“Fuck the bullshit, man. Just stay away from her. You’ve hurt her enough. I had to pick up the pieces. I always do.” He takes a step toward me, and I gladly approach him. I don’t back down to anyone.
“I’ll do whatever she wants, man,” I counter, clenching my fist to my side. “I’ll stay away from her.”
“Good. That’s what she fucking wants,” Tyler growls before he turns and walks out the door.
Luke is parked at the curb outside the terminal, asleep behind the wheel with the radio blaring Maroon 5. I kick him out of the driver’s seat because I missed my Hummer badly. One thing is for sure; he took care of it. It’s spotless and the wax job makes it shine like a diamond. He did put a few miles on it, but I’d rather have that than a few scratches.
Our conversation is light during the ride home. It is mainly one-sided and includes Luke asking me about Texas and the cheerleaders. While weaving in and out of Boston traffic, I don’t have the stomach to talk about what I saw at the airport. I’ll deal with that shit later.
“Dude, do you seriously think she’s actually going to talk to you?” Luke asks, closing the door behind him. I throw my bag onto the floor and sit down on the edge of the couch, raking my hands through my hair in irritation as I stare at the floor. “You fucking left without a trace. Poof! Like David Copperfield and shit,” he says, snapping his fingers. “Just chalk it up to experience and move on. I’m sure another chick will come along and you can rock her world and live happily ever after if you want to.” He walks into the living room and throws his keys onto the coffee table.
I look up and fucking stare at the blank screen of the plasma TV with my pathetic reflection looking back at me and fight the urge to throw the remote at the fucking black hole. I need to get out of here, I fume as I lean back against the couch and close my tired eyes. If I had been honest with her, maybe I wouldn’t be sitting here ready to destroy just about everything around me.
“Listen. Come out with me. Let’s hit a couple of bars and maybe see if there are some new co-eds and shit. You can’t stop livin’ over losing some girl.”
Fuck. I lost her. I open my eyes and blankly stare over at Luke, not sure what the fuck I’m looking at because everything seems unfocused, fuzzy and distorted. The only thing that is fucking crystal clear is seeing them together at the airport. I saw them holding hands. She hugged him, and he had his arm around her and kissed her on the cheek. He fucking kissed her! He is doing all the things that I’m supposed to be doing with her. I knew there was a chance she would move on. I prayed that she wouldn’t, but why wouldn’t she? I did exactly what Luke said I did; I disappeared without a trace.
Tyler’s a good guy, but I also knew he had a thing for her from day one. Maybe I should fucking buy a one-way ticket back to Texas, but I know for damn sure I won’t do that. I need to talk to her, even if it’s for the last time. I’m ready for whatever she throws at me. I know I deserve it. I spring up and glance between Luke and the couch, which was the last place my body was touching hers before I took her to my bed. Damn. I definitely can’t stay at home tonight.
“Shit, I’m down. Give me a minute to change and I’ll drive.” I head down the hallway where I had her over my shoulder the last time before I made love to her. Fuck. I close my eyes and clench my fist; I’m livid with these emotions and can feel the hurt and rage bubble to the surface.
“Are you sure about driving? It looks like you can use a few,” he states, placing his hand on my shoulder.
“Yeah,” I answer, even though I fucking require more than a fucking few.
“Move past this shit,” Luke says as he walks into the kitchen and grabs a couple of beers from the fridge. He hands one to me, but I decline. “Just do what comes naturally.” He twists off the cap of his beer and takes a swig. “We can make that happen tonight. It’s easy.”
“I don’t fucking want that, and I won’t go back to that shit anymore.” I know what I need. I know what I want, and I let it slip away like fucking sand through my fingers. “Dude, I’m not taking relationship advice from you. Let me fucking handle this my way, all right?” I turn and walk down the hallway. “I’ll be ready in five.”
“Shit, this girl must have had you wrapped around her little finger.” He utters as he throws himself onto the couch and flicks on the TV.
“More than you fucking know,” I mumble, pushing open the door to my room. I stand in the doorway, remembering the last time she was in here with me. I have to catch my breath, thinking that her body won’t share the same space with me anymore.
The room is exactly how I left it, minus her. The unmade bed is empty, and my damn pillows still have strands of her hair on them. I remember watching her wrap her finger around her silky hair as her beautiful mind was working. I loved the way it felt under my fingers when I stroked it. My old football T-shirt lies neatly on the dresser along with a hair tie that she left behind. Besides me, they are the last things she touched and the only signs that she was in my room with me.
Shit. I drop my bag in front of the dresser and lift the T-shirt to my nose. I smell the faint scent of Elle all over it. Fuck. I feel like throwing out everything she came in contact with and starting over. Just her memory and the thought of her with Tyler fucking kill me. The thought of her with anyone else kills me.
I pace across the room like a crazy man. What the hell is wrong with me? I know what it is. I love her. It’s plain as day. Picking up my guitar, I take a seat on the edge of the bed, hoping that it will be the remedy for me. Closing my eyes, I strum the guitar and let the melody of the song I wrote for her drown out the dead sensation I feel in my stomach after seeing her in the airport today with someone else. Damn. Fuck. Shit. I throw the guitar onto the bed. I can’t do this. I need to get out. What’s it been? Two minutes, maybe three? I can’t keep Luke waiting. I’ve got some living to do.
I received a call from my new landlord letting me know that I can move into my apartment a week early since all the upgrades and repairs were completed faster than expected. I was a little anxious how things were moving along, but this is what I wanted. If anything, this is a small sign telling me there’s no turning back and I should continue looking ahead.
“So, this is it.”
I turn from packing up a box to see my mom in the doorway. She’s wearing a pair of tan shorts and a fitted white T-shirt with her hair pull backed into a ponytail. I swear she could pass for my sister. A soft smile spreads across her face, but there’s sadness in her eyes.
“Yep,” I reply, swallowing back the tears. “Remember, I’m only one mile away.” My voice shakes and my chest tightens just thinking about leaving the only place I’ve ever known and beginning my own life.
“One mile seems like one million when you consider you’ve spent twenty-two years waking up and sleeping here.” She steps into my room and passes her hand over my empty dresser to stand right next to me. “Not seeing your face every morning is going to be a toughie.”
“This will be good. I can’t keep holding on, and you need to let go.” I wipe my hands on my jeans and hug her tightly.
“You’re right, honey.” She pulls away and smiles, scanning the boxes lined up in a row near the door. “I’ve been preparing myself, but to actually see the moving truck outside and all your things packed up is a tough pill to swallow. Like you said, I have to let go.”
“Well, trust me, Mom. I’ll be home more than you think. I’m not planning to live on take-out and pizza for two semesters.” I say and add a smile.
“Well, I’m glad I’m an excellent cook.” She chuckles, rubbing my arm.
“Hey, how are my two favorite ladies today?” Jace asks as he enters the room in an old T-shirt and blue plaid golf shorts. He surveys my half empty remove before he walks over to us and gives Mom a kiss and me a quick hug.
“Fab,” I reply sarcastically, “if you consider packing and moving on a warm Saturday morning outside fun.” I grimace, wishing I were at the beach on my towel, soaking up the rays and sme
lling the pure ocean air.
“Man,” he moans, rubbing his face in frustration, “I didn’t know how much shi...stuff… you had,” he says, scanning the room.
I laugh and follow his gaze to the taped-up boxes piled against the wall near the door. I don’t call myself a hoarder, but I do like to keep mementos that hold a special memory to me. I just didn’t realize how bad I was until I saw all the boxes. I wasn’t planning to take everything, but I don’t think I’ll be moving back home either.
“Jace,” Mom warns, lifting her eyebrows.
“Sorry, but I’m going to be the one carrying most of this down. This is gonna be a workout for sure,” he says as he flexes his muscles. “I can’t leave my sister hanging.” He winks at me. “Speaking of hanging, Dad just got here, and he’s ready to help.”
“He’s early,” I answer, glancing at my alarm clock that flashes 8:30 a.m.
“Yeah, I’m glad you asked him to help. We’re gonna need some extra muscle,” he says with a bright smile. There’s more to it than that with Jace. He can’t hide anything from me. Dad has been calling more lately since I told him I was moving out, and there’s been a positive change in Jace now that Dad is making more of an effort to be around.
“Great,” Mom says as she lifts one of the boxes to take downstairs.
“I hope you don’t mind that I came up.”
I swiftly turn to where my dad’s hovering in the hallway outside my door. It’s been almost ten years since he’s been in the house, and it’s the first time we’ve been in the same room together as a family. He clears his throat and steps into the room. His eyes take on a distant look as he smiles. Glancing over at my mom, I notice she immediately preoccupies herself with one of the boxes, attempting to shield her eyes from him. Obviously, she wasn’t prepared to see him.
“There are lots of memories here,” he whispers. He steps toward Jace and rests his hand on his shoulder as Jace looks over and grins. No one can mistake them for father and son. They have the same, thick brown hair, strong chin, inquisitive thoughtful eyes, and six-feet-four athletic frame.
“How are you, Vanessa?” My dad peeks over at my mom who looks up from closing a box.
“Fine, James, and you?” she replies with a forced smile.
Dad doesn’t know anything about Mom and Corey living apart or her drinking problem, and my mom wants to keep it that way. She actually agreed to attend Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. The past month has taken a toll on her, and with me leaving, it’s going to be especially difficult but I have to live for me now. She’s reassured me she would be fine, and I know Jace will be around for her.
“I’m fine.” He smiles meekly and turns to me when my mom drops her eyes. “I like the color of the walls, Elle. The ocean?” he says as he slides his hands into the pockets of his jeans.
“Yep,” I say.
“We should take a trip out to the beach one Saturday. What do you think?”
When I was a child, every Saturday morning during the summer we picked a beach to spend the day on the sand. My favorites were Crane Beach and Singing Beach. Jace and I would alternate Saturdays to select the beach; most of the time we chose Crane Beach because the shoreline is so beautiful and goes on forever. The last time I visited that beach was this past summer with Reed. In the short time I’ve known and been him, he’s experienced and seen parts of my life that mean something and are important to me.
“Summer is almost over and classes will start soon, so I’m not sure if I will have time,” I reply. “I can try though. I would really love to go to the beach.”
“Great.” He smiles. “We can talk about it later.”
“Yeah, enough with the chitchat. We’ve got plenty of stuff to put on the truck,” Jace says as he looks over at my mom and grabs another box.
“Let me help you with that,” my dad says, walking over to Mom and taking the box from her arms.
“Thanks, James,” she answers. Jace shrugs his shoulders and looks at me with a smile touching the corners of his mouth. That’s the first time in years that we’ve seen our parents together in the same room having a conversation. The tension is palpable, but it’s more than we expected. It reminds me of the relationship I have with Cane now. It is odd how at one time you can feel so close to someone, and the next, you feel like complete strangers.
“I’m right behind you, guys,” I say, watching my parents and brother leave. I relish in the fact that even though my parents live apart, we’re still a family and Jace and I are the glue that keeps them together. “I have a few more things to grab in the closet, and I’ll be right down.” There’s actually one very important thing I need to get from the top shelf of my closet, a small leather trunk that holds my entire childhood inside. Pulling it down from the top shelf, it’s the one thing I own that’s never left this room or this house, and now it’s coming with me to a different space to hold new memories from a new stage in my life.
I carry it to the foot of my bed and sit down on the floor. My heartbeat quickens and a warm feeling radiates throughout my body as I lift the lid. I pull out the pom-poms I used when I cheered on Tyler at his baseball games and the jersey he gave me after his little league team won the championship. He said if it weren’t for me cheering, he wouldn’t have hit the home run that broke the tie. I hold up the T-shirt he autographed for me. It reads “To my lucky charm. I couldn’t have done it without you. Love Always, Tyler”. Tears begin to well in my eyes as I hold the shirt close to my chest. I could probably pull out each item from this trunk and Tyler would be linked to it in some way.
“Hey.”
The mere sound of his voice makes me smile. I open my eyes to find Tyler kneeling in front of me and smiling impishly. “That’s not what I think it is, is it?” He touches the shirt and looks up into my eyes.
“Well, do you know someone with the last name Hayes who played baseball for the Boston Blue Beams?” I laugh. “What a name!”
“Stop being a smart ass.” He chuckles as he sits down next to me, stretching his long legs in front of him, crossing one over the other.
“Do you remember what you wrote on this?” I say as I hug the shirt to my chest.
“Really?” His eyes twinkle as he speaks, “My lucky charm. I couldn’t have done it without you.” He snickers. “Are you kidding? I can never forget it! You wearing your Yankee T-shirt and hat while waving those pom-poms and then basically tackling me after the game.”
“Well… I got a little carried away.” I blush, shrugging my shoulders. “It worked though, right?”
“Yeah, you always pull through for me. I just wish you would give me a hug like that again.” He laughs as he lifts his shoulder and leans away surprised when I don’t punch him. That has always been my typical reaction to a smart aleck comment from him, but today I truly want to give him what he desires because I realize that Tyler was involved in every part of my childhood.
“Come and get it before I change my mind.”
“Seriously?” He looks around like it’s some kind of joke. “You’re accepting my request? No retaliation or physical violence?” He frowns playfully, looking at me out of the corner of his eye.
“No, there are no tricks and no punches. Just a hug,” I say, loving the time I spend with him like this
“Wow! Is someone turning over a new leaf?”
“Listen. Any more smart ass remarks and I’ll take back my offer.”
“Shit, aren’t we being a little aggressive?” He chuckles.
“Time is running out,” I say, folding the T-shirt and placing it inside the box along with the pom-poms. I close the trunk and stand up, brushing off my jeans.
“Fine.” He laughs, jumping up from the floor. “This probably won’t happen for another hundred years,” he says, spreading his arms out in front of him. “Come here.”
“Pfft...” I reply as I walk toward him. His strong arms enclose my body and pull me closer to him. I wrap my arms around his waist as he inhales deeply.
“Perfect fit.” He sighs.
I silently agree and hug him tighter.
“What an amazing view,” Karlie says breathlessly as she stops sweeping the living room floor in my new apartment and gazes out the bay window into the front yard.
“What are you talking about?” I look over and laugh. “There’s a big U-Haul in the driveway and a couple of brownstones across the street. That’s a pretty shitty view.”
“I’m talking about the three hot, shirtless guys moving you into your apartment. Maybe I should make that four now.”
“Four?” I place the framed black and white photo, which I was in the process of hanging on the drab eggshell colored walls, onto the sofa.
“There’s a pretty incredible looking guy with blonde hair helping out now.” She smiles keenly. “That’s a pretty fine starting lineup you have out there.”
I walk over and stand beside her as I pull my hair in a messy bun and glance out the window. Anxiety strangles me as a million memories flash in front of my eyes when I see Cane helping Jace unload my bed from the truck. It’s obvious to me that my conniving brother told Cane I was moving today. With everything going on, it totally slipped my mind to even ask him or perhaps I did it intentionally knowing that if I saw him it would make me feel this way. Inside my heart is racing and my blood grows warm as I restlessly glance down at my feet. Collecting myself, I hastily spin on my heels and return to hanging the photo when I notice Karlie’s sympathetic expression.
“What’s that look for?” I smile, to hide my emotional struggle.
“You and that guy had a history.” She wasn’t asking; she was stating a fact.
“Yes,” I say, feeling my stomach clench. I suck in a deep breath to regain my composure, surprised that he still makes me react this way.
“You don’t have to talk about it.” She walks over and touches my shoulder. “I could tell by the way your shoulders fell when you saw him, pretty much everything about your body language screamed heartbreak.”
Wanting Reed (Break Me) BOOK 2 Page 5
