"Jia, can you step a little bit outside? On the steps?" I suggested.
"Yes, this is fine. It still fulfills my purpose." Jia drifted out of the room. I heard a solid thud as he settled on the top step of the staircase outside, just out of sight of the door.
I leaned back against Dorian and enjoyed our first moment of being truly alone since we’d arrived in the Higher Plane. I glanced up at the sky. There were still streaks of red coming through the blue.
"Is Gate Maker still here?" I asked Dorian. He nodded. A rush of anger filled me at the thought that he had never even apologized to us, which I probably shouldn’t find surprising, given how humiliating and pointless he considered such things. I tried to push away my own grievances. "Despite everything, he might be our best chance to learn more about the Higher Plane. From what Sen said, he's our only chance to leave this place via a portal, although that option might not even be available to us if what she said is true and he won’t be able to get the energy to do so." I puzzled over how to proceed.
"He can rot," Dorian growled.
I pressed a kiss to the back of his hand, trying to soothe him. I didn't want to push him
further, but we needed to think strategically. Gently, I began, "I know you might not want to hear it right now, but we'll almost certainly have to work with Gate Maker to have any chance of getting out of here. We’ll either need to help him get the energy or have him try to talk to the arbiters for us."
Dorian's face hardened into a stubborn scowl. "Not a chance." Anger blazed in his icy eyes.
I took a steadying breath, my heart aching for the turmoil Dorian was trying to process so suddenly, knowing he had been pushing a lot of things down for some time. It also occurred to me as I pressed myself closer to him, that since our second trip back to the Immortal Plane, I hadn't spent much time checking in with him and his emotions and thoughts. Partly because we’d needed to focus on surviving, but mostly because I’d become so wrapped up in my own struggles. We lapsed into silence as guilt nagged at the back of my mind.
It was strange; we’d begun exchanging blood with one another as a way to get closer, to bypass the curse's limitations. It should have brought us together, but looking back, it seemed like it had only pulled us apart. I closed my eyes for a moment and rested my head against Dorian's shoulder. Anger bubbled inside me at Gate Maker and our situation, but this time I tried to listen to it closely, like a dear friend giving me a difficult lesson, instead of pushing it away. What are you trying to tell me?
I had tried so hard to wrestle my anger into submission. When I struggled, I had desperately suffered while trying to fix it alone. It took weeks before I even asked Laini for advice. I’d shut Dorian out almost completely. A deep sadness spread through me. I'd pushed him away without realizing it, all because I wanted to be strong. In the meantime, I didn't check on him at all—my own suffering had consumed me and made me selfish. He’d been just as stressed as I was during our time in the Hive. Grief climbed up my throat, and my eyes blurred with hot tears.
"I'm sorry," I blurted in a furtive whisper. Tears streamed down my cheeks. "You were suffering, and all I could see was my own pain. When things got complicated with the blood, I never stopped to consider the emotional burden I put on you—on every single person on our team. I wanted to feel more capable, and it was intoxicating to feel like I could finally fight alongside you as an even match. I wanted to be the Lyra who could save everyone. It allowed us to be close, and pushing away the curse was addictive. I became dependent on it. Even Jia can see how it has sunk into me. It’s in my flesh."
Dorian rubbed my back, his calm eyes watching me carefully, never interrupting as I babbled out my tearful confession. He pulled me close when I recovered my breath.
"I'm sorry for not being able to help when things started to go wrong." His grip tightened around me, his hands trembling slightly. "I should've been able to sense it, Lyra."
I shook my head. "You couldn't have known. You know about auras, not darkness that can attach physically. We both stumbled into unexpected territory."
Dorian opened his mouth to argue, but the movement merely ended in a resigned sigh. "You're right." A guilty shadow crossed his face. "I couldn't bear the thought of having the curse between us while we were in the Hive. It was so hard to be at a distance during our first trip to the Immortal Plane. I didn't want you to have to suffer; I didn’t want to suffer. I could see that you were frustrated on your first trip, and I felt so helpless sometimes on our last mission. I tried to offer aid to the Hive, but the elders' fear cut off so many of my efforts. You started acting differently, and it was like my mind couldn't process everything at once. I kept scanning your aura, but I saw no changes, so I didn't know what was wrong."
I nodded, acknowledging his struggle. I had tried hard to hide it from everyone during that time.
"I thought about stopping the blood exchange, even if it meant causing the curse to come back, but I wanted to respect your choice. I didn't want to force you into a decision to stop, since we both knew that it might end up meaning you would have to leave the Immortal Plane. Hell, we were both pushed into hard choices every day. I didn't want to add something else to your plate. I was too weak to offer you anything after Kane’s injury… but then everything happened so fast."
I paled with guilt, remembering the battle rage I’d felt during the encounter at the training grounds. I never want to go back to the dark place where my rage ruled all.
"You needed the blood," he pointed out, correctly interpreting my shamed expression. "I had no problem giving it to you, since I’d fed and it was an emergency, but the aggression and speed were like nothing I'd ever seen in you before. It unsettled me." He leaned his head back against the wall and gazed around the room. "And now we're here in the crumbling remains of a magical castle imagined into existence by a stubborn, pompous liar. Everything's different now. I don't know what we need to do to get through this, but I know that I love you. If we fixed the problem once—sort of—then we can find a true solution to the curse. I'd do anything for you."
My entire chest filled with warmth and affection for him. I smiled up at him. "You'd be hard-pressed to get rid of me."
"As if I'd ever let you go." He grinned down at me, a genuine spark of happiness shining through his emotional turmoil. "We'll find a way, Lyra. I promise you that."
I brushed away my tears and leaned forward to plant a kiss on his cheek. I moved my lips softly to his forehead, his eyelids, his mouth. I wanted him to know how much I felt for him. He kissed me hard for a moment before we broke apart, breathing deeply.
"Thank you, thank you," I whispered over and over again. "For all your patience and support."
He ran a hand through my hair, tangling his elegant fingers in the messy strands falling free of my hair tie. He leaned forward, so our foreheads touched. His eyes stared into mine with so much love that I thought my heart would burst.
"I'll always be here for you. Always."
Chapter Seven
“Dorian.”
I needed him against me.
I pressed further into Dorian’s warmth; his hard body made me feel safe. My body sang with delight, and I sighed at the contact, grateful for the chance to be together. Even if we’d failed to find a way forward, we had each other, and that was enough for now. I looked up at him, catching the sight of his sharp face in the warm light of the wall torches. Love soaked through every cell in my body. My skin buzzed with warmth from just looking at him. Affection, the kind one rarely notices until they take a moment to relish their loved ones, filled me to the brim.
In a way, it reminded me of how I’d summoned my light energy for Gate Maker. A happy, bubbly feeling tickled my throat, forcing its way out as soft laughter. God, how foreign it felt. With the constant fighting and scrabbling for basic survival—against the old board, the Immortal Council, the Hive politics, and now the arbiters—I had lost the memory of pure joy. A bitter wake-up call for me, but I welcomed
it with open arms. I knew so much about myself now after my struggles in the last few months. Rising confidence inside me promised things would be better in the future. Dorian and I would grow closer together.
A thrill ran through me. I shivered and tightened my arms around Dorian just to remind myself that he was really there and not a dream. This was our moment, and I was finally happy after so long. I tilted my head back to look up at him. "While we’re stuck here, I want to rediscover the self that I lost. I need to get back that hope and honor and love that I had before." I traced the artery that pulsed softly in his throat before adding dryly, “And to remedy my unexpected reliance on vampire blood.”
Dorian's fingers danced along the back of my neck. "Well, we do have plenty of time. Unlimited time, in fact." He gave a small scowl. "Although how much time is passing in the Immortal Plane, I have no idea."
I pressed my lips together, considering that. We did have ample time, or rather a complete lack of time, in this place. If I was going to detox, would now be the best time? I pressed a hand to my chest, recalling the burn of the curse. I felt a wave of sadness as I anticipated the pain Dorian and I would experience when the curse returned. A thought suddenly occurred to me, and I frowned.
"How do I get the darkness out of my cells?" I wondered aloud. "It’s not in my aura, and I don’t process darkness physically the way you do in your blood. How do I detox darkness? I mean, I can't even pee here." The traces of the sour-tasting anger had sprung up from time to time since I’d arrived, so clearly the blood and its effects weren't completely gone.
"You've mentioned that." He chuckled, but his gaze quickly turned serious as he regarded me carefully. His face split into a tentative grin, and his fangs glinted. "I have an idea."
A tiny shiver of fear and excitement ran through me. He guided me to sit in front of him and took my hands in his, lightly squeezing them.
"Do you trust me?" he asked softly.
I sucked in a deep breath and nodded. “Always.”
Our knees brushed as we settled in a crossed-leg position across from one another. He massaged my hands gently. I relaxed into his touch. He shut his eyes and focused intently.
"Without the presence of any creatures containing dark energy, I've noticed that my senses here are far more powerful than on any other plane as long as there's something around to actually sense," he whispered without opening his eyes. "Jia gave me the idea of how to look for the darkness, and because you’re the only one for me to focus on in this entire plane right now, I should be able to be more precise than I usually would."
I shivered beneath his touch. His confession and the knowledge felt so… intimate.
"I can sense the darkness infused in your body. There are pockets of it, like internal bruising." He brushed one thumb over my palm comfortingly. "If I'm careful, I might be able to drain one or two of the pockets. I can attempt to pull it from the flesh rather than your soul." He opened his icy eyes, the pupils now pinpricks, his focus hazy as he seemed to look into me. It was a laser focus that pricked at every pore on my skin. My breath hitched in my throat as the look caused a flurry of excitement inside me, pinning me between nervousness and arousal. With Dorian, I often felt a mixture of the two.
"Will it hurt?" I asked in a breathy voice. My lungs couldn't seem to find enough air.
He nodded solemnly. "I don't know how much, but probably more than the other times. I think I essentially have to rip the darkness out of your body."
A spidery crawl of fear crept down my spine, but I wanted to be brave. This would be like draining an infection, from the sound of it. Sure, it would hurt, but then I would feel better. One had to purge the sickness before healing the body. I sucked in a breath for bravery. I was ready to be old Lyra again. No, not old, but better after learning through my experiences.
"Okay, let's do it."
He scanned me thoughtfully, and I kept still. He wasn't just looking at me; he was studying me, looking inside me for the darkness. I was on display, naked in a way I’d never known. His focus narrowed to the area just above my left hip. Gently, he brushed the area with a feather-light touch. Butterflies fluttered in my gut.
"Here," he murmured. "I can feel something. There's a large concentration in this area."
No wonder the acidic anger had always felt like it was churning in my stomach. The darkness must've settled there.
He tapped it. "I have to bite here."
If I was honest, the idea slightly unnerved me. He'd fed on me before, but the idea of him sinking his fangs into my stomach triggered some instinctive fear reaction that it took me a minute to reason away. "Okay, let's do it. Can I lie down?"
He nodded, and I laid back against the pile of pillows on our makeshift bed. I took long, deep breaths as Dorian hovered over me, his gaze still peering into me. To my surprise, the pillows and piled curtains smelled fresh, but then I guess that made sense—there was no dust in this plane unless it had been explicitly created by an arbiter.
Dorian's hand trailed along the hem of my shirt. He glanced at me, seeking permission, and I nodded. Slowly, he dragged my shirt up, making an appreciative sound as he revealed my stomach. My abdominal muscles showed through more than usual, hardened from years of training and the more recent hard labor of our journey. Looking down, I was proud of my body and felt the strength inside it, but a vein of dread thrummed within me. Anticipation was almost worse than pain.
Dorian slowly ran his fingers over my skin. My skin prickled with goosebumps from the touch.
"Hold onto something for the pain," he warned softly. I raised my arms above my head and grabbed one of the cushions, gripping hard enough that my knuckles cracked. He bent down, pressing a quick kiss to my navel as if in preemptive apology. After a last remorseful look, he sank his fangs into the curve of my waist, just above my hipbone.
Pain shot through me. After the initial puncture, a thousand needles and a cannonball smashed through my skin. I gasped from the shock of it. For a surreal moment, I thought Dorian had ripped the flesh from my body. It was nothing like the nearly sensual experience in the LA HQ. I bit back a yelp of pain, but tears immediately flooded my eyes and rolled down my face to soak into my hair. Sweat broke out all over my body. I gasped again for air and regretted it, as it tensed my abdomen. I held an intense groan of anguish at bay. I spotted the top of Dorian's head at the edge of my bleary vision, and my panic abated slightly. I trusted him with my life, my body, my spirit.
I ground my teeth as he purified me, freeing me of the darkness that had clogged up the cells of my body. The pain seemed to go on forever. I stared dazedly at the ceiling, lost in sensation. It helped if I didn’t think of it as pain.
Finally, mercifully, Dorian pulled his fangs from my stomach, and I sobbed with relief, my chest heaving as a light, warm sensation rippled through my body. It was as if someone had lifted a weighted vest off my body. The infection had begun to be purged, but I still needed to heal. My face burned from the mix of sweat and hot, salty tears streaming down my face. Dorian immediately placed a tender kiss on the wound, dabbing it gently with my shirt.
“Enough for now,” he said. “There are others, but we can do them another time.”
I glanced down at my wound. Despite the immense pain, there was little bleeding. He hadn't bitten deeply. Two neat puncture wounds sat as tiny pink dots on my stomach; the needles we’d used previously had left more damage. I let my body sink deeper into the pillows. Dorian ghosted his hands up my sides.
"How are you?"
"Okay," I mumbled. "I feel… lighter."
He smiled down at me, brushing his rough hand on my cheek. "Is this an odd moment to say that you're beautiful?"
A warmth filled me, more desire than wholesome affection. "No." My lips quirked weakly upward.
I leaned up, and he met me with a kiss. I hummed against the feeling of his lips against mine. It was such a welcome pleasure. I kissed him soft and slow, trying to communicate every single tender feeling tha
t I wished I had shared during our struggles together before the Higher Plane. He was gentle, careful not to touch the area he’d just fed from but letting his hands smooth across my stomach, skimming up until he held my head in his hands. There was no pain from the bite anymore, as the Higher Plane's stasis effect was already at work. I met Dorian's gaze, and we stared into each other's eyes for a long time.
"I hope we can be like this more in the future," I confessed. "Close, peaceful, away from life-threatening chaos."
He smirked down at me. "I know what you mean." He pushed a strand of hair from my face and shook his head. "You look so wild,” he said, with a self-conscious laugh. “I love seeing your face flushed with courage."
My connection with Dorian felt so deep that I wanted to tell him everything. I smiled, unable to help myself as I dragged him down for another kiss. I saw love in his eyes. In my bones, I could feel that he supported me, and I supported him.
Making a choice, I peeled the rest of my shirt off. Dorian greedily took in the sight and hurried to remove his own shirt just as quickly. His broad chest with lean muscles showed the hard work he'd done to train as a warrior. It was a reminder of both his physical and mental strength. I ran my hands cautiously down the length of his torso, earning a delighted shiver and moan from him. When he shuddered, I instinctively yanked my hands back as my stomach flip-flopped between excitement and fear. I needed to talk to him about things, things I'd been putting off.
"Dorian, I need to tell you something," I said slowly. My cheeks felt warm from the intimacy and the view, but I pushed forward. "I want to be closer to you, much closer, but… I'm worried."
He cupped my face and placed a kiss on my forehead. "You should know by now that you can tell me anything. We've faced all manner of enemies and monsters together. Nothing you could tell me will change how I think about you."
Darklight 6: Darkbirth Page 9
