“You’re poison to me. My poison...” she murmurs painfully.
“Am I? Is that what you believe? Is that what you feel? Is that what you see when you look in my eyes? Poison?” I whisper against her lips.
She sighs deeply and closes her eyes for several seconds. During that time, I see the beauty in her pain, how much she wants to love and to trust, but she is too afraid to try again.
“Let me go,” she says harshly when she opens her eyes, but I know that’s not what she wants. She’s losing the battle that I lost months ago. I knew I was coming back for her, but she thought she lost us forever.
“Is that what you really want? If it is, I’ll walk away right now.”
She has the most expressive hazel eyes, sincere with a hint of suffering that doesn’t seem to disappear. Her mahogany hair, her perfect delicate features and those lips that I’ve missed so much are only inches away, but still seem so distant. She diverts her eyes from me as the wind blows her silky hair across her cheek. I lean in closer, and her scent hovers all around me as I brush my lips across her cheek.
“Why can’t I let go of you?” she whispers under her breath as she drops her head and looks away.
“I’m sorry. I know I kept things from my past from you. Give me a chance to explain like I should have months ago. Then decide.”
“You broke me completely. Totally. What do you expect me to say now?” Her lower lip quivers.
“Doll, just tell me how you feel.” I hold my breath, waiting for her to say something, anything so I can hear her sweet voice.
“What are you doing to me?” she chokes. “Just please let me go.” She tries to break free from my grip, so I release her. She stands motionless, dropping her eyes to the ground as I take a step back. When the space between us grows, it’s as if a part of me is cracking. Lifting her chin like she feels it too, she grabs my hand and tugs me toward her. I press my body against hers as she gazes up at me with pure passion in her eyes.
“Just kiss me.”
My heart erupts from my chest when she clutches me behind my neck and shyly, almost fearfully, brushes her lips over mine like she’s touching fire. All I want is the taste that her lips allow. They’re soft just like I remember them, but so much sweeter and full of need. I can’t even explain how she makes me feel anymore. I just know that I crave it. I’ve never felt like this or had this kind of reaction to anyone in my entire life. The time away has made it even more unbelievably powerful. She’s destroying me. This is not fucking just falling in love; this is fucking crashing into it. Complete destruction.
Holding her face in my hands, I deepen the kiss and a soft moan falls from her mouth as I savor the sparks on her tongue. I run my fingertips down her neck to her collarbone and feel her shiver under my caress. She combs her fingers through my hair and pulls as I groan in response. The physical ache is growing. Touching her and tasting her lips again are making me crazy, feeding the strong emotion that I can’t fight anymore. I fucking love this girl, and I’m never letting her go again.
She brings her hands to my face, and our eyes meet for the briefest of moments before she kisses me so hard we both make a hurt sound. My brain shoots out signals to every part of my body. I weave my hands through her hair, and she presses her body tighter against mine, and then as quickly as it started, she slides her hands down my chest and gently pushes me away, breaking our kiss. It’s a kiss that I wish would go on because I’ll never be satisfied if this is the end. She consumes me, but at the same time, she strips me bare of everything. Gasping, I step away from her. The expression on her face tells me nothing has changed between us, and it’s going to take more than a passionate kiss to make up for what I did to her. All I know is that I’ve been waiting months for that kiss. Even though I told myself I could walk away, I know I can’t.
I have no grounds to ask for anything. The ball is in Elle’s court. She has the power over me now. It’s up to her what happens between us and if she can forgive me a second time. Reclaiming my breath, I watch her chest rise and fall painfully. I hope she didn’t just get caught up in the moment. I need her to give me and us another chance.
“Doll? Why are you resisting?” I plead with her. I don’t know what more I can say or do to get her to listen to me. I want to fight for us, but it feels like a battle I’m losing.
“I’m sorry. This can’t happen.” Her voice is layered in pain.
“What do I need to do to prove this to you?” I reach for her hand. “Tell me.” Her eyes are pools of hopelessness when she lifts them to mine.
“I don’t know! I hate you for doing this! Do you understand?” she cries. “I hate all the time that’s been wasted and the people I’ve hurt. This was not just about me! There were other people involved.”
There is truth in her words. Truth I didn’t want to hear.
“I’m here. Now. Tell me. I want to know. I want to make this right if I can.”
“It’s not that easy now! You don’t make this easy. I thought... I thought I could do it. I really did, but you make me so angry. I love you, but I need to hate you,” she chokes, fighting back her tears.
My heart rattles in my chest when I hear those words leave her lips. Fuck. What did I do to her?
I don’t think twice and abruptly take her in my arms. I need her close. I don’t care if she fights, punches or scratches me. I hurt her and I’m trying to find a way to make it up to her, but words aren’t enough. I don’t think I’m enough. She trembles in my arms, and her chest heaves with sobs. Closing my eyes, I bury my nose in her neck and breathe in her scent.
Her shoulders slump subtly, and she gradually pulls away from me. She tries to turn around, but I hold her firmly in place. I need to say things to her, and I need to do it now while she is close to me. “I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I know I hurt you.” Her lips tremble from her effort to keep her sobs from escaping. “What are you thinking, Elle?” I sense that it’s as hard for her as it is for me, but she is fighting this pull between us. It’s unfamiliar, so fucking insanely extreme, that it leaves me reeling. She’s stronger than me, but just as weak.
“You need to leave me...now. Please,” she begs, pulling away from me. This time I can’t restrain her. It’s not fair. “Please.”
“Fuck, Elle. I’m tired of walking away from you! Do you know what this is doing to me? I’m trying to make this right,” I grit out, clenching my teeth so damn hard it hurts. “I’m not leaving.” Fuck. I’m not turning my back on the woman I love. She said she loved me and the next minute she tells me to walk away. No fucking way is that happening. I came all this way to fight for her, to get her back and she doesn’t want me. I know she’s having a hard time with this. I knew this wasn’t going to be easy.
She doesn’t move; instead, she stands at the corner of the street and stares as cars pass by. It’s like crossing that street means she’s finished with me, but staying shows that she doesn’t want to give up. There may still be hope.
“Funny those words... ‘I’m not leaving’... but that’s exactly what you did.” She twists her long hair around her finger. When her nervous habit appears, I know it could go either way. Tonight I hope it works in my favor. Shivering from the cold, she wraps her arms around her body, the moonlight reflecting off her hair. I’m faintly optimistic when she steps away from the curb and turns to me with more tears in her languid eyes. This could be the best dream of my life or my worst fucking nightmare. I silently wait with bated breath. “I love you more than I can ever hate you,” she says through damp lashes. “I’ve known for a long time.”
It only takes one step for me to reach her and cover her in my arms. I pull her tighter and kiss the top of her head. “I love you, Elle. I’ll be sorry forever for leaving you. It won’t happen again.”
She looks up at me with her striking eyes and touches my cheek with her hand. “I love you, too.” Leaning in, I focus on her perfect lips and gently press my mouth to hers. My pulse increases, drowning out every sound apart f
rom her sigh.
I drink her in, wanting to forever remember this moment. There is no one else like her and there never will be. The minute our lips part I hear cheering coming from every bar on Lansdowne Street. It appears the Red Sox aren’t the only ones who won tonight. Looking up into my eyes, Elle grabs my hand and says, “Let’s go someplace quiet to talk. I want to tell you everything.”
Reed hails a cab when he notices me shivering uncontrollably. Opening the door, he holds my arm and helps me inside. I move to the other end of the seat and he slides in next to me, placing his arm around my shoulder.
He looks down at me like he will never see me again. That won’t happen. We need to talk, but I know in the end of it all, I can’t let him go. I squeeze in closer to him, needing the warmth of his body and unable to take my eyes away from him. Overwhelming thoughts of whether this is real and if he is back in my life again to stay pierce my mind.
“What’s wrong, baby?”
“Nothing,” I answer. I just want to go someplace where we can be alone and talk and not be cramped inside a musty cab with random Spanish music playing over the radio. Taking him back was so easy. The hard part will be listening to why he deserted me and what secrets he’s been hiding. I’m afraid that whatever secrets he has might be too much for me and that I may not want to stay.
The cabbie clears his throat, waiting for us to give him a final destination. I blink and smile up at Reed whose eyes glint with passion. My stomach twists in knots, and my heart jumps into my throat. He’s undeniably gorgeous: broad chest and shoulders, muscular build, and dark brown hair. Everything I remember. Pushing away these new thoughts of Reed’s naked body, I look into the rearview mirror and meet the cabbie’s eyes.
“Seven Amory Street, please,” I reply without hesitation. Reed takes my hand in his and interweaves his fingers through mine, raising it to his soft warm lips. A moan slips from my mouth when his lips travel up my arm. He smiles wickedly and kisses me behind the ear. Slowly, he pulls away and brushes his lips over mine.
“You don’t know how long I’ve waited to be here with you again,” he whispers through soft eyes. They hold mine as I instinctively touch his cheek and lean up to kiss him.
“Me too, baby,” I say. Reed smiles, clutching me closer to him as the cabbie pulls away from the curb and away from the club.
We sit in silence for the twenty-minute ride to my apartment. I stare out the window and watch the skyline of Boston disappear only to be replaced by tree-lined streets in a small neighborhood in Boston. At one point, the cab driver takes a sharp turn and I fall into Reed. I lean against him, feeling his body underneath mine. He squeezes my shoulder affectionately and kisses my forehead. My ear remains on his chest, listening to his heartbeat surge exponentially, a rhythm that is created by our touch. I close my eyes and absorb the low hum of his breathing. His warm breath smells like beer as it lands on my shoulders. The perfect combination of his cologne and skin is arousing my senses. It has been so long since we’ve been together, making the ache for him increasingly unbearable. I rest my hand on his chest, watching it rise and fall against the rumble of his beating heart.
When we arrive at my apartment, I reluctantly lift myself off him as he pays the driver and we exit the car. Reed immediately scans the neighborhood and gazes up at the two-story brownstone that I live in and then back at me.
“Is this a safe neighborhood?” he asks, scratching his head and looking across the street. I chuckle, remembering my dad making the same comment and adding another padlock to my door.
“Do you work for ADT?” I snicker.
“What’s so funny about wanting the woman I love to be safe at all times?” He frowns playfully and picks me up off my feet. He exhales a deep, rich laugh that sends a coursing burn of need throughout my entire body. He gently sets me down on the sidewalk and brushes the hair away from my face and cups my cheek in his strong, tender hands. “Doll, I’m so fucking happy.” He leans down and kisses me. “I want to fix things with you. I want to make things right.”
Every inch of my skin is tingling, like my life is about to change dramatically. Too many thoughts rush through my mind and swirl continuously. Before we go any further tonight, Reed needs to tell me everything that kept him away for so long. Can we save each other and be happy together after we clear the air?
He holds my hand as we walk up the front steps and releases it for me to unlock the door. I switch on the lamp watching him as he enters and takes in my new place as closes the door behind him. My apartment seems to explode with his energy; he brings new life to my space, something that’s been missing that I can’t explain.
His mind is working as he rakes his fingers through his hair. He knows what I want to hear, what I need to hear so we can move forward. Minutes pass as we stand motionless, staring at each other and battling some unforeseen force. Lowering his head to his chest he slides his hand over his face. The expression in his eyes tells me that he knows what I’m about to ask of him. He looks tired. I want to comfort him, but it’s not about him anymore. It’s about me now. I come first.
It’s amazing how his eyes send so many different messages just in the way he looks at me. The same eyes that can make me feel secure, sexy, and desirable, like I am the only person in the world that matters to him. I swallow a big gulp of air and blow it out. Even after being gone, he still has that effect on me, crushing me with his presence.
“I’m glad you’re giving me a chance.” He whispers, taking me in his arms
“I’m good at giving people chances.” I smile meekly in spite of myself. “So, you came back. To tell the truth?”
“Yes.” He blinks a few times and breaks eye contact, looking down at the floor and then back up at me with his deep, pained blue eyes. “Actually…no, it was supposed to happen months ago. Not now. I was going to tell you everything when I got back. I swear it.” His voice wavers. “You have to believe that I wouldn’t do something like this to you after everything we shared.”
“You lied to me.” I say, shaking my head. “How do I know you won’t do it again?” I hope to God he can promise me that. I can’t bear the idea of him failing me or us again.
“I won’t,” he answers with conviction.
“I just need to know the reason for the secrets,” I breathe.
He fidgets, scratching his head and hesitating for a moment. I get lost watching him, the way he moves, the rise and fall of his chest, the stubble that covers his chiseled jaw, and his full red lips. I drop my head, concealing both my desire and the urges that seem to burn at the surface. My body needs that connection with him, to pick up where we left off. I smell him and feel the unquestionable pull that brought us together. His eyes glisten and torch my soul. He’s hurting like I’m hurting.
“Maybe you shouldn’t have left the first time.” I sigh. “We wouldn’t be standing here like this now.” Or would we?
“I know.” He shakes his head in frustration. “Elle, I was shielding you. Then when I decided to tell you, things happened back home that I couldn’t control. You have to believe me. I meant every word I said to you. Every fucking word.” He drops his eyes. He looks so beautiful and powerful. I want to believe him. “I didn’t want to leave to begin with. I didn’t want to leave you, but my family needed me.”
“I understand that, but everything else. Your secrets? Did you think that was all going to go away?”
“Actually...” I watch painfully as he rubs his forehead, trying to formulate a response. “Yes.” A haunted expression lingers in his eyes as if he sees a ghost.
“Really? That’s it?” I reply incredulously. “Is that how much you thought of me?”
“It was my problem. I was handling it.”
“And how did that work out for you?” I question sharply. “You know what? It doesn’t matter what your problem was. The problem is how you handled it. I’m more than upset that you didn’t think enough of me to tell me. I could have supported you.” I turn away, knowing there
is nowhere to go. We need to get past this somehow, no matter how much it hurts.
My chest tightens as I watch her. I would give anything to know what she is thinking about. “Elle, look at me.” I grab her hand as she steps away and turn her to face me. “Just know that I took care of it for now. I’m in the clear. There’s nothing you have to worry about anymore. I couldn’t have you or anyone else involved. I hope you understand that I never intended to leave you like that.”
I stare at her devouring her with my eyes. A fucking angel. She looks manic. Her hair is in disarray, and her eyes are dark and drenched in emotion. “Tell me how you feel. Tell me how you hate me. Get it all out. Hit me.” Touching her is like heaven. Her skin under my fingers is my antidote. I don’t feel the pain anymore. I feel my eyes beginning to sting from missing her so much and for hurting her like this.
“I...I don’t know how long it’s going to take for me to heal from this.” Her voice cracks, and her throat spasms as she swallows her thoughts. “Don’t do it again.” She drops her eyes, her body already softening under my touch. “I don’t want to hurt like this anymore.”
“I won’t. I hate myself for putting you…us…through this. Ever since the day we met, I wanted you but I didn’t want to drag you into my life with everything I was going through. I wanted to clean it up.” Lifting her chin, I catch the tear that slides down her cheek. “I haven’t so much as thought about another woman since the day I met you. I haven’t felt this way for anyone in my entire life.” I turn her, clenching her against my chest. “Tell me we can get past this. We can fix this. Tell me you want this. You want us,” I whisper, grazing my lips across her neck. “I want you.”
“I want you,” she breathes. “I need you.” It was her invitation. She was letting me back in. She wants this with me as much as I want it with her.
Wanting Reed (Break Me) BOOK 2 Page 27
