by TC Matson
“I think he has a crush on one Miss Stallings,” she practically sings while she slides back into her chair. “Something as fine as him. You’re one lucky bitch.”
“What if it’s you he’s crushing on? What if it’s you he just waved at and I looked like a dumbass waving back because it wasn’t my wave to wave at?”
She laughs loudly. “What the hell did you just say?”
This makes me giggle too. “He could’ve been waving at you.”
“You’re flustered and it’s making you grab at straws. Own that shit, Riley. He’s hot as hell and checking you out. Pull your shoulders back and own it. You may be married.” She air quotes the word. “But you’re not dead.”
I glance back to Trenton and catch him staring at me, but he quickly pretends to be following the ball…on the other end of the field.
I settle back into my chair and rest my arms on the flimsy arm rests. “So it’s okay to think he’s gorgeous?” I ask without looking April’s way.
“Mmm hmmm.”
“Is it bad I sometimes think of him randomly throughout the day?”
“Not a bit.”
“Does this mean there’s trouble in paradise?” I ask, but I know the answer.
“There’s been trouble in paradise for a long time. This has nothing to do with it.”
I sigh and she pats my leg. “The man in the bleachers has nothing to do with the problems Brian brings home. He just gives you something pretty to look at. It’s natural to fantasize, Riley.”
Embarrassment floods my face. “I don’t think of him like that!”
The whistle blows and I jump clean out of my chair to my feet.
April is in stitches, gasping for air through her cackle.
I fold my chair while the coach has his last words and then watch Lucas grab his bag and jog toward us.
“I like him,” my little boy squeaks out of breath. “’Bout time we got a good coach. I wish Dad was here to meet him.”
“He’ll meet him soon.”
He pays the comment no attention and we start walking to the car with April and Josh.
“Dude. He’s gonna kick our butts,” Josh says to Lucas.
Lucas turns around and walks backward. “Maybe we’ll have a good team this time.”
“I hope. We can’t keep on keeping the team up,” Josh replies and April laughs.
“What’s with all the bizarre sentences today? First Riley, now you. Is it in the air? Is it contagious?”
I elbow her arm. “For the record, Josh and I make perfect sense.”
“To who?” April snorts.
Josh chuckles and opens his mouth to reply when Trenton calls out from our left. “Good practice, boys!”
Both boys yell out a “thanks” in an excited unison as he approaches us.
His lips quirk up and it instantly swarms my body with a bubbly heat. “Hey, Riley.”
“Hey, Trenton.” I act like he doesn’t give me butterflies and continue walking to my car, desperate to put distance between us.
“First name basis…” April leaves the statement dangling out in the open. It’s a trick and I’m not falling for it.
It’s killing her that I’m not taking the bait and as we say our goodbyes, she murders me with her wry stare.
We’re both surprised to see Brian’s SUV sitting in the driveway when we pull in. Lucas barely waits for me to put the car in park before he springs out of the car with his bag and runs into the house.
“At first, I thought he was gonna be a total jerk, but he means some serious business.” I hear Lucas telling his dad when I enter the house. “I really like him. I think he’s gonna be good for us.”
“I always enjoyed getting a good coach. When I was a sophomore, we got a new one. Coach Clark. He was incredible and I looked up to him. He busted our butts in practice, but winning the championship made all the hard work worth it.”
“Did you get a scholarship?” Lucas asks innocently.
Brian cuts his eyes to me. “I could have, but I quit playing after I graduated.”
“Why?”
Brian leaps to his feet and puts Lucas in a headlock, giving him a noogie. “Because of you, you little turd,” he teases. “I’d rather have been a dad than a soccer player.”
Lucas wraps his body around Brian’s leg and fights to take his dad down, but Brian doesn’t budge. Realizing there isn’t anything else he can do, he let’s go and slides down to the ground and looks up. “Can you become a coach? You could coach our team. I can be your assistant!” He scrambles to his feet.
“Fat chance, kiddo. Go take a shower. You smell like eight-day-old socks.”
They both laugh as Lucas lifts his arm and waves air from his arm pit before rushing off.
“You used to smell just as bad,” I tease.
“I disagree. I smelled much worse. I don’t know how you put up with it,” he says.
“Vicks VapoRub,” I state. “Slabbed it in my nose.”
Playfully, he frowns. “You used to tell me I smelled sexy.”
“Oh, you did. Just like menthol,” I snort. I pull out the hamburger patties and hand them to him. “Care to cook the burgers?”
He glances back to his makeshift office and then back to me, but before I allow another work excuse to spill from his mouth, I cut in. “You can do that after supper. Fix the burgers.” It wasn’t a request but a polite demand.
His lips pull tight. “I hate I’m missing his practices.” He takes the patties.
“You’ll make it to the games, right?”
“I hope.” He strides out the door.
I’ve heard that before, too. He won’t. He hasn’t in two years. I swear he says these things just to calm his guilty conscience, but he doesn’t realize he’s becoming a broken record with empty and hopeless promises. His words fall unreliable. He never sees just how much he’s actually absent from our lives.
Chapter 7
Today is a scorcher. I’ve tucked my chair as far into the shade as I can get it while still leaving room for April. She texted me earlier and said she was running late, but I just saw her pull into the parking lot.
She hurries across the grass, her brown hair flowing in the wind she’s creating from the speed of her steps. When she reaches me, she opens her chair and drops in it out of breath.
“Did I miss anything?”
“No. They’ve just been running different drills.”
“Good,” she sighs. “Work ran so far over today. I absolutely loathe firing someone. I displace them and throw their world upside down, and then there’s the pile of paperwork I have to fill out afterward. I know that sounds bad.” She rolls her eyes. “I’ll never get used to releasing someone.”
She works in the HR department for a big-time clothing retail store, which is why she’s always dressed to impress and wearing the hottest and latest trends. I have rarely ever seen her dressed down. She’s always in pretty blouses, nice pants or shorts, and the best-looking shoes. Occasionally, at home, she rocks out in yoga pants, but you’d have to sneak in on her to see it.
“Was it deserved?”
“We don’t have a huge turnover rate and we don’t enjoy firing for the fun of it. So, I’m sure.”
My brows pinch together. “You don’t know the reasoning?”
“I do, but what I’m told versus the exact truth may not line up.” She takes a deep breath, rolling her shoulders backward. “What are you doing tomorrow evening?”
I shrug. “Not sure. Why? What’s up?”
“Duck’s is having a wine tasting and I want to go. Come with me.”
“Duck’s? Isn’t that the bar downtown?” I ask.
She nods. “That would be it.”
“Isn’t it weird for a bar to have wine tastings?”
“They have them all the time. It would be a different story if it was a bar-bar. But this is a classy, elegant bar. They serve wine and calamari. Coming or not?”
“I’ll have to check Brian’s schedul
e,” I tell her.
She shakes her head. “Have Clarissa watch Lucas until Brian gets home. No excuses. You need a night out.”
God, she’s so right. “Yeah, I’ll ask her and run it by him tonight.”
I can tell she has a lot on her mind. She’s not her normal lively self, and when I try picking at her, she doesn’t arm herself with ammo and come back with anything. I allow the silence to take over, and even though words aren’t shared, her company keeps me content.
I’m livid. I’ve made dinner, called Brian twice without an answer, and now I’m cleaning in anger. My thoughts are everywhere—he’s in a ditch, flipped over, knocked unconscious, off the side of a cliff with no one able to see him. Anxious thoughts are a bitch…
Lucas has already taken a shower and done the little bit of homework he had. Now he’s playing a soccer game on his Xbox. Even in the gaming world he’s addicted to the sport.
I’m scrubbing the same invisible spot with all the elbow grease I have when Brian comes in from the back porch. I snap around, aiming my cleaner, ready to shoot my intruder.
He throws his hands up with a smirk. “Easy, Miss. I’m just passing through,” he states in a cowboy southern drawl.
“Where the hell have you been?” I snap.
His eyes snarl. “Nice to see you too.”
“It’s late and I’ve called you twice.”
He pulls his phone from the clip and swipes the screen a couple of times. “Shit. Fuck! I forgot to turn the sound back on after our meeting at noon. Fuck. I’ve missed a shit ton of important calls.”
My emotions are on high alert. Hurt, fear, anger…they all intertwine, braiding into an irate woman. “Do I not ever cross your mind?”
“You do.” He walks past me and pulls open the fridge.
“Why wouldn’t you call me when you know it’s getting late? A courtesy call to ease my worried thoughts.”
“You know my hours are all over the place right now.” His tone holds no emotions.
“Which is a better reason for you to pick up the damn phone and let me know what’s going on. A text. A call. Something, Brian!”
“Sorry.” That was the hollowest apology I’ve ever heard.
“Yeah. That you are,” I sneer, tossing my rag on the counter.
“This is exactly what I enjoy coming home to after a long day. A bitch.”
Murder chokes his neck when I home in on him. “Don’t you dare point blame to anyone else but yourself. Our lives revolve around you. We don’t know when you’re coming home, what days you have to work, or shit about your schedule. I think asking for you to consider me for a moment isn’t too much to ask.”
“You can do whatever it is you wanna do without worrying so much about me.”
Hot tears threaten my eyes but I blink them back. “I’m sorry I give a damn about you and want to include you in the plans of your family. I’m also so fucking sorry that I worry because I love you.”
I storm off and up the stairs. On my way to the bedroom, I poke my head into Lucas’ room and tell him to hit the sack. And then I draw a long hot bath, lock the bathroom door and sink into paradise. Although, I’m pissed off at him, I’m trying my best to keep Brian out of my thoughts. I focus on my breathing, the water around my skin, and the smell of the vanilla candles beside the tub.
I’ve stayed in the bath long after my fingers have pruned and the water has lost its sting. I dry off and change into my pajamas before opening the bathroom door into a pitch-black bedroom. The light behind me illuminates, channeling into the darkness and showcasing Brian in the bed with his back turned to the spot where I would lie.
I grit my teeth and make my way to the bed, sliding under the covers and turning with my back toward him. It’s a position we promised years ago we’d never lie in on purpose. Funny how loving words can be so easily broken.
“You over your shitty attitude?” he asks with more anger than he should carry.
I let out a breathy, frustrated laugh but don’t say anything. I don’t want to argue anymore. I want sleep to lull me away from reality.
“I didn’t know you tried calling,” he says, again with way too much anger.
“You didn’t think to call me,” I state.
“You’re right. I didn’t.”
Tears swell and pour from my eyes. “Thanks for showing me how much you love me.”
“I’m still here, aren’t I?” he asks, his tone infused with disdain.
That stings. “Wow, Brian. Just fucking wow. Please don’t stay if you feel forced. I’d much rather have someone who wants me instead of obligated to me.”
“I’m both.” And for the first time tonight, I hear the honesty in his voice.
“You’re more balanced on one side,” I say angrily and then bite my lip knowing my words are starting to take stabs. I sigh. “Good night.”
Chapter 8
I didn’t speak to Brian this morning. We shared no words. He didn’t apologize. I didn’t apologize. And when he left, we didn’t say we loved each other or share a goodbye kiss. The air between us was concentrated with animosity.
Last night, through the blurry blackness of my tears, I deemed tonight to be an eye-opener. I’m going with April without telling Brian. If he doesn’t want to make an effort to call me, then not knowing what I’m doing is his fault. And when I don’t answer his calls, he’ll understand my daily worries.
I still haven’t heard from him when I drop Lucas off with Clarissa and head over to April’s house a few roads away. I knock on the door and almost immediately she pulls it open, strutting a shimmering silver tank top with a beautiful design and matching earrings topping black skinny jeans and a gorgeous pair of black heels. Suddenly, I feel way underdressed.
Her brown eyes slide down my body and she smiles widely. “Look at you! I haven’t seen you this hot in…damn! I’m impressed.”
I’m nothing as spectacular as she. I’ve got a tan half-sleeved shirt covering a white, loose flowing tank top, a pair of jeans with rips and tears, and nude heels. My hair is half pulled up and my makeup…well, it’s the same. I’m not as classy as her.
“I didn’t know what to wear.” My grand entrance of word choice.
She grabs her clutch and keys from the table beside her door. “Take a breath. I know it’s been a while since you’ve been out. Just breathe.”
I do—in through my nose, out through my mouth. “I’m fine. Trying something different tonight.”
We slide into her fancy little black Mercedes. “Different like how? New panties? Sexy new bra?”
“Brian and I got into an argument last night and he said some pretty hurtful words.”
“What happened?” she asks keeping her eyes on the road.
“He came in late again. I was already mad, so I snapped at him for not calling me and that’s where it started. His reply was for me not to worry so much about him, and as petty as it sounds when I say it out loud, that shit still stung. He even had the audacity to call me a bitch.”
“A pissed off Riley. Haven’t ever seen her. Maybe being alone made you grow some balls.”
“I think the better term would be depleted, or maybe deflated. I don’t know.” I shake my head. “I just wish I knew what the hell was going on.”
“Is he cheating on you?” she asks.
“What? No!” I answer hastily. “Why would you think that?”
“He’s been closed off for a while, coming home at all different times, and he’s never around.”
I fall quiet allowing her words to settle into my brain. Would he cheat on me? Could he? I’ve had my doubts before, but I figured they were purely insecurities from the circumstances.
She reaches over and pats my leg. “I’m not trying to put thoughts in your head. He’s a good guy. Just like you said, he’s just working really hard. I’m sure having a boss who’s also your dad breathing down your neck is straining. He’s got big shoes to fill.”
“I know he’s stressed out, but I should
be his solace, not someone he comes home to and bullies to make him feel better.” I sigh, resting my head on the back of my seat.
“Let’s loosen up,” she says and then punches the button to her radio. Music fills the car, along with our laughter and our poor attempt to sound incredible.
She’s perfect at lightening up the mood.
The pub is slammed. She failed to mention they were still operating a Friday night schedule during the wine tasting. And by wine tasting, I mean you can order a glass of wine and taste it as you drink it.
“I knew if I told you I just wanted to get you out of the house, you wouldn’t have come,” she says with bright doe-like eyes. “You needed this. Sue me for loving you.” She holds her hands up in an exaggerated surrender, giving me the best “you can’t argue with me” grin.
I purse my lips displaying the weakest scowl. “I hate when you’re right.”
She winks. “You’ll thank me later.”
From the large front window, night has fallen onto the streets. This isn’t a huge dance club with a DJ, strobe lights and loud music. Instead, the bar is separated, split into two main sections. On one side is for dancing, with a wooden floor where several people have already made their way out. And on the other side, the side I’m on, is the bar, which is much quieter. I’m perfectly fine, swaying from foot to foot talking to April as she man hunts.
Brian and I didn’t have time to hit up the clubs with our friends when we were younger. Normally, once every two or three months, when we found a baby sitter, we would grab dinner and either end up at the movies or at a friend’s party. The bar scene was never our thing.
I’ve been slowly nursing my beer, when suddenly, someone hands me one from behind. It takes me a moment to register what’s going on as I stare at the levitating beer, being held only by the palm of a large hand.
I take a step away before I turn around. “Trenton?” My breath escapes me.
“Need a beer?” he asks with the most beautiful smile.
I take it. “Thank you.” I furrow my brows. “Are teachers allowed to go out and drink?” I quip.
