In that instant I decide not to respond to his text. I’m not running back. My life is in a good place right now with new friends and my own apartment. I won’t let him derail my life. He can have the drama that comes with Sierra.
I put away the last of the clean dishes and decide to relax with Jace by watching some football in the living room. He glances up from the TV and leans forward on the couch. His expression is unreadable. He’s been acting on edge. First, there was the unexpected visit to my apartment, followed by the relentless questioning.
“Who’s winning?” I ask.
“Pats.” He smiles. “Your boys are not doing so well. They’re down by two touchdowns at halftime against the Eagles.”
“Romo will pull through for me.”
“I doubt it.”
“Hater.” I laugh, throwing a pillow at him.
Jace catches it and presses it to his chest as he leans back on the couch with concern etched on his handsome face.
“Spit it out, Jace, whatever it is,” I demand, sitting next to him. “Something is up.” I turn to look at him. “You don’t think I notice?”
“Is it that obvious?”
I smile, nodding in confirmation.
“Fine. It’s been eating at me for a week,” he replies. He picks up the remote and turns off the TV and then throws the remote onto the couch next to him. “Reed’s back,” he proclaims without hesitation. His eyes turn hard when he speaks his name.
I swallow back the anxiety that crawls up my throat. A week?! Jace has known for a week and told me nothing.
“Where did you see him?” I ask, slightly irritated.
“Football practice at BC,” he grumbles, eyeing me guardedly.
“I don’t get it. Why didn’t you tell me?” I demand, furrowing my brow.
“Seriously, Elle, I’m not getting involved. I wasn’t sure how you’d handle it.” He takes a deep breath and leans back on the couch.
“Well...” I stammer, looking down at my hands. “I ran into him last night, and I’m okay with it. I’ve been through this before,” I retort. “What was he doing at practice?” I ask impulsively. Curiosity killed the cat, and it’s killing me.
“The story is that he’s training for NFL tryouts, and he wanted to practice with the team.” Jace grins. “I got in some hits for you.”
“I can take care of my own problems.”
“Okay, well, the hits were for me then,” he says, flexing his arm. “He isn’t all that.”
“You know he is. You’re just pissed at him for what he did to me.”
“Sure, I am,” Jace affirms with a frown. “I saw how hurt you were.”
“I know,” I reply while anxiously twirling my hair.
“I hope you aren’t thinking of getting back with him. That would be fucked up,” He interrupts, raising his voice slightly as he fists his hands in his lap.
“Shit, Jace, let me finish.” I look up, blowing the hair out of my face. I can’t fight the feelings I have for Reed. They still linger, but I just need to be stronger. “And no. He’s making it easier for me to get over him.”
His eyes shoot to mine. “What do you mean?”
“I saw him with Sierra last night.”
“Cane’s ex?” Jace exclaims, scratching his head and pulling in a deep breath. “Whoa.”
“What about me?” Cane enters the room, smiling and jamming his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “Uh...your mom let me in. I hope you don’t mind.” He directs the comment more to me than Jace. I’m not surprised that Jace didn’t feel it necessary to tell me. I realize at this moment that no matter how much time passes between Cane and me, he will always affect me in some way just like Reed. But there was more to seeing him. There was always something more about Reed.
“Not a problem, man,” Jace says, throwing his hands behind his head. “Elle and I were just discussing how Reed is back in Beantown and hanging out with your ex.”
Cane glances over at me, his eyebrows furrowed like I’m completely insane for going back with him, which is not the case, and if it were, it would be none of his concern.
“Not my Sis, douche. Sierra.” Jace chuckles as he turns the TV back on.
“Oh… well…” he falters. “What Sierra does is her business. I told you months ago how I felt about her,” he answers. “How did you feel about that? Reed with another girl?” His tone comes off slightly defensive.
The air in the room is thick with new tension, and I’m starting to get warm. In the two years Cane and I were together, we never really argued. It seems like the conversation we are having is heading in that direction. He’s calling me out on my fucked-up, short-lived relationship with Reed. How could he when he was the first one to expose me to my first heartbreak?
I steal a look at Cane who’s clearly uncomfortable with the conversation, but he opened up the can of worms. He basically falls under the same category as Reed. His only saving grace is that he’s friends with Jace. We all make mistakes in life. I made mine. I gave away my heart twice, hoping they would protect and cherish it and trusting they would not shatter me. Clearly that didn’t happen.
“Do you really want to go there with me, Cane?” I retort, rising from the couch. “If you hadn’t fucked up, we’d still be together. Did you forget that?” I demand, taking a deep, calming breath.
“Hey guys.” Jace rises from couch. “Relax.”
“Sorry,” Cane replies as he looks between Jace and me. “That was fucked up of me to ask,” he concedes, averting his brown eyes to the game on TV.
He’s still hurting over us, and he knows that we’ll never get back together. I don’t want anything to happen with anyone at this point in my life. I’ve focused way too much time on others while losing myself in them when they should have been losing themselves in me.
“Listen, I’m going to go.”
“I don’t want to be the reason you leave.” Cane’s voice is sincere. “I’ll leave.”
“No, don’t worry about it. I have plenty of homework and reading to catch up on.”
“Do you need a ride?” Jace offers.
“No, what I should do is run home with all the food I ate this weekend,” I say, trying to find humor in the situation. “I’ll just ask Mom for a ride.”
“Okay, Sis. I’ll be stopping by this week.”
Feigning irritation, I glance back over my shoulder at my brother, pursing my lips and knowing that statement could mean a couple of things.
“Not to check up on you, just to hang out. Promise.” He smirks as he runs his fingers through his hair. “Geez.” He chuckles, shaking his head. “Fucking hardcore.”
“You’re learning,” I retort. Turning to Cane, I smile. There’s an awkward moment of silence as we both contemplate what to say.
“I’m sorry about what I said.”
“Just a misunderstanding,” I say with a slight shrug. “It was still nice seeing you.”
“Same here,” he responds, taking me in with his thoughtful brown eyes.
It feels like I’m taking a step back by being home or maybe it’s just seeing Cane and being reminded of what we once had.
Smiling, I turn to head back into the kitchen where my mom is packing up some leftovers for me to take home.
“What’s wrong, hon?” She smiles when she notices me standing in the entryway, twisting my hair.
I take a moment to gather my breath, unsure why I feel the urge to cry. “I think I need to head back to my apartment,” I murmur as I look out the kitchen window, watching as the last of the leaves fall.
“Why so soon?” she asks.
“Just tired and need to study,” I say. My voice is steady even though I feel anxious.
“Are you sure you leaving like this has nothing to do with Reed coming back?” she asks as she folds a dishtowel.
“Can we not talk about that here?” I swallow loudly. “Can you give me a ride home?”
“Sure, I’ll be right out.” She smiles compassionately.
“I’ll be outside to warm up the car,” I answer as I grab my things and the car keys off the counter.
It’s gotten noticeably chillier when I walk out onto the porch. I pull the hood of my jacket over my head and walk briskly to the car to warm it up. Five minutes later, my mom leaves the house, hugging her jacket tightly around her body as she walks to the car. She slides in to the driver’s seat, fastens her seatbelt and reverses out of the driveway. I close my eyes and take a deep breath to settle myself, feeling the car move up the street. I can sense the weight of my mom’s stare as we sit in silence for a few minutes.
“Hon, talk to me,” she whispers, touching my arm.
I wrap my arms tighter around myself as memories of Reed play through my mind. I berate myself for being weak just because I saw him. Technically, I barely know him, but for some reason, he has this profound effect on me. I can get through this, I tell myself. Be angry. Stay angry.
“Is this how it feels?” I speak quietly, finally opening my eyes to look at my mom.
She turns to glance at me with a compassionate smile and then returns her eyes to the road. “I wish I can tell you no, but what good would that do you?”
“Humor me.” I laugh looking out the window as we pass Linden Park, which produces more of my recent memories with Reed to flood my mind. I still can’t believe he’s here and hanging around Sierra.
“I know I’ve not exactly been much help to you recently, and I hate to think I’ve added to your stress. If I can add something, let me say this. If in your heart you still feel pain after all this time, then that pain isn’t anger, but something else.”
“I’m doing the right thing,” I say, more to myself than to my mom. I need to hear the words aloud as some confirmation that all the decisions I have made thus far, alone will get me past this. Thoughts swirl in my mind like a violent storm. I wonder if he feels what I’m feeling because I hate to think I’m the only one falling apart in all of this. Perhaps my heart was more invested than it should have been since that night at the park. I look over and give her a small smile. “I know everything is not black and white, that there are some gray areas I’m not seeing, but I don’t know if I want to take the time to look. I’m afraid what I’ll uncover will hurt even more than it does now.”
“You need to figure out if he feels the same way, because love is never going to be easy for the heart to get over,” she says, taking my hand in hers. “You have to work through the shit together. Trust me when I tell you this and learn from my mistakes.” She pulls up in front of my apartment. “I know we tend to let our emotions rule over our mind.”
Turning, I stare out the window and watch the vibrant leaves flutter around me. Before Reed, I never used to think that way. I was always so protective of my emotions, but he encouraged me to and I hate him for it now. “Reed made me believe that I could lead with my heart. That’s what pains me the most. If I didn’t listen to him to let go, I wouldn’t be here.”
There was a time in my life when I felt safe at home. As I turn the key and open the door to my apartment, I realize this is where I feel safest now. Alone with my thoughts. Usually this would drive me crazy, but I welcome the silence and solitary. I throw my keys onto the table and head into the living room to study, but the mood is not striking me. It was a crazy weekend. Crazy because I saw Reed. I never really sat down to think about how I’d react to seeing him again, but as I sit here alone in the dark thinking about it, I know that I’m going to want answers. I want to know why he left me and what kept him away for so long. To think he could come back and sweep me off my feet with his smooth voice. I snatch my phone and read his text over and over again. Beautiful. Chance. Angry. The only words that stick out in his message to me. How beautiful am I that he could leave me? How many chances will I give him? How angry am I? Angry enough to move on and leave the short time we spent together in my past?
I’ll offer him that chance to explain and nothing else. I’m not going to break down my walls. The only way that will happen is I have to break down his first. I swiftly start typing on my phone.
Elle: We need to talk. Meet me at Linden Park in thirty minutes.
I hit Send before I change my mind. Done. I throw my phone onto the sofa and change out of my clothes. If I’m going to put my thoughts into action, it happens tonight.
Time seems to pass quickly when you’re enjoying yourself, but when it’s something you dread, it seems to drag. Arriving at Linden Park, I’m not sure what to expect. I smell the familiar scent of the magnolia trees, another reminder of him. Opening the gate, I fight the urge to turn around and run back home. No. It’s just Reed. The same Reed that said he would give you the world and turned around and left you. Be angry.
I make my way around the park to the bench and recall that first night. How that chance meeting turned into so much more only a few weeks later. If he knows me and if he wants us, he’ll be here. I don’t see him. Disappointment sets in, then anger again. I’m giving him the opportunity he wanted, but he didn’t accept it. Give him a few minutes. You’re the last person to be complaining about someone being late. I shove my hands into the pockets of my jacket and settle on the bench, staring toward the gazebo, and out in to nothing.
Twenty minutes have passed, and the air has gotten chillier. I’m not sure if I should be furious or depressed that he hasn’t shown up. I’ve experienced this feeling before in the airport. I should be mad, but for what? What did I expect from him tonight? What I wanted was for him to be here, to prove me wrong, and to somehow mend things so that I can at least put everything behind me. That’s what I wanted. Why would he reach out to me with his text and not acknowledge mine? I pull my weary body up from the bench and attempt to clear my mind of the chaotic thoughts. I leave Linden Park with none of my questions answered, wondering if I meant anything at all to him, because right now I really don’t think I ever did.
I need to head over to the Middle East tonight to work the door. Brains got tied up with something so I was called in to cover. I’m fine with that since I can always use the extra cash. All Danny told me is that it’s some kind of private party. I doesn’t matter to me either way, but I am pissed that I’m going to miss the Dallas game against the Eagles in the comfort of my own place. I guess I can catch some of it at the bar.
I hop out of the shower, grab a towel and wrap it around my waist. Standing in front of the mirror, I scrub my face and debate whether or not to shave. Elle liked the scruff on me so I decide to pass. I’ve been getting no sleep the past few weeks. I’ve never had a problem with sleep. I can usually sleep through a fucking tornado, but with the combination of seeing Elle and my lack of sex, that’s been nearly impossible.
I cross the hallway to my bedroom and rummage through my closet for something to wear and decide on a thin, black V-neck T-shirt, my favorite pair of faded jeans and a pair of black boots Juju picked out for me when I was home in Texas. I laugh, remembering how she told me that I needed to take more fashion risks. Like the only risk I will take is whether or not I go without socks.
“Where are you headed tonight?” Luke asks, walking in uninvited. He just finished working out. His T-shirt is damp and clings to his chest while his shaggy blonde hair sticks to the nape of his neck. I cringe when he proceeds to sit on my bed, leaning back on his hands and crossing his legs in front of him.
“Work.” I deadpan.
“On a Sunday? Who the fuck works on a Sunday?” he asks, shaking his head.
“Yeah, Brains called in last minute, so I was asked to cover.”
“Shit,” he chuckles as he continues, “I was gonna see if you wanted to head out to the Glass Slipper.” He smiles slyly while scratching his chin.
“Glass Slipper? Sounds like some place I’d find Cinderella.”
“Strip club, you fuck. You forgot about our convo from the other night?” He laughs loudly and shoots me a look that he won’t take no for an answer.
“I’ve just got a lot on my mind lately.
” I turn my head and exhale loudly.
“Well, we can find you a nice... actually, let me take that back. You can find a naughty and willing Cinderella, Snow White, or whatever you want to get your mind off her.”
“Sounds tempting.” Not really.
“Besides your woman troubles, how’s everything else going?”
“All right,” I reply, checking my reflection in the mirror. “I’m getting through classes on top of training for tryouts and work. I’ve got my hands full.”
“You never talk about that football shit with me. Are you that bad?”
I grin and turn to my roommate. “Landon Hunter, ring a bell?”
“Sounds familiar.”
“That’s me. Look me up and let me know what you think.”
“Damn, who am I living with? Some fugitive?” he replies with a wide grin. That’s one thing I like about Luke. He’s cool with anything, doesn’t pry and goes with the flow. He understands that we all have something in our closet that we want to keep hidden. I’m sure he has a shitload in his. Even when I left and came back, he didn’t ask too many questions. Maybe he would be a good person to confide in some more.
“Nah, man,” I say, grabbing my wallet and keys from the dresser. “I wouldn’t put your ass in the line of fire like that.”
“Either way, man, you know I’ve got your back.” He slaps me on the shoulder as he follows me out the bedroom.
“Good to know.”
I’m able to escape from Luke and all the social events he’s planned with scantily clad females. He mentioned something about female mud wrestlers, or was it Jell-O? Either way, my roommate’s fucking testosterone levels are through the roof. I laugh to myself as I head down the street past the center in my Hummer. I can’t help but look over. I think I do this unconsciously just to see if I can catch a glimpse of her. I haven’t driven down her street since I’ve been back. It’s not like my ride is unrecognizable like a BMW or Toyota Camry; it takes up a whole block. It’s pretty hard to miss. I pull up to the stop sign. If I go straight, I go where I’m supposed to, but if I take a left, I go where I want to.
Wanting Reed (Break Me) BOOK 2 Page 15
