“So don’t,” Jess said with a shrug. “You’ve had a crush on her for a long time, Ash. It hasn’t gotten in the way of your work before. Why would it now?”
“Because now I know,” he said, taking a swallow before looking at Jess. “That kiss was awesome. Before I just hoped we would have chemistry, but now I know we do… just like I know Grace has every intention of walking away from it. Whatever we have, she doesn’t want it.”
“That sucks,” Jess said before reaching over to give his hand a squeeze.
Ash gave her hand a friendly squeeze back. “It physically hurts to be near her now. That’s the difference.”
For a moment the two of them sat side-by-side, watching sprinklers do their thing.
“Do you want advice?” Jess asked after a while.
Ash shrugged. “Never hurts.”
“Play the same game she’s playing.”
“Which is?”
“For this last week, put the issues first, your listeners second, and Grace at a polite arm’s distance.”
“Huh,” Ash said, considering that. “You don’t think I do that now?”
“Not at all,” Jess chuckled. “You always keep the focus on Grace first while delivering what you say in a way that will spark with your audience. As a result, you rarely share your real thoughts on most issues. You’re always angling for a reaction from Grace or your listeners.”
Ash blinked a couple times as he considered that. “Whoa. You’re kind of right, aren’t you?”
“I’m totally right,” Jess agreed. “And I’m not saying you’ve done anything wrong. I’m just saying that I think the reason Grace was able to go back to business as usual today is because she didn’t have to do anything different than she’s always done. You, on the other hand, were doing what you usually do and thinking about what Grace and your listeners were thinking—as you do—and it threw you off your game.”
Huh. Interesting. “And remind me what Grace does instead?”
“Issue comes first,” Jess said, ticking the points off on her fingers. “Audience comes second. Polite, professional distance with you comes third.”
“So you’re saying I should stop trying to impress her.”
“Definitely,” Jess said, swirling the remaining liquid in her bottle. “You have nothing to prove to Grace, Ash. You invited her in, and she opted to stay out, so let her be outside. Stop mentioning her. Stop using ‘we’ language. Stop flirting. Stop giving her long bouts of eye contact across that table. She ices you out with kindness, so make it a game. How nice can your ice be? Nicer than hers?”
“Of course it can,” he said. “There isn’t a day of the week when I can’t pull off being nice better than she can.”
Jess arched a brow his way. “Even today? You were pretty cold today, man.”
“You were listening?”
She grinned. “I think every woman who saw that kiss was listening to hear how you two would play it out.”
“And?”
Jess took a drink as she debated her answer. “Honestly, I give you points for frankness, but Grace definitely beat you out in the area of professionalism.”
Ash knew Jess was right, but he didn’t say anything.
“You were icy today,” she added. “It made you look pouty, which is total low-note material.” Jess gave him a playful nudge with her shoulder. “Remember, Ash, ice doesn’t have to be cold. You’ve dated enough to know that. A good icing-out can appear warm—even hot. The trick of it is putting Grace’s thoughts and needs last, just like she’s asking you to. Say anything you want during your last five shows. Say all the things you’ve wanted to say and treat her like a dude. Respect her, but just pretend that it’s Brad or Abe sitting across from you.”
Ash felt the first twitch of his frown turning upside-down. “Jess, as always, that’s kind of brilliant.”
She tapped her finger to her head. “When it comes to head games, I’m no slouch.”
“Heaven help Abe,” Ash laughed and Jess smiled.
“Whatever. He’s crazy lucky to have me.”
“Agreed,” Ash said, draping his arm around Jess to give her a side hug. She leaned in and rested her head on his shoulder.
“You should take a picture of this moment and post it,” Jess said after a moment. “It’ll piss Grace off.”
Ash sent her a look. “A picture of me with my friend’s girlfriend?”
Jess’s grin turned mischievous. “Grace doesn’t know that. And Abe totally won’t care so long as you stop moping out here and get in there and play drums on Panic Attack. You’re the only person he knows who can get through it.”
“Fine,” Ash said, pulling out his phone and opening the camera.
He took a couple of shots before letting Jess pick the one she liked the most. Ash typed in: This weekend just took a turn for the better and held it out for Jess’s inspection. “This work?”
She nodded, grinning as she stood. “That works. Now let’s get back inside. I can hear the drums calling you from here.”
“Yes, ma’am,” Ash said, and followed her into the house.
Monday
How could you look at someone without looking at them? Grace had been trying to figure out how to pull that particular trick off all day. After an undignified number of hours stalking #Fossy on social media—which happened to be a mix of the words foxy and bossy… oh, and guess who got to be “bossy”?—Grace wasn’t sure she could look Ash in the eye without blushing.
Oh, Tumblr. Dangerous, dangerous Tumblr.
There had been hundreds, if not thousands of entries for her to peruse over the weekend. Grace’s mind had its favorites in the moments it liked to replay. The current favorite was from Thursday night… that beat right before the onstage kiss when she’d asked Ash Is that what you’ll be doing? and Ash had replied, No before leaning in and kissing her.
The way Ash had looked at her as he uttered that single syllable… the way his mouth had curved up as his eyes had dropped to look at her lips… and the way he had leaned in with equal parts of eagerness and finesse.
Grace felt a few kicks her chest as her heart relived the rush she’d felt as their lips first connected. Her mouth seemed to have memorized the feel of Ash’s lips over hers and the small strip of skin that had been exposed from her midriff sparked to life where his hand had touched her waist.
Spending the weekend watching all the fan vids people had been making for the best part of the year had done a number on her state of mind. She hadn’t seen Ash all weekend, yet she’d spent the better part of the weekend on a marathon date with him and their greatest hits.
And. It. Had. Been. Awesome.
Seriously, best date ever! And her heart, mind, and body were reacting accordingly. The mere mention of Ash’s name had her breath catching and her eyes searching. The sight or scent of him had her body purring. And yet it was the thoughts that were the most dangerous. More than once that morning Grace had caught herself in a vacuum of time and space as she stared at something blank and replayed GIFs in her mind.
How in the world was she supposed to do a show with him that afternoon? And such a big show at that. What was she supposed to say? Hi, everyone. Super sad news: the show’s canceled. But if you happen to notice that I can’t stop smiling about it, just know it’s because I’m mentally macking on my coworker.
She needed a different approach and she needed it quickly.
Per usual, Grace showed up in the booth about fifteen minutes to show time and found herself alone in the studio with Frank on the other side of the glass. Feeling both relief and impatience at Ash’s absence, Grace started in on their pre-show checklist.
Sixty seconds before the play-in music started, Ash walked through the door and gave her a little head bob in greeting. “You ready for this?”
Don’t look at his lips, Grace reminded herself as she put a smile on her face. It felt plastic, but she hoped it looked normal.
“It’s going to be a fun one,”
she said. And while we’re talking, who was that pretty brunette in that picture you posted on Friday?
No. Grace wasn’t going to ask him about that. She’d promised herself.
Ash plopped down in his chair and pulled out his stress squeezer. “Your turn to open, right?”
Grace nodded, feeling a little silly when the only word that came out of her mouth was, “Yeah.”
But what else was she supposed to say? What could she say?
“Last commercial coming up,” Frank said over the speaker.
Grace sent him a thumbs up and busied herself with the equipment. There was nothing to do, really, but she could pretend if it meant not looking at Ash for the next thirty seconds.
He did look good, though. The same, really… but same-good. Then there was that scent that always followed him around. It wasn’t strong, but it always made its way to her. She could smell it that very moment, the aroma tickling her mind with more thoughts of Thursday.
When the play-in music started, Grace realized that she was staring at her computer monitor with her fingers hovering over the keys. She’d been planning on fake typing, but had apparently only made it half way. Mortified, she glanced at Ash to see if he had noticed.
He wasn’t even looking at her, which somehow made her feel even more ridiculous. She was putting on a show of indifference for a man that wasn’t even looking. Real dignified. She was the one who had to bring up that the show was canceled and all she could think to do was inhale deeply and resist the urge to lick her lips.
She should have accepted Ash’s offer to meet earlier and discuss how they would play today’s show. She’d declined the invite he’d sent to her via Outlook. His desk was across the room from hers. Ash could take the few steps it took to get to her if he really wanted to talk.
He hadn’t, but now Grace really wished he had. Or she had. Or someone had. Or something, because time was up. The play-in music was played out and it was time to roll.
“So it’s Monday here on Battle of the Sexes,” Grace said, putting a smile in her voice before realizing this wasn’t a smiley show. “But before we get into the show, Ash and I have some big news.”
Across the table, Ash leaned in and spoke into his mic. “And when you say ‘big,’ let’s be clear that this news falls into the Big Bummer category of news, not a Big Happy category.”
He’d caught her misstep. Crap.
“Yes,” Grace agreed quickly. “I should have been more specific about that. This definitely isn’t good news, but…” She couldn’t think of how to finish the sentence. Everything sounded too abrupt. “Wow, this is harder than I thought.”
“Breaking bad news?” Ash said. “Yeah. But drawing it out only generates anxiety. Best just to get to the point.”
“True,” Grace said, a little surprised at Ash’s objectivity. “You want to give it a shot?”
Ash gave a little nod and repositioned his mic as he moved into his Clooney voice. “Sure, but before I say this, I want to make it clear that Grace and I have had this news on our radar for a while. We’ve known it was a possibility for months, which is why you’ve seen giant billboard campaigns and other marketing gimmicks pushing you to tune in. Grace and I have been trying to prove that our fun local show is the best show to fill the hours between two and four each weekday afternoon, but the fact is that someone beat us out.” He let that settle in. “That means, this is the last week of the Battle of the Sexes before a new show takes over our slot, called Love 411. It’s a radio-advice show that is syndicated around the country. So while you may not have heard of Love 411 yet, you will. And based on their ratings, you’re going to love it.”
“So while you still have five more shows with us,” Grace added, “a week from today at this same time, you will be hearing your first episode of Love 411, rather than Battle of the Sexes.”
“But don’t worry that this change is putting Grace and me out of a job,” Ash said. “We still have our jobs. We’ll just be in different departments, arguing with different people.”
Ash smiled at her to jump in, which turned out to be a big mistake. Hours of watching #Fossy GIFs on Tumblr over the weekend jumped into Grace’s mind like popup ads the moment their eyes locked. She’d had something in mind to say, but it vaporized somewhere between her mind and her mouth.
“But it won’t be the same,” Ash filled in as Grace fought to close the popups. “I’m putting on a brave face right now, but I really am bummed.”
“Me, too,” Grace replied, happy not to drop the ball twice in a row. But did her voice sound strained to him? Because it sounded strained to her.
“I was thinking about the last week of shows over the weekend,” Ash said. “And I thought that it might be fun to change things up a bit. Like, maybe we could make it a week that’s all about taking calls and talking to as many people as possible. It could be an NHB week with our listeners.”
“NHB?” Grace asked.
“Sorry,” Ash said. “NHB is a fighting term for no holds barred. It means everything is on the table. For us, it would mean that nothing regarding the battles between the sexes is off the table—or at least that was my thought. I’m open to suggestions.”
“Sounds good to me,” Grace said, grateful for an excuse to turn to her computer. “But does that mean if no one calls in that we have nothing to talk about?”
“I don’t know,” Ash said, sending a flirtatious smile to the webcam. “I guess I imagined that enough people would call in for it not to be an issue.”
“You would think that,” Grace laughed over an irrational ping of jealousy, even as she noted that the phone lines were indeed lighting up. “But I’m game to give that a try. We can call it Fan Appreciation Week.”
“Or the girls can call it that,” Ash teased. “We guys will call it NHB Week.”
“Of course,” Grace agreed, feeling a little off balance. Usually Ash was so warm—even flirty. Last Friday he’d been cold and distant. Now he was his usual playful self minus all of the flirt. He looked at her, but his eyes weren’t warm. He was speaking to her, but it felt impersonal—like he would have said the same thing to anyone sitting in her chair.
It was better than how things were on Friday, true. But at the same time it didn’t feel right, either. It felt… shallow.
“So let’s give this format a try, shall we?” Ash was saying to their audience. “No holds barred, ladies and gentlemen. You can ask us anything, and we won’t waste time. We’ll start taking calls right now.”
Who was the woman in the photo you posted on Instagram over the weekend? It was the first question that popped into Grace’s mind, and she hoped that a fan of the show had the same question. Because the woman had been cute—one of those sun-kissed athletic women with blue eyes that seemed to glow with an inner light.
And Ash had been cozy with whoever she was the day after he’d kissed Grace.
Who did that? Grace couldn’t be the only one who found that post incredibly tacky. Apparently not, since their first call was a woman calling to see if Ash was really single.
Fully annoyed, Grace kept her mouth shut and let Ash handle the call. She had a feeling she was just getting her first taste of the rest of her week.
Tuesday
“Our next call is from Bev,” Ash said, punching in the line as Grace leaned back and let him take the lead. “I hear you’ve got a good one for us, Bev, so lay it out there.”
“Hi, Ash,” a female voice said in a nervous-happy tone. “First-time caller, but let me say how much I’ve enjoyed your show over the past couple of years and how much I’m going to miss it.”
“We’re going to miss you, too,” Ash said, sending a wave to the webcam. “But hopefully Grace and I can help you with your question. Lay it on us!”
Bev gave a nervous laugh. “Well, I guess since it’s your last week, you can really give it to us straight. You’ve always said that a lot of men don’t prefer skinny women, but if that’s so, why are those the women in all t
he magazines? If men don’t prefer that look, why does it sell the best?”
“Um, because women are the ones who buy magazines?” he offered.
“I’m being serious,” Bev said.
Ash sighed. “Would you believe me if I said I was too?”
“It’s a valid question,” Grace said, joining in the conversation. “In past episodes you’ve always said that men like all types of women, and yet I’ve only seen you date the type of woman Bev is talking about—the model on the cover of Maxim.” Like that girl in your Instagram photo.
Grace’s mind really wasn’t letting that picture go.
Ash shrugged helplessly. “I’m an active guy. Everything I do is outside and usually involves athletics, so that’s the kind of women I cross paths with. It doesn’t mean I don’t find other women attractive. It just means we’re not at the same place at the same time, and that we don’t enjoy doing the same things.”
Grace laughed. “You’re telling me that no full-figured women share your hobbies? Try again, Miller.”
Ash shook his head. “I learned long ago that there’s nothing I can say on this matter that women will believe, unless I’m repeating what fashion magazines say I should say.”
“Which is what?” Grace prompted.
Ashton let out a sigh. “That the bonier a woman is, the better. Right? Isn’t that what I’m supposed to say here?”
“Well, maybe not boney,” Grace said. “But women are often shown other women who are a Size 0 or a Size 2. Yet polling of men seems to claim that men choose Size 12 as ideal. Would you say that’s correct?”
Ash brought his lips up to his microphone, knowing it would cause some distortion as he said, “I. Like. Curves.” He leaned back a few inches and continued. “I don’t even have to think when it comes to the difference between sizes 2 and 12. I would choose 12 any day. Why is that so hard for women to believe?”
“Because it’s not what we see,” Grace said.
“Really?” Ash laughed. “When you go out on the street, you don’t see Size 12 women with rings on their fingers every day? Are you telling me that every woman over Size 2 is single and has no men hitting on her out in the real world?” He made a show of looking Grace up and down before adding. “I’m guessing you’re a Size 8, Grace. Are you telling me that no men hit on you?”
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