And then I find Josh, tied to a tree. He’s semi-conscious.
I look around for the enemy, they left him here half alive. Which means they will be back, but I can’t sense them. It’s silent again.
I cautiously approach him, whispering his name.
He moans in response.
Slightly lifting his head, I reach for the ties, binding him.
I put my rifle down, the strap on my shoulder keeps it close, but allows me to pull my friend to safety.
Josh passes out as soon as he’s released. Falling to the ground in a slump. If I hadn’t known he was alive before, I would swear he was dead.
I look up for help, I need to get him out of here. The night has grown silent again. But unlike before, when it was the silence of sleeping men, it is the silence that only death can break.
Suddenly I hear a man yelling, in a language I cannot understand. I look towards the sound of the voice, and see a rebel dressed in head to toe black, face completely covered except for his beady black eyes, point his weapon at me and fire.
I can do nothing. I fall to the ground instantly. I feel the darkness taking over. The cold numbing my limbs.
And in these last moments, I think of her. Her beautiful face. I try to tell her I am sorry. Sorry that I couldn’t give her the life I have dreamed of providing her since we were kids. Sorry that we would never have a family. Just sorry for not letting her know that she was my whole world sooner.
And then the blinding white light takes over, ripping her from my mind. Ripping everything from me.
Chapter Twenty-one Alyssa
I liked living in New York. I loved the relationship I had with Heath. I love that in about 14 months’ worth of time, I have made a life for myself, for Evan.
I am happy here.
But in the back of my mind, I always feel this nagging internal voice. Telling me this isn’t forever. Telling me that no matter how strongly I feel about Heath, no matter how much I try to love him the way he deserves, it isn’t as much as I have loved someone else. Still love someone else.
I always shove that feeling away. Quiet the little voice down. Remind myself that Tyler has made his choices. I have made mine too now, and that this is okay. I am going to be happy, I am being given a chance to be someone’s first choice.
My heart might not love Heath the way that my mind has. But it will learn. It will learn to let go of the ‘could have been’ plans I had made. My heart would have no choice but to move on. Heath has been here, he has tried every day to fill the void that Tyler has left.
Tyler was married. Mom had called to give me the news. She didn’t have a lot of details, just that it had happened and that he had deployed days later. As for the baby, all Mom knew was that the baby had been born and was staying with Tyler’s mom.
It upset me deep down, that Sharon was so accepting of Jessica. She had always told me, even as a little girl, that she could see Tyler marrying me. When Tyler left town, she and I spent a lot of time together before I left for New York. The topic of the baby never really came up when I returned home. I didn’t see the point in trying to see her anymore. She would call Mom here and there, but there was an understanding in our family that no one spoke of Evan unless it was me speaking to Tyler. If he wanted to acknowledge his son I wouldn’t keep them apart, but I wanted to be the one to tell him anything he wanted to know. So no one in my family mentioned Evan, to Tyler or his family or friends, unless they went through me first. It might seem strange but Evan was the one thing in my life I never wanted tainted, and I didn’t want Tyler getting second hand information about our son. I think deep down she knew that the baby everyone in town was gossiping about was her grandson, but she never asked. She made a comment once when Tyler had first left, about his deployment being the result of her actions. I didn’t feel it was her fault. But she seemed to hold onto this guilt that we couldn’t erase.
I figured she might confront Tyler at some point. But I couldn’t let that be my issue anymore. Yes, Evan was my son. Yes Evan was Tyler’s son. But it wasn’t possible for me to cry anymore over the lack of communication about the situation. It would do no one any good to ask Sharon why Tyler wasn’t trying to be a part of his sons’ life. It wouldn’t do Tyler again good for me to take my anger out on him.
Some men are created to be dads. Some men are created to just be fathers. One is everything and the other is nothing more than simple biology.
Once, in a time that seems so very far from where we are now, I thought that my moon and stars revolved around Tyler Pierce. At one time, I had visualized the perfect white wedding dress I would wear on the day I married him. I had the names of our future children chosen. I felt in my heart that we would live close to our parents forever, and take part in Sunday dinners.
Back then, I knew Tyler, I knew the man he was, I knew the man he would grow up to be, or atleast I thought I did. Maybe my whole perception of him was always just a fantasy world I created in my own mind, much like the stories of fairies and princesses I wrote as a child. I wanted my happily ever after with Tyler, my prince charming, but it didn’t work out that way. So now, I was brushing off the dust and marrying someone else. Yes. That was what I was doing. And no one, and nothing was going to stop the change in plans that fate had thrown my way.
Yeah, I keep talking about moving on. I’m trying. It’s just not going so well. The reminders are everywhere. He’s everywhere.
And when I think I finally have my life sorted out, my future plotted and secure, and I finally sort out my head and heart, disaster hits.
Chapter Twenty-two
“Hey doll, do you and Heath want these tickets for the new Broadway show?”
I look up to see Lauren, one of the girls I work with, standing outside of Maureen’s office. She’s sweet, but she is at a loss with men. She is a chronic dater. Always rich men, rich married men. They buy her things, like gifts to the opera and expensive jewelry or fancy shoes.
“No, we went the last time Mr. British gave you Broadway tickets, and I have to get home to let Leonia off for the night.” The baby sitter issue is always the best way to let people down, I’m learning about that. I actually wrote about it last month for my column. Lauren clearly does not read my column.
We make small talk for a while, talking about her next date, the weather, nothing really at all of importance.
My phone rings. Some One Direction song that Heath added as a joke, even though I told him boy bands make me want to throw up.
“Hey Heath.” I answer, grateful he was saving me from more small talk.
“Hey.” He says “I wanted to know what time you are getting out tonight, I have a surprise for you.”
“I don’t know.” I reply, looking past Lauren into Maureen’s office, she in with one of the writers for the fashion magazine, and she does not look impressed.
“It could be a while, Maureen looks pretty pissed at her current appointment.”
Heath laughs; “Well, as soon as you can get home, come. I can’t wait to see you.”
Lauren is watching me when I finish on the phone with Heath.
“Why do you do it?” She asks me
“Why do I do what?” I reply
“Why do you stay with him?”
“I love him.” Feeling uncertain about this line of questioning.
“No, you don’t. You might like him, he looks good on paper, has his shit together and he’s a doctor for fucks sake, and I get it, you might want to be with him in some weird way, but that face just now while you were talking to him, it was pathetic. That is not the face of a woman talking to the love of her life. You guys are engaged, you should still be giddy when he calls, excited, and your face just looked bored, no spark.” She reaches down and takes my hand into hers, twirling her thumb around the diamond engagement ring.
I move away from her, feeling defensive “I don’t know what you are talking about, I understand Lauren that you don’t want to settle down, that you don’t know what
it feels like to be in love, but I do love Heath and we are getting married. I don’t understand why you would say those things.”
She makes a disapproving sound in the back of her throat; “My sisters, I have 3 of them. All married, all with babies, and all with amazing husbands. I’ve met Heath, I like him, but the way that he looks at you and the way you look at him, are not the same. He worships you, you tolerate him…. Oh my gosh!” she suddenly exclaims “Is there someone else?”
Now I’m getting annoyed “No, there is no one else. When would I have time for another man? Look Lauren, I love Heath. Drop whatever little drama you’ve conjured up in your head. Please.”
I walk towards Maureen’s door and do the unthinkable, I knock on the glass, reminding her that she has writers in the hallway waiting for her attention and signoff. She nods at me, thank God she doesn’t get angry by my interruption.
I look back at Lauren. She’s still watching me “I didn’t mean to offend you, but let me give you a word of advice, whatever baggage you have, resolve it before you walk down the aisle, you not only owe it to Heath but you owe it to yourself to have an open heart or you’ll never be happy.”
I totally underestimated the intelligence in this girl. I nod my head in understanding. I don’t think it was the one phone call that gave anything away. I’m not walking around pining over someone else, but it is hard to be fully happy when I feel like a piece of my life is out there, missing.
Especially the last few days, I have been thinking about Tyler much more than normal. I worry about it, I shouldn’t, but I do. I know that I always will but if it’s making people around me doubt my love for Heath, it needs to be fixed so that I can move on completely.
When I got home that night, Leonia left quickly. She seemed excited about whatever Heath had planned.
The inside of the living room was covered in rose petals, they were all over the couch. Lit candles flickered on the coffee table. I immediately thought of Evan.
Heath came out from Evan’s room. A knowing smile on his face “He’s already in bed, you can go in and tuck him in and then get your surprise.” Kissing me on the cheek as I pass him to walk toward my sons bedroom.
Evan is already asleep when I walk in. I kiss him goodnight, tell him how much I love him, and take a deep, nervous breath before walking back out into the living room.
When I walk out, Heath is sitting on the couch, a glass of red wine in each hand. He motions for me to take one. I accept, settling in on the comfy sofa next to him, turning my body to give him my undivided attention.
He takes a deep breath and jumps right in:
“I know that you are scared to move on. I know that you still feel like you are somehow betraying Evan and people from your past by being with me. But I want you to know that I love you. We haven’t been engaged for long, only a few weeks, but I can’t wait to make you my wife. I want you and Evan to be in my family forever, I want you to be mine forever.”
I smile at him, before I can say anything my cell phone rings. I look at Heath, who looks like he still has more to say. I grab my phone from my pocket, noticing that it’s Mom trying to call me and silence the call. I’ll call her back when we are done.
Heath grabs my hand and begins to speak again “I want to get married this weekend. I know it’s soon, but the sooner you and I are married, the sooner we can move in together completely instead of just part time, the sooner our family is whole, rather than two separate families. I want this so badly Alyssa, I just want to be with you.”
My phone rings again, I ignore Mom once more.
I watch Heath for a few minutes, unsure of what to say. No, I’m not ready to marry him. I can’t be ready to marry him. We have only been together for about 6 months. I knew that I cared about him, I knew that I loved him, but I always thought that we would be engaged for a bit longer, give ourselves time to get to know each other a bit more. I still don’t know how he likes his eggs, or the way he takes his coffee. He eats out every meal. I don’t know where his forever life is. Mine is not in New York City.
Mom calls again.
“Heath, I don’t know what to say.”
He interrupts “I know you are worried about your parents not being there. We can do something for our families when we are done. Let’s do this for us. For you and me, for Evan and Addy, let’s make our family a whole.”
And he’s right about that. He doesn’t just want to do this for he and I, he wants our children to have a family. A whole family.
My phone rang again. “I have to answer this, she never calls this often.” The worry creeping into my bones.
“Mom, I am kind of in the middle of something can I call you back later tonight?” I answer quickly. Trying to sink the nerves building.
“Alyssa?” My mom pauses
“Mom, I’m here, what’s going on? Is it Dad, is he okay?” I ask
“Dad’s fine. It’s Stacy. She’s in the hospital. She’s going to be okay, but Eric is in jail. She and the baby are fine.” Mom states
“What do you mean, her and the baby?”
“Yeah, apparently she and Eric got married last year, she had a baby last night. Two months early. But that’s not the only reason I am calling, you need to come back home.”
“What? Why? What’s wrong?” I ask
“It’s Tyler. . .” Mom drifts off again
My heart drops.
“What about him?”
“He’s been shot, he’s in a hospital in Germany, Sharon is trying to get him moved back here, but she’s asking for you. He’s asking for you.”
I look at Heath, who is watching me with a concerned expression. I know that this is going to hurt him, I know that if I go back to Georgia, he will feel as if I am making a choice to not be with him. I can’t ignore this though, Stacy needs me, Sharon needs me, Tyler needs me. I have to do this for my family, my family in Sandersville.
“Okay Mom. I’ll be on the first flight out in the morning with Evan. I’ll call Maureen and let her know I need to take some time off.”
Heath lets out a breath across from me, his shoulders tight with tension.
“Okay… Alyssa, thank you for doing this. I know you were trying to move past all of this, but he needs you, no matter what happened between the two of you, he is a part of our family for so many reasons, so thank you.”
Like she needed to say any of that. I knew it all. Tyler was the kid who beat up boys for not including me in our summer baseball games. He was the guy who taught me to change the tires on my car. He made me laugh. He’s a part of nearly every pre-teen and teenage memory I have. Not to mention, the man who gave me a son, our son. Even if he didn’t want to be Evan’s dad, he was still the reason I had my son. I owed him everything.
I hang up with Mom. Heath stands up, taking his now empty wine glass into the kitchen.
I watch him rinse the glass, and place it into the stainless steel dishwasher, wiping the marble counter down with a dish towel, before finally looking at me.
“So you’re leaving?” his voice is filled with concern.
“Tyler was shot, he’s in Germany right now. His mom is asking for me.” I explain.
Heath shakes his head gently, as if in disbelief. “So you are going back for him?”
“Heath, don’t start. It’s not just about him, his mom is asking for me, she’s part of my family, he is a part of my family, no matter how I feel about him. No matter what he has done, he is Evans father and I need to make sure that he is okay. My parents love him like a son.”
“What about what I asked you earlier?” He asks. His voice rising slightly. Anger is not something I have experienced much with Heath, he’s a gentle guy, he’s strong, but he isn’t someone who lets his emotions get the best of him very often.
“I don’t know. Of course I want to marry you, let me get out there and see what they all want me to do and then I’ll come back and you and I can start our lives, just let me take care of this one little thing.” I plead gen
tly.
He says nothing, just silently wipes down the counter before him.
The silence lingers for several moments, before I speak again; “This doesn’t change anything Heath.”
He looks at me, and I notice the unshed tears in his eyes. “This is going to change everything.”
Chapter twenty- three
Maureen says she can’t give me time off, but she can adjust things for me. My columns have become very popular in the last few months, taking magazine subscribers from the oldest most established parenting magazines and turning them on to ours.
She instead offers to let me have the unlimited time I might need, and write from wherever I am. Which is pretty much what I was doing before. Instead of coming into her office to meet with her and discuss my monthly column, I’ll skype with her, as face to face as we can get.
She’s supportive of me going back to Georgia. I told her a little about Tyler when I first got the job, she knows the bond that we share. But she didn’t make me feel like she felt like I might not return.
Heath on the other hand, said little before I left. We had sex that night, and Heath said nothing. Just held onto me like it was the last time he would ever see me.
I told him it wasn’t going to be the end of us. I told him that my feelings for Tyler were all residual of never having properly ended things. He knew Tyler was married, he knew that Tyler when we last spoke, had been expecting a child with his now wife. So Heath’s concerns bothered me, because Tyler already made his choices and I in turn made mine.
In the end, the morning before I left, he promised that he trusted me. He told me he would be waiting for me and Evan to return, and he would fly down and see us when he had the time.
The flight from NYC to Georgia was uneventful. Evan fell asleep in the seat beside me before the plane even took off. I sent Mom a text to tell her that I was on my way.
When we finally landed, after the hugs and greetings with Mom, Dad and Matt, I went to the hospital to see Stacy.
Wait for Me Page 8
