by Guy Lilburne
The three girls were already out by the time Terry got back, but he knew that the rent was due today. He opened the cupboard and looked under the tea bag jar and, sure enough, six thousand baht was there waiting for him. Terry was a good man. He helped the girls out from time to time with a favour and in return they never let him down. Terry poured his noodle soup into a little white bowl that he had got for free from Tesco Lotus for buying two boxes of cornflakes. He ate it sat in the only chair that furnished the flat. After that he went to bed. He would shower in the morning - now he was too tired and too drunk. He farted, then grunted and then he fell asleep.
Norris’s trip home after the dominos was just as repetitive and uneventful as Terry’s. He always parked his Toyota pickup truck on the waste ground behind the market each day. He always staggered back to it very slowly after another day’s drinking session. He always drove home very slowly and went straight to bed. He always woke up at around 2:00am in the morning fully dressed and laying on top of his bed. He always spent a few minutes trying to remember how he got home, but always failed to do so. He was always surprised to find himself fully clothed and always surprised and a bit relieved when he looked out of the bedroom window to see his Toyota truck parked safely and undamaged in his driveway. He would then undress and shower and then make himself a cup of tea and a sandwich, take them back to bed and put the TV on BBC News. He wasn’t so bothered about the news, but it was the only English Channel he could get on his TV. After finishing the tea and the sandwich he would fall back to sleep to the sound and the flickering light of the TV, which sat on an old kitchen chair in the corner of the room.
John had the most normal life of all the ‘Band of Brothers’. He had a nice car and a nice house in Jomtien Beach. He was happily married to Pla and had been for the last five years. John was already in his mid-seventies and was enjoying his retirement in Thailand. The others all liked John because he was a bit on the slow side. He never quite understood what was going on, which made him say funny things and he was an easy target for the others. He also suffered with tourettes, which never ceased to raise a laugh amongst the others. As far as they were concerned the more unexpected, inappropriate and loud it was, the funnier it was. Besides all this he was, surprisingly, often the voice of reason amongst the group. He met Pla in a bar in Pattaya and made the decision very quickly to marry her and take her out of the bar. Pla was already too old to be working the bars when John met her and was finding it difficult to compete with the younger girls. Not many customers wanted to pay for a 45 year old woman, who had been selling her body for over a quarter of a century, when they can get an 18 year old with just a few weeks experience for the same money. John and Pla fell in love and had been in love ever since. Pla made a good wife and took good care of John and the house. They both enjoyed the garden and spent a lot of time making it so beautiful. Pla also gave John all the time he needed away from her. She never checked up on him, asked him where he was going or where he had been. She just loved him and was happy when he came back home, which he nearly always did straight after the dominos and the occasional trips away with the boys organized by Sloany. To John his fellow domino players weren’t just his best friends, they were his family, his brothers and he loved them all. He felt lucky, he felt blessed and he didn’t need or want anything else from life.
Old Tony only had a five minute walk to get home after the dominos, but he usually stopped off somewhere along the way to get something to eat and a coffee. After that he would usually visit a couple more bars on his route home. For such a skinny man he could drink a lot of beer. He was never in any rush. He was happy with life and had come to some sort of understanding about it.
Old Tony actually lived in a hotel just off Soi Buakaow. Okay, so the building was very old and almost crumbling, but it was a hotel and, because Old Tony was a long term resident, he got a very good monthly rate. The room was small but had everything he needed - a wardrobe, a chest of drawers, a bedside cabinet, a double bed, a wall mounted TV and a bathroom with shower. The room was cleaned everyday and the bed was changed once a week. He even had a small balcony that overlooked the street below, but the balcony was too narrow to put a chair on it. But he liked to stand there with a cigarette and a glass of whisky and watch the girls walking past below him. His room was filled with all sorts of spiritual memorabilia and the walls were decorated with pictures, paintings and posters of Buddha, prayers and magic chants. Old Tony had become a character around Pattaya - a very easily recognized character. Always dressed in gowns and Arab robes instead of shirts and shorts, he always wore either his black or his white trilby. A cigarette was always being held either between his lips or in his long bony and nicotine stained fingers. Everybody would say how handsome he used to be, but it seemed like that must have been a lifetime ago! Old Tony kept a secret which none of the other domino players knew. He used to take Sloany’s wife Tuk out of the bar where she worked for a long time before Sloany ever met her. And their relationship never ended after she married Sloany. When Tuk needed some loving, or just a shoulder to cry on, she would go and see Old Tony for a cuddle. Old Tony never knew when to expect her. Sometimes she would turn up when he already had a guest or two, but when he was alone he would let her in and bend her over the chest of drawers. Tuk would slide her knickers down and Old Tony would slide in and out of her as she poured out her troubles. Afterwards she would wai to him, thank him and go on her way. It didn’t sound very romantic, but in its own way, it was because Old Tony and Tuk really cared for each other. More than that - they really loved each other and Tuk knew that, if she was ever really in trouble, then it would be Old Tony who she would go to for help. Old Tony knew that he would always be the one to help her if she really needed it. Most evenings when Old Tony got back to the hotel there would be one or two people sitting at the concrete table outside the hotel waiting for him. Mostly they would be bar girls, but not always. They were always waiting for Old Tony to either tell their fortune or contact a dead relative for them. On this particular evening there was just one lady waiting for him. The short skirt, low cut top and tattoos on her thigh and breast told everyone that she was indeed working in one of the Pattaya bars. She stood up and gave Old Tony a very respectful wai in greeting as he approached. He nodded his acknowledgement.
“Sawadee Kha,” she smiled, revealing the full extent of her beauty.
“Sawadee Khrap.”
“I have two farang boyfriend. Both come back Pattaya next week. I not know something what to do. You can tell me future? I want to understand what farang is good better for me and what farang I have to check bin.”
“OK. That’s no problem. How do you want to pay me?”
“Boom boom is OK?”
“That will do nicely. Please follow me.”
“What’s your name?” asked Old Tony as they walked up the stairs to his room.
“My name Pin.”
Old Tony turned the light on and then lit two candles before turning the light off again. He beckoned Pin to sit on the bed, which she did, tucking her legs underneath her bottom and giving Old Tony a flash of red lace panties. The tattoo on her right thigh was a tiger fighting with a snake. It was an expensive tattoo coloured with reds, yellows and greens. It looked sexy and so did Pin. Old Tony scrunched up a red silk cloth and got Pin to hold it in both hands. He then poured a little water from a bottle into a tiny gold coloured cup. He blessed it with some made up words and the sign of the cross. He held the cup up above his head and said a few more words before dipping his finger into the water and dabbing it on her forehead. He retrieved a pack of cards from out of the top drawer of the chest of drawers and started to shuffle them. He then took the red silk cloth from Pin and laid it out on the bed between them. He spread the cards over the cloth and got Pin to touch 10 cards, which he picked up facedown. After clearing the rest of the cards away he placed the ten cards face down on the silk cloth. He t
urned them over slowly one by one and with each card he tutted or sighed - sometimes shaking his head sometimes nodding. Pin watched his every move and was relieved to see him smile once or twice.
“This is very interesting Pin.”
“You see my future?”
“Yes. I think you have a small problem, but it will be OK in the end?”
“What problem?”
“The cards say that you work in a bar.”
“Yes. I work Pussycat Bar.”
“They say that you have many farang boyfriends.”
“Yes I do. Many customers.”
“The cards say that you have two very special boyfriends. They are foreigners and they are both coming back to Pattaya next week.”
“Oh my Buddha! The cards speak true. This really happen. What I do?”
“The farang are from Europe.”
“Yes. One from Europe, from Norway and one from……”
“Australia,” finished Tony, putting his hand up to silence Pin. She gasped at the accuracy of the reading.
“They both send you money and both say they love you.”
“Yes.”
“You are not ready to choose, because you like them both. They both have good hearts. You need to know which one will take care of you for the longest time. You want to know which one has biggest money and build you big house.”
“Wow!” whispered Pin almost under her breath.
“The man from Norway is old. The man from Australia is a little bit younger.” Old Tony glanced a look towards Pin and she was nodding.
“The man from Australia is 20 years younger than Norway man,” she said.
“The man from Australia is a little bit younger by 20 years.”
Pin gasped again.
“Which one I marry?”
“The cards say that you should marry the man from Norway and get him to build the house straight away. You will be happy and lucky and he will give you big money. But, in the future he will die. The cards say that, not to worry, you will find someone else after Norway man die.”
“When he die?”
“In the future.”
“Why he die?”
“Heart attack.”
“Anything else?”
“Yes. The cards say that you should be happy and enjoy yourself. You should take care of your family and, in the future, you will be very lucky. The colour red is very lucky for you and the number 9.”
“I am so happy. Now I not have problem and in the future I happy.” Pin was beaming a huge smile. She leaned over and kissed Tony on the cheek.
“You want me shower before boom boom?”
Old Tony nodded and Pin stripped off in front of him. Her tanned body was perfect. She smiled at Tony before walking into the bathroom. Old Tony stripped off and followed her into the shower. After washing herself she washed Tony and he grew hard in her hands. She knelt down and sucked on his penis. Eventually he pulled her up and bent her over the sink. He slid himself into her.
“You are going to make a very good wife Pin.”
“Thank you, kha.”
Chapter 5: That’s a Date
Terry was the last member of the gang to arrive at The Sloan Square Bar. The others had just sat down and were ordering breakfast. It was 10 am and the Thais were finding shade wherever they could. The ex-pats had mostly found shade in the bars and the holiday makers were getting burnt on the beach. Terry was always a natty dresser. He always wore a short sleeved shirt and was seldom seen in a tee shirt. He didn’t like the cheap baggy shorts that most of the farang had bought cheap from the Thai markets. He always had knee length tailored shorts that he took great care in ironing properly. His shoes were proper shoes and not flip flops and they were usually colour coordinated with his shirts. This morning he was wearing a white short sleeved shirt, red shorts, red shoes, red braces and a flat cap which was also red.
“Fucking hell! It’s Noddy,” chuckled Old Tony, but Terry ignored him.
“Morning Terry. Sausage butty?” asked Sloany.
“No thanks Sloany. I think I’m going to have a full English breakfast this morning.”
“Full English without the eggs?”
“Actually mate, I am going to have the eggs this morning.”
“I didn’t think you could eat eggs with the irritable bowel thing. I thought you always said that they go straight through you!”
“Well, they do Sloany. Usually within the hour.”
“So why are you having them?”
“Well, you see the thing is, Sloany, I went out last night and I was on the Guinness.”
“What has that got to do with it?”
“Well Guinness goes right through me as well, but it usually takes about 12 hours for the reaction. So I might as well eat the eggs, because I’m going to be shitting through the eye of a needle anyway in about an hour, so I might as well enjoy the eggs. Do you see where I’m coming from?”
“I suppose so,” said Sloany shrugging his shoulders. “I hope you are going to make it back home in time before you start shitting everywhere.”
“I know what you mean mate. I think it could be the perfect storm. Thanks for your concern.”
“I’m not concerned. I just don’t want you using all my toilet paper. I’ll get your breakfast.”
Terry sat at the table with the others and sat himself next to Norris. He leaned over towards Norris and raised his hand to his mouth to hide the whisper.
“Norris, I need a favour from you tonight. How are you fixed?”
“Well, it depends what it is.”
“I don’t need another loan. I just need some of your time tonight.”
“Well, like I said, it depends what it is and ’ow much time and where you need me to be to give you my time.”
“I’ll tell you later. It’s private and I don’t want this lot to know about it, but it is very important to me.”
“I can’t give you a hanswer until I know what it is you want, but if I can ’elp you then I will. But like I said, it depends what it is.”
“Thanks matey. I’ll tell you after breakfast.”
Tuk started bringing the breakfasts to the table as the group of friends chatted a lot about not very much. It wasn’t long before they were all eating and shouting out to Tuk the same compliments they shouted out each and every day about how fantastic the breakfast was. Tuk beamed the huge smile that she beamed out every day in response. It was only quietly and almost under their breath that they would moan about how small the portions were, how cold the eggs were or how under-cooked the sausage was. Again it was part of the daily ritual and, somehow, it had become an important part of the day.
The mostly empty plates and tea cups were taken away, the table was wiped down and Old Tony brushed the toast crumbs off his robe with the same hand that was holding his cigarette. He managed to replace the toast crumbs in his lap with cigarette ash, the same way he managed it every morning. The tea cups were replaced with bottles of beer and the box of dominos and peg board were almost ceremonially brought from behind the bar by Sloany and placed on the table in front of the men.
“I’m not being funny gentlemen, but I won’t be playing today,” announced Terry. “Don’t get me wrong. I’d love to play and I mean that most sincerely, but I’ve had Guinness last night and eggs this morning. I’ve got to get home and sit on the toilet for a few hours. Do you see where I’m coming from?”
“No problem Terry,” said John as he tipped the dominos out onto the large wooden table.
“Norris, can I have a word with you before I go?”
Norris shrugged his shoulders and got up out of the chair to follow Terry to the other side of the bar.
“What’s up?” he asked.
“Well, I’ll get straight to the point. I’ve got a date tonight with a really lovely girl.”
“Oh good! Well done!”
“The thing is, it is a double date because she wants to bring her friend with her. So I said that I’d take a mate to keep her friend company. Do you see where I’m coming from?”
“Yes. I see where you are coming from. You are trying to fix me up on a blind date and I’m not interested. I don’t know these girls.”
