Alex speared inside of me. Hard. Fast. I screamed against the table, eyes rolling to the back of my head. He grunted and pulled out, then slammed inside again, releasing my neck and leaning down to bite into my shoulder.
We fucked like animals. It was rough. Brutal. Phenomenal. If my nails weren’t short, I would have left scratches in the table. Alex’s growling moans were louder than I’d ever heard them, and it turned me on so much I felt like crying.
Searing pleasure built in my core, winding tighter and tighter with every thrust. I lost all concept of time and space, only aware of the burn in my belly and the cock buried in my pussy. Tighter and tighter, hotter and hotter, until finally I came. My eyes screwed shut I screamed as the pleasure blasted me into oblivion.
For one perfect second, my mind was completely blank. I even forgot to breathe.
And then, gasping for air, I came back to earth.
Alex’s hands squeezed my hips and he thrust inside of me one last time with a strangled, primal cry. I felt his cock pulse, felt him shudder. Then he pulled out and flipped me over, covering my mouth with his before I could even let out a surprised yelp.
Alex held my face and kissed me hard and deep, even though both of us were still struggling to breathe. Something about the moment was more intimate than any we’d shared before. I buried my hands in his hair and kissed him back.
We came up for air a second later, and he looked me deep in the eyes.
The way he looked at me made my heart hurt. I saw his passion, his tenderness. I saw how much he loved to look at me and I saw how much he loved when I looked back.
What I didn’t see was the same pain that twisted through my gut like a jagged blade any time I remembered that this thing between us, this wonderful, beautiful thing, would soon turn to dust.
It had to. My visa would run out, or the factors that set us apart would become too much to manage, and we would end. Alex knew just as well as I did that our time was limited and every second we enjoyed together was just another second closer to us being torn apart, but he didn’t hurt from it in the same way I did.
If he did, I would see it. In his eyes, in the words he used, in the actions he took. But it didn’t seem to bother him at all. I couldn’t tell how he felt about me, except that he wanted me and he was used to getting what he wanted.
I couldn’t tell him that was what had made me distant lately. I could barely admit it to myself because it made me feel every bit the person Michael painted me to be in the tabloids. I shoved it away.
“Let me make you dinner,” Alex said. “I have to return you this evening, but we’ve got all day here.”
“Sure.” I plastered on a smile. “Uh, just let me gather myself together a little.” I shuffled my jean-encased feet and we both chuckled. “I’ll meet you in the kitchen in a minute.”
Alex adjusted his clothes and kissed me on the lips, then left for the kitchen. I pulled up my pants and found the nearest bathroom. I splashed cold water on my face before heading out again.
By the time I reached the kitchen, the smell of garlic filled the air and lifted my spirits. My stomach grumbled. It was still a little early for dinner, but we’d had a busy day and I hadn’t eaten anything since this morning.
“What are we having?” I asked when Alex’s back came into view, hunched over the stove.
He turned his head and smiled. “Nana has a knack for Italian. I’m going to attempt to make her famous Bolognese.”
“Attempt, eh?” I took a seat at the kitchen island.
“I’ve never made it before without her hovering over my shoulder with a wooden spoon to whack me for over seasoning,” he said with a laugh.
“I’m sure it’ll be delicious.”
Alex went back to working on the stove, humming something I couldn’t quite make out. He was in a fantastic mood. I tried to soak it in, knowing that my ennui was useless.
If I were stronger, I would end things with Alex and break my own heart, instead of having it broken for me. As it was, I was a sucker for punishment and knew that I’d walk this plank for the next month, no matter how much it hurt to see how unaffected he was. He never mentioned me leaving. One might think he didn’t even know.
If I was going to walk the plank anyway, I may as well have a good time, right?
So I watched Alex cook, and I ate his delicious food, and I staved off the unavoidable for another few hours.
CRASH!
“Uh-oh.”
“Don’t touch that!”
I sat up in bed, glaring blearily around the dark room. Nobody there. The noise had sounded near enough to be in my bedroom, but when I listened closer I realized the cacophony was coming from the living room.
No more crashing now, just giggling. I could make out at least two distinct voices, and I knew one of them was my sister. I glanced at my phone on the bedside table. Four am.
Anger bubbled up in my chest and I shot out of bed, wrapping a robe around my shoulders and bursting into the living room.
Just as I expected, Jo’s hair was a tousled mess. Bloodshot eyes swiveled in my direction, but she hardly seemed to see me. The crashing noise had come from the shattered glass in the middle of the kitchen floor. Beside it, a lithe blonde girl crouched with a dustpan, while Teddy awkwardly tried to sweep the broken glass up with my broom.
Jo stood between them and me. When she saw me, her mouth split into a wide and hopeful grin. She knew how much shit she was in.
“Sorry for waking you up,” she slurred. “Issjusta glass.”
“We’ll have it cleaned up in no time!” cheered the blonde girl. I couldn’t tell whether she had an accent or was slurring her words.
“You’ve met Teddy,” Jo said, swinging her arm in his direction.
Teddy posed seductively with the broom, like it was a stripper pole and he was the star dancer. I would have found it funny if I weren’t so annoyed.
“This is Svetlana,” Jo introduced next. “She’s a Swedish princess. Can you believe that? I mean, she’s gorgeous obviously. I just mean when in your life have you met a Swedish princess?”
“It’s so nice to meet you!” Svetlana jumped to her feet and, making a wide berth around the broken glass, pranced over with her hand held out in greeting. “I’ve heard so much about you!”
I shook her hand, looking over to Jo, who’d taken up Svetlana’s spot on the floor to finish clearing the mess.
Svetlana kept talking, though her unfocused eyes wandered around the room. “You know, when Alexander first told me about you I wasn’t even surprised. He was distracted, totally distracted. You can always tell when a guy you’re with is thinking about another girl. Isn’t that sweet?”
I frowned, trying to decipher her words. “You know Alexander?”
Svetlana didn’t seem to hear me. She was calling back to Teddy, “Hey, can we get that thing? The thing you were talking about? Teddy? Teddy can we get it?”
“Darling if you’re talking about a deep-fried sausage, then I’ll gladly inform you that sausage is always on my mind.”
“Let’s go get it,” Svetlana said. “I’m starving.”
“And I’m drunk,” Jo added in a singsong voice. “I’ll see you guys on the flip side.”
Teddy and Svetlana cleared my flat before I had time to question the blonde further. But I had more pressing matters to attend to.
“Jo,” I said in a stern voice. “What the fuck?”
She slumped onto the sofa with a lax smile. “Sorry for waking you.”
“That’s not what I’m upset about.” I stuck my fists to my side. “Or at least not all of it. You can’t keep doing this.”
“Oh, Saint Tamara, here to save my soul,” she scoffed. “I’m just having some fun.”
Talking to her while she was wasted wasn’t going to get me anywhere, but I figured I could at least leave some parting words for her to chew over before I went back to bed.
“Get your act together,” I said. “I mean it. Tomorrow morning
, take a good hard look in the mirror and ask yourself if this is the kind of person you want to be.”
I turned and walked toward my bedroom.
“The kind of person who has fun?” she shot back.
I paused in the doorway. “The kind of person who runs.”
Chapter 26
Alexander
The press attention had died down substantially in the weeks since Tamara and I made first page news, which made it a lot easier to sneak onto set to see her. That was advantageous, since she seemed to have been living there over the past few days as they wrapped up filming.
I was desperate to talk to her. Something felt off between us, even after our last trip to Springfield, and I hoped that it was my mind playing tricks on me. I knew she was busy, but it almost seemed like she’d been avoiding me.
I navigated through the busy back lot to her trailer with ease, clutching the bouquet of roses under my arm. I knew the way like the back of my hand. I knocked.
Something in the trailer moved and the door swung open. Tamara’s eyes flew open wide.
“Surprise!” I said, extending the flowers to her.
She smiled, but it was a tired, strained smile. It did little to dissuade my worries.
“You and that S word,” she said. “Come in.”
I followed her into the trailer and reached for her hand, stopping her mid-step. “Come here.”
Tamara turned and allowed me to tug her close, and as I enveloped her in my arms I felt her body relax. My free hand stroked the back of her head as my lips nuzzled into her neck.
“What’s wrong?” I murmured.
Tamara stiffened again. “Nothing.”
“It doesn’t feel like nothing.” I pulled back and looked at her, running my thumb down her soft cheek. “You don’t seem happy to see me.”
Tamara nibbled on her bottom lip and took the flowers from me, turning to grab a vase. “I’m busy. That’s all.”
“Bullshit, Tamara. Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours.”
She dropped the flowers and slammed her palms against the table, staring at the opposite wall like it was the source of all her problems. “Figure it out, Alex.” She whipped around and glared at me. “The fact that you don’t know is part of the problem.”
I ran through a mental list of things I’d done, things that might have upset her, but came up short. What could she be mad at me for? And why couldn’t I remember it?
“If I’ve done anything to offend you—“
“Ugh!” she exclaimed, tossing her head back in fury. “Alex, this isn’t about you offending me. I’m leaving! I’ve got a flight booked and everything and you know that, yet you don’t even seem to care. Does it faze you at all? Or are you just going to move onto the next as soon as I’m gone?”
“Move onto the next?” I asked through gritted teeth. “I’m insulted that you would even think that way.”
“Well join the fucking club.” She crossed her arms and turned her lips down into a scowl. “I wasn’t even going to mention this because I didn’t want to ruin our last two weeks together, but while we’re at it let’s just get it out there that I know about your pretty Swedish girlfriend. You might not be with her now, but how long after I leave until that starts up again?”
I nearly laughed but it didn’t seem right for the situation.
“Svetlana is not my girlfriend. Nor will she ever be.”
“Why not?” Tamara stalked toward me, getting close enough that my hands itched to reach for her. “She’s beautiful. She’s a princess. That makes her, how did you put it? One of your own.”
“She’s a friend,” I said. “That’s it. Edward tried to set us up but neither of us are interested.”
“I’ll remember that when I read your wedding announcement.”
I opened my mouth to protest but Tamara spoke over me, anger lacing her words like poison.
“What are you even doing with me anyway? This was a bad idea. We could never work! I can’t believe I deluded myself into thinking we could.” She scrubbed her hands over her face and let out a frustrated groan. “Just go, Alex. I can’t do this anymore.”
“I’m not leaving until we sort this out,” I said, stepping toward her.
Tamara backed away and pointed to the door. “Get out before I call security. I mean it.”
“Tamara—“
“GET OUT!”
With a leaden heart, I turned to the door.
I found Nana in her office downstairs. She peered at the screen of her computer through thick reading glasses that distorted her eyes and made them look buggy and huge, which I’d always thought funny. Today I couldn’t find the humor in it.
“Alexander,” she said as I entered, pulling off the glasses and letting them hang by the string around her neck. “Is that for me?”
“It sure is.” I set the mug of tea down on her desk.
She smiled. “You’re a good boy.”
I couldn’t help but release an undignified snort. “I wish everyone thought so.”
Nana’s brows furrowed in consternation and she closed the lid of her laptop. She could always tell when I was genuinely upset, rather than just a little moody as I sometimes was. Especially when it started with me bringing her tea.
“Oh no, Alexander. Something’s happened with you and Tamara?”
I leaned my hip against the desk and crossed my arms. “You’ve got a sixth sense for these things, eh?”
“You look sad,” she said, pointing to my eyes with one gnarled finger. “When you fight with your brother, you get angry. When you don’t get your way, you get surly. When you lose something you care about, you get sad. So either your charity has bit the dirt or you’ve lost your girl.”
As always, her familiarity was refreshing. It even helped drive a small smile onto my face.
“I don’t know what to do, Nana,” I admitted. “Tamara chased me out of her trailer today. She doesn’t think there’s any point us continuing what we’re doing since she’s leaving, and she’s got this screwed up notion in her head that we could never work together anyway.”
Nana’s lips flattened. “Don’t act like she’s speaking nonsense, Alexander. You’re not a fool.”
“You don’t think we could work either?” I ran a hand through my hair. “Am I the only one who doesn’t see a problem here?”
“Seeing a problem doesn’t mean being beaten by it,” she replied. “Tamara sees a problem and can’t conceive you two overcoming it. And you won’t be able to overcome it if you don’t see the same problem.”
“You’re talking in riddles.”
“You’re not listening.”
I growled in frustration. “I’m trying to. What are you saying?”
Nana sat back in her chair and took a breath, folding her arms. When she spoke, she enunciated each word clearly. “What do you want to do, Alexander?”
“I don’t know.” I groaned. “Tamara has given up on us. She thinks I should give up on us too.”
She raised her brows. “Is that what you want?”
“No, of course not. But what I want to do...” I paused and stared at her mug, chewing my lip. “What I want to do could cost me everything.”
Looking up at Nana, I remembered all the times she’d sat and chatted with my mother just like this. A steaming mug of tea. An impossible decision. A listening ear.
“What would my mom do?” I asked.
Nana’s eyes softened at the mention of my mother, and she pulled the mug toward her, cupping it in her hands.
“When people remember Noelle, they remember her softness. Her kindness.” Her mouth curved into a distant smile and she shook her head. “They have this image in their heads of a quiet, wholesome queen draped in white with a ring of laurels on her head. But you know what’s wrong with that that?”
“What?”
“Your mother may have been good and kind, but she was...what do the kids call it these day?” She paused to think, brightening when she
recalled the phrase. “Noelle was a boss ass bitch.”
I laughed.
Nana continued. “Your mother would have fought for her heart’s desire, even if it meant going against the wishes of her family. When she looked at the crown, do you know what she saw?”
“What did she see?”
“She saw it for exactly what it is.” Nana smirked. “A piece of metal.”
Chapter 27
Tamara
Someone jostled me as I stepped through the lobby double doors, sending me stumbling into Jo’s path. She stepped on the back of my heel and it slipped off.
“Shit! Sorry!” she said.
“No, it’s fine.” I put my shoe back on.
“No, really. That was my bad.”
“No, seriously, it’s fine.”
It was the most we’d talked to each other all evening.
We continued through to the ballroom, where an easel to the left of the door welcomed guests to the Princess of Nowhere wrap-up party. Gold cornices and an impressive fresco decorated the lofty ceiling, a sumptuous crystal chandelier hanging from the middle of it.
The room bustled with life, with everyone from set designers to sound mixers in attendance. Those who noticed when I entered stopped me to say hi, though I slowly maneuvered Jo and I toward the bar at the far end of the room.
I was surprised Joanne still came tonight. She was over the moon when I invited her a few weeks ago, but we’d exchanged few words since our altercation the other night and she’d barely left her room. It didn’t bother me to have her there. I just wished it weren’t so awkward.
“There’s my princess!” cooed Yesha, spotting me from across the bar. She walked over and enveloped me in a hug. “Great season. I can’t wait until it airs. The fans are going to lose their minds.” She looked to Jo. “Is this your sister?”
“Yeah, this is Joanne,” I said.
Yesha stuck out her hand. “Great to meet you, Joanne.”
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