Key to Redemption

by Talia Gryphon

  “You taunted a killer, used yourself as bait. What else, Gillian?”

  Gillian slapped a hand over her eyes and blushed furiously while she contemplated various methods of killing a certain Grael Elf while he was sleeping. She didn’t want to talk about this, right now, or ever.

  Kimber wasn’t embarrassed at all. “Damn straight she did. Kemo Sabe got him to come out, didn’t she? She made sure Jenna was found, didn’t she? So she provoked him to get him to show himself. So what if that’s against procedure and protocol? We’ve broken the rules before. Isn’t the result what’s important? Why are y’all ragging on her?”

  “What did you call him? Cock blocked? Impotent? A fanged piece of shit? Did he pleasure himself because of your discomfort? Do enlighten us, Petal. I know how you dislike being misquoted.” Trocar was a little too close to be smirking in her direction.

  It was the last thing he got out before Gillian’s right hook caught him in the mouth and he found himself looking up at her from the very hard pavement of the street. Even reaching up from her poor angle of nearly a foot shorter than himself, she managed to land him on his ass on the road.

  “Shouldn’t have gone there.” Kimber grinned at the fallen Elf, then investigated her manicure.

  From where he lay, Trocar, though momentarily shaken, stared up at his former commander; she still looked short. Damn. He had forgotten that was how she normally won a fight. Someone usually underestimated her because of her size and gender. Also she wasn’t afraid of him or of serial killers or of much else either.

  That was what he wanted her to remember, that her strength lay in her ability to use her anger productively, just as she had the night with Jack, to make judgment calls of her own accord, stand by them. Not feeling as though she had to make excuses for her actions. They owed her respect, not their mollycoddling.

  “Yes, Trocar. Yes, you’re right. I also called him a ‘motherfucking, perverted son of a bitch.’ And yes, it was right after he finished getting himself off in the middle of the street while he was staring at my crotch under my flimsy little Aleksei-dress. Probably because he was fantasizing about sticking his stiletto into my vagina. Is that what you wanted to hear?” Gillian vented at him, fists clenched and legs braced in case he got back up and she had to drop him again.

  “You want to hear why I used myself as bait to flush him out? Because he wasn’t going to come out, Trocar. He was going to stay up in that room and murder Jenna like he killed that girl we found by the compound. Like he murdered the other two before, that we found out about later. Jack was here because of me. The responsibility of stopping him was mine. Just mine.” She had started pacing back and forth in front of the three vertical individuals and Trocar.

  “Oh boy, she’s wound up now. You started this; you all get her calmed down again. I am getting a drink.” Kimber waved her hand dismissively at all of them and ambled off toward Radu’s bar at the Inn, Pavel striding up to flank her as she crossed the street.

  Gillian was wound up all right. Something cracked inside her. She was tired of having to defend her actions and choices in that situation. She was tired of thinking of Jack and how much he had bothered her. She was just plain tired and wanted everyone to leave her alone.

  “He would have killed Jenna, then he would have come for me, or for Kimber or Aisling for that matter. He would have kept butchering women, and I saw a chance to stop him. Hell, I thought you and Tanis were dead or prevented from coming so I really would have had to kill the son of a bitch myself or die in the process. There at the end, I thought I was going to die, but I dealt with it.

  “You saw what he did; you knew what he was capable of. Tell me that I was wrong for doing what I did. Stand there and tell me that I was wrong.” Green eyes blazing bright with tears, she turned away.

  “I made the right choices, whether anyone else agrees with me or not. I made the right choices for the situation.” Her voice was overlaid with emotion, but it was stronger than it had been. She turned back to her friends with an announcement of her epiphany. “We all lived, that’s what is important. I did the right thing.”

  “Yes you did, Schatzi. You did indeed.” Helmut squeezed her shoulder in support. “No one could have done a better job, nor expected a better outcome.”

  Aleksei hugged her close, grazing his hand down her hair, whispering sweet nothings, then looked her square in the eyes. “I am proud of you, Gillian. No one should have had to face what you did alone. Your friends didn’t come to your rescue, they came to your aid. There is a difference, cara.”

  “Thanks, Aleksei.” Gillian had the faintest of smiles as she looked up at him. “I guess I just needed to really understand that.”

  Trocar gracefully got to his feet, rubbing his jaw ruefully. He glanced at Aleksei, who now had a genuine smile on his face. The Vampire was astute enough to understand the pretext for this whole charade.

  Gillian had found her way through her own mental maze. She would never be victimized in thought or in dreams by Jack the Ripper again. Perrin, however, looked a little pale. Poor creature probably thought Trocar and the fair Gillyflower were on the verge of killing each other.

  “My apologies, Petal. I did not mean to hit such a sensitive nerve, but I am glad to see that you came to the conclusions which we knew all along.” Trocar dipped his head and drew his left arm across his chest, fist to shoulder. It was a gesture of respect among the Grael from a subordinate to a superior caste member and left the originator open to attack.

  She turned in Aleksei’s arms, the beginnings of a familiar grin forming. “Go fuck yourself, Trocar. I ought to kick your ass for pulling that shit. You’re not exactly qualified to do flooding therapy.”

  “Welcome back, Captain,” was all he said, but he smiled when he said it.

  “I would have handled this eventually, Trocar, but I know you meant well.”

  “You are correct, piccola,” Aleksei murmured gently, pulling her back against his chest and kissing the top of her hair. “You would have found your way through eventually. Unfortunately you have people who love you and who could not bear to see you punishing yourself for making the only decisions you could have made at the time.”

  Helmut interrupted at that point. “You never were at Jack’s mercy, Gillian. This was simply your first encounter with a truly evil Vampire. If nothing else, you come away with a better understanding of what you have been facing.”

  “Now you can appreciate why Dracula is so feared. Jack was only one of his subordinates. The actual Dark Prince is far, far worse,” Aleksei added quietly.

  Gillian turned in his arms and searched his face. He felt sincere; seemed to believe what he was saying. Could he really have made this leap of faith? Believing in her without question? Tentatively she touched his mind, wanting that connection with him.

  “I mean every word, bellissima. You are a remarkable woman and I am a very lucky Vampire.”

  She cleared her throat past the lump in it and said aloud, “Lucky man, Aleksei. The term is lucky man.”

  He laughed and embraced her tightly. “Sì, piccola. I am indeed a lucky man.”

  She turned to look at the Dark Elf. “I did read all of this right, didn’t I? You were trying to piss me off so I would get past the Jack issue?”

  “Aye, Captain. I rather hoped you might become angry enough to shake yourself out of it.

  “We have a Blood Oath, my friend. I am honor bound to protect you, and on the night that you needed me more than you have ever needed anyone, I failed you. I came too late to prevent your injuries and your humiliation. That is my shame to live with. I was hoping to help you and to resolve my guilt as well,” Trocar finished finally.

  “So the bottom line of your little show tonight was to alleviate your guilt and to help me overcome my perceived victimization about how I handled the situation with Jack.”

  “Aye.” Typical Grael. There had been something in it for him too. Oh well, she couldn’t fault him, not really.


  Once again, he saluted her in respect: left hand across his chest, fist to shoulder and a deep nod, taking her out of his vision, offering his neck to her. This time she returned the gesture correctly, superior to subordinate. The Elf’s obsidian face visibly relaxed.

  She turned to Perrin, still standing nearby. He looked very confused. “See what happens when you develop friendships? I have friends like this who will stop at nothing to bring me back to myself. Once a Marine, always a Marine.”

  She visibly straightened her shoulders and walked back to them, taking Aleksei’s arm and offering Perrin her hand. “Let’s go have some fun. I could use a little levity at the moment. How about you guys?”

  Perrin still looked a little bewildered, but he smiled and nodded. They all headed to the Inn to find Kimber and Pavel already hoisting pints of the local ale and singing with a rustic-looking group.

  Once inside, they grabbed a large half-circle booth, carefully seating Perrin next to Trocar and Gillian. Aleksei, Helmut, Kimber and Pavel completed the circle. They spent the next few hours talking about everything but Jack and plans for the Institute, and they also avoided telling war stories.

  To everyone’s surprise, Esi and Samuel came in during the course of the evening and joined the party. The night was filled with laughter, fun and companionship. It was exactly what Gillian needed and what Perrin had always wanted to experience.

  It was getting close to dawn when Perrin turned toward Gillian during an infrequent lull in the conversation.

  “I am in your debt, Gillian. I never thought I could learn to be anything but a social outcast. You, your therapy, this place . . . your friends have been wonderful, and I cannot thank you enough.”

  “We are your friends too, little brother.” Trocar dipped his head toward the masked man and smiled.

  Perrin’s eyes misted, but he rallied and offered his hand to the Dark Elf. “For that I am forever grateful.”

  “Okay, enough of the male-bonding buddy bullshit,” Kimber butted in to the moment. “We’re having fun. Let’s not start crying in our beer.”

  A month ago, Perrin would have been shattered; now he joined in their laughter, lifting his glass in a toast to his new confidence and his looming freedom. He might just be able to make it. He hoped he could make it without them.

  When they left the Inn, everyone headed toward the car. Aleksei hung back, keeping Gillian close to him, whispering to her conspiratorially, nodding toward Perrin, who was enjoying the night air and admiring the stars.

  “Go with him, piccola. He needs a fairy-tale end to the evening. Let him be your knight in shining armor tonight.”

  “Aleksei, his therapy is essentially finished. I’ve done all I can for him . . . Well, all except one thing.”

  “The mask?” Helmut joined them, overhearing Gillian’s comment. “He never removed it, I take it.”

  “Nope. I never insisted and he never offered. I know it’s his shield against the world but eventually he will have to let someone in.” That one thing had frustrated her. She hadn’t been able to broach his final defense.

  Aleksei leaned down, kissing her softly. “Long ago, when you were here on an enforced basis, I did not have to give you up when our therapeutic time was completed. After our time of waiting, I thankfully did not have to let you go.

  “He knows it is time to acknowledge the end of your therapeutic relationship and go his own way. He knows that he can bring nothing to your table, not now, not in the future, and he fears what life outside of our sanctuary and his will be like.

  “Make it easier on him and on you. Say your first good-bye to our enchanted angel so that your last good-bye will not tear out his heart. I will miss him as well; he is a remarkable man.” Aleksei dropped his hands from her shoulders, giving her the freedom to go.

  “One last time, Gillian, give it a try,” Helmut agreed. “He leaves in two days. He told me tonight.”

  Nodding, she tossed Aleksei the keys to the Opel, and ran after Perrin, catching him as he was walking past the car, toward the compound. “Come on, you and I have a date,” she said, grasping his hand.

  Perrin stopped dead and stared at her. “Now? I believed our therapy was completed, so I thought I would walk a little tonight.”

  “I can walk with you,” she offered.

  “Why?”

  “Why what?” Now she was confused.

  “Why the extra attention tonight?”

  “It is supposed to be a night where you get to feel what your life is going to be like when you get back home. Fun, friends, maybe dating . . . a few drinks, music, singing. All the things you enjoy and have become adept with, in an actual multibeing, social setting.”

  She smiled up at him, matching his stride, letting the night breeze ruffle her hair. A car’s motor buzzed so she waved to her friends as they drove past them toward the castle. Trocar was driving. That should be interesting.

  Perrin walked with her quietly for a moment, enjoying the feeling of normalcy which she seemed to gift him with every time they were together. “Home is supposed to convey thoughts and feelings of safety . . . of belonging.”

  “Yes, it is.”

  “I have felt at home here, ma chérie. I hope I can feel this way when I am back at my estate or at my lake house.”

  “You will, Perrin. You have come a tremendously long way during your stay here. You worked really hard and I’m proud of you.”

  That stopped him midstride and he stared down at her. “No one has ever said that to me before.”

  “Well, I’m saying it, because it’s true. I am very proud of you. You faced down over a century of preconceived ideas, feelings and fears. That is a huge accomplishment.” She smiled up at him and squeezed his hand.

  “Perrin, whether you want to believe it or not, you have brought a great deal to all of us. I was pleasantly surprised when you and Trocar became friends. Even Aleksei discovered new things about himself because of his association with you. I learned new things about my own abilities because of who you are. I just wish I could have helped you realize that your mask doesn’t define you, any more than my having blond hair defines me.”

  He visibly flinched when she mentioned his mask, and his emotions ran their usual gambit. Having been around him so much, she was better able to shield and filter it, but it still affected her. She desperately wanted to help him with this last hurdle, but if he wasn’t ready, he wasn’t ready.

  “I want to believe you, ma chérie, but I do not know if I can risk that step just yet.”

  “I know. It’s all right. You’ll find your way in your own time.” Her smile was as reassuring as she could make it. His emotions were rioting all over the map. With her earlier confrontation of her own issues, she was more susceptible to him than she’d calculated.

  He noticed the extra moisture in her eyes. A gentle touch of his hand brushed her hair back from her face, then tilted her chin up when she tried to duck her head away.

  “Pity, Gillian?”

  Her head shook in negation. “No, there is no reason to pity you. I always wish I could have done more.”

  It wouldn’t do to let him know he was still playing hell with her empathy, despite her statement that she was shielding better. She wanted this to be a pleasant walk, a memorable, nice moment for him.

  She kept her voice carefully level. “If I had the power, I would give you the life you should have had with that girl you loved. You deserve happiness, Perrin.”

  “And you believe I can truly have it, if I allow a woman to see behind this.” He gestured toward his mask.

  “I think that loving someone is about trust. I also think it’s about learning. I learn things at the damndest times myself.” The last statement was more to herself than to him. She was amazed to find that she actually meant it.

  “Since I cannot love you, but I have learned from you, learned to trust you, where does that place your theory?”

  She stared at him, then realized he was trying out humor agai
n. The skin around his exposed eye crinkled and he smiled at her.

  “It’s a conundrum, Perrin, what can I tell you?”

  They laughed together and continued their walk back toward the compound. As they left the edge of the village, Perrin stopped suddenly, turning Gillian toward him, tipping her face up in his characteristic fingertip gesture.

  “We may not have another moment alone before I leave, and I need you to know something.”

  She raised her eyebrows questioningly but didn’t interrupt. “When I came here, I was a lonely, frightened, disfigured shell of a man. Now I am full and have something to give to a relationship or at least I believe you when you say I do. I am no longer frightened, Gillian. But lonely and disfigured, I remain.

  “I believe I have come as far as you can take me; that it is time for me to make a place for myself among the world and its inhabitants. There is only one thing left for me to do, one last hurdle. If you say you can take it . . . take me . . . as I truly am . . . I will indeed be a whole man.”

  “What do you need me to do?” Gillian’s empathy was flaring to beat hell. She had a fair idea of what he would ask, but he needed to vocalize it.

  Perrin took her hand and led her to a tiny egress that wound deep between the buildings at the edge of the village. Once inside, well secreted from the street, he pressed her gently against the wall, looking down, holding her gaze, the question still unspoken.

  When his mouth crashed down on hers almost savagely, Gill’s head spun from proper and gentle Perrin apparently finding his Testosterone Ocean Water Wings and it had nothing to do with his Gargoyle heritage. Her response was automatic at first, then it became real as sensitive nerve endings fired.

  Perrin’s tongue was suddenly in her mouth and he was lifting her farther up, pressing her against the bricks as he wedged his hips between her legs. The thick length of his sex was squarely where it should have been, but she had pants on. Grinding on him, she broke the kiss for a moment.

  “Wait, Perrin, let me take these off.” Gillian reached for the waistband, but his hand got there first, pushing between them and tearing them from her. Her breath hissed through her teeth and she arched back against the wall as his fingers stroked her open heated flesh.