“Thanks.” Noah gave her a small smile, his first since she’d landed. He reached one hand out and touched her cheek. “I’m glad you’re back. I’ve missed you. The bar’s not quite the same without you.”
She turned her head and pressed a kiss into the palm of his hand. “I missed you too.”
They drove back to Forever, talking about the bar and Hoppy Heaven’s wild success, and Dominic’s recovery. Traffic remained steady and they didn’t encounter a single box on the side of the road, filled with kittens or anything else. She didn’t have an excuse to push him up against his truck and steal a kiss—and maybe more.
An hour and change later they pulled into her driveway and he put the truck in park. “Feel like giving me a hand with my bags?” she asked, keeping her voice light and playful. “Helping me sneak back into my dad’s house?”
Noah raised an eyebrow, but kept his hands on the steering wheel. “I don’t think it’s a secret when he’s expecting you.”
“Good point, but he’s not here now. He went in early today. So we could pretend. It might be fun.”
“Fun.” He looked at her as if he’s forgotten the meaning of the word. Seeing that look, she knew they both needed a little break from the worrying.
“Noah.” She looked him straight in the eyes. “I’ve been waiting for weeks to kiss you. So get your ass out of the truck and follow me inside.” She opened the passenger door and hopped down.
Please follow me.
She heard a second truck door slam shut as she reached the side of the house, followed by the crunch of gravel beneath his boots.
“Naked kisses?” he demanded when he reached her side.
She nodded and headed for the back door. “I don’t have an old mechanical bull here. Just a twin bed. Can you work with that?”
“Yeah,” he said. But he stopped inside her kitchen.
She turned to face him, dropping her backpack and duffel on the floor. “There’s no one here.” She moved closed and placed her hands on his chest. “Just you and me.”
“I know.” He placed his hands on her hips and looked down at her, his blue eyes staring into hers. “But I still expect your dad or your brother to walk in. It feels wrong. Forbidden. And, sweetheart, that’s not a turn-on. Not for me.”
Her hope surged. He didn’t want her because she was off-limits. Kissing her, making love to her on that bull and in his bed had nothing to do with exploring what he couldn’t have. He wanted her. She could feel it in the way his fingers pressed into her hips, holding her close as if he needed to keep her right there.
“I brought the toy Daphne gave me to Germany,” she murmured. “Alone in my hotel room at night, I’d take it out, slip it beneath the sheets and pretend it was your cock.”
“Josie—”
“But I have a secret.” She rose up on her toes until her cheek touched his. She couldn’t quite reach his ear. “The real thing is so much better.”
“Josie,” he growled, his hands sliding over her ass, moving lower to her thighs. He lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around him. “Josie, I love your dirty mouth.”
Love. He’d said the word. She was tempted to whisper, What else do you love? Me? But she didn’t want to push, not now, not yet.
He carried her up the stairs and headed straight for her room. Inside, he set her down and offered her a smile that was pure Noah.
“One, two, three,” he began.
Her brow furrowed.
“Go!” he added as he pulled off his shirt.
Understanding dawned and she kicked off her sneakers, glad she’d left her boots in her closet. This time, she wanted to win the let’s-get-naked contest. Except he’d already stripped off his pants, shoes, and socks.
When his boxers hit the floor, she paused, her thumbs hooked in her panties.
“Don’t stop there,” he said, walking around her and claiming a seat on her bed. He planted his feet hip-width apart, his erection ready for action. “I’m ready and waiting for you to climb up here and take me for a ride, cowgirl,” he added. “Show me how you used your toy while you were away.”
She slid her underwear down her legs and stepped out of them. Then she took a detour to her nightstand for a condom. “And what did you do while I was in Germany?”
He grinned and wrapped his hand around his cock, stroking from the base to the tip. She moved between his legs, watching his movements.
“I missed you, Josie.”
She raised her gaze to his face. One look in his blue eyes and she knew he wasn’t talking about wild, naked bull rides and orgasms.
I miss you.
It wasn’t the same as “I love you,” but she’d take it.
For now.
He reached for the condom. “We need to get this on now, or this will end before we get started,” he added, his tone transitioning to light and teasing. But she could still hear the thread of need.
I miss you. I want you. I love you?
She hoped it was all there between them as she climbed up on the bed and straddled his hips. Replacing his hand with hers, she sank down onto his hard length. His gaze shifted to her breasts and he leaned forward, capturing one pert nipple between his lips. He put his six-pack to work, his hand gliding over her back as she stared to move. She ground her hips against him and he let her take what she needed for a minute, maybe two, before he fought for control—and won.
This is the best kind of defeat.
But this time, as he pumped up into her, claiming control despite the fact that she was riding him—this time, she bit back the words “I love you.” She knew it in her heart. But she refused to send him running for the door. She was willing to risk heartbreak, but she wasn’t going to search it out today.
Maybe tomorrow. And when she did take that leap, she held tight to the hope he’d offer her the same words.
NOAH GROUND HIS teeth together and fought for control. There was so much they hadn’t said to each other, things he need to ask, and more that he needed to tell her. Was she pregnant? When would she know? Because hell, he still wanted a reason to keep her close, to make her his.
But I should be pushing her away. What if I can’t keep her safe? Dustin’s still out there, always one fucking step ahead of me.
He lay back on her twin bed, his feet still planted on the floor. His head touched the wall behind him. The bed was so narrow. But he didn’t give a damn. Not while he had his hands around Josie’s hips, lifting and lowering her onto himself. He watched the full length of his dick disappear from view and felt her rub against him. He was tempted to reach between them and tease her, knowing it would give her the release she’d sought from her toy penis.
But he was a selfish ass. He wanted to draw this out. He wanted her here with him when he was pretty damn certain he should walk out the door and demand that she keep clear of him, Caroline, and the kittens in his barn, until he knew it was safe. Until he’d eliminated the threat of shots being fired . . .
“More, Noah,” she demanded, arching her back. She raised her hands to her breasts and held them as she fought to ride him harder and faster . . .
“Josie,” he murmured. He couldn’t hold back. He was too close. The sight of her like this, riding him, taking everything he had to give . . . she blew the fantasies he’d carried with him for so damn long, to that hell in the desert and back, so far away . . .
“Tell me you’re close,” he demanded. “Because I can’t—”
“Now,” she moaned, her body shivering and convulsing above him. She stared down at him and he swore he saw her heart right there in her eyes silently offering the same words she’d given him five years ago—I love you.
He came hard and fast, closing his eyes to the rush of emotions. He shouldn’t be here. He couldn’t take her heart and promise to keep it safe. But he might walk away wi
th it anyway.
Yeah, that made him a selfish jerk. Because soon, he might be forced to push her away. And it would break her heart.
Chapter Twenty-One
JOSIE HAD INSISTED on working last night in spite of her jet lag. She needed the cash. And she didn’t want to be alone with her thoughts and the reality she’d been ignoring for the past few days.
She had to find a way to tell Noah how she felt. But that wasn’t the only big reveal she had in store for the man who looked like he was already pushed to the limits.
The situation with Caroline was draining him. She could tell that he hated the waiting. He wanted to find Dustin first. But without going to the police—and after witnessing Big Buck’s dishwasher’s paranoia last night, Josie knew that wasn’t going to happen—Noah didn’t have much choice. Between his “strays” and the bar, Noah had been pushed to the edge.
Josie walked into The Lost Kitten’s Toy Chest, inhaled the familiar scent of coffee and turned around. She’d made it to the parking area feeling as if she might lose her breakfast. She placed her hands on her thighs and bent over.
But she knew this feeling. The worst never happened, just loomed nearby, presenting a constant possibility.
“The toy chest inspires too many naughty thoughts first thing in the morning, huh?” Daphne said, moving to her side and running her hand over her back.
Josie braved an upright position and glanced at her friend. “It was the coffee, not the naughty nurse costumes and whips.”
Her best friend’s smile faded and her eyes widened. “Does that mean you’re—”
“I’m pregnant.” She doubled over again, wrapped her arms around her middle. But this time it wasn’t nausea. Fear churned in her belly. How had she ended up here?
“Noah?” Daphne asked softly.
She nodded, but didn’t stand upright. She wasn’t ready. Not yet. “It’s still early. Only four weeks. But I know.”
“You took a test?”
“This morning.” After she’d nearly thrown up her dad’s eggs and bacon celebration breakfast. Her father’s relief that Dominic would be all right, that he was coming home after rehab, probably to stay—it was palpable and led to large breakfasts. If only she had an appetite . . .
“At first, I told myself it was nerves. I came home planning to tell Noah that I love him, that I’ve fallen in love with him all over again. Or maybe I never stopped loving him.” The words spilled out in a rush, aimed at the pavement covering the strip club parking lot.
“Whoa, wait,” Daphne said, bending down to look at her.
“But I didn’t tell him,” Josie continued, pressing her eyes closed. “He looked so tired and overwhelmed by the past few weeks.”
“Maybe he’s been worried about you,” Daphne said, placing a hand on Josie’s back. “I’m guessing he knew this was a possibility.”
“Maybe.” But she knew it had more to do with Caroline and the man hunting them. “But I didn’t tell him. I asked him to come in and . . . well, then at work last night, at the bar, the way he looked at me. I swear it’s like he wants me, but still can’t escape the guilt. For a guy who wants the world to think he’s an asshole, it’s kind of funny.”
Josie let out a brittle laugh as she stood up and tried to see the humor. She struggled to feel better even as the ground felt like it was slipping out from underneath her. At this rate, she wouldn’t be able to stand up on her own two feet much longer.
“Josie, come here.” Daphne wrapped her arms around her and held her tight. “You have to tell him. How you feel, about the baby, everything. You’ve kept too much inside, trying to do everything on your own for so long. It’s not possible and I won’t let it tear you to pieces. Not this time.”
“You’re right,” she whispered. “I’ll tell him. Before the bar opens today.”
“CAROLINE’S TAKING THE day off,” Noah called as Josie walked into the bar. Her father had taken her Mini to the shop for a new starter while she’d been in Germany. Noah wished he’d thought to take that on too instead of leaving it to his best friend’s dad. Chief Fairmore had enough on his plate. But he’d been so overwhelmed by the things he couldn’t fix that he hadn’t turned his attention to the things he could. “So we’re on our own for dishes,” he added.
“Is she OK?” Josie set her purse and apron on the bar and took a seat.
“Yeah.” Noah focused on unloading the last rack of pint glasses. He’d come in early so that Caroline’s absence wouldn’t stretch his already overworked staff. April, the other bartender, had hugged him when he told her Josie was coming back to work. He suspected April thought he was holding out hope—and keeping a job open—for something that was never going to happen.
“I asked her to stay home today,” he added. “It’s been a few weeks since Dustin reached out.” And shot at us. “I think it best if she lays low for a while. Plus I hired a private investigator to poke around down where Dustin’s from in California. His wife and kids are still there, but no one’s seen him in a while. Turns out his wife got a restraining order against him. So chances are he’s still hanging around here somewhere, biding his time and trying to turn Caroline into a nervous wreck. Or more of a wreck. If that’s his plan, it’s working. She’s losing it a bit.”
And I don’t want her anywhere near you. It’s the only damn thing I can think of to keep you safe and out of range of a fucking shotgun and the woman who feels more and more like a cornered animal every damn day.
“We’ll manage,” Josie said, but there was a hefty dose of grim in her tone. “I’m sort of glad she’s not here because we need to talk.”
Noah set the pint glass down and looked at her. He knew what was coming. He’d been waiting, hoping to hear these words. Hell, he had to fight to keep from blurting out, I know you’re scared, but I want this. Our baby—
“I love you,” she said, and he took a step back. Yeah, he’d seen it in her beautiful, green eyes twenty-four hours ago when he’d been buried inside her. But he’d expected her to whisper the words with hope and passion, not the same voice she’d use to explain the details of Dominic’s injuries.
He placed his hands flat on the bar. “Josie, I—”
“And,” she continued, staring up at him, so damn determined to have her say that he shut up. And yeah, there wasn’t much to say after her declaration. What the hell could he offer her in return? I want you? It wasn’t the same.
“And we’re having a baby,” she said, her voice trembling.
Thank you, Jesus. He’d been waiting to hear those words, hoping he’d have a reason to turn to the world—every damn person in this town, her father, her brother, everyone—and say, She’s mine. My family. My future.
“You’re sure?” he said, and damn, he sounded like a kid who couldn’t quite believe Santa Claus had traveled down his chimney. It was too much a miracle to be true.
She nodded. “I took a test this morning.”
He pressed his palms into the bar and pushed himself up, vaulting over the polished wood, scrambling to get to the other side, to reach her.
“Josie,” he murmured, pulling her into his arms. He held her tight, clutching the damn happiness that had been thrust at him despite the problems that had come rushing in his direction, one after another.
How was he going to keep her safe? Dustin was out there and armed.
“I’m so scared,” she whispered.
“Yeah, I know,” he said. “I am too.”
“I don’t want to lose this baby,” she added.
Forget Dustin. Those words, her feeling, her fears—this wasn’t a madman he could hunt down in his freaking woods. There wasn’t a damn thing he could do to keep her from losing this baby tomorrow or six months from now.
I can’t take control and make everything all right.
There was no way around it.
His arms fell to his sides and he pulled free from her hold, stepping away. He’d failed her the minute he’d let the grief carry him away, pushing him to take her without a condom. He’d delivered her back to the hell she’d fought so damn hard to escape. The pain. The grief. She might have to face all that again.
And there is nothing I can do about it.
He’d never felt so powerless.
But he could keep her out of the mad marine’s range. He could steer her clear of Caroline—and, shit, himself.
“I want you to go home,” he said firmly. “Rest. Tell your dad. Please, Josie, you’re going to need his help this time.”
“Wait. What?” she demanded, sinking back onto the stool. She wrapped her arms around her middle.
“I need you to leave,” he said firmly.
“Noah, don’t be stupid,” she shot back. “I’m four weeks pregnant. I can serve drinks.”
Noah shook his head. “Until I know that Dustin’s gone, that he’s not watching the bar, tracking me, or Caroline, that he won’t start shooting again . . .” He couldn’t bring himself to say “shooting at you,” because he was never going to let that happen. “Until then, I need you to stay away from here. From me. And take care of yourself.”
“But he’s never shown up here,” she protested. “This guy you think is after Caroline.”
“What do you want me to say, Josie?” He placed his hands on his hips. “I can’t take the risk that something will happen to you here. I’m not going to let you down. I’ll be there for you and the baby. I’ll do everything I can and that includes keeping you away from a madman with a gun. What else do you want?”
I WANT YOU to say that you love me too.
“I don’t need a hero right now, Noah.”
“Good. I’m not cut out for the role. Not anymore. I just need you safe—”
“And I need you.” But even as she said the words, she knew it was hopeless. He was too afraid that he’d fail her. And too focused on the things that remained within his control. “I can’t do this on my own.”
“Ah hell, Josie, you don’t have to,” he said quickly. “I’ll be there for every appointment. I’ll make sure you have everything you need. I’m not walking away, Josie. I’m not like your ex. We’re in this together.”
Serving Trouble Page 15
