by Renea Porter
Tears sprung to my eyes. “I’m sorry. I ruined your party. You didn’t even get cake.”
August chuckled. “You didn’t ruin anything.” Inside the apartment, he guided me to my bedroom. “That was the best birthday I’ve ever had. Now let’s get you out of these clothes.”
I pointed to the dresser drawer. “Shorts and tanks in there.”
He grabbed a set and passed them to me, then he faced the wall so I could change.
“You can turn around now,” I said, pulling my tank down.
“Okay. Let’s get you under these blankets.” He lifted my legs and pulled the sheet over me. “I’ll grab you a damp washcloth and get you some soup.”
He left the room, and I took a deep breath as I slid farther under the sheets. I wanted to bury my head underneath so he wouldn’t have to see me sick. I was mortified that I was sick in front of him, and now he was here taking care of me instead of enjoying his party.
Coming back into the room, August placed the cool wash cloth on my forehead. It felt nice and cool, and then he slid it down my neck, holding it there for a few moments.
“You should go enjoy your party. I’ll be okay,” I waved off.
“Absolutely not. I’m not leaving you, Murphy. Now relax while I get the soup ready. Here’s your T.V remote.”
Leaving my door open, I heard him moving around the kitchen. I still felt horrible for ruining his party. Moments later, he came back with a tray holding the bowl of soup and a sleeve of crackers.
“Now, try to get some food down. The crackers should settle your stomach.” Sitting up, he placed the tray on my lap so I could eat. Carefully and slowly, I got the food down. When I was finished, August took the tray away. “Get some rest. I’ll be right out here if you need me.”
“Thank you.”
After sleeping for about an hour, my body jerked out of the bed as I rushed to the bathroom. The food hadn’t settled as I hoped it would. August flew in behind me, holding my golden locks in his hand. Once I was done, he had a wet cloth waiting for me.
I wiped my face while he steadied me with his hands on my waist. Setting the cloth down, August took my hand, and even in my sick state, his touch felt nice and safe. Back in my room, August straightened my bed sheets and helped me back in without a word. I didn’t even argue when he got in bed with me and pulled me close into his chest. I simply fell into him and closed my eyes.
***
The sun was shining through the window of my room. Opening my eyes, my head was on a hard surface. His chest. Oh god. He slept here all night. Carefully, I detached myself from his bare chest, but his eyes flashed open.
“How are you feeling?” he asked with a husky tone.
“I think I’m feeling better. Must have been a twenty four hour bug. Maybe I’ll eat some crackers and see how it goes.”
“Good idea.”
Thankfully, I was off work today so I could recuperate from the sickness. And August leaves at the end of the week. I was not sure how I felt about that yet. I was scared to let him go; scared it would wreck me. I was scared he never wanted more than this. Scared I did want more. But nothing in his body language told me otherwise, except our little dance in the bathroom the other day.
I managed to get some crackers down, and then there was a knock on the door. August was still in my bedroom when I answered the door. Gwen greeted me.
“I came by to see how you’re doing,” she said while coming inside.
“I’m better, thanks to August taking care of me.”
August waved from the bedroom. “Hi, Gwen.”
This would be the perfect moment for me to die of embarrassment.
Gwen’s eyebrows arched up and she smirked.
“Don’t get any ideas. It was perfectly innocent.”
“Mmmhmm. Anyway, here. I brought some leftover cake.”
I took it from her. “I knew you were my bestie for a reason.” I put the box on the counter.
At some point, August must have gotten up, to shower.
“How was the party?” I asked Gwen.
“It was great. Everyone had a good time. You throw one heck of a party,” she told me.
“I hated that August missed most of it. I tried to get him to go back, but he kept saying no, insisting that he was taking care of me.” I shrugged.
“I’m sure he did.” She winked. “Well, I must go. I have a date.”
My hand rested on my hip. “With whom?”
“I decided to give Jeremiah a chance. One last chance.”
I smiled. “Have fun.”
“You, too. And take a shower.”
I rolled my eyes and shut the door behind her.
August came out of the room with a pair of basketball shorts on and a tight, long sleeve shirt. My mouth watered while I pretended not to notice. Grabbing two forks and the box, I sat on the couch. “Gwen brought us some leftover cake.”
He plopped next to me, and I passed him a fork. “Cake for breakfast. Sounds good to me.”
I savored the sweetness from my small bite.
“So, tell me what Gwen was talking about at the restaurant yesterday.”
I took another bite of the chocolate cake before answering him. “Just that she was there for me when you and I split up. I barely got out of bed. You already know. I told you already. She was there for me until I was okay again.”
“And now?” he asked.
Chapter Thirty Seven
“And now, if you walk out that door tomorrow, I know I’d be okay.” I dipped my fork in the box, taking another bite. “I’m in a different place now than I was back then. I can handle stress better.” At least, I hoped I could handle him leaving and going back to his old life. And me, remaining here. It could never work.
August took the now empty box and placed it on the coffee table, along with the two forks. When he looked back at me, his eyes were hooded as he leaned into me. He towered over me with lust filled eyes. “You missed some icing,” he said, licking the corner of my mouth.
Oh god. This was really happening. I should push him away before it’s too late.
Hell, I’d live with the consequences later.
His eyes came back to mine again, before taking my mouth. With one leg against the back of the couch, my body adjusted to his six foot three frame. I felt his hand glide over my other leg that was hiked up. Then his tongue invaded my mouth. The kiss was primal and urgent. Clothes were quickly disappearing, scattered across the living room.
I was in a tug of war with my head and my heart. I knew this would end badly. With me having a broken heart. How ironic that we had ten days together when we first met, and this time, we had twelve days together. Only this time, he was the one leaving and I was staying behind.
“Whatever you are thinking, stop,” August breathed out. “Your body remembers me.”
No. That’s my heart. My heart remembers you.
“I’m sorry. I can’t.” I moved from under him.
He sat up on his knees. “Why not?” He was breathing heavy from our make out session.
“I just can’t. August, you live four hours away, and my life is here. It’ll just end badly.” Plus, he’d hate me once I let him in on what happened five years ago. If I could get the words out.
“You’re keeping something from me. I can see it in your eyes. What is it? If it really is the distance, we can figure it out.”
Sitting on the floor, I pulled my knees into my chest and hugged them. I was sick to my stomach from even thinking about it.
“Tell me, Murph.” His voice was soft and gentle as he placed his hand on mine.
I braced myself. Tears stung my eyes. Then my mouth opened.
“After we broke up I found out I was pregnant. I wanted to tell you. That was why I avoided your calls. I didn’t want a baby to be the reason we stayed together. But I knew damn well I couldn’t keep it.”
I cried harder while I tried to get the words out. “I gave her up for adoption.”
&nbs
p; As soon as the words left my mouth, August removed his hand from mine in disgust. How could we recover from this? August didn’t say anything for a long time. Then he stood, spitting venomous words. “You gave our baby away!”
He was furious. There was nothing I could do or say to make it better. “I’m so sorry.” I couldn’t even look at him.
“I fucking loved you, Murphy. And you loved me just as much. I was prepared to give up everything up for you,” he spit out.
“How could you, when you were dealing with your own baby drama?”
He stormed out of the apartment, leaving me a crumbled mess on the floor. I cried into my hands, covering my face. I felt so ashamed and knew he would hate me. I couldn’t blame him if he never wanted to see me. He didn’t realize how alone I was with no family and no August. I couldn’t raise a baby on my own. God. The way he said ‘our baby’ crushed me. God. Did it crush me.
Still sitting on the carpet, I hugged my knees, not knowing what I should do. The minutes ticked by tick tock tick tock. An hour later, August returned. His eyes were blood shot. He bent down to where I was. “I’m sorry for getting angry. I’m sorry I was a shit boyfriend. I’m sorry I couldn’t be the guy you needed me to be. I’m sorry you felt alone and couldn’t come to me. We both have had our share of wrongs in this relationship.” He passed me a tissue. “Now stop crying. I hate seeing you cry and hurting.”
It was hard to stop the tears as the words ‘our baby’ echoed in my head, again.
“Do you want to see her?” I asked finally, meeting his deep chocolate eyes.
“Who?”
“Our daughter, August. The adoptive parents and I have an open adoption.” I stood, walking to my room to retrieve the picture I had hid in my bedside table drawer, and brought the picture out to him.
He took it and studied it.
“Her name’s Lee Murphy Iverson. And she looks just like you.” I hiccupped, wiping my eyes.
“She turns five next month. I see her a few times a year.”
August remained speechless as he sat on the couch, staring at the beautiful face smiling back at him. His fingers traced over her. Tears started to flow down his cheeks. This was too much for him. I carefully sat next to him.
“She has your dark hair,” I commented.
“And my eyes, and my nose.” He covered his mouth as the tears came. “Oh God.”
“I went to the abortion clinic and I couldn’t go through with it. We created her, August. She’s ours.” Now I was crying again.
“She’s beautiful. We make beautiful babies.” He laughed through the tears, which, in turn, made me laugh.
“Yes we do.”
He held the picture out for me to take it. “You keep it,” I told him.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. Maybe I can talk the Iversons into letting you meet her. Especially since her birthday is next month and I was invited.”
“That would be nice.”
“Do you think you could ever forgive me?” I asked him.
“For what? Doing the responsible thing? I was fucked up back then. You know it. I wouldn’t have been good for her. Don’t you dare feel guilty about it. I know you didn’t have a choice.”
“Gwen offered to help me raise her. She was hatching a whole plan, but there was no way I was putting such a burden on her like that. I couldn’t. I refused to, even though I know she would have been there. It wasn’t her responsibility.”
Standing, he pulled me up and into him. I took the comfort he was offering. I no longer felt the weight on my shoulders.
Then he pulled away. “Why don’t you go shower and I’ll make us some lunch?”
“Okay.”
“Murphy.”
“Yeah?” I called over my shoulder as I turned to leave the room.
“I’m not letting you go. I already made that mistake once.”
With a nod, I gave him a weak smile. The shower helped immensely, especially after being sick. My head was all over the place from being sick, to crying, to being elated. Everything kind of happened so quickly, I barely had time to react.
Stepping out of the shower, the bathroom was steamed up. Clearing the dew from the mirror, my face was red and puffy. I hadn’t cried like that in such a long time. I needed it. Taking a deep breath, I dried off, then pulled on a pair of gray leggings and a long, off-the-shoulder, black shirt. Running the brush through my golden locks, I decided to let my hair air dry.
Chapter Thirty Eight
Once I was ready, I padded back to the kitchen, sitting on a stool while August moved around my small kitchen. When he saw me, he smiled. “Hey.”
“Hey.” I spun the stool around.
“Feeling better?”
“Much. What are you making?” I looked at him quizzically.
“I’m not much of a cook, so you are getting a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Unless you want pork chops again.”
I couldn’t help but laugh.
“See, I even got you to laugh.”
“This explains all the pizza deliveries when we were together.”
We both laughed this time.
Handing me a plate with the sandwich and some chips, he sat on the stool next to me.
After taking a bite, August started to talk again.
“I propose that we have a fresh start. Forget our mistakes and leave them in the past. We both fucked up. I’d like to give us another shot. If you want to. I’ve always thought about you, and wondered about your life. What do you think?”
I was speechless before I found the words to speak. “How would we make it work? You live a good four hours away.”
“Well, I’d love for you to move in to The Blue Beacon Manor with Mom and me. It’s big enough for all of us. I know you have a life here so I’m not sure how we can compromise.”
I thought for a moment. “There’s a trauma center in Dragon’s Bay. They might be fully staffed, but I can make some inquiries. I would have to change specialties, which I’m not against doing.”
“Listen, we don’t have to figure it out now. All I know is that you are the one thing I did right. I love you, Murphy. I’ve never stopped.” His face was so close to mine. Then he leaned in taking my lips with his.
Breaking away, tears welled up in my eyes. “I love you, too, August. Always have, and I do want to be with you. We have something special. It’s unexplainable. But I felt it the moment we met. I’d be willing to take things slow to make sure we are in this for the long haul.”
August chuckled. “I’m definitely in this for the long haul. Now, are you ready to go for a walk?”
“Yes.” I smiled, and August grabbed our coats and we slipped them on when we stepped outside.
As if on cue, August reached for my hand and I felt the warmth come over me.
Reaching into his pocket, August brought out his phone. “Should we take a selfie to document this fresh start?”
I beamed. “Yes; we totally should.”
August positioned the phone in front of our faces. “Say cheese.”
“Cheese,” we said in unison.
“You better send me a copy of that.”
“Don’t worry. I will.”
After taking the picture, we decided it was a great photo to remember the fresh start together. Halfway through our walk, we stepped into a café and ordered two hot chocolates for the walk back to the apartment. I was doing a lot of thinking in between our conversations.
“So, I may have a solution. Just something temporary for the time being.”
“I’m all ears,” August said.
“I think maybe changing my specialty to general practice might be a good move. I have three more years to go as a resident. How about you move in with me until I can get transferred to Dragon’s Bay?”
He thought for a moment. “Well, that might be a good temporary compromise. I’d be willing to do that. I was thinking about selling the shop, anyway,” he mentioned.
“But that’s your dad’s
legacy.”
“It was. But I’d like to do something of my own,” he told me.
“I make enough to support us both. I know it’s unconventional, but times are different nowadays. You can take that time to figure out what it is you really want to do. Something you are passionate about.”
“It’s definitely something to think about.”
We reached the apartment with empty mugs and a lighter feeling all around.
Inside, August pulled me close to him. “I do believe we started something earlier that we didn’t finish.” A devilish grin appeared on his face.
“Oh yeah. I do believe we did.” I smirked.
Chapter Thirty Nine
A month later, we were attending Lee’s fifth birthday. I couldn’t believe the Iversons said it was okay for August to come. He was so excited.
“Do you think she’ll like what I got her?” he asked.
“I think you went a little overboard. But I’m sure she’ll love the jewelry box and everything else. I promise.”
He breathed a sigh of relief. “I sure hope so. I’m so nervous.”
“You’ll be fine.”
We made it to their house in ten minutes. Adam and Catherine invited us in as we shared pleasantries. The Iversons were forgiving people. We weren’t sure how to broach the subject of August being Lee’s father to her yet. August still had a lot of proving of himself to them, me, and himself. And that would be shown over time. At least we were giving this an honest shot.
“Hi. I’m Lee.” She stuck her hand out to August.
“My, you are the prettiest birthday girl I have ever seen.”
“Thank you.” She giggled and reached her arms out for me.
Just seeing that little bit of interaction made my heart swell. I picked her up and hugged her. “Is that your boyfriend?” she whispered.
“He is,” I said as we both giggled.
If August couldn’t see the resemblance, he was blind. Her hair was already long and thick, and her eyes were a mirror of his. Setting her back down, we mingled with the other guests as they arrived. Watching Lee grow was such a joy, and August was just now experiencing it. Lee immediately took to August; it was surprising as she climbed on his lap when we sat at the table in the dining room. I could hear their whispers.
