that happens as the head is born. Baby’s head is lining back up with the shoulders.’

  Then, gracefully, one pale shoulder appeared and seemed to take a dive towards the bed and then the other was out and in a rush it was all over as hips and knees and feet all tumbled into Kate’s waiting hands. Kate held up the baby so Lucy could see the sex of her baby.

  They all waited for the first indrawn breath or cry. The little girl lay limp and still like a stunned fish in Kate’s hands, dark blue eyes wide open in a tiny unmoving face—no cry, no breath.

  Kate froze. Time stopped. Her breath jammed and her heart dived sickeningly in her chest to beat one slow beat after another. It was as if she’d fallen, unsuspecting, into a freezing black shaft filled with ghouls. Down and down and down into a bottomless hell. The seconds ticked with aching slowness as the shock battered her. Dead like her baby! Lucy’s baby couldn’t be…

  ‘Kate?’ Rory’s voice shocked her back to the real world and she looked at him and then shook her head to rid it of the panic. The world sped up.

  ‘I’m sorry.’ She sucked in a breath. Lucy’s baby would be fine. It was just blue and stunned. ‘Towel,’ she said to Rory. She even sounded calm as she rubbed the flaccid baby until it began to gasp and flex in protest.

  Oblivious to those seconds of Kate’s frozen moment of horror, Lucy reached down to touch her baby. ‘A little girl.’ Tears ran down Lucy’s face. ‘A shame my mum wasn’t here to see.’ Then she reached for her daughter and Kate passed the towel back to Rory and slipped the little girl up to her mother.

  ‘There you go, Lucy.’ Lucy closed her arms over Missy.

  Kate looked at Rory and their eyes met over the new mother and her baby. She could tell Rory was euphoric at the birth, and the fact that he’d shared it with her. She just needed a hug.

  She didn’t even want to think about what might have happened if he hadn’t been here. How long would she have stayed frozen?

  ‘This is the needle I spoke about to help separate the placenta, Lucy.’ Kate slid the needle in Lucy’s thigh but Lucy didn’t seem to notice, then Rory watched Kate clamp and cut the cord.

  He wanted to hug Kate. All these things she had to remember. He murmured a saying he’d once heard. ‘The midwife, methodical through the beginning of life.’

  Rory was back in that warm place of sharing; his throat felt tight from emotion and he looked at Kate and then Lucy with wonder, and maybe even a tear in his eye. ‘You are amazing, Lucy. Congratulations on your beautiful daughter.’ He pumped the blood pressure cuff up as he spoke.

  ‘Thank you.’ Lucy smiled up at him shyly. ‘And thanks for holding my hand.’

  ‘My privilege.’ Rory watched the meter as he let the cuff down and winced at the height of Lucy’s blood pressure. ‘One eighty on one ten.’ He shifted back out of the way.

  Kate nodded and tucked the blankets around mother and baby so that Kate’s daughter was chest to chest with her mother’s skin and her little head was bonneted and turned to face Kate. ‘I expected that. I’ll give another dose of Hydralazine now the placenta is delivered.’ She smiled a wooden smile at Lucy. ‘The good news is your daughter looks great. She’s tiny, probably about four pounds, but perfect. She was just a little stunned at birth and will be looking for a real feed because she’s smaller than she should be. I think she’s not too prem, just very hungry from the placenta shutting down. See, her ears are perfectly formed.’

  Kate took the Hydralazine from Rory and slowly injected it into Lucy’s second drip line.

  When she’d finished, Rory gave her the saline flush to clear the line, then said, ‘I’ll get us up to the house,’ and he crawled back through to the front of the vehicle.

  Within seconds they were making their way up the driveway. All the lights were on and the door flew open as they arrived.

  The next half hour blurred as Lucy was transferred from the vehicle to a comfortable bed. Mr
s McRoberts had been a theatre sister before her marriage and she insisted that Kate and Rory relax after their adventures for ‘five minutes at least’ with a cup of tea while she watched Lucy and her baby.

  It had been a stressful couple of hours and Rory was happy to take advantage of the offer. He wasn’t sure about Kate, who was circling the table as if she couldn’t bear to sit down. She stopped with her back to him and faced the paddocks.

  Rory hesitated and then crossed to stand behind her. When he touched her shoulder she flinched so violently his hand flew up in the air. ‘Hey,’ he said and deliberately put both his hands firmly onto her shoulders and eased her back against his body. ‘Take a couple of those deep breaths you keep recommending everyone else takes.’

  To his relief, she did, her shoulders rising and falling beneath his hands. After an initial stiffness, she relaxed enough to lean into him a little, then inexplicably she pulled away and sat down. Rory let his hands fall through the empty air and turned to look at her where she sat.

  He didn’t get this woman at all—which would be fine if it didn’t feel as if he’d just been kicked in the gut every time she shut him out—so he shrugged and sat down himself.

  When she spoke it was as if nothing had happened between them and Rory decided to drink his tea. He had to find a way to stop her messing with his head.

  ‘Apparently, after the storm left here it seems to have headed Jabiru way,’ she said. ‘No chance they’ll have planes landing on the strip there.’ The way she avoided his eyes and spoke reminded him of this morning, before they’d left, and he felt as if he were riding a roller coaster of emotions. One minute she was fine, the next she’d retreated so far he could barely see the real Kate.

  She poured more tea and then glanced at her watch. ‘Mrs McRoberts said the plane’s only half an hour away from here. We can head back after that.’

  Something was going on and he had no idea where her thoughts were. He watched her face. ‘So you’re not going to go with Lucy to Derby?’

  She shook her head. ‘No. She’s had her baby now, and they’re both fine.’ She shut her mouth with a snap and he almost missed the moment when she started to shake with reaction. The shudders grew until her whole body shook the chair. Almost like Lucy’s fit, only with such anguish on her face he could no more not go to her than not breathe.

  Rory pushed his chair out and dropped to the ground to kneel beside her chair. He pulled her head down onto his chest and held her. ‘It’s okay, baby. Everything’s fine. You did wonderfully.’

  She stared straight through him and for a moment a horrifying feeling hit him that he’d lost her to some place he couldn’t go.

  ‘Kate? Honey? You okay?’ She didn’t move and he tilted her chin and looked into her face. Eyes tightly shut, she leaned into him and her arms crept round his chest, drawing comfort as if she couldn’t help herself. They sat like that, him rocking her, for what seemed to Rory like forever.

  After a few minutes she sighed and sucked in a shuddering breath before she rested her forehead against his chest. When she leaned back her eyes opened and she blinked at him. She glanced away and then back. ‘I’m sorry. I don’t know why I did that. Thank you.’

  He smiled and brushed her cheek with his finger before he sat back on his heels. Ignored her deliberate distance as if it wasn’t there. ‘You’re welcome. It’s been a pretty big day.’ He brushed the hair away from her eyes so he could see her face. ‘You okay now?’

  She drew another erratic breath. ‘When the baby was born…’ Kate shook her head at the memory. ‘I had a brain freeze. I thought the baby was going to die. I’ve never done anything like that before in my life.’

  He stroked her hair. ‘I didn’t see that. It must have been quick because we didn’t notice. I thought you were just waiting for the baby to breathe by herself. It was only seconds until you dried her.’

  She frowned. ‘I shouldn’t be here. It’s all been too much.’

  ‘You’ve had a lot of responsibility with Lucy.’

  ‘Not just Lucy.’ She shook her head again. ‘My father, you coming back…’ she paused ‘…and the past.’ She shook her head. ‘I don’t want to talk about it. I can’t.’ He watched her emotions shut off from him like a roller door closing until there was nothing. No connection at all.

  The last thing he wanted to do was upset her again. ‘Fine.’ He stood up and moved back to his chair as if he’d done something mundane like picking a napkin off the floor. He moved the topic on to what he hoped was safer ground. ‘So Lucy will go on from here without us?’

  He watched Kate sit back in her chair and compose herself more. She took a sip of tea, a couple of breaths and even offered a false smile before she nodded. ‘The flight nurses are excellent and her aunt’s at the other end. Her aunt will stay with her until Mary can come. I need to get back to town and eventually back to Jabiru Station and my father.’

  Rory didn’t want to think about Kate’s father, what the man had done to his parents, and his own issues with him. Or what he’d done to Kate to have her wound up like this. The return part of the trip would be hard going enough without broaching the subject of Lyle Onslow. Not yet. Maybe never.

  He scouted for a safer topic. ‘Lucy’s daughter is a cute baby. Missy’s a cute name. What do you reckon she weighs?’

  Kate looked away towards the room where Lucy lay cosseted by Mrs McRoberts and she smiled for real this time. ‘Nearly four and a half pounds on the kitchen scales. She looks almost term, good creases on her feet and hands. So her tiny size is because she’s been having it harsh in there with Lucy’s blood pressure. Hypertension plays havoc with transfer of food and oxygen from the placenta. Our baby’s got a bit of catch-up feeding to do.’

  The expression made him smile. ‘Our baby. I like the sound of that.’ Rory repeated the words without thinking but he was unprepared for the absolute devastation in Kate’s face.

  He could only blink in disbelief as Kate pushed her chair out and turned away. ‘I’ve got to go.’

  ‘Kate? What’s wrong?’

  ‘Nothing. Leave it.’ He could hear the anguish in her voice and Rory felt the waves of despair radiating from her as she put her hand up to ward off any questions. She hurried away to Lucy and he stood and stared after her as his brain tried scenarios to explain what had just happened.

  He looked back at the table with the two half-finished cups and he shook his head. His eyes narrowed. He didn’t understand but he would. Later, when the plane had gone.

  He picked up the cups and headed through to the kitchen to thank the housekeeper. The rain had stopped. He’d tidy the truck and refuel and when the RFDS arrived he and Kate would run Lucy out to the airstrip and say goodbye. Then all this would be settled.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  THIS was exactly why she’d known seeing Rory was a bad idea. Not once since that dreadful morning when they’d said her child had died had she spoken about her loss.

  Ten years ago she’d been confused, isolated from anyone she knew and told to pretend it had all been a bad dream. She’d spent the next six weeks physically healing and mentally bricking up what had happened behind an impenetrable barrier.

  Until Rory. The one person she couldn’t hide from.

  How was she going to get through the return trip? He was going to ask, in that caring, genuine way of his, about something he more than anyone had the right to ask. Did she have the right not to tell him?

  Kate felt like throwing herself off the veranda and running into the hills so that Rory wouldn’t find her but of course she couldn’t. No wonder she’d decided emotions were better left out of the equation and her life.

  The time for her to be alone with Rory drew closer and the tension inside her built until she was sure she’d explode. Finally, Rory and Kate stood together beside the truck out on the dirt airstrip. They waved to Lucy as she was loaded onto the small aircraft with her baby for the flight.

  Her eyes slid sideways as Rory shad
ed his eyes to watch the door close. Shame Rory hadn’t taken that plane back to Derby, Kate thought. Then she wouldn’t have to go through this. ‘You should have gone with them, Rory. You could have made connections and been in Perth tonight.’

  They watched the RFDS taxi off down the runway under the heavy sky and Kate chewed her lip as she wished she’d decided to go with Lucy.

  ‘That would defeat the purpose of my trip.’ Rory looked at her. ‘Wouldn’t it?’ He frowned. ‘Have you forgotten why I’m here?’

  As if she could. ‘I’m quite able to drive the truck back myself.’

  Rory examined her lovely but stubborn profile as she watched the plane. ‘I’m sure you could manage the truck beautifully. But it’s not happening.’ He turned away. ‘It’s later than we anticipated. Do you want to stay here the night or leave now?’

  His gut instinct said to stay the night here and not risk the trip back to Jabiru on the slim off chance they’d get through but he knew Kate wanted to get home. Either way, he planned to get her alone and find out what it was that had changed her from the young woman he’d left behind ten years ago.

  Still she didn’t look at him. ‘My patient’s gone. I’d prefer to leave now but it’s your call.’

  He sighed. ‘It’s after four. It would be very late if we did make Jabiru tonight. But if we leave tomorrow to cross the larger rivers there’s less chance the crossings will be passable at all.’

  ‘Then leave now.’ Still that monotone from Kate that had him frowning down at her.

  ‘I think we should freshen up as long as we’re quick. They’ve offered late lunch and a hamper for the road. It seems sensible to take advantage of the hospitality.’

  ‘You can’t do both, Rory. Make up your mind.’

  ‘Sure we can. We’ll eat quick and I’ve already fuelled the truck.’

  Kate looked through him. ‘You’ve decided, then. Why ask me?’

  He shook his head. Women. She’d changed since that incident earlier. Her face looked drawn and closed and he could barely picture her smiling in the back of the truck during the drive.