by Julia Bell
“If you get it done now, then you’ll have the rest of the time to do fun things,” Anna insisted, holding out her hand. Giving a sigh, Hollie collected her books and took her hand. Anna laughed and turned to Jason for support. “I’m sure your daddy didn’t leave his homework until the last minute.”
“No, I didn’t. But there again, I was a boarder and the school had strict rules,” he smiled, rising to his feet.
“Martyn tended to leave his homework until Sunday afternoon,” she said, thinking back. “But Chris was very diligent and got his out of the way on Friday night.”
“What are they studying at university?”
Anna bristled with pride. “Chris is studying electronic engineering at Loughborough and Martyn economics at Warwick.” She gave a giggle. “I think my elder son has ambitions to become Chancellor of the Exchequer.”
“I’d like to meet your boys one day. They sound like fine young men. Your husband must have been very proud of them.”
“Yes, he is…was,” said Anna, her cheeks flushing slightly as she saw Jason frowning.
Hollie pulled on Anna’s hand. “Can we go and do this silly homework now?”
The following week was a whirl of activity as they all adjusted to their new routine and it was during that first week and afterwards that Anna would often accompany Jason and Hollie to the hospital to visit Kiera. It was at one of these visits that she met Fergus and Gaynor Macintosh, Kiera’s parents. They were constantly at the hospital and although in their sixties were determined to be with their daughter and see her through her illness. When Jason and Hollie arrived, they would take the opportunity to catch up on some chores and allow Hollie to have some time with her mother. Anna didn’t want to intrude and would often find a seat and watch Jason and Hollie slowly walk round the hospital garden helping Kiera along, their arms round her to steady her faltering footsteps.
It was obvious her illness had rapidly taken a dramatic hold on her. The medication was alleviating the pain but the progression of the tumour was profound. Jason, who was still her husband and therefore legally her next of kin, had had long discussions with her consultant. His prognosis was bleak and he had to admit that all they could do was make the patient comfortable as Kiera might have only a matter of weeks.
It was the middle of August the day Anna received two contrasting phone calls. Jason had left for a meeting in Birmingham early that morning and hoped to return later that night.
The first call came about lunchtime and was from Chris.
“We got exactly the same results, Mum, even though we did different exams. Two As and a B.” His voice at the end of the phone was excited and filled with delight.
“That’s wonderful, sweetheart. So, your places are confirmed?”
“Yes, everything’s sorted. Grandma said she’ll help us pack all the stuff we’ll need to take with us for living in halls.” He paused for a moment. “But we have something to tell you and we don’t want you to be upset.”
“Why should I be upset?” she laughed.
“Dad was dead pleased, of course and he’s given us some money, so we’re off to Ibiza for two weeks. We got a great last minute deal.”
“That’s fantastic. You enjoy yourselves.”
“The trouble is you wanted to celebrate our results, but we’re going on Sunday so there’ll not be time and also we’ll be gone for your birthday.”
“Don’t worry about that. I think I’d rather forget my birthday.” She grimaced. “Thirty-eight is not exactly a birthday to celebrate.”
Chris chuckled at the end of the line. “Can’t imagine being that old.”
“Cheeky sod!”
Anna smiled to herself as she resumed working. It seemed her boys were doing fine without her and in a way she felt relieved. In early October they would leave home to start their degrees and who knows where they would end up after that?
The second call came mid-afternoon and was from Gaynor Macintosh who told Anna that Kiera’s condition had worsened and she was asking to see her. Although very surprised at the request, she could do nothing else but comply. Ben drove her to the hospital and while he waited in the car, Anna made her way through the corridors to Kiera’s room.
Her parents were at her bedside as usual and as Anna entered the room she gave them a smile and then winced at the figure lying in the bed. Kiera was propped up on two pillows and now and again her eyelashes flickered as she drifted in and out of consciousness. Her pale, sunken features seemed in sharp contrast to the dark hair that had been tied back out of the way.
“We’ll pop out for a coffee,” said Mrs Macintosh. “There’s a snack bar just down the corridor.”
Anna took a seat and reached across to hold Kiera’s hand. The movement disturbed her sleep and she slowly opened her eyes.
“Anna, is that you?” Her voice was so weak it could hardly leave her throat.
“Yes, I’m here,” said Anna.
Kiera struggled to sit up further and Anna eased her into a more comfortable position.
“I’m so glad you came. I want to ask you something.” She started coughing and Anna held a cup to her lips while she drank. “I need to be…sure of something…before it’s too late.”
“You’re very tired. Do you want to leave it until you feel stronger?”
Despite her illness, Kiera gave a hoarse chuckle. “I don’t think I’m going to get any stronger, “ she said.
“Then what do you want to ask me?”
“It’s about Hollie. Anna, please, please promise you’ll take care of her for me.”
Anna gripped her hand tighter. “Of course I’ll look after her. You don’t need to ask me that.”
Kiera shook her head slowly. “No, you don’t understand. I mean, always be there for her. I want you to marry Jason and be his wife and then care for my Hollie as a mother.”
Anna almost stopped breathing. “Kiera, I can’t promise that! Jason might not see it the same way.”
“Oh, but he does. I know he thinks a lot about you.”
“Yes, as his personal assistant. But marriage is a completely different thing.”
“As Jason’s assistant you could leave at any moment, then my little girl will be on her own.”
Anna became alarmed and bent closer to her. “No, Kiera, you’re wrong. Hollie has her father and her grandparents and Mrs Wilby and Ben to take care of her. She doesn’t need me.”
Kiera closed her eyes for what seemed a long time, but then her eyelashes flickered once more.
“Her grandparents are too old. Ben and Mrs Wilby are fine, but you’re a good mother…and you know how to bring up kids. I need to know that she’ll be OK.” Her eyes opened wide and seemed as black as night. “Please don’t… let me down.” Anna could hardly speak. “Promise me.”
Anna opened her mouth to answer, tears filling her eyes. “I…promise,” she said hesitantly. “I promise that I will do everything I can for Hollie.”
Kiera smiled and closed her eyes.
It was nearly midnight and Anna was sitting alone at the kitchen table. Everyone had gone to bed, but she had insisted on staying up until Jason came home. It had been a hot day and she left the door open to let any draught enter the house and bring in its wonderful coolness. Her mind was troubled. She had promised a dying woman that she would do all she could for her little girl and she would keep that promise to the best of her ability. But to marry Jason was out of the question. She had too many marital problems of her own to sort out and to marry a second time was a thought that had never entered her head.
Jason appeared out of the darkness, startling her out of her grim thoughts. “Goodness, what are you doing still up?” he asked, giving her a smile. He came into the kitchen and flung his briefcase onto the table.
“Would you like me to make you some coffee?” she said, ignoring his question.
“No, I’ll have a quick drink of orange and then I’m off to bed.”
“How was Birmingham? Did it go OK?”
He opened the fridge and poured himself a glass of juice smiling triumphantly. “Well, I got the contract. Has Hollie been good today?”
“Yes, but…” He turned to face her and his smile faded. Anna swallowed hard. “It’s Kiera, Jason. Her condition became critical. She died just before nine o’ clock tonight.”
There was so much to do the following week after Kiera’s death that Anna could hardly remember what happened from one hour to the next. Jason spent the next few days at Kiera’s apartment, helping her parents sort out the furniture and private effects. Kiera had requested that most of her jewellery be returned to Jason, since they had been his gifts and it was one morning, shortly after Jason had completed all the arrangements for Kiera’s funeral, he came into the office and went straight to Anna. He placed a box on top of her desk. Anna picked it up and stared at it. It was a square shaped jewel box, with a plush pale blue covering. It had the name Tiffany & Co embossed on the front.
“What’s this?” she asked in surprise.
“Why don’t you open it and see.” She did so and let out a gasp of delight. Inside was a gold bracelet of small diamonds and sapphires. “It’s for you. Kiera wanted you to have it,” he said, watching her lift it out of the box and hold it up to the light, so that it sparkled in the rays from the sun. She knew it was very expensive, the name on the box told her that.
“But I don’t understand why,” she said puzzled.
“I’m guessing they’re a ‘thank you’ for being a friend.”
“I was hardly that, Jason! We talked together and I visited her in the hospital. I can’t accept something as expensive as this! Besides, didn’t you say you’d bought Kiera most of her jewellery?”
Jason nodded. “Yes, that was my wedding present to her.”
Anna couldn’t hide her horror. “Then I can’t possibly take it! What will Ben and Mrs Wilby say?”
“Does it matter what they say? Kiera wanted you to have it and I’m OK with that.”
Anna shook her head. “But...!”
He didn’t let her get any further, but took the bracelet from her and clasped it round her wrist.
“Take it, Anna, I want you to wear it. It seems so right for you.”
She couldn’t answer; her thoughts were so confused. He smiled at her bewilderment and continued holding her hand. Suddenly he raised it to his lips and softly kissed her fingers. It was the first intimate contact they had had and the gesture made her heart jump into her throat. She knew that Kiera had a good reason for wanting her to have Jason’s wedding present.
The days leading up to the funeral proved a very difficult time for Anna. She thought of her sons constantly, pinning their postcard from Ibiza next to the one from Romania. Their photo, in a wooden frame, stood on her desk and Anna would often stop working to stare at it. It was her favourite one showing them with their arms round each other and sporting cheeky grins. Martyn, with his dark hair and hazel eyes looking so like his father, while Chris, blond and blue-eyed, took after her.
She missed them terribly and sought refuge in keeping her promise to Kiera and helping Jason with Hollie, even taking the little girl to the florist and allowing her to choose the flowers.
Hollie had had her bath and was sitting at the dressing table in her room while Anna brushed her hair.
“What will it be like tomorrow?” the little girl asked seriously.
“How do you mean?”
“Is it going to be very scary saying goodbye to Mummy?”
Anna stopped her brushing and put her arms round her. “No, it won’t be scary. You’ve worked very hard to make it a special day. The flowers will be lovely.”
“But Mummy will be in a coffin and people will be crying.”
“Yes, people will cry because that’s what happens at a funeral, but they’re crying because they love the person who’s died and it’s a way of showing that love. And yes, I know your mummy will be in a coffin but that’s only her body. Her soul has gone to heaven. She’s happy now and she isn’t sick any more.”
“But I miss her.”
Anna hugged her closer. “I know you do.” She paused, remembering. “You know, Hollie, my daddy died when I was just a bit older than you. I was twelve and I missed him so much.”
“Was he very sick too?”
“No, he died in a car accident. It all happened very suddenly. My mum and my little sister and me were left on our own. It was very difficult to be without him but we managed and we never, never stopped thinking about him or loving him.”
“Even though he wasn’t there any more?”
“Oh, Hollie. You never stop thinking of someone just because you can’t see them any more. They’re here.” She put her hand over the little girl’s heart. “And that means they’re always with you every single day of your life.”
“And I can look at her photo,” she said, pointing to the silver frame on her bedside table.
“Of course you can.” Anna kissed the top of her head.
Jason suddenly appeared. “Are you ready for a story?”
Hollie jumped into bed, pulling the covers up to her chin. “Yes! Yes! Yes!”
“So, what story do you want,” he asked, walking over to the bookshelf.
“The Selfish Giant,” yelled Hollie.
Jason gave a groan. “Oh, not again! I’ve read it hundreds of times!” Anna kissed Hollie good night and made for the door. As she past Jason, he gave her a grimace. “Oscar Wilde has a lot to answer for.”
Anna settled down for the evening, curled up on the couch, reading a magazine. Jason came into the room and took a seat next to her.
“Thank you for talking to Hollie about tomorrow. I really appreciate it.”
Anna gave him a bright smile. “She told you about it?”
“No, I was listening outside the door,” he admitted with a grin.
“You were eavesdropping!” She hit him playfully with the magazine.
He blew out a breath. “Couldn’t help it really. I was just coming to her room and I heard you talking and I just had to stop and listen.”
“Well, it’s a good job we weren’t talking about you! You might have heard something you didn’t want to hear.”
He gave her a sidelong glance. “That’s true, but it would have served me right.” He paused slightly before adding, “I’m sorry about your father. I didn’t know he’d died. I assumed your parents were divorced.”
“Why should you have known? I never told you, because I didn’t think you’d be interested.”
“I’m very interested in your life.” He tilted his head to one side. “You never talk about your husband. What did he do for a living? I mean, before he fell ill.”
Anna swallowed hard. “He was a structural engineer.” She tried to go back to her magazine, but knew his eyes were still on her and although she tried not to meet his gaze, she found she was compelled to look up once more. He was smiling.
“I know how it feels to have your heart broken. I don’t blame you for not wanting to talk about him.”
She was alarmed to recognise something in his gentle tone, his soft expression that made her think that he knew the truth about her. But how could he? She absorbed herself in her magazine, convinced that she had imagined it; he was making polite conversation that was all.
The day of the funeral dawned and it seemed the weather was going to be kind. Throughout the next few hours, Hollie positioned herself between her father and Anna, holding their hands firmly. Her courage astonished Anna and it was only when the curtain finally swished round the casket that Hollie needed a gentle hug from her father.
While they were standing outside the crematorium, Anna noticed an elegant woman, sporting a large hat and sunglasses. She wondered if she was a relative or perhaps, a family friend. Whoever she was, Jason would probably introduce her when they all went back to the house. Then Anna remembered Kiera’s lover, Peter, and guessed he must be somewhere about. Surely he would want to attend the funeral, eve
n if the situation might be a little awkward between him and Jason.
The wake afterwards was pleasant and Anna helped Hollie to pass round the plates of food. Again, Anna searched for the woman she had seen outside the crematorium, but she obviously had not wanted to come to the house. Also, there didn’t seem to be any sign of the mysterious Peter. She sighed despondently. Poor Kiera, after everything she had been through, he couldn’t even be there for her. Thank goodness she had had Jason at the end.
A few days later, Jason collected Kiera’s ashes. It was nearing the end of August and Jason had made arrangements with his daughter’s headmistress that she should accompany her grandparents back to Vancouver and spend a few weeks with them.
It was a cloudy day as they made their way up the hill to where they had spent the picnic. Since it was Hollie’s favourite place, it had been decided that that was where they would scatter the ashes. Anna, Mrs Wilby and Ben walked with Jason, while Hollie and her grandparents went on ahead. And it was these three only that took part in the actual act of finally laying Kiera to rest. Even Jason stood back, knowing that this was a very private moment.
They looked on from a distance as her grandparents took Hollie to the brow of the hill and kneeling down they allowed her to lift the lid off the small silver urn and then helped her shake the ashes into the wind. Everyone watched as the grey flakes drifted and danced in the light breeze to join the elements and return at last to the earth.
“Goodbye, Mummy,” whispered Hollie. “I hope you like living in heaven.”
Anna was standing next to Jason and she felt him suddenly tense. She glanced at him and noticed the muscles in his jaw tighten and realised that this was the hardest part for him. She knew it wasn’t sorrow for Kiera, but for his little daughter who now was without her mother. What made Anna do the next action she couldn’t imagine, but suddenly she slipped her hand into his and was surprised when he responded by clenching it tightly as if he never meant to let it go.
Two days later, Jason drove Hollie and her grandparents to Heathrow to board the flight for the long journey to Vancouver. After they had left, Anna joined Mrs Wilby in the kitchen.
